The homeless pundit...

There is a homeless guy who hangs out on the corner. I encounter him from time to time in my travels through the corner - "Trump!" I yell in his direction - the two of us share a running gag. Every time we run into each other I yell the presidents name. He in turn yells -"Hitler!" - Both of us get a laugh out of the gesture - "I think your idol is losing it. He has the FBI breathing down his neck about Russia. He also looked like a baboon after the Florida shooting. I don't think your idol is going to make it much longer," he says as we bump fists - For the record, I have never claimed Trump is my idol - I let my homeless friend know it as well - "You are the one who says he's my idol. I certainly never said it. The thing I do like about him is his stance on the economy & especially his views on better trade policies with China. That's what I like about him. He can shove his Twitter account up his ass as far as I am concerned. Larry Bird is my idol, not Donald Trump!" -- "Geez," he says with a grin, "You didn't have to get all bent out of shape about it. You're the one wearing the MAGA hat." (I have never worn a MAGA hat):

We chat about the weather for a minute and then he asks if I am excited about the NCAA tournament in March - "Damn straight I am ready for the tourney to get here. I am hoping KU has a strong showing. They should be okay come tourney time." I watched KU beat the hell out of Oklahoma the other night. It got me revved up - He then inquires - "When is your buddy coming to town? The one you told me won a bunch of money on the Astros." -- "He will be here from March 13-21. I am looking forward to it," I then add - "He is going to get a heaping dose of what I think can happen if there is some cooperation between the two of us. It will be an interesting time for sure." Bute's a business man, but friend first. The two of us have collaborated (sort of) on a few ideas through the years. Nowadays it feels we are reaching an equilibrium - "I don't know for sure. We will find out when he comes to town," I add as I shrug my shoulders.

"Who is that new chick working at Putter's? The Asian one - I saw her the other day when I stopped in to see Jack." Putter's is the corner pub & a sure bet to find my friend when he isn't hanging out on the corner - "I think her name is Liza; or something like that. I will find out for sure when I go in for a beer break in an hour," he then adds - "I know you are all touchy feely on your idols today, but I have to ask you this - 'Did you see what happened to your second idol Steve Wynn?" I remind him again Larry Bird is my idol, not Donald Trump, not Steve Wynn - "Like you said last time we talked. He will be okay with his three billion sitting in the bank. The town will survive," is my answer to his idol talk.

As the light to cross turns to walk I bid my homeless friend goodbye - "He ain't going to make it through the year. I won't call him your idol anymore. Let's just call him your 'guy' instead. But he ain't going to make it through the year. His ass along with all his cronies are going to be out of a job." He says the same thing to me every time I prepare to leave - I give the same answer - "It's the economy stupid. As long as it is healthy and he does what he says he is going to do with China. He's not going nowhere!" - I then look both ways before crossing & carry on with my travels.

hard luck & busted...

It was Valentine's yesterday and I started to think about Roxy & how much I love her. I decide to call. I wasn't sure she would pick up. She has a history of not doing so...much to my pleasure she did - "What do you want Jethro?" The sound of her voice gets me every time - "Roxy gorgeous - I just wanted to tell you even though we are not together today. I still consider you my valentine and the next time you come to town I will make it up to you. I miss you so much sweet thing."

I hear a sigh and then she says -"Jethro, Jethro, Jethro - I still rue the day we first slept together. It was Christmas and I was lonely. You looked so adorable in your 7-11 shirt. And then you read your stupid blog to me. Right there at the counter. It was so charming. You were so yummy. You remember that night...Don't you Jethro?"

Of course I remember the first night we were together. How could I not? I let her know it as well - "Sweet thing I remember that night like it was yesterday. Greatest night of my life. I thought I had died & gone to heaven when you took off your clothes. It was the most beautiful sight this Village Idiot had ever seen. It's not just that gorgeous. I love everything about you. You are the girl for me."

