The village idiot of Las Vegas runs into a pistol packing sweetheart.

The other day I pulled into the corner 7-11 to purchase gas. As I am removing the nozzle from the pump and placing it into the tank - my peripheral vision picks up and angelic site.

My mother always told me it was impolite to stare, but then again - my mother never lived in Las Vegas. As I'm standing there leaning against my car waiting for the tank to fill, I decide to take a better look. This girl was sensational! After the third glance or so I notice something strapped to her hip. I thought it was a phone or something of that nature. So I take yet another gander. Turns out it was a gun, a very big gun! Seeing people open carry weapons isn't a big deal in Las Vegas. What made this experience so unique? Truth be told is I have never seen anyone who looked so good with a firearm strapped to their hip. Seeing it was a turn on, a big turn on! So I decide to strike up a conversation:

"What kind of gun do you have?" I'm not a gun guy in the slightest, but like I said (there was something about seeing a beauty like this strapped that really turned me on). "It is a 9 millimeter and fully loaded," she tells me with a stern voice and an ever sterner look on her face. After her statement - I immediately thought about something my uncle Ned said to me, "Man, there must be something creepy about you? That's why the women in Las Vegas won't give you a second look," with that thought in mind - I figured it best to finish filling the tank and be on my merry way.

The village idiot of Las Vegas has a Rat Pack encounter.

"Hey Sammy! Where's Frank, Dino and the rest of the crew? Let me guess, they're out on the town chasing broads, smoking cigars and drinking whiskey." I couldn't help remark when I saw what appeared to be a Sammy Davis Jr. impersonator at my apartment complex. At the time, I was standing on my balcony when I noticed him walk by dressed in gold rimmed sun glasses, a zoot suit, tap shoes and more pieces of jewelry than you could count. It honestly felt as if Sammy Davis Jr. had risen from the grave and was now standing ten feet away from me.

After my remark he looks and says, "I haven't seen those guys in a while? They've gotten too old or too dead. They don't want to hang out like they used to." Now that he was stopped and looking directly at me. It was eerie! He looked and sounded exactly like the real thing. - I then said, "I bet you've never heard this before, but you're a dead-ringer for Sammy Davis Jr.! Where do you play at?" I was making an assumption he was part of some celebrity impersonation show in town, turns out I was right. "Right now I am in between gigs, but work is supposed to pick up after the New Year's. I'm dressed in costume now because I'm getting ready to head down to a convention. They requested a Rat Pack feel as entertainment, so I got the call." He was in character when he talked. He possessed the look, the swagger and the walk. Hell, he even had the lisp. I'm a big Rat Pack fan. So before he leaves, I show him my impersonation of Sammy D.

"Check this out buddy!" I clear my throat, put on my best lazy eye and then say - "It's like Sammy says baby, Las Vegas is a hell of a town to chase broads," I then did a whirl and a brief tap dance. After I was through I asked what he thought. Judging by the response. I don't think there's much of a future for me impersonating Sammy Davis Jr. "I have to admit something to you my friend. I've probably seen a million Sammy D. Jr. imitations in my lifetime and yours, without a doubt, has got to be one of the worst. But keep working on it. Practice makes perfect."

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets a call from his ex wife..

The number one fan of my blog is my ex wife. Who better to understand the ins and outs of how I feel about Las Vegas than the women I used to be married to in Las Vegas? Makes sense if you stop and think about it. If their was such a thing as a scale for ex wife's, mine would rate a 10. After the split, she decided to move back to Kansas, and she's regretted it since. See, the thing that separates Las Vegas? It's like a sickness. Calling Las Vegas a sickness is a little harsh, but once you adapt to the town? It's nothing short of impossible to get her out of your blood. I realized that a while back when I moved to Houston, I had to come back to my baby, and I did! Now, if the ex sincerely wants to make her way back to Las Vegas? I'd welcome her with open arms.

"I really enjoyed your blog post about the homeless guy and his dog. That was the best one you've had in a little while. Don't get me wrong, I like them all, but that was my favorite." I hadn't chatted with the ex in a month, so when she called me last night to tell me that she was headed to Las Vegas for the New Year? I was pleased to say the least. "Are you still wanting to come back to Las Vegas? And if so, have you gotten in touch with some of your buddies in the medical field?" Before leaving for Kansas, she had a job in the medical sales field, and it was a damn good job. A lot better job then she'll ever get in Kansas. "Yes, I still want to come back to Las Vegas, and no I haven't got a hold of anyone yet, but I will. I just scheduled my trip yesterday and I'll be out there for a week. How are your grandmother and father doing?" When she asked about my father and grandmother, I found it a little ironic. The reason being? I chatted with both of them a day before she called, and they asked how she was doing. "From what I can gather, every one is doing fine. I got a question for you, can you see the blog coming to life?"

