The village idiot of Las Vegas has another conversation with a high end call girl..

"Listen moron! I've about had it up to here with you! Your such a broke ass loser! Fuck your Guerrilla Marketing ideas. I don't work with losers! Now, for the last time! Lose my number!" For those of you familiar with my blog, Foxy Roxy is a part-time girlfriend of mine in Las Vegas. You know what? Calling her a part-time girlfriend is way over! Let's just say she's a friend, who will give benefits when you pay her..I've known Roxy for a little while, and I've been in her ear about some legitimate business ideas. Even though she doesn't act receptive to my ideas, I know that deep down she is. "Roxy, I'm sorry about being such an asshole the last time we talked. I just get tired of you putting me down all the time. A guy has to stick up for himself, because know one else will!" Last time Roxy and I chatted, I called her a burn-out and told her the life she lives had jaded her. Looking back, I should have kept my big mouth shut!

"Jethro, are all guys from Kansas like you? You need to go back to Kansas! Find you a job cow tipping or shucking corn, or whatever the hell it is you do in Kansas! You talk a big game, but your broke loser ass can't get anything done! You want to know something funny? Carmen says that you and I are soul mates in some kind of fucked up way. I told her she was crazy..I look at this way, you fuck a guy a few times because you feel sorry for him! And your the kind of headache I get for doing it! Your just not worth the effort! So please! I'm asking you kindly! Lose my number!" The only thing I really heard in her rant was that Carmen, who happens to be another high end call girl, told Roxy that the two of us were soul mates in some kind of fucked-up way. I agree with that train of thought. Now, the hard part?  I was going to have to convince Roxy to give me another chance or at the least, keep Roxy from totally shutting me out...

"Roxy how long have you been in the life?" Roxy had already told me that she has been in the good time business for 10+ years, but I wanted to hear it from her lips again.."Jethro, why do you give a shit? Why can't you just go away like the rest of the guys I'm with? Didn't your mother ever tell you that it was dangerous to fall in love with a whore?" Actually, my mother told me that exact statement on a number of occasions, but who listens to their mother? "Listen Jethro, your driving me up the fucking wall with some of your ideas, that's all you really care about! I know that your broke and can't afford a girl like me, and I get that your ambitious. I just can't believe as nasty as I am to you. You always come back for more. That's why Carmen thinks were soul mates. Most guys, or I should say most guys besides you, would be long gone by now." It's a competitive world in the high end call girl game. The girls in Las Vegas don't have a lot of time for sympathy, and I get that! Believe me I do! But still, if your a dumb shit Kansas boy? It's not that you want to take Roxy back to Kansas and introduce her to your family. That's not the relationship your looking for in a girl like her..Plain and simple..The reason I'm attracted to her? She's dangerous! "Roxy, I want to see you again. When can that happen?" Talking on the phone gets old. I wanted to see her in person.."Jethro, call me in a week or so. I'll be back in town then. I have to tell you something before I hang-up on you. I still agree with your Uncle Ned about you not having what it takes to be successful. Guys like you just don't have it..I hope you don't take that the wrong way."

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I chatted with my ex wife in Kansas the other day. It had been a while since we last chatted and I was curious to what she was doing or planning. A few months ago the two of us were making arrangements to get her back to Las Vegas, and then the communication broke down..I told her this.."Look, are you still on board with some of my ideas?" She said yes.."Than I need you to do something! I don't care if it is good or bad! Just do something that lets me know you are serious!" She said she would. I guess will see..

The village idiot of Las Vegas talks about his friend from Brooklyn..

"Rocco, what the hell is going on? It won't be long before Mad Max happens." The thing I like most about my current employment status? The variety of  people who work there. Anyone who has ever worked in a boiler room can attest to my statement. My friend Rocco is originally from Brooklyn, and it's written all over him! "Hey Rob, I watched a couple of movies the other day that remind me of this place..The Hills Have Eyes and New Jack City." I immediately busted out laughing. Rocco and I have a game we play. The rules are fairly simple! We take our current employment and we fine something in the outside world to compare it with..So when he said 'The Hills Have Eyes' and 'New Jack City', which I've seen both, it was easy for me to make the correlation. I tried to explain the game to my Uncle Ned in Kansas, but he wasn't getting it..I guess it's just one of those things you have to live to appreciate?

