the fast food eating bandits...Part 2

People are skeptical when I tell them my best friend nowadays is an eighty six year old man with a passion for fast food & a tan to boot. Today at the pool we discussed our shared love of fatty foods once again:

"Have you tried the Detroit style pizza from Pizza Hut," is his question as both of us float in the deep end.

"I have not Lenny. I've seen the commercials. It looks tasty; that much is for sure."

"You better believe it's tasty," proclaiming, "It's like eating two pizza's at once."

"What do you mean?"

"They put double the shit you get on a regular pizza & the crust is thick & crispy with a cheese coating. It's delicious."

"I'm going to give it a try buddy," a picture of gooey goodness dancing through my head, "Did you get bread sticks with it as well?"

"Of course," stating firmly, "You also get a two liter of Pepsi in the deal to wash it all down."

We chat about our favorite donuts for a minute & then I ask:

"Do you like Papa John's?"

"You betcha," is his rapid reply, "The wife & I had it delivered last week."

"Did you dip the pizza in the garlic butter sauce before you ate it?"

"You better believe it," stating with enthusiasm, "As a matter of fact, I had them give me an extra container because one is never enough."

"What about ranch? Did you slather ranch over it as well?"

"Every time," he proclaims, "Ranch on top of the garlic butter sauce. That's pure heaven."

"Yum, yum, yum Lenny. What about the dessert brownies? Did you get those as well?"

"No, I had a bowl of chocolate ice cream after the pizza. Usually I'll get them; we wanted to finish off the tub of ice cream in the freezer instead."

The conversation shifts to our favorite candy bars:

"King size Snicker's does it for me every time," is his response.

"Me too Lenny. Don't forget the Dr. Pepper to wash it down."

"I'll usually have a Sprite," he adds, "My second choice is the king size Reese's cups. I like to eat them frozen. It brings more of the peanut butter taste out is what I've found. What's your second choice Rob?"

"Hmm," as I scratch my chin, "I would have to say a Payday bar. They're delicious."

The conversation shifts to non romance:

"I haven't seen Kendra around. Did she go back home?"

"She did buddy. Do you want to hear a funny story about her?"

"Let's hear it."

"I told her I could eat a pound & a half of hamburger in one sitting. It's something I'm proud of. She didn't find it impressive one bit."

"Geez Rob," while shaking his head, "That's not something you brag to women about. She'll think you're a pig if you tell her things like that."

"I know that now buddy. She made a snide remark about the achievement."

"What did she say?"

"She said it was a hearty meal; not in a complimentary way."

"When is she coming back?"

"In a month is what she told me."

"Next time she comes to town take her to a fancy restaurant. Give Jack-N-Box a rest. Show her how classy of a guy you really are."

"I already tried buddy. She's not interested. I'm starting to think I turned her off. It's not the first time it's happened."

"You got to realize something about things Rob?"

"What's that Lenny?"

"Most women will not be attracted to a guy who frequents every fast food joint in town & then boasts about it. You got to keep that kind of stuff on the down low; you'll never get a date again if you don't."

chatter from the deep end...

The other day I was floating in the deep end of the pool at LaSolana when out of no where he appears:

"Where have you been Big C?"

"Hanging out good buddy," is his immediate answer, "What have you been doing?"

"Trying to figure out a location to film. Are you still in?"

Big C is slated as a feature character in a proposed reality show based on the comings & goings of the patrons at the LaSolana pool.

"I'm in buddy," is his steadfast answer, "You let me know when & where."

We chat about the Royal's for a few minutes & he adds:

"I heard through the LaSolana grapevine there was romance in the air for the village idiot & a certain gal visiting her mother. Is there any truth to the rumor?"

"Nope," is my somber answer, "It just wasn't meant to be."

"What happened?"

"I asked if she wanted to be my girlfriend & she denied the request."

"That's it?"

"Yep," is the only answer I can muster.

"It happens buddy. There'll be another one coming down the pike soon. You just wait & see," is his conciliatory response to my failure. 

We spend a few more minutes chatting about all the great Royal's teams from the eighties. I'm reminded of a joke:

"Heah Big C! Do you know what they call a Royal jock strap?"

