The shortest boycott ever.

I remember, vividly, the first time I encountered someone betting on a football game. I was in high school at the time and a friend and I were visiting a mutual friend of ours at a nearby university he was attending - "Run the clock out you pricks! I got this you motherfucker!" Why he was acting so uptight over a game in which his team was winning handily was a mystery to me at the time. The team he told me he needed to win (Notre Dame) was leading by four touchdowns with less than two minutes to go - "You got this in the bag. They are up by four touchdowns. What is your problem? It is impossible for them to lose." The Fighting Irish punt to the opposition with less than a minute left and the punt is subsequently returned for a touchdown. Roy goes ballistic - "You worthless motherfucker!" He yells at the top of his lungs - "I'm going to lose because those morons can't cover a punt. Fuck you Holtz!" He was referring to Lou Holtz who was coach of Notre Dame at the time. He was a high strung guy to begin with, but I couldn't help but find his behavior overboard.

"What's the problem with Roy? Why was he so upset over a game in which his team won by twenty one points?" I ask Deek as we are driving home, "It didn't matter that his team won. They didn't cover and he lost his bet," is his answer. I scratch my head and the say - "What do you mean they didn't cover? " He looks at me and says - "You really are a dumb son of a bitch. The line was twenty three and they only won by twenty one." Since that day I have not looked at college and professional athletics the same - Fast Forward thirty years:

"I am boycotting the NFL because they are all a bunch of ungrateful bastards. From hear on out I will not be watching another one of their games." I chatted with Roy today and his panties were in a bunch because of President Trump's comments about players being disrespectful by not standing for the national anthem. I'm not quite as naive as I was when I was young, so, basically, I let him know I didn't believe him in no uncertain terms - "Give me a break Roy. You have been watching football every fall Sunday for the last forty years, and betting on it for the last thirty, and now, all of sudden, you are going to go cold turkey. I don't believe it for one minute. This is not yesteryear my friend. If you are going to boycott the NFL because the politics don't align with you. Well, quite frankly, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard."

He babbles on about how pissed he is at the NFL for allowing their 'employees' to be so disrespectful to the country and how he is sick of all the 'overpaid crybabies' and if they don't like this country they should move to another country and try to make their millions - "Okay," I say to him sarcastically, "Does that mean you are going to drop out of the three fantasy football leagues you have been in for the last twenty years? It's going to be hard to play fantasy football and then boycott the NFL at the same time. Don't you think?" There is a brief silence and then he spurts - "I don't have to watch in order to play. I will just get the stats from the internet and go from there." - "Yeah, sure," I say with more sarcasm - "Look, your idol Trump will find something else to spout off about this week and you and all the other clowns will forget about the boycott and we both know your ass will be planted in front of the TV come Sunday with the remote in one hand and a beer in the other."

Mad Max is coming to town.

"Six o'clock, TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign towers. Slash & burn, return, listen to yourself churn. Lock it in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting. Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate. Light a candle, light a motive. Step down, step down. Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh this means no fear cavalier. Renegade steer clear! A tournament, tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline."

It's the end of the world (as we know it) ~ R.E.M

I think about this dumb motherfucker and all his babble when we were young, and then I look  at today's world and think - "Damn, don't tell me this asshole is right. I refuse to believe it." - Mad Max from Kansas called yesterday and the first thing he says -  "Do you know a lot of foreigners in Las Vegas? Because I can't be around them if I come out to visit." What a stupid question, and I made sure he knew it - "That's all there is in Las Vegas you dumb fuck. I've told you that a number of times. Man you really need to get out from under your bunker and come out and live a little before the Apocalypse hits," I then add, "Why the fuck are you calling me any way. I'm the one who calls you. You never call me."

"I'm thinking about coming out and seeing you in December when the rodeo is going on. I talked with my shrink and told her what you said about me needing a distraction and she agrees with you." Uncle Ned's words immediately began ringing in my head - "You are a fucking weirdo magnet. Goddammit Robbie - Don't you have any normal friends? Mad Max, Jesus, what a fucking moron." Nonetheless, I tell Mad Max I would love to see him on a few conditions - "What's that?" He asks quizzically. "Leave your 'end of the world' bullshit rhetoric in Kansas. I don't want to hear it. Oh, and keep your xenophobic comments to yourself as well." He agrees to the conditions and tells me he will be bringing his steady with him - "She doesn't trust me out there alone with you." I laugh and say - "Are we looking at another future Mrs. Mad Max?" He responds by saying - "Don't know yet. Maybe?"