"Jesus, I can't get any surveys today. What's the gig Rob?" My friend Rocco is an interesting guy any which way you slice it. The accent! The look! The attitude! He reminds me a lot of the Vin Diesel character in -Knock Around Guys. "Rocco, I know why your not getting any surveys. Your not projecting your Brooklyn charm enough on the phone." Guys from Brooklyn are not into mincing their words, and Rocco is no exception.."If I really wanted to show them my Brooklyn charm? I would show up at their house with a baseball bat and a gun tucked into my waist band. That's how a lot of stuff gets done in Brooklyn!" Rocco spends more than his fair amount of time in the gym. I'm guessing he could body slam a guy like me without breaking a sweat, and I'm a big guy! "Rocco, what part of Brooklyn are you from?" Brooklyn is a very diverse community, to say the least! "I'm from Bensonhurst originally, I haven't been back in a long time, but I still carry it with me where ever I go."

"Hey Rob, you like to hear funny stories. I got one that your going to like." Rocco was right. I love to hear funny stories and this guy from Brooklyn had a bunch of them.."My dad used to train with Lou Ferrigno at a gym in Brooklyn." Most people recognize Lou Ferrigno's name from his days as the Incredible Hulk.."Lou's major competition back in those days was Arnold." Ferrigno and Schwarzenegger were the two major names in bodybuilding during the 70's.."Ferrigno's dad would always stand behind the curtains during the group pose of the competition and say..Beat that Nazi! Beat that Nazi! Now, if it wasn't for Arnold? Lou would have won a bunch of Mr. Universe titles, but Arnold was always a little better. Well, it was the Brooklyn Invitational and Arnold had won again. Afterwards, he sees the elder Ferrigno back stage and they start arguing about his antics. Arnold got pissed and he picked him up and stuffed him in a trash can. After that happened? Ferrigno Sr. never chanted..Beat that Nazi again." What a funny story:)

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."This is for my web developer friend in Denver..I talked with an Asian friend of mine the other day. We rehashed an organic growth strategy and how it could be applied to an Asian community. My friends English and Mandarin are both perfect. He likes what I'm saying a lot and has agreed to help. The thing he wants to see? Action!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas talks about his favorite casino mogul..

"Hey Steve, how come you don't have my villa ready? What the hell is going on at this Roach Coach? I called my concierge last night and she assured me that my villa would be ready! You know what? The hell with this place! I'm going over to the Bellagio." At the time, I was standing at the high roller check-in at the Wynn Resort in Las Vegas. I was voicing my displeasure to the head honcho of the Wynn. The one and only Steve Wynn. "Mr. Astle I apologize immensely for your inconvenience. If you could just give us a few minutes? We're going to kick Brad and Angelina out of their villa and give it to you. Again Mr. Astle, it will only be a few minutes." Being the whale that I am? Expecting immediate and superior service at any resort in Las Vegas I choose to frequent is common place. "OK, since it's Brad and Angelina that you have to give the boot to, I'll wait, but hurry up, the clock is ticking." Steve Wynn is not a guy who is used to taking orders, but when someone is sporting the bank roll that I am? He makes the exception.."Yes sir Mr. Astle. 10 minutes it is. One last thing Mr. Astle, would you like me to arrange some company for you?" The Wynn is a full service resort. If you know what I mean? "Steve, why do you ask such a stupid question? This time make sure they're Brazilian!" And then the alarm clock went off and woke me from my dream:(

The Steve Wynn story is one of legends. A good number of people believe Mr. Wynn is the most significant player in not just Las Vegas, but the entire gaming industry. His list of accomplishments in the gaming world are beyond reproach..Now, Mr. Wynn and I are on different universes when it comes to our socio-economic scales. None the less, both of us made a mistake four years ago and are eager to see it get corrected! What was that mistake? We voted for President Obama..Now, know one really cares about what my opinion is, but Mr. Wynn? That's a different story. I read an article a couple of weeks ago in The Las Vegas Sun. The article quoted him as saying this.."I've talked with my friends who own the parcel of land across from my resort." A group of Israeli bankers bought the spot back in the boom. Now it's worth a fraction of what they paid for it. Mr. Wynn went on to say.."I've got the money, the knowledge and the ability to turn that spot into something special and my friends who own the parcel are willing to help. The problem is this administrations economic policies are not anywhere friendly enough for me to take that risk. If I could do with confidence? What I'm envisioning? Easily, 10,000 jobs would be created. I've decided against it because of the uncertainty the current administration projects on the overall economy." Point blank, Mr. Wynn was stating that he wanted to build an arena or a convention center across from his hotel but was far to skeptical to take such a chance.

