People are skeptical when I tell them my best friend nowadays is an eighty six year old man with a passion for fast food & a tan to boot. Today at the pool we discussed our shared love of fatty foods once again:
"Have you tried the Detroit style pizza from Pizza Hut," is his question as both of us float in the deep end.
"I have not Lenny. I've seen the commercials. It looks tasty; that much is for sure."
"You better believe it's tasty," proclaiming, "It's like eating two pizza's at once."
"What do you mean?"
"They put double the shit you get on a regular pizza & the crust is thick & crispy with a cheese coating. It's delicious."
"I'm going to give it a try buddy," a picture of gooey goodness dancing through my head, "Did you get bread sticks with it as well?"
"Of course," stating firmly, "You also get a two liter of Pepsi in the deal to wash it all down."
We chat about our favorite donuts for a minute & then I ask:
"Do you like Papa John's?"
"You betcha," is his rapid reply, "The wife & I had it delivered last week."
"Did you dip the pizza in the garlic butter sauce before you ate it?"
"You better believe it," stating with enthusiasm, "As a matter of fact, I had them give me an extra container because one is never enough."
"What about ranch? Did you slather ranch over it as well?"
"Every time," he proclaims, "Ranch on top of the garlic butter sauce. That's pure heaven."
"Yum, yum, yum Lenny. What about the dessert brownies? Did you get those as well?"
"No, I had a bowl of chocolate ice cream after the pizza. Usually I'll get them; we wanted to finish off the tub of ice cream in the freezer instead."
The conversation shifts to our favorite candy bars:
"King size Snicker's does it for me every time," is his response.
"Me too Lenny. Don't forget the Dr. Pepper to wash it down."
"I'll usually have a Sprite," he adds, "My second choice is the king size Reese's cups. I like to eat them frozen. It brings more of the peanut butter taste out is what I've found. What's your second choice Rob?"
"Hmm," as I scratch my chin, "I would have to say a Payday bar. They're delicious."
The conversation shifts to non romance:
"I haven't seen Kendra around. Did she go back home?"
"She did buddy. Do you want to hear a funny story about her?"
"Let's hear it."
"I told her I could eat a pound & a half of hamburger in one sitting. It's something I'm proud of. She didn't find it impressive one bit."
"Geez Rob," while shaking his head, "That's not something you brag to women about. She'll think you're a pig if you tell her things like that."
"I know that now buddy. She made a snide remark about the achievement."
"What did she say?"
"She said it was a hearty meal; not in a complimentary way."
"When is she coming back?"
"In a month is what she told me."
"Next time she comes to town take her to a fancy restaurant. Give Jack-N-Box a rest. Show her how classy of a guy you really are."
"I already tried buddy. She's not interested. I'm starting to think I turned her off. It's not the first time it's happened."
"You got to realize something about things Rob?"
"What's that Lenny?"
"Most women will not be attracted to a guy who frequents every fast food joint in town & then boasts about it. You got to keep that kind of stuff on the down low; you'll never get a date again if you don't."
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