Uncle Ned freaks out over President Trump.

"All that pressure got you down. Has your head spinning all around. Feel the rhythm, feel the vibe. Come on along and have a real good time. Like the days of stomping at the Savoy. Now we freak, oh what a joy. Just come on down to the fifty-four. Find a spot out on the floor. Aaaahh freak out! Le Freak, C'est Chic. Aaaahh Freak out! C'est Chic - Freak out!

Le Freak (Freak Out) ~ Chic


My cousin Joel has been playing the role of on again, off again, roommate for the last two months. The other day we were talking about uncle Ned and how excitable he gets when you talk to him about certain things. Politics and President Trump are a few of those things:

"If you want to hear uncle Ned freak out all you have to do is say to him, 'Donald Trump is the greatest president of all time.' That will get a rapid fire curse word response like you have never heard from a person. It's funny. If you don't believe me listen." I grab my phone from the counter; dial Ned's number; put the phone on speaker and wait for his answer.

"What are you doing butt hole?" His greetings are usually more vulgar, he must be slipping in his old age - "Ned," I say with a snicker, "Joel and I are here and we have something we want to tell you. Are you listening?" - "What is it dip shit? I am in the middle of dinner right now. Make it snappy," is his response - "Okay Ned, we just want to let you know we think Donald Trump is the greatest president of all time and him being elected is the best thing to ever happen to the country." I wait a moment for his response and then say - "Are you still there?"

"Why would you say something that fucking stupid? Jesus, even his own Secretary of State thinks he is a moron. He got elected by a bunch of dip shits like you. This fucking clown has no business being in office. Mickey Mouse could do a better job than this stink hole." I remind him it was the electoral college that elected him and Mickey Mouse did not run for president - "Shut your fucking hole!" He yells, "I can't believe that any nephew of mine is so stupid they would think this idiot is the GOAT or whatever morons like you call him."

"Ned! Ned!" I try to interrupt his volley of curse words in order I might get a word in edge wise. My attempt proves feudal - "Look, don't talk to me about that fucking moron. Did you call me up to tell me about that dumb fucker? Do you have anything interesting to add. If not I am hanging up." Before he can start another rant, I say - "Ned, just listen to me before you go. I have one thing to say to you and one thing only." I wait a moment before I respond in order to build the suspense - Ned is not a patient man - "What the fuck is it moron?" I clear my throat and yell, "Trump!" I then hang the phone up.