The shortest boycott ever.

I remember, vividly, the first time I encountered someone betting on a football game. I was in high school at the time and a friend and I were visiting a mutual friend of ours at a nearby university he was attending - "Run the clock out you pricks! I got this you motherfucker!" Why he was acting so uptight over a game in which his team was winning handily was a mystery to me at the time. The team he told me he needed to win (Notre Dame) was leading by four touchdowns with less than two minutes to go - "You got this in the bag. They are up by four touchdowns. What is your problem? It is impossible for them to lose." The Fighting Irish punt to the opposition with less than a minute left and the punt is subsequently returned for a touchdown. Roy goes ballistic - "You worthless motherfucker!" He yells at the top of his lungs - "I'm going to lose because those morons can't cover a punt. Fuck you Holtz!" He was referring to Lou Holtz who was coach of Notre Dame at the time. He was a high strung guy to begin with, but I couldn't help but find his behavior overboard.

"What's the problem with Roy? Why was he so upset over a game in which his team won by twenty one points?" I ask Deek as we are driving home, "It didn't matter that his team won. They didn't cover and he lost his bet," is his answer. I scratch my head and the say - "What do you mean they didn't cover? " He looks at me and says - "You really are a dumb son of a bitch. The line was twenty three and they only won by twenty one." Since that day I have not looked at college and professional athletics the same - Fast Forward thirty years:

"I am boycotting the NFL because they are all a bunch of ungrateful bastards. From hear on out I will not be watching another one of their games." I chatted with Roy today and his panties were in a bunch because of President Trump's comments about players being disrespectful by not standing for the national anthem. I'm not quite as naive as I was when I was young, so, basically, I let him know I didn't believe him in no uncertain terms - "Give me a break Roy. You have been watching football every fall Sunday for the last forty years, and betting on it for the last thirty, and now, all of sudden, you are going to go cold turkey. I don't believe it for one minute. This is not yesteryear my friend. If you are going to boycott the NFL because the politics don't align with you. Well, quite frankly, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard."

He babbles on about how pissed he is at the NFL for allowing their 'employees' to be so disrespectful to the country and how he is sick of all the 'overpaid crybabies' and if they don't like this country they should move to another country and try to make their millions - "Okay," I say to him sarcastically, "Does that mean you are going to drop out of the three fantasy football leagues you have been in for the last twenty years? It's going to be hard to play fantasy football and then boycott the NFL at the same time. Don't you think?" There is a brief silence and then he spurts - "I don't have to watch in order to play. I will just get the stats from the internet and go from there." - "Yeah, sure," I say with more sarcasm - "Look, your idol Trump will find something else to spout off about this week and you and all the other clowns will forget about the boycott and we both know your ass will be planted in front of the TV come Sunday with the remote in one hand and a beer in the other."

Mad Max is coming to town.

"Six o'clock, TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign towers. Slash & burn, return, listen to yourself churn. Lock it in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting. Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate. Light a candle, light a motive. Step down, step down. Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh this means no fear cavalier. Renegade steer clear! A tournament, tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline."

It's the end of the world (as we know it) ~ R.E.M

I think about this dumb motherfucker and all his babble when we were young, and then I look  at today's world and think - "Damn, don't tell me this asshole is right. I refuse to believe it." - Mad Max from Kansas called yesterday and the first thing he says -  "Do you know a lot of foreigners in Las Vegas? Because I can't be around them if I come out to visit." What a stupid question, and I made sure he knew it - "That's all there is in Las Vegas you dumb fuck. I've told you that a number of times. Man you really need to get out from under your bunker and come out and live a little before the Apocalypse hits," I then add, "Why the fuck are you calling me any way. I'm the one who calls you. You never call me."

"I'm thinking about coming out and seeing you in December when the rodeo is going on. I talked with my shrink and told her what you said about me needing a distraction and she agrees with you." Uncle Ned's words immediately began ringing in my head - "You are a fucking weirdo magnet. Goddammit Robbie - Don't you have any normal friends? Mad Max, Jesus, what a fucking moron." Nonetheless, I tell Mad Max I would love to see him on a few conditions - "What's that?" He asks quizzically. "Leave your 'end of the world' bullshit rhetoric in Kansas. I don't want to hear it. Oh, and keep your xenophobic comments to yourself as well." He agrees to the conditions and tells me he will be bringing his steady with him - "She doesn't trust me out there alone with you." I laugh and say - "Are we looking at another future Mrs. Mad Max?" He responds by saying - "Don't know yet. Maybe?"

Run to the Hills

"Soldier blue in the barren waste, hunting and killing the game - raping the women and wasting the men. The only good Indians are tame - selling them whisky and taking their gold, enslaving the young and destroying the old...run to the hills, run for your life - run to the hills, run for your life."