The number one goal of any serious blogger is simple! They want to see their efforts come to life. A statement like that sounds weird to most people, but if anyone was going to understand? It would be her. "I can see it. Reality is a big part of how Las Vegas works. I remember when you started talking about this stuff a long time ago. I wasn't seeing it, but it was before you started your blog, and when I read your blog? It makes sense to me now! I didn't listen back then, but I can promise you that I'm listening now."

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."If the ex ever moved back out to Las Vegas and got set up with a decent job? I'm convinced the two of us could start something big in this town. If I'm understanding her correctly? Were both on the same page about some of the things that could work in an environment like Las Vegas. Time will tell."

The village idiot of Las Vegas talks politics with his best buddy from Kansas..

Life long friendships are something that everyone should cherish! A lot of people my age can't honestly say that they've had the same circle of close friends for 30+ years. You would think that I might outgrow that group, or they would out grow me? It's not like I see or talk to them on a daily basis, but when we do communicate? It's the equivalent of being back in small town Kansas again, or playing basketball at the playground, or drinking beer and telling lies. I'm not exactly sure how to explain the feeling of having a friend forever. I'll just tell you that it feels good.

"When you say that your a registered Libertarian and you support Libertarian concepts. What do you exactly mean by that?" Last night I talked with a dear old friend from Kansas. He's a fan of the blog, and he wanted a better explanation on why I'm a Libertarian..I'm always happy to answer questions.."The Libertarian stance is focused on people's civil liberties and economic freedoms. Less government involvement in people's life's." If I  understood my friend correctly? He leans more to the democratic side..Anyways, he then told me this.."OK, you've got to be a lot more detailed! Are you saying the government should get out of every one's way? That doesn't make sense. Your always going to have government." I'm old enough to realize that government is never going away, but I'm young enough to realize that government is way out of control.

"I'm not saying that government should dissipate completely. It's the scope of government that needs to shrink. It's to large! The United States of America is a capitalist society. I know capitalism is a dirty word nowadays, but that's a lot better route than everyone leaning on the government..The government is broke! The country needs private investment, entrepreneurship, job creators! We don't need more people on the government tit!" My friend has never been one to back down from an argument, so he told me this. "I get it, but your talking about a world that doesn't exist anymore. You want to turn back the clock to the Reagan years, the trickle down effect. I got news for you. It don't trickle down! Not to guys like you and me!"

I like to end every  post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Here's a Libertarian point of view on gambling! The future of gambling in the country in online! Estimates have put projected revenue, if it were legal, at 100 billion dollars in revenue by 2020. At this point, most of the revenue generated by this industry is going to foreign operators. My suggestion? Run out the foreign operators in the U.S. market and hand the business over to domestic companies. The government can then tax the new revenue at 39%! That makes a lot more sense then getting zippo!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas encounters a homeless guy and his dog..

If it wasn't for the summers, I would say Las Vegas is a great place to be homeless. If there ever is a good place to be homeless that is. With that said, I have been living in Las Vegas the last eight years. And I always see the same thing this time of year - homeless people abound - even in the nice parts of town. After a while they become a part of the landscape. The derelicts, the dregs of society, the panhandlers...given enough time they grow on you. Throw an animal in the mix and it really begins to tug at your heart strings.

Yesterday I pulled into my neighborhood 7-11 and noticed a dog tied to a large backpack and the backpack in turn was tied to a trash can. I get out of my car and walk up to the dog. The dog looked horrible! It was mangy, skinny and scared.

As I am standing there, a lady comes out of the store, walks by the dog and reaches down to pet it. The dog snaps at her. I then tell everyone to leave the dog alone. It was obvious he was frightened. A few moments later the owner of the dog comes out of the store and sees us standing next to it.

"Are you guys fucking stupid? You shouldn't mess with a dog that is tied up. Leave him alone!" The guy was homeless and I'm  guessing the only things he had left in life was his backpack and the dog tied to it. He was bound and determined to protect both! A lot of people would have been taken a back by his statement, not me. I was more worried about the welfare of the dog. So I ask him when was the last time the dog had something to eat. He looks at me and says. "It's been a while, I was going to give him part of my hot dog." After hearing this I tell him to wait for a moment. I then go into the store and buy a can of dog food. I come back out and give it to him - his mood changes drastically.."Thank-you man, I appreciate it. You are very kind," he tells me his dog is named Petey and the two of them have been on the streets the last couple months. After a few minutes of listening to his hard luck story, I respectfully tell him I must go. These were my parting worlds - "Whatever you choose to do in your life? Make sure you take care of your dog. It sounds like he is the only friend you have left."