I was chatting with a certain left-winger friend of mine the other day. As usual, the discussion turned to politics and what was best for the country. I told him about what Steve Wynn had said and how I agreed with him. He told me this.."Who cares what Steve Wynn thinks! He's nothing but a rich plutocrat who doesn't give a damn about the ordinary man. I'm getting sick and tired of hearing him whine about how bad he's got it. Jesus, the guy is a billionaire a couple times over. Why is he complaining?" My friend was right on one thing, Mr. Wynn is a billionaire a couple times over..Since I'm the unofficial president of the Steve Wynn fan club, I felt it my duty to defend him on his stance.."Look, when was the last time a poor guy gave you a job?" My friend just shrugged his shoulders.."The answer to that? Never! This is what I don't understand when people start bitching about Wynn or others like him, he's a job creator! The country needs jobs! I got news for you! If Obama gets re-elected, Wynn and others like him will just keep sitting on the sidelines or take their money abroad. The economy will only get worse!"

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Nowadays, you hear everyone talk about the widening gap between the rich and the poor, the haves and have nots. Now, I'm definitely a have not, but that doesn't bother me one bit! It's like this, the only problem I have with the 1%? I'm not one of them!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets told off by a high end call girl..

"Roxy, I am going to replace you with a newer, slicker version. And to top it all off. She has the same name as you. I am going to call her Foxy Roxy 2." My friend Roxy is a high end call girl in Las Vegas. Every once in a blue moon she will be my girlfriend. The other day I met a younger version of her, and it just so happens the younger version shares the first name as the latter.

"Jethro, you are telling me you met some twenty two year old cutie with the same first name as me and you honestly think she is going to be interested in a broke ass loser like you? Reality check! Not going to happen!" I was just yanking her chain a little, she doesn't have to be so nasty about things, "Jethro, why are you calling me?" she then adds, "And why do I answer the phone when you do?" Roxy is an addiction for me. Any guy with half a brain would have moved on a long time ago. I can't seem to do that - "Roxy, you know I was only teasing you. No reason to get worked up about things," I tell her with a chuckle. "Jethro," she says in an agitated tone, "You are such a fucking moron. You think I would get jealous of your dumb ass? Grow-up asshole!" I should have left things at that...but me and my big mouth.

"Roxy, you know what makes this girl different from you? Mileage! She has about ten years less than you do. This girl is sweet as can be, not jaded like you." I should have heeded my original thought and kept my big mouth shut - "Listen! You fucking prick!" she yells emphatically, "I can out drink! Out fight! And out fuck! Any of these young bitches in Las Vegas! I wouldn't even let this bitch you are describing carry my purse! You think you're so cool because you can write? Hey, what's it gotten you? Nothing! You know what your problem is Jethro? Besides being a fucking loser! You don't have it! Your Uncle Ned was right about what he said about you. This time I am for real! Forget about you and me! And lose my fucking number!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas runs into his favorite Mark Wahlberg fan..

I still remember when Mark Wahlberg was part of the Funky Bunch. Does that make me old? Anyways, I watched one of my favorite movies the other day..'Invincible'..By now, most everyone is familiar with the story of Vince Papele, the character Wahlberg portrays in the film. Their is a certain scene that really strikes close to home with me..Papele is sitting at the kitchen table with his father, he tells his pops that he's broke and is going to have trouble making the rent. Throw in the fact that his wife had left him and he just lost his job. Things looked pretty bleak. Although, he did have one thing going for him. The Philadelphia Eagles invited him to try out for the team. Most everyone believed he had no shot at making it. Hell, he didn't even think he had a chance..But his dad said something that really stuck out when he told him about his opportunity.."Son, don't get your hopes up to high. A man can only take so much failure." For those of you who haven't seen the movie? I don't want to give much away. I would say this. If your looking for a good story with a lot of heart and desire behind it? 'Invincible' is your movie!

