Saturday, July 26, 2014

The village idiot of Las Vegas witnesses a baptism.

 
 
 
"Will you please come to a couple of baptisms on Saturday? I know you will find it very uplifting. Besides, it's going to be my first one's. I got to have a fellow Kansan witness it." A few months ago I met a Mormon missionary from Kansas - Wichita to be exact. His name is Elder Wilkes. I still find it a bit strange addressing someone who I am twice as old - Elder. Anyways, a couple of other young missionaries and he have been counseling me the past few months. It has been very nice to have a young friend from Kansas in Las Vegas to talk with. Wichita State basketball is a big topic of our conversation. He completed a year of school there before leaving for his mission. Saturday was a big day for him and I have never actually witnessed a live baptism - "I wouldn't miss it for the world," I tell him.
 
"Wearing all white makes me look like a painter or like a work in an institution." As I am sitting at the temple waiting for the baptism's to begin, Elder Wilkes walks out of a room wearing what I would refer to as a onesie. In all seriousness, they are required to wear a traditional white frock for the ceremony. "Please tell me that you are not going to wear that when you go on dates," I jokingly state. He then tells me has a pink one for dates. A few minutes pass and the family of five he was scheduled to baptize walk into the room wearing garb similar to his. "It is almost time. Wish me luck," he then enters the baptismal water.
 
One by one they parade into the water and Elder Wilkes washes their sins away. It was a very moving moment for everyone in the room - me included. After the ceremony I am chatting with him and he politely says this to me - "Rob, one of these days it is going to be your turn. Once you are baptized and except the gospel into your life, all your transgressions will be washed away. And all those dreams you tell me about will begin to come true." A religious man I am not or never have been, but this kid and his buddies are beginning to sway me. I still have trepidations about things and told him such, "Elder Wilkes, I am proud of you for your work. And I know your parents and everyone else is proud of you as well." The youth of the Mormon church are truly uplifting to be around. "But the problem buddy," I add right before I am leaving, "I am seriously concerned the serene baptismal waters will begin to boil if I dare set foot in them."
 
 
 
 


Monday, July 14, 2014

The village idiot of Las Vegas swears he will strangle someone on the bus one day.

A number of buses in Las Vegas are double decked. So if someone annoys you on one level - move to the next. Today a drunk homeless guy gets on the bus and sets next to me. He immediately starts acting belligerent. I get up and move to another part of the lower level. As I'm setting in my new spot I still hear him - but I am OK -- he was far enough away to tune out.

A few stops pass and a guy, who I am guessing weighed four bills, gets on the bus. I watch him walk to the back of the bus where I am seated. He then looks at me and says - "Scoot over," I sigh and move over so he can set down. The next thing you know his girth pins me up against the window like a squashed bug. I politely excuse myself from the situation and decide to take my chances on the second level.

I walk up the stairs and take a seat at the very front of the upper deck. I am setting there enjoying the serenity and all of a sudden I hear two kids behind me talking about a girl in their class that they want to have sex with. It was an amusing conversation for a moment and then it turned crude, so I get up and move again - this time to the back of the top level. I am about ready to take a new seat when a guy says - "Dude, you don't want to set there. Someone threw up." Sure enough - I look down and there is a pile of barf right where I am going to sit. I can't take it anymore so I push the stop button and get off at the next stop!

I got off the bus just in time - I sincerely felt I was going to choke someone. Any way, I am standing at the bus stop deciding if I should walk the rest of the way to my destination or wait for a new bus. Before I am even given the chance to cool down, the scariest looking bitch I have ever seen approaches me and says - "Mister - do you have five dollars I can borrow? My boyfriend and I got into a fight and he kicked me out of the car. I want to get a bus pass so I can get to my sisters." I didn't say a word! I just turned and started walking in the direction of my destination!