"What?"

"Dick Howser," both of us laughing in unison at the punch line.

"Dick Howser," he repeats with a continued laugh, "That's a good one."

Howser was the manager of the Royal's for a successful run in the eighties.

"You got a script ready for when it's showtime?"

He's enthusiastic about the concept. It's much appreciated.

"Sort of good buddy. The script will be a mesh with the blog."

"I'm ready; say the word," he states with more enthusiasm, "Just make sure you get my good side when the camera starts rolling."

Big C leaves & Miss Kitty enters the deep end:

"Did you ever end up taking Kendra to lunch?"

"No," she is the fourth person to inquire about the non romance, "It didn't work out."

"That stinks," is her sympathetic reply, "She is a nice girl. You two would have made a good couple."

Enough of me striking out. It is time to talk business:

"Miss Kitty, we are on the search for a location to film. I have you slated as a feature player. Are you still ready to roll?"

"I am, although, I'm planning on making a trip back to Chicago around the eighth of May. Will you be ready by then?"

"I'm going to try like hell. It's one of those things that happens when it happens. I'm bound and determined to see it through. Once a good location is found; I'll set a date with the production team. It's getting closer. You'll be the first person notified when it gets the green light."

We chat a little more about the weather & she adds:

"Kendra sent a text saying how much fun she had. She also said she was coming back in a month. A lot can happen in a month Rob," her optimism is sweet.

"She is a friend & that's all. It's okay Miss Kitty. I've already got my eye on a new gal."

the fast food eating bandits...

I've got a nickname for Lennie & me. Call us the fast food eating bandits:

"I'm going to head over to McDonald's & grab some breakfast. They've got the sausage, egg & cheese on sale."

"How much?"

"Two for four dollars. I'll eat four of them."

Lennie, my best friend nowadays, is an eighty six year old man with a tan to boot. Today at the pool we discussed our shared passion for fast food.

"I had Culver's for lunch yesterday, the breaded cod sandwich with cheese curds as a side is one of my favorites. Have you ever tried Culver's Rob?"

"I have good buddy. I had a buttered double cheeseburger with a chocolate shake from there the other day. Next time I'm having the cod sandwich with cheese curds."

"You know what else is good?"

"What Lennie?"

"The fried chicken at Albertson's. I'm thinking about heading over there & grabbing some lunch for the family."

"What will your sides be?"

"The wife & daughter enjoy the mac & cheese. I'll get some baked beans & broccoli salad for myself."

"That sounds good Lennie. Do you want to know what I had the other day from their deli?"

"What?"

"Olive loaf, they cut a pound of thin slices for me & I devoured it all in one sitting. That stuff is salty as hell."

"Olive loaf," repeating with a smile, "We use to serve it as a lunch special at the bar. People ate it up. Boy that stuff is bad for you."

"We got to stop talking about food," adding in all honesty, "It's starting to make me hungry."

"So are you going to McDonald's when you get out of the pool?"

"I am," is my rapid response, "Do you want me to get something for you while I'm there?"

"No thanks," is his reply, "I still have a breakfast burrito from Jack-N-Box in the refrigerator."

"I love Jack-N- Box Lennie. What kind of burrito did you get?"

"The loaded breakfast with extra sausage," he knows his breakfast burritos well.

"Awesome Lennie! That's my favorite. I'd eat the loaded with extra sausage all the time when I lived in Las Vegas. The kid who worked there would see me walk in & say, 'Do you want the usual village idiot?' He was a fan of the blog." 

Images of a loaded breakfast burrito with extra sausage from Jack-N-Box goes dancing through my head:

"Dangummit Lennie, now you got me thinking about putting McDonald's off until tomorrow. Where's the nearest Jack-N-Box?"

"On Belle, right next to the tire store," is his rapid reply.

 

the afternoon shift...

Afternoon shift starts at one o'clock; looking at the clock & it's two til; can't be late so I put Jeopardy on pause & head directly to the pool. Dottie is the first person I encounter there.

"What's the deal with you & Kendra? Is romance in the air for the village idiot?"

"I don't know Dottie. It's yet to be determined."

Kendra is an attractive lady from the mid west & has been visiting her mother at LaSolana for the last month. We've become friends.