Roxy is a professional. I understand it. I don't necessarily like it, but I understand it - "Jethro sweetie, I find it so adorable you consider me your valentine. I really do. Now listen to what I am about to say and listen good." Whenever she tells me to 'listen good' - I realize something unpleasant is about to come out of her mouth - "You are not my valentine. Not even close. Why can't you get it through your head? You know what kind of girl I am. Now if you will excuse yourself for being a distraction - I have to get ready for my real Valentine's Day date." She then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.

Talking with a fellow Chief fan + Steve Wynn & Donald Trump + traffic fatality...

I met a customer at a job in Summerlin yesterday. Turns out she is originally from Kansas City. When I told her I was from the area as well - she says - "The Chiefs blew it again. Now it is time for the Mahome's era to begin." It's funny - because from time to time I will run into a someone from Kansas City in Las Vegas - The first thing everyone does, without fail, is complain about the Chiefs abysmal record in the playoffs - "What can we do?" I respond to the nice lady - "We're all gluttons for punishment, but there is always next year with the Chiefs." - She begins laughing after the comment & adds - "I am so tired of saying that, but you are right. There is always next year."

The other day I was walking down the sidewalk minding my own business when out of nowhere I hear someone yell - "Hitler!" - I glance to the spot where the noise was coming from and lo and behold it was my homeless friend - "You always see me first and yell Trump. I thought I would beat you to the punch this time." He is referring to a running gag the two of us share.

"Did you see what happened to your second idol? It looks like all those years of bad behavior finally caught up with him." He was making light of Steve Wynn & all his recent troubles - "I don't feel too sorry for him," my homeless friend states - "He still has three billion dollars to his name."- I ask if anything new has been happening on the corner since the last time I saw him - "About a week ago a motorcyclist was broadsided by a car and the guy bit the dust. His ass was laying all over the street. I didn't see it actually happen, but I heard the crash and witnessed the aftermath. It was not a pleasant site my friend." - (I heard about the accident from my neighbors) - "It was weird because it took a few minutes for first responders to get here - There was this guy laying dead in the street. One lady from the restaurant ran out and tried to help the guy. She realized he was dead and started screaming. It was a very surreal moment." 

I change the narrative to something more sedated - "Are you glad Belicheater choked in the Super Bowl? I thought about you after the Eagles won." I have never met a homeless guy who is a fan of the Patriots. I've met a lot of homeless guys - "Serves him right," he then adds - "I didn't think the Eagles would be able to hold them off in the second half. I figured Belicheater had bought and paid the refs off before the game, but somehow they managed to do it and I am elated about it." 

As our conversation ends & I begin to walk away, he adds one last thing - "Not Steve Wynn, but your other idol Donald Trump. He ain't going to make it through the year. He is so crooked and was in bed with the Russians from the get go. Congress is going to throw that baboon out on the street where he belongs." I didn't have time to argue because I didn't want to miss the bus. Although, I did say one last thing before carrying on - "I don't think so. It's the economy and China with Trump. As long as he sticks to that he will be alright. Also, ask yourself this. If Trump goes - Are you ready for a President Pence?" I then carry on.

The Three Amigos...

Owens street is the dividing line for North Las Vegas & Las Vegas proper. If you live on the North side of Owens you call Northtown home. A while back I lived on the North side of Owens. It wasn't the Bellagio - nonetheless - I found it a decent place to live. Every once in a while you're forced to deal with a knucklehead or two. Nothing I couldn't handle. I made a number of friends in the time I was there. Today, two of Northtown's finest ventured to the SW for a visit:

"It's Metro motherfucker. We have an arrest warrant for some guy they call the Village Idiot. I suggest you open the door before we knock it in," is James' response when I ask who it is knocking on the door. I open and he says - "Look who I got with me." He wasn't alone. He had another one of the crew with him - "What are you doing boy?" George asks.

"George, goddammit! What the hell is going on?" He originally hails from Hawaii - (they're tons of Islanders living in Las Vegas) - "You look good my friend. You look like you've lost a little weight," I say to him as we bear hug. The three of us take seats at the table and I ask him for the lowdown - "I'm still in the NLV. Living a few blocks up from the old place. The girlfriend & I are broken up for now. She is still as crazy as ever." James adds - "What about that time she threw a brick through your window and Bruce Li (landlord) demanded you pay for it." - "You know what I told Bruce?" George says with a laugh - "I told him to go get the money from that crazy bitch. It isn't my fault she's nuts."