When I worked at 7-11, this girl used to come in and tell me that she was the biggest Mark Wahlberg fan in Las Vegas. It's a good thing she looked like a Victoria Secrets' model or I would have been taken a back by her statement. Anyways, I saw her the other day at this new burger joint in town. I wasn't sure if she was going to recognize me, but to my surprise? She did.."Mr. 7-11 where have you been?" I used to tell people when I worked their to call me that. It was a lot easier to remember than Rob. In a way, I miss being called that..Anyways, this girl is model material, and she knows it! "I'm doing fine. How are you! Oh by the way, I was thinking about you the other day when I was watching our favorite actor in one of his movies." Whenever she came into 7-11, we would always tease each other about who was the bigger Mark Wahlberg fan. "Which movie did you watch?" I've developed a certain trick in getting women like her to talk with me. You want to know what it is? Find something they like, and only talk to them about that. If our conversation moved very far from Mark Wahlberg? It would be lost. I then told her this.."The one and only Invincible." She smiled and said.."You watched that on FX didn't you?" She was right..My response? "How did you know that?" She looks at me, smiles (I thought I was going to melt when she smiled) and says.."Because I recorded it the other day and am going to watch it tonight when I get off work."

When I worked at 7-11, I must have asked this girl out 10 times, and she always said no..She's way, way, way, out of my league, but still you never know if you don't ask! Even multiple times! "Hey, I've always thought that you and I had a vibe between us. Think about it for a moment. I'm an old school Mark Wahlberg fan, and your new school." I refer to her as a new school fan because she's only 22. "I've been a fan of his for almost as long as you've been alive. We should get a drink and I can bring you up to speed on all his career moves." She looks at me with these piercing blue eyes and says.."Mr. 7-11, you are so funny and charming. I've already told you that your way to old for me. Last time you asked me out and I said no. I offered to introduce you to my mother. She's single." We then shared a laugh and she told me that she had to leave..Now I had to ask her a question before she left, and I had to do it without looking like a moron. I wasn't sure what her first name was.."Before you go, what's your first name? I just know you as the girl who looks like a Victoria Secrets' model and loves Mark Wahlberg." My charm overload must have been on overdrive, because she then walks up to me and gives me a kiss on the lips. Not a big kiss, it was a thanks for the compliment kiss.."Mr. 7-11 my name is Roxanne, and I'm late for an appointment." She then said adios and left..For those of you familiar with my blog? I've already got a friend named Roxy..aka Foxy Roxy..Oh well, as far as I can tell, their isn't any law that says you can't know two girls named Roxy..Foxy Roxy 2..

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."A few weeks ago, a potential investor in some of my ideas was in town. We talked extensively about what a good Guerrilla Marketer would like. Without question! A girl like Roxy 2 would be primo for the job. In all reality, a girl like her would be far to expensive. Let me retract some on that statement..A girl like her would be far to expensive..Unless, I could work some of the Astle charm on her. You know? Show her an idea and plan that makes sense!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas finds a good time girl for his friend.

"I've been reading your blog, and I want you to tell me how you know for sure a girl is a professional in Las Vegas. I think you are being far too liberal in how many women are in the pay for pleasure business in this town. You make it sound like every other women here is in the business." An old friend of mine from Kansas was in town this week for a convention. I literally hadn't seen him in twenty years. So when he called and told me he was in town and wanted to meet for a drink, I was happy to oblige. 

It was Friday night on the strip and the two of us are sitting at a bar. This was the first time he had been to Las Vegas in fifteen years. "This town has changed immensely," he comments. He then looks around and says, "I want to get a girl. Do you think you can find one for me? How much will it cost?" If you can't find a girl in Las Vegas you are either blind or stupid, no in between. Anyways, I ask my friend how much does he want to pay? He then reaches into his pocket, pulls out a wad of bills and says, "Do you think this will cover it?" I was guessing it was three or four grand he was flashing...Basically, he had enough - "Go find one for me and bring her to my room," he requests with a smile. I told him to find his own, he was the one with the money. Anyways, he says this to me, "Come on! You are Mr. Vegas. Do an old buddy a favor and round one up for me. What are friends for?" I agree to his request. He gives a brief description of what he is desiring and then adds, "I will be waiting in my room. When you find her, bring her up there. I appreciate this buddy."

I have to let everyone in on a secret about how to spot a good time girl in Las Vegas. It's really quite simple. Find a girl or a small group of girls who are congregating in a bar or sitting at a slot machine by themselves. That is a tell-tell sign they might be professionals. Once you've spotted it, approach and strike up conversation. If they respond or seem friendly to your advances, that is another sign:

It only took five minutes of trolling before I ran into a usual suspect - "Sweetie," I tell her after buying her a second round, "I am going to cut to the chase with you. A friend of mine is in town and he is looking for company. This guy is carrying around a nice chunk of change and he's looking to spend some of it on a good time. You seem like a nice girl and I was wondering if you'd be interested." She was phenomenal! Black hair, brown eyes, a miniskirt hugging her full figure -"Honey, what is your friend looking for?" She says with a purr in her voice. "He is looking for the works, around the world, the whole enchilada.  Now he's a little on the shy side. So that's why I'm doing the negotiating for him."