"When does she leave?"

"Originally Friday, she changed it so she could stay a week longer."

"That's nice," she adds with a smile, "She's a pretty girl. I can see why you like her."

"She sure is Dottie. She's smart, funny, caring, hard working & well mannered."

"Have you asked her out yet," chimes Dottie's husband Oscar.

"I've hinted at it a couple times good buddy. I'm not sure if she's interested or not."

"Cowboy up," he proclaims, "You never know if you don't be bold about it."

Update: Worked up the courage & asked if she would like to eat lunch at Anita's before her departure. The answer is yes:)

A reality show concept has been presented to the board for permission to film. They're taking it up at the meeting Thursday. I'll have an answer by Friday. If all goes well filming will be scheduled ten to fourteen days after approval; thus landing in or around the fifth of May. 

a chat in the hot tub...

I finished breakfast; read some news; brushed my teeth; combed my hair; guzzled thirty two ounces of water & then headed directly to the pool. It is time to start my day. The first encountered is Miss Lacy relaxing in the hot tub:

"You would be awesome at it Miss Lacy! Listen, all you got to do is do what you do every day. The only difference is the cameras will be rolling & you'll follow an easy, humorous skit or two. It will be ad lib time after that. The goal is to show everyone how much fun we are having at the pool."

Lacy is a senior member of the sewing circle. She could be a key addition to my concept of a reality show premised on the comings & goings of the patrons at the LaSolana pool.

"I don't know about all that stuff. I'm kind of shy. I didn't even go on a date until I was twenty one," Miss Lacy is in her mid eighties now & witty as ever, "All my kids took drama & speech & all those kind of activities. I'm not any good at that kind of stuff."

"I beg to differ," adding with all honesty, "You would be perfect for what I am envisioning," adding with even more honesty, "By the time we are through with it people won't know what hit them."

"I don't know Rob. It seems strange to me."

"Look," adding in a reassuring voice, "People would eat you up. Who wouldn't enjoy seeing an eighty plus women in good health & spirits still kicking ass? We'll formulate some humorous dialog & interactions for the camera & see what happens. People will love it!"

I can see she is intrigued by the look on her face.

"Think of it this way Miss Lacy," adding with even more exuberance than before, "If this goes how I believe it can go you will appear a lot cooler to your grand kids."

The grand kids reference brings a smile to her face:

"All this talk of yours reminds me of something my nephew said when he came to visit a few years ago," adding with a wide smile, "He said, 'Someone should write a book or start a show about all the old people around Sun City.' He's a Hollywood type."

"He's seeing & thinking like me. Is that what you are telling me Miss Lacy?"

"That is exactly it," she says with a smile.

"Tell him to give me a call; or have him read the blog; I need all the help I can get."

the pianist...part 2

Last time I encountered Jack he didn't look too good. Today at the pool he appeared better:

"I feel better Rob. It was a hell of a bender," he states while adjusting the patio/pool furniture to his liking, "It was a rough one this time around."

"You look a hell of a lot better Jack. That much is for sure," is my immediate & truthful reply.

"Fell into a rough patch," explaining, "I was teaching piano online & everything was going good. Then the guy wanted to cancel all the online sessions & move everyone back into a studio so he could make more money. This is when the 'Rona was raging in the fall. I didn't feel comfortable with the decision & was let go. That's what started my plunge. I've been dry now for two weeks."

"Good," emphatically stating, "Keep up the good work!"

We chat about the weather for a moment & I ask if he has ever read my blog.

"No," adding, "What is it called?"

"The Village Idiot of Las Vegas."

"Catchy name, I'll check it out."

Encountering each other a few days later at the pool:

"You're blog is awesome. It's a page turner for sure."

I thank him for the compliment & say, "How is everything going with you? You are looking better & better every time I see you. It looks like you're on your way."

He thanks me for the compliment & replies:

"Still dry buddy. Just taking it one day at a time."

After discussing the reality show concept I've been proposing in the blog; he adds, "I can see it. It would be awesome. The writing definitely supports the idea."

"Do you want to be part of it when it happens?"

"Sure," is his immediate reply, "I could help you compose a theme song for it."