After a beer or two, I ask - "What has Bruce Li been up to lately?" Bruce Li is a seventy something slum lord who, until recently, owned a number of houses in town - "He sold a bunch of them in the last year," George then adds - "You know what else happened to the crazy bastard - He got thrown in the slammer for a few days because of a domestic disturbance." James then pipes - "He got arrested for Slap-a-Ho." Domestic violence is not a laughing matter, but the way James animated it made me snicker - I then add - "Bruce Li in the slammer. I bet he saw a few of his former tenants while he was incarcerated." - The remark brought another round of laughter from us.

"Hurry up and finish that boy. The movie starts in thirty minutes." I slam the rest of my beer and the three of us hop into James' blazer & head to the theatre. We make two stops before arriving. The first is a liquor store (you can't go to the dollar theatre without a bottle of booze) - the next stop is Burger King (you can't go to a dollar theatre without a sack of dollar menu cheeseburgers) - The movie was okay. 

On the way back we decide to stop at an Asian buffet - "This is the best Chinese buffet in town. I eat here all the time," George says as we enter. The cashier who rang us up gave a dirty look. She realized the margins were getting ready to dip when three wide bodies like us walk in. We stuff ourselves silly & I damn near fall asleep during the ride home. We drop George off at his place in Northtown first - "It was great seeing you buddy. We will have to get together and do it again." - "You know it my man," is my reply as we share another bear hug.

On the way back to the SW, James says - "I think Keith is doing good. He's got a construction job in Miami and is talking about going to a Heat's game soon. That's what it said on Face Book any way." Keith is another Northtowner who recently relocated to Florida for work - "Just think if we would have had Keith with us when we went to the buffet tonight. They would have definitely banned us," I  comment to James with a laugh - "Are you going to be ready for our trip to spring training in March?" - He asks as I am being dropped off - "Don't you worry son. I was born ready." - I then go inside; kick my shoes off; drink a glass of water; lie down on the couch; turn the television on to my favorite series Blue Bloods & promptly fall asleep.

The hardest working guys in Las Vegas...

I have grown fond of my next door neighbors - Joe & Maria. Both migrated from SE Asia when they were young. They spent twenty years in the Southern part of the country, mostly Atlanta - moving to Las Vegas a couple years ago. They own a carpet and cleaning company - from time to time I assist them. Today we had a job in Henderson:

"I want you to start in on the kitchen. Maria is going to take the bathrooms - I will get the doors and baseboards." The plan of attack is simple enough. The kitchen and cabinets needed a good scrubbing. After finishing I grab the vacuum and start on the blinds and ceiling fans - "I know there is a reason we hired you," she says with a laugh. I'm a foot taller than both of them. They appreciate my length and ability to reach all the hard to get places - "I should get a raise for being so tall," I add with a chuckle - I then extend to my tippy toes to reach the top of the blind.

"How is your dad doing? When is he coming back to town?" - Joe, Maria & a couple other friends came over for a barbecue last time he was in town - "He is doing well. He's getting geared up for the Royal's spring training. I'm going there next month to see him & Sharon and watch a little baseball." Being from Atlanta they are Braves fans  - "Whenever Joe watches them or the Falcons he always yelling at the television. You should have seen when the Falcons blew the Super Bowl. He was so mad." 

Meanwhile, Joe walks through the room dragging a hose from the machine - "What are you guys laughing at?" - "Maria was telling me about how you flipped out after watching your team lose the Super Bowl," I then add - "Don't be too mad about things. I am a Chiefs fan and they haven't won a home playoff game in twenty four years. At least the Falcon's got there." 

A few hours pass and I comment to Maria - "This stuff is hard work. A fat boy like me is going to burn some calories doing this. It's a good thing though. I need to burn a few pounds." Both are pleasant people to work for and be around. That means a lot in any job! - "Rob, you not fat. You are beefy." - I appreciate her flattery and add - "I need to be in good shape like your hubby. He is like the Energizer Bunny." Joe is the best carpet and tile guy I have ever met. When he is done with a place you can tell a big difference. He does excellent work.