Run to the Hills

"Soldier blue in the barren waste, hunting and killing the game - raping the women and wasting the men. The only good Indians are tame - selling them whisky and taking their gold, enslaving the young and destroying the old...run to the hills, run for your life - run to the hills, run for your life."

Run to the Hills ~ Iron Maiden

I just so happened to hear Run to the Hills on a heavy metal station in Las Vegas today. It instantly reminded me of my friend Mad Max in Kansas. I chatted with him about a week ago and had no intention of calling him. But it's Iron Maiden:

"What do you want asshole?" His phone etiquette leaves much to be desired, but it's Mad Max and he doesn't give a shit. "I'm sorry to bother you buddy, but I just heard your theme song on the radio and it made me think about you." -- "Which fucking song is that?" He asks in a matter of fact tone - "Oh, come on, you know what I am talking about." A few moments pass and he finally gets it - "Run to the Hills motherfucker! All of us should heed the advice and do what Iron Maiden suggested." I burst into laughter and say - "Goddammit Mad Max, as crazy as you are it still is nice to hear your paranoid voice."

I ask him what he thinks the Chiefs will look like this year - "I don't give a shit," is his answer. I then say - "Don't worry. The Apocalypse won't happen until after football season is over. Do you think the Chiefs have a chance to make it to the Super Bowl?" He repeats his earlier statement, but this time he adds the F-word to it. "Okay," I tell him in a calm voice, "No need to get your pantie in a bunch over it. What else is going on?" He tells me he is making sure all of his weapons are in working order and that he thinks something is wrong with his dog - "What's wrong with Doomsday?" That ought to tell you a little bit about him. Who names their dog Doomsday? "I don't know for sure. He has been limping around and not eating much. He has me worried." I snicker and say - "It's all your talk about the Apocalypse. It's upsetting him. Why don't you go rub his belly and reassure him that everything is going to be alright." 

We chat for a few more minutes and before he hangs up I ask - "You don't really sit around and think about the Apocalypse all day long. Do you?" He tells me in a stern voice - "Let's just say if they try to come rushing through my door the only thing you will hear is the sound of automatic weapons being fired in rapid succession. If they decide to drop a bomb on me I will be fucked like everyone else."

Alex Smith + No more Legend

I chatted with my friend Legend from Kansas today. We discussed, in depth, the chances of KC making it to the Super Bowl this season - "I told you already. The Chiefs do not have the quarterback play to go all the way. Everything else is there. But unfortunately they have Alex Smith under center and he is not capable of taking them all the way," he then adds, "He can't make the throws that you see the elites like Brady, Rodgers, Roethlisberger and guys like that make. So unfortunately for you and me it will play out like it always does. They will get us worked up and most likely will make it to the playoffs. But don't count on them going far when they get there. They just don't have the quarterback."

I agree wholeheartedly with him. QB1 is the most important position on an NFL team. But it isn't like Alex Smith belongs on a sandlot team - "Look, I gotcha on the QB being the guy. And his record in the playoffs is hardly stellar," I then add with emphasis, "This year will be different. He has a great group of young skill guys to work with. I think I saw somewhere their average age was 23. Alex is the old man of the group at 33. Andy has added a few dimensions to the offense that weren't there in years past. Think about how well he played versus the Patriot's. If we see him play as well as he did then. Well, quite frankly, that's what we need to get to the Super Bowl."

"One game, big deal. The season is sixteen games plus playoffs. Let's see how things progress. It's going to take more than one stellar game for me to change my opinion. I hope you are right though," is his rebuttal. We chat about the weather for a minute and then I tell him - "I hate to say this to you, but I am going to drop the Legend moniker with you. And I do this with a bit of trepidation. But let's face it. You haven't done anything legendary in twenty years and it's just not a deserving title anymore." I wasn't sure how he would take it, but much to my surprise he understood - "I can't argue with you much on that. You are right. I haven't done anything to deserve the title in so long I can't even remember."

We chat about the Chiefs a bit more and then he tells me he must go - "I will catch you later Roy," I say to him right before hanging up. This may sound strange, but it was odd referring to him as Roy. I have been calling him Legend for thirty plus years. But that doesn't make sense anymore. It's just plain ol' Roy now. And that really sucks in my opinion.

FYI: KC is posted as a 5.5 point favorite over Philadelphia. My pick is the Chiefs win by a touchdown.