She looks at me after my statement, smiles and says, "If he wants the works, that will cost him 2k." Two thousand seems steep for something that was probably going to last an hour at the most. Besides, you never take a working girls first offer! Remember! Everything is negotiable in the world's oldest profession! "2k seems awful steep. He can't swing that much. He is thinking a long the lines of $600." She then looks at me and says, "Look, I will cut the rate to $1500 for what you're telling me. If he doesn't like that. He can screw himself. Believe me. I'll be worth every dime!" I was still thinking $600, so I thanked her for her time and proceeded to leave. As I was leaving, I hear her yell, "Hold on! Look, I could probably bring my rate down to a $1000, but that is it," I then look at her and say, "How about we do this? We split the difference between the $600 and the $1000...Call it $800.00?" She nods and says, "OK, $800 will give him an hour. Where is he?"

We make our way up to his room, I knock on the door, he answers. He had a smile from ear to ear when he saw what I brought for him. I then said - "This is Alisha, she is a friend of mine, and she has agreed to give you an hour of her time for $800. Does that sound good to you?" He looks at me and nods. I then say, "OK dude, it was nice seeing you. I got to head out. Call me next time you come to town." I had to work in a few hours. Besides I had done my duty, "Hey Rob," he tells me as I shake his hand, "Thanks for everything I will catch you next time. Come on in Sugar," he then escorts the girl into his room and closes the door.

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day, "Las Vegas has an out of control prostitution problem. All the more reason to legalize and tax it. Let's face it, the worlds oldest profession is never going to go away! Why not legalize and derive the revenue from it. Lord knows, the country needs it! The revenue, that is."

A typical day at work for the village idiot of Las Vegas..Part 3..

"Eazy-E what the hell is going on?" How many people are familiar with the old school rap group N.W.A or its founder Eazy-E? They're old school, to me at least. Anyways, if they ever had an Eazy-E look-a-like contest in Las Vegas? I'd  recommend that my friend from work Marcus enter the competition. "Hey Eazy is it true that N.W.A is getting back together for a reunion tour?" In real life that would be impossible since Eazy-E died a long time ago, but nonetheless I figure Marcus could step in and fill the vacuum. All we would have to do is convince Dre, Ice Cube, MC Ren, and Yella to go along with the idea. Something tells me that's not going to happen:(

"What's up Vanilla Ice? Are you getting a lot of surveys?" Vanilla Ice is the nickname he's given me. At the time we were on break from taking political surveys at our job. This kid has Eazy-E down to a science. He was wearing sunglasses, an L.A. Kings baseball hat, a plaid shirt, and baggy pants. Shit, even his hair had Gerry curls. "Marcus how many people have told you that you look like Eazy-E? Damn boy, your a spitting image of him." I know I'm not the only guy who has noticed the resemblance. I've heard a couple other people at work call him Eazy-E as well. I then added this to my question. "Where you from fool? Compton?" For those of you familiar with N.W.A? That line was a staple in a lot of their raps..

"No, I'm not from Compton. I grew up in the Valley, but my mother is from Compton, and no she never knocked boots with Eazy-E." Eazy-E is from Compton, his mother is from Compton. I was starting to see a correlation.."Are you sure that Eazy and your mother never crossed paths? Hell you even sound like him." This kid is really good natured, so I decided to tease him a little more. A lot of people would get upset if you accused them of not knowing who their daddy was. It was obvious that Marcus relished the fact that he was a spitting image of Eazy-E. You could tell by the way he dressed, talked, and acted.."Bust a rhyme for me Eazy!" He had the appearance down to a tee. Now it was time to call him out on his rap skills.

Marcus then went into his rendition of 'Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn'..I'll be the first to admit that he wasn't half bad. He wasn't as good as the original,  but still it was kind of like standing next to a ghost of him.."Alright Eazy, I'll catch you around." Break was over and it was time to head back to the political survey world. Thanks to Marcus, I had 'Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn' stuck in my head for the rest of my shift:)

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I chatted with a potential investor a few weeks ago about Guerrilla Marketing. I promised him that recruiting people wouldn't be a problem. Think about this for a moment..The place I work at is loaded with 20 somethings, and for the most part their job is going to be over after the elections. Putting it lightly, they are going to be looking for work..Enter Rob Astle and his Guerrilla Marketing ideas to fill the void?"