We finish the job around six thirty - the owner shows for an inspection - "The place looks so much better. You guys busted your butts." I don't get many compliments, so hearing it meant a lot. We all thank her and she adds - "No, Thank-you. The place looks fantastic and it is scheduled to hit the market Friday." I'm still smiling about the remarks and she adds one last surprise - "Here is a little something extra for a job well done." The nice lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a couple extra bills for the service - "I will definitely be giving you guys five stars on Yelp."

On the way home Joe and I pass Mandalay Bay - "Metro is taking up some of the spot where One October happened. They are going to convert it to a SWAT training center is what I heard," I comment as we roll by - The announcement came a week or two ago - To me it sounds like a good idea for the property. I heard the other part of the plan is to turn a smaller portion of it into a memorial honoring the victims. Which also sounds like a good idea - We arrive home and walk to  our respective front doors (which are only six feet apart) - "Thank you sir for the work. I will be at my other job during the nights next week. I will be ready to go during the day if you need any help." He tells me he will let me know - I unlock the door; walk directly to the toilet & whiz; shower; eat a low purine meal because of gout; turn on the television & promptly fall asleep on the couch watching my favorite television series Blue Bloods.

spring training is around the corner...

In less than a month spring training starts for the Royals. It's a great time in this neck of the woods. My father and stepmother live ten minutes away from the Royal's camp. Last year I ventured down to Phoenix and took in a few games. I'm planning a return trip in March with my friend James:

Bute makes an annual pilgrimage to Vegas for the NCAA basketball tourney. Last year when he was in town we made the trek to spring training. Today I discovered he will be in town on different dates than my already scheduled trip - "I have some good news and I have some bad news for you buddy. Which do you want to hear first?" - "Give me the bad news son," I inform him our time lines for a spring training trip do not match this year - I then add - "The goods news is it doesn't have to stop you. I know dad & Sharon would enjoy seeing you regardless if I am there or not."

I then make this observation - "It's a short drive down and back. If you go down there you can explain to him how well your business is going and see if he has anything to add. Not to mention you can talk baseball all day long. All you have to do is let me know and I will make the arrangements; or you can contact them yourself." - "I was really looking forward to it to be honest with you. It was a great time last year," he replies.

"The reason I can't make it this year with you is I already have a trip scheduled for March 23-26. I won't have the money for two trips. You should just head down there by yourself for a day and hang out with dad & Sharon. They will take good care of you." I then add again, "If you spend a little bit of time explaining your business to dad he might have a few pointers for you. You know he is a pretty astute business man." He tells me it would be awkward talking business with my father with me not around - I laugh and say - "The truth is I would be doing you a favor by staying away if you talked business. My business views are too unorthodox for most people. In your case, believe me, you are much better to talk business with me not around. Let me know what you want to do buddy."

I would like to end this post with a thought I am having...call it the village idiot thought of the day - "Spring training and spending time with family and friends is always so much fun. In a way it helps me get over the disappointment of the Chiefs, March 23-26 can not get here fast enough."

whispering sweet nothings to the girl I love...

Mad Max always teases me about Roxy - "It sounds like you are in love Village Idiot," he then starts singing the theme song to the Love Boat - without fail, every time. I've grown accustom to the pun. It also makes me think about her more and more - I talked to her a couple of days ago, and I thought maybe I should not bother her, and then I thought - "Why not? If she doesn't want to talk with me she won't answer." So I call her - "What is it now Jethro?" It's her voice - it's her beautiful, sultry, alluring, intoxicating voice - "I just wanted to tell you I love you and am thinking about you. That's it." There's a moment of silence, I then, thinking she might have hung up, ask - "Are you still there beautiful? Hello, Hello."

"Jethro, Jethro, Jethro," she proclaims before I hang up - "My hillbilly from Kansas will not go away. I have to admit something sweetie. You sure are a persistent bastard." I can't help it. When you love someone, you love someone, right? Anyhoo, I relay the feeling to her once again - "Why do you have to be so fucking adorable? You know what kind of girl I am. It's like you are a glutton for punishment. You really are a bizarre guy. I think that is the reason I hang around you. That and your stupid blog." Being referred to as bizarre by the women they love is not something most men would appreciate. Not me, I know it is her way of saying she loves me. It sounds twisted - it's just how it goes with her.

