The Apocalypse

"I couldn't get no silver, I couldn't get no gold. You know that we're too damn poor to keep you from the gallows pole. Hangman, hangman, hold it a little while. I think I see my brother coming riding a many mile. Did you get me some silver? Did you get me some gold? What did you bring me, my brother, to keep me from the gallows pole."

Gallows Pole ~ Led Zeppelin

I called a friend from Kansas today. We had a lengthy discussion about the current state of the country - "I don't give a shit! When the whole shit house catches fire. I will be ready! I just purchased more guns and another 10,000 rounds of ammunition." I have known this dumb son of a bitch since the fifth grade and he hasn't changed one iota - "Mad Max," I say with a degree of intensity, "I agree with you on a number of points, but I don't find it necessary to stockpile weapons and ammo. What do you think is going to happen? Do you think they're coming to get you?" 

The mocking tone I used irritated him - "Think about it you stupid bastard. We are a button flip away from nuclear war with North Korea. The guy over there is a complete nut job. Couple that with the hurricanes and all the other shit going on in the world. I am telling you the end is near. I can't help it if you are too dumb to realize it." 

Mad Max has always been blunt with me, and me with him. Why stop now? "Look, you fucking idiot. We are not going to get in a nuclear war anytime soon. You need to turn off the news and spend your time doing something else. Your paranoia has reached new heights." He has been a paranoid bastard from the get go. But now his rhetoric had elevated to what I would categorize as stage 5. 

You can only take so much of his 'the end is near' bullshit. So before I hang up I tell him this - "Why don't you forget about the Apocalypse for a minute and bring your ass out to Las Vegas. We will get drunk, hit up the dispensary, chase some women. You know? Do all the shit we use to do when we were young. It definitely sounds like you need the distraction." He clears his throat and says, "Do you think this is all a big joke?" My reply - "Yes, as a matter fact that's exactly what I think it is. I think you need to take a serious chill pill." Usually he laughs at my jokes, but not this time - "Be ready boy. The end is near." He then hangs up without saying goodbye...asshole.