Smiling at the suggestion & adding, "Believe it or not I've been thinking about a theme song. Unfortunately, there is zero ability for me in the music department. You would be the ideal guy for the job."

Jack's been in the music business for over forty years. He's got more talent in his pinkie than most people have in their entire body.

"I'd write some verses for the theme song & you could put it to music. It would be a collaboration," is my suggestion.

"Sounds good to me buddy," he says with a smile, 

Jack is embracing his sobriety at the moment; which is a fabulous thing. I am confident him & others at the LaSolana pool are perfect for the reality concept I'm proposing.

the chef...

I have been floating a reality show concept premised on the comings & goings of the pool patrons at LaSolana. Recently, the concept inched forward:

"I bet they're young," is her statement, "That's what you are going to need Rob. They're the ones familiar with the technology."

Miss Kitty & I share a similar thought as we eagerly anticipate the arrival of a production crew from Tempe to the LaSolana pool.

"Don't worry about a thing Rob. They're going to love it."

A few minutes pass & a crew of three arrive. After the pitch it is time to talk execution.

"This is the perfect place to film," says the producer, "Look how nice it is. I'm liking your concept even more now that I've seen the surroundings."

"You're blog is impressive. I could help you tweak the story lines & characters a bit. Help put it in screenplay type," states the screen writer of the bunch.

"This is the kind of thing you can make viral with guidance from the likes of us," adds the account manager, "It makes me think about my grandmother. I get a good vibe off of everything I'm seeing & reading."

We agree to a phone meeting at one o'clock the following day:

"If you had to give yourself a television show to compare your writing to. What would it be," is the first question asked by the account manager.

I share the answer a friend gave to me.

"He says it's a cross between Melrose Place & Soap meeting the Golden Girls."

She doesn't understand the analogy because of her youth.

"You know? Melrose Place, Heather Locklear."

She recognizes Heather Locklear; but not the show.

"She use to be my girlfriend back in the nineties," adding with a laugh, "I'm kidding she was never my girlfriend. I sure wish she was though."

"How about a Seinfeld for senior citizens," is her commentary on the writing.

"That's an interesting concept as well. There's plenty of humor to be had," adding, "The key on making a go of it is focusing intently on the senior citizens at the pool & their uniqueness. If that is accomplished we'll be in good shape."

"I agree," states the writer, "You are close to having something legitimate to work with in our opinion. It's time for you to nail down exactly how you want this project to flow. We can help you with adjustments to the script if need be."

The proposed pilot is slated for twenty three minutes. I ask if they have experience in a project as long.

"We do," adding, "We filmed a women's empowerment conference that gave us nothing but talking points to go by & we got through it fine. You are miles ahead of where they were. We're excited about the concept & interested in helping you bring it to life."

Enthusiasm is an attractive trait. 

"Do you want to here Miss Kitty's analogy of things?"

"Sure," the account manager says.

"You betcha," adds the writer/producer.

"She summarizes it like this," adding, "The blog & all the old people at LaSolana are the ingredients to a fine meal. What's missing is a chef. Now, young people like you guys have to be the chef. You'll be responsible for preparing the meal to everyone's liking."

"Miss Kitty is sweet. I see her being a great character," states the account manager; whom I would guess to be in her early twenties.

"Oh that reminds me; she wanted me to tell you that you resemble her granddaughter."

"Oh, she really is the sweetest," the account manager replies in a pleasant tone. 

"She sure is," quickly adding, "It will be Miss Kitty & others like her who will ultimately decide if this venture is successful."

The conversation turns to legalities:

"You have to get permission from the board in order for us to film. Every one who participates signs a waiver acknowledging they're being filmed & their likeness will be used in the project. All standard stuff," states the writer/producer, "We have all the paperwork."

"What about Covid protocols?"

"Everyone in the crew will be vaccinated & adhere to all the recommended guidelines," adding, "The logistics at this location will provide plenty of room is my initial thought."

We chat a little more about specifics & he says:

"Come to our studio in Tempe. We can show you around & afterwards we'll have a script meeting. It'll be productive."

"I will do that," is my immediate answer, "Look at your schedule for next week & tell me what will work."