The village idiot of Las Vegas chats with his father..

"What does it feel like to be 70 years old?" Yesterday was my fathers birthday, so I called to wish him well. "I'm still alive and kicking, all my faculties are still working. I can't complain about a whole lot of things. I guess I could complain, but I don't think anyone would care." For being 70 years old, my father is in pretty good shape. I hope I'm in that good of shape when I turn 70. I then asked him what he had been up to on his big day. He told me this. "I signed up for Ancestry.com, and I've been tracing the Astle family tree. The last American entry to the tree was your great, great, great, granddad. According to the census records back then, he was born in Indiana in the year 1810. That's as far as I can trace it back in America. I'm getting ready to research the English records. England kept a lot better records than America did back then."

I then asked him how my dog was doing. When I moved back to Las Vegas, I gave my dog to my dad and his wife to watch. He told me this. "I had to beat her the other day because she wasn't listening, but besides that she's doing pretty good." Animal lover's take a deep breath. He was only kidding.

My father is an excellent writer. As a matter of fact, I picked up a lot of my writing skills from him. Now, I'm always curious to know what people think about my blog, so I asked him what his thoughts were.."It's pretty good, I read the story about your friend Roxy calling you at 3 in the morning after she got in a fight with her boyfriend. You made the right decision by not going over when she called. Let me ask you this. Don't you think you might be sharing a little bit to much in your blog? I know the world has changed since I was young, but somethings should stay personal." He's not the first person to tell me that I give to much away in the blog, but I have a good reason for it.."This may sound strange to you Pops? The genre, affiliation, category, whatever you want to call it? It's referred to as 'reality writing', and that style of writing is turning into a burgeoning business in Las Vegas." I'm pretty sure he didn't get that statement, but if your into reality television? Which a lot of people are. You kind of get it? At least I think you kind of get it?

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I'm grateful that my dad had a happy and healthy 70th birthday. I'm grateful that my Uncle Ned is recovering from his recent cancer surgery. I'm grateful that my grandmother is still sharp as a tack at 98 years old. I'm grateful that I live in Las Vegas. I wish I had a fancier way to say it, but I'm just a grateful guy nowadays."

The village idiot of Las Vegas chats with a fellow Libertarian..

"Gun slinging, gambling halls, strip joints, marijuana shops. What's not to like about this town?" Those aren't my words, rather they belong to a pal of mine in Las Vegas. My friend John, who I often refer to as Johnny Las Vegas. At the time, he was responding to my question on what he liked most about the town. Those kind of responses are why I like to call him Johnny Las Vegas.

For all my friends good traits, the thing I find most endearing about him? He's a registered Libertarian. I met him at a Libertarian rally a few months back. He used to live in Pahrump, for those of you not familiar with Pahrump? It's one of the places in Nevada where you can find legal brothels. Johnny actually worked for one of the brothels as a bouncer. Pahrump got a little boring for him, so he packed up and moved to Las Vegas a few years ago. "Johnny, I have a question for you. What was it like working in a brothel? Did you ever get any perks for free?" I had this picture in my mind of Johnny standing there like Caligula and a hundred girls standing naked in front of him.

"Rob, to be honest with you, working at the Chicken Ranch wasn't much fun. Most of the time I sat outside and watched the gate. I never saw any perks. Girls at that place never gave a thing away for free. It was really pretty boring. That's why I moved to Las Vegas. This town is 1000x more exciting than some outpost like Pahrump! No wild orgy stories here." Nowadays, Johnny works at a seedy strip club in North Las Vegas. He's offered to waive the cover for me on a number of occasions, but I always pass. I hate North Las Vegas. Now if he worked at one of the finer gentlemen clubs in town? I'd take him up on the offer.

"Rob I read your blog the other day and I've figured out why your luck with women is so bad in Las Vegas." Johnny always seems to have a new girl on his arm every time I see him. I'm not that impressed by them, but according to him? It beats nothing. "Rob, your wanting to find a Las Vegas girl on the outside and a Kansas girl on the inside. I'm hear to tell you brother! That dog won't hunt!" I thought about what he said, and he was right. I'd love to shove a Kansas girl into the body and appearance of a Vegas girl. Does that make sense?

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Senator Harry Reid, I like to refer to him as Uncle Harry..Anyways, he made a statement a year or so ago about how he would like to rid the State of Nevada of whore houses. Reid stated that companies don't want to move to an environment where the school bus has to drive by a brothel. Joe Conforte, a Libertarian, and the owner of the Chicken Ranch at the time said this about Senator Reid's statement.."They will have to take the keys to this place from my dead, cold hands."