Run to the Hills ~ Iron Maiden

I just so happened to hear Run to the Hills on a heavy metal station in Las Vegas today. It instantly reminded me of my friend Mad Max in Kansas. I chatted with him about a week ago and had no intention of calling him. But it's Iron Maiden:

"What do you want asshole?" His phone etiquette leaves much to be desired, but it's Mad Max and he doesn't give a shit. "I'm sorry to bother you buddy, but I just heard your theme song on the radio and it made me think about you." -- "Which fucking song is that?" He asks in a matter of fact tone - "Oh, come on, you know what I am talking about." A few moments pass and he finally gets it - "Run to the Hills motherfucker! All of us should heed the advice and do what Iron Maiden suggested." I burst into laughter and say - "Goddammit Mad Max, as crazy as you are it still is nice to hear your paranoid voice."

I ask him what he thinks the Chiefs will look like this year - "I don't give a shit," is his answer. I then say - "Don't worry. The Apocalypse won't happen until after football season is over. Do you think the Chiefs have a chance to make it to the Super Bowl?" He repeats his earlier statement, but this time he adds the F-word to it. "Okay," I tell him in a calm voice, "No need to get your pantie in a bunch over it. What else is going on?" He tells me he is making sure all of his weapons are in working order and that he thinks something is wrong with his dog - "What's wrong with Doomsday?" That ought to tell you a little bit about him. Who names their dog Doomsday? "I don't know for sure. He has been limping around and not eating much. He has me worried." I snicker and say - "It's all your talk about the Apocalypse. It's upsetting him. Why don't you go rub his belly and reassure him that everything is going to be alright." 

We chat for a few more minutes and before he hangs up I ask - "You don't really sit around and think about the Apocalypse all day long. Do you?" He tells me in a stern voice - "Let's just say if they try to come rushing through my door the only thing you will hear is the sound of automatic weapons being fired in rapid succession. If they decide to drop a bomb on me I will be fucked like everyone else."

Alex Smith + No more Legend

I chatted with my friend Legend from Kansas today. We discussed, in depth, the chances of KC making it to the Super Bowl this season - "I told you already. The Chiefs do not have the quarterback play to go all the way. Everything else is there. But unfortunately they have Alex Smith under center and he is not capable of taking them all the way," he then adds, "He can't make the throws that you see the elites like Brady, Rodgers, Roethlisberger and guys like that make. So unfortunately for you and me it will play out like it always does. They will get us worked up and most likely will make it to the playoffs. But don't count on them going far when they get there. They just don't have the quarterback."

I agree wholeheartedly with him. QB1 is the most important position on an NFL team. But it isn't like Alex Smith belongs on a sandlot team - "Look, I gotcha on the QB being the guy. And his record in the playoffs is hardly stellar," I then add with emphasis, "This year will be different. He has a great group of young skill guys to work with. I think I saw somewhere their average age was 23. Alex is the old man of the group at 33. Andy has added a few dimensions to the offense that weren't there in years past. Think about how well he played versus the Patriot's. If we see him play as well as he did then. Well, quite frankly, that's what we need to get to the Super Bowl."

"One game, big deal. The season is sixteen games plus playoffs. Let's see how things progress. It's going to take more than one stellar game for me to change my opinion. I hope you are right though," is his rebuttal. We chat about the weather for a minute and then I tell him - "I hate to say this to you, but I am going to drop the Legend moniker with you. And I do this with a bit of trepidation. But let's face it. You haven't done anything legendary in twenty years and it's just not a deserving title anymore." I wasn't sure how he would take it, but much to my surprise he understood - "I can't argue with you much on that. You are right. I haven't done anything to deserve the title in so long I can't even remember."

We chat about the Chiefs a bit more and then he tells me he must go - "I will catch you later Roy," I say to him right before hanging up. This may sound strange, but it was odd referring to him as Roy. I have been calling him Legend for thirty plus years. But that doesn't make sense anymore. It's just plain ol' Roy now. And that really sucks in my opinion.

FYI: KC is posted as a 5.5 point favorite over Philadelphia. My pick is the Chiefs win by a touchdown.

tidbits for the week.

I have some encouraging news, my condo has appreciated thirty six thousand dollars in two years. Apparently, there's a shortage of nice housing in town. It wasn't long ago when property values plummeted 60-70%. It is nice to see things rebounding.

Anticipation of the new stadium being built for the Raider's move to town is beginning to take hold. Construction is slated to begin in November with completion in June of 2020. Once construction of the stadium begins confidence should reemerge for projects of similar scale around the valley.

Good news for the towns biggest eyesore. The Fountainbleu, which was mothballed nine years ago by Carl Icahn after buying it out of receivership, was recently sold to an investment group out of NYC for 600 million.

I think my neighbor wants to do it with me. I am going to pass. It's not that she isn't attractive. It just seems like too much of a headache. Too much drama. Besides, I know if I sleep with her things will eventually go awry and I will be stuck living next door to her...I am too old for the awkwardness a tryst of such nature will cause.

Dinner with lifelong friends.