"Do you want to know something sweetie pie? I love you more than anything in the whole world. I love you to infinity and back."- "Okay Jethro, you can cut it with all the bullshit. You are starting to sound like a ten year old. What have you been up to?" I go on to tell her I watched the Super Bowl with James and am happy to see the Eagle's win. I then add with exuberance - "I really miss you beautiful and I don't know how much longer I can go without seeing you. Do you think you could be more precise on a return date?'

"Listen, moron - I'm sorry - I didn't mean to call you moron. Listen Jethro - & please listen good." Whenever she tells me to 'listen good' - I know something unpleasant is about to come out of her mouth -  "I do appreciate your feelings for me, but, and I have told you this a number of times. You are not the only one for me. You are just my adorable Jethro from Kansas. We can spend time together when I find it convenient. Do you understand that? Do I need to say it slower for you?" I tell her not to chide and how hard I find it to not share my feelings with her - "You are the only girl for me and I mean it gorgeous." - "Okay Jethro," she says in the patronizing tone I have come to cherish so much - "You are not my only guy, not even close. So learn to live with it or move on!" She then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye. 

goo-goo talk with Roxy

I started thinking about Roxy today. I couldn't help it. I love her and wish she was mine. I had to share the sentiment with her again. I wasn't sure if she would pick up when I called. She has a history of not doing so - "What do you want Jethro?" The voice, the sultry voice. It alone will mesmerize a man - "I just wanted to tell you I love you and am thinking about you. That's all." She doesn't always appreciate my flattery, but sometimes she does. Fortunately, today was one of those days.

"Jethro, you are the sweetest guy I have ever met. I wish I could fold you up and put you in my pocket." Whenever she is in a good mood I lay as much flattery on her as possible - "Roxy, did I mention you are most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread." It's hearing her laugh, that's it, that's the moment I know I have her - "You know what else beautiful. One of these days I am going to make you mine all mine." - "Oh Jethro, I love your optimism so much. Promise me you will never lose it," she then adds - "My friends husband is from Nebraska and he is so polite. He reminds me of you - fat, dumb and goofy."

Most men would not appreciate being called fat, dumb & goofy by the women they love. Not me, I realize it is her way of saying she cares about me. It may be a bit twisted, but I have come to adapt.  - "What are you doing for the Super Bowl gorgeous?" She tells me she is going to a bar in downtown San Diego and meeting up with a couple of friends. After wards, she is working a VIP party at one of the hotels downtown - "When are you coming to Las Vegas again? I miss you beautiful." - "Oh Jethro, you are so adorable. I wish I could pinch those chubby cheeks of yours right now," she then adds, "Are all guys from Kansas as adorable as you?" - "No," I tell her with a snicker, "Not even fucking close. I am one of a kind."

I ask her if she knows anything about the Wynn & all the accusations flying around - "I haven't been hanging out at the Wynn in a while. It was a meat market back then. I heard stories, but I never had any problems there. As a matter of fact I found it a pretty good place to do business." I love the straight talk she gives me. It isn't always pleasant. Nonetheless - I do cherish it - "It got crowded at the Wynn for the longest time so my friends and I migrated to Aria. That place makes Wynn look like amateur hour."

"Oh Jethro, I will be out there soon enough. I might look you up. It just depends on how much time I have," is her answer when I ask again for a return date. The only meal Roxy and I have ever shared together is room service - "When you come to town sweet thing I am going to take you to the sushi joint around the corner from me. It is awesome. I know the guy who owns the place and he will not believe his eyes when he sees how beautiful you are. He won't think you're with me. That much is for sure." We chat a little more about the weather and then I begin to press her again for a return date to town - "Like I said earlier Jethro. When I get around to it - I will tell you this sweetie. We aren't going for sushi anytime soon. You know how I feel about being seen in public with you." She then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.