I met Junior when I moved to Albuquerque after graduating from Emporia State in 1995. I was working at a bank in East Albuquerque and he was running a sporting goods store across from the bank. He and his wife Brenda were in town a few days and craving a good steak. I call Twenty for a recommendation and he proclaims - "Fleming's brother. It is the best place in town."

As the three of us enter Fleming's - Junior says, "I can already tell this place is going to be good." The foyer walls are mahogany and the floor is shiny marble, "Oh yeah, I knew Twenty wouldn't steer us astray. Man, this place is nice." The hostess leads us to our booth. We take our seats and order drinks. As I glance the menu a pork chop dish catches my eye. Junior & Brenda order the filet mignon and T-bone, respectively.

"The show is airing tonight and we are expecting another rush of business. It happens every time it airs." The two of them own a beef jerky company in Albuquerque. The business has been featured a number of times on episodes of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmer, "This will be the fifth time they have aired it and every time they do it makes our website go nuts. We really are having a good run of things lately." Junior has been at his jerky business for nine years now, and the results are there to prove it.

The waiter brings the food, we take our time eating - "Do you remember the time Navy asked me why I always wore the same clothes?" Their oldest son Navy - who was in second grade at the time is now an Ivy League graduate currently pursuing a Master's. "I remember what I told him after he asked me that. I told him I was too poor to afford new clothes." - We share a hearty laugh as I take another bite of asparagus.

"How is your family doing?" Brenda asks. "Every one is good. Dad & Sharon are in Arizona full time and Cammie was just here. She lives in Florida and is doing fine. Jamie is doing well. His daughter Emily will be a freshman at UMKC and Makayla is a freshman in high school." I ask if they are ready for their daughters wedding next month - "Ready as we are ever going to be," is the answer. "Jeez," I say with hint of laughter, "I remember when McKenna was knee high to a grasshopper and look at her now. A beautiful lady who just graduated from college and is now getting married. Where did all the time go?"

After finishing the entrée, the waiter suggests a desert - "Give us the chocolate lava case," he then looks directly at me and says, "You are going to have to skip dessert because your chin is already one too many." I smile and turn to Brenda, "You know something. He really enjoys insulting me," she laughs heartily and says, "I know. It is good therapy for him. He says you are an easy guy to insult."

We drop Brenda off at Caesar's and go for a cruise around town - "In no less than three years time you will be looking at the grandest stadium in the world," I say to him as we drive by an empty lot slated to be the new home of the Raider's in 2020. We turn away from the future stadium site on Hacienda and are now headed west back to the condo - "Michael Jackson use to live there," I add as I point at a gated mansion on the corner of Hacienda & Durango, "He rented it from a sheik."

"What is the deal with Chinatown? What did Cammie think of it?" He asks in between sips of beer at the condo - "I think it overwhelmed her to be honest with you. She did tell me that she understands what I am talking about when it comes to putting them online." We finish our beers and it is time for him to leave - "Thanks for everything," I tell him as he is leaving, "I haven't had a meal that nice in a long while. It reminded me of the Palm in New York City. It has been twelve years since I was last there. So thank you again for the meal brother, and I will keep you updated on Chinatown." He smiles and says - "It was my pleasure. I will be seeing you again in a few months."

Cheech & Chong + Chinatown

I hadn't seen my sister in a long while and when she came to town it was like nothing had changed - "How do you like staying at the Cheech & Chong Hotel?" The Stratosphere was her lodging while visiting and my cousin Joel and I were picking her up for lunch - Since marijuana became legal for purchase a serious gray area has developed in town. See, the only place you are able to consume it legally is in a private residence. The hotels on the strip are not private residents, but a little birdie told me the Stratosphere is being realistic about the situation and thus is why I will be referring to it as the Cheech & Chong Hotel from here on out.

"I got off on my floor last night and the first thing I smell is weed. There were a bunch of guys in the hall way passing around a joint. They offered me some but I was already too wasted. The last thing I needed was marijuana." I laugh and tell her - "It sounds like the place is more like the Cheech & Chong Hotel on steroids," I then add with a hearty laugh, "Any way, get ready to have what dad called the best Chinese food he has ever had."

As we are walking into Hong Kong Gardens - "I bet you have never had Chinese food this good in your entire life. Just remember, this is one of the many restaurants I can get online." I didn't want to come on too strong about my Chinatown beliefs, so it was important for her to have a look for herself  - "Look how nice this place is," I then ask if she has ever had dim sum. "No," is her answer. I smile and say - "It's real easy. See those carts. They push them up to the table and you just point at what you want. It really is the greatest thing in the world."

The three of us devour our share of dim sum. It was fabulous as usual. As we are leaving I say, "This restaurant and all the other ones I showed you are all under my thumb. If I can get the proper platform to sell their food online - Whew! You are looking at more money than any of us have ever seen. And I say this with all sincerity. I'm the only motherfucker who can get them." She asks how much investment I need to get things going. I tell her the same thing I tell everyone, "35K and I will deliver Chinatown on a silver platter."