"If a dude and a dude want to get married, why would I care? To be honest with you, I would check no opinion on the survey box if I was asked that question. The only thing I care about is the where the economy is headed! Period!" At the time I was enjoying a spirited debate about some of the issues facing the country in the upcoming elections. My friend from Denver (originally from Madison, Kansas) is quite the politico, he was putting up a steadfast fight against some of my opinions. Sin City is a great place to blow off some steam, and my friend and his buddy were doing just that. "Furthermore, I might add that I'm not going to vote for either Obama or Romney! Neither one of them is going to do a thing to help Rob Astle! I'm a registered Libertarian, and I'll be voting for Gary Johnson." Johnsons' name is going to appear on the ballot in Nevada so I'm going to vote for him, if his name wasn't on the ballot? I would write it in. "Enough about politics, let me tell you about an idea I have, and you let me know what you think." I've known this gentlemen and his family for most of my life. His brother is one of my best friends.
"Now think about this for a minute Spencer. We all know that organic growth is all the rage nowadays. Everyone talks about it, but know one really knows how to do it. I'm here to tell you I've got the plan, and Las Vegas is the perfect place to launch it." No question about it, my friend is a very creative person, and he knows a thing or two about website development.."Let's here it genius, I'm listening..Get to the point." That's all I needed to here from his mouth.."The thing that is cheaper than anything in Las Vegas right now? People power. You can hire all sorts of people to help you promote a cause. That's if you can make the cause cool and sexy. My research tells me that we can can get lots of people on the cheap! Way cheaper than any other place I can think of. Basically, lots of people in this town are up for an idea. Well, we could hire a number of people on piece meal wages to help promote a product or service. Are you familiar with the term Guerrilla Marketing?" My friend nodded and said he was a little.
"OK, let me give you an example of how we could use Guerrilla Marketing to bring attention to a product or service. This weekend BMX is holding a big festival in Las Vegas. It's a two day event, and the anticipated turn out is 15,000. Booth space is going for $600. If someone sets up a booth and hires a couple of people to promote. The object is to get face to face with as many people as possible and let them know what your product or service is. To make it really appealing! We would give away an I-pod or something like that in a grand prize drawing. Think about it for a moment? If we pull a couple thousand emails out of an event like this. A certain percentage will convert to users! The key is making the experience as memorable as possible for the people we encounter! That's why I would suggest hiring attractive people. Good looking girls and guys are a dime a dozen in Las Vegas, and I know a bunch of them." I could talk forever about why I think organic growth and Guerrilla Marketing is the correct way to get things started nowadays, but then I become overbearing to people, and that's something you want to avoid. Besides, both my friend and his buddy were nodding in agreement with my statement.
My buddy than asked me this.."How much is it going to cost to get a user of the service using the method your describing?" That's a legitimate question that I've researched thouroughly. My reply. "The key is being consistent in your marketing. Based on the prices I've seen for a number of the festivals in Las Vegas. I would recommend budgeting $1500 for every event. That number would include entry, marketing slicks, and labor. If were going to give away a prize for entry, add another $250-$500 to the total. Break it down a little more. Let's say we get 1500 emails out of an event, that works out to a dollar an email..That's a very attractive rate for an organic approach to getting emails. Break it down even more. If 10% of them create accounts? That's 150. Break it down one last time. If that 150 spend an average of $50 a year on goods and services..That's 15k. The key in achieving a number like this is two-fold..A kick ass E-commerce site and guaranteeing that a potential user has a memorable initial experience when we introduce them to the site..Basically, the site and the experience need to be sexy, cool, and marketed at street level consistently! That's how stuff gets started nowadays!"
I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having call it the village idiot of the day.."It was nice seeing my friend and his buddy. Both of them are very intelligent and creative people. One thing stuck out when I was talking to them, as I was leaving I asked them this question.."Both of you guys agree that the times are a changing and some of the ideas were talking about make a lot of sense." They both looked at me and said "Yes!" emphatically. I'm going to take that as a sign that I've found some people who are sharing the same beliefs as me..That's a good thing!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
The village idiot of Las Vegas talks about a drunk lady at work..
How many people are familiar with the term boiler room? For those of you who are not? A boiler room is a big room filled with as many people as possible, calling other people..IE..telemarketing..Anyways, the last few months I've been working in one..I'll admit something, the first few weeks going to work made my stomach turn. Nowadays, I don't mind it so much. Anyways, my job is to get as many political surveys as possible..So the next time some one calls you and wants your opinion on the upcoming elections, have a heart and take a brief survey. It could be me on the other line:)
I've got a funny story to tell, at least I think its funny and that's the only thing that matters:) The other day I ended up sitting next to a lady who was extremely drunk. It was quite amusing listening to her talk on the phone.."Hello sir, my name is Audrey and I would like to perform a survey on you. What's that? You don't want to have a survey performed on you. Why not? Fuck you then! This fucking job sucks!" She then looks at me and slurs the words.."Why are people so fucking mean? What's your name?" I could smell the gin on her breath from a mile away. I didn't want to give her my real name, so I told her it was Charlie Tweeter (Charlie Tweeter is my alias, I lifted it from Scott Caan's character in Varsity Blues)..She then asked if she could borrow 5 dollars. I asked what for? "My buzz is starting to fade on me, and I want to run across the street to the liquor store and slug a 40 at break." I decided against loaning her the money, I don't want to be known as an enabler.
At first it was funny listening to my drunken cohort. Experiences like this make a very mundane job sort of interesting, but now she was becoming very annoying. After a few hours of listening to her moan and groan about how she needed another beer things went silent in her cubicle. I peeked over to see what was going on, and lo and behold she was passed out cold in her chair. The floor supervisor came by a few minutes later and tapped her on the shoulder.."It's time for you to go home Shirley. Come back when your sober up." I watched her fumble out of her chair and then stumble out of the place. As she was leaving she looked back at me and said.."It was nice meeting you Charlie. We should get a drink one of these days." My reply? "I don't think so, but have a nice day."
I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."It was both funny and sad watching this lady at work..The funny part? She was drunk as a skunk at work and know one gave a shit..The sad part? She was drunk as a skunk at work and know one gave a shit."
I've got a funny story to tell, at least I think its funny and that's the only thing that matters:) The other day I ended up sitting next to a lady who was extremely drunk. It was quite amusing listening to her talk on the phone.."Hello sir, my name is Audrey and I would like to perform a survey on you. What's that? You don't want to have a survey performed on you. Why not? Fuck you then! This fucking job sucks!" She then looks at me and slurs the words.."Why are people so fucking mean? What's your name?" I could smell the gin on her breath from a mile away. I didn't want to give her my real name, so I told her it was Charlie Tweeter (Charlie Tweeter is my alias, I lifted it from Scott Caan's character in Varsity Blues)..She then asked if she could borrow 5 dollars. I asked what for? "My buzz is starting to fade on me, and I want to run across the street to the liquor store and slug a 40 at break." I decided against loaning her the money, I don't want to be known as an enabler.
At first it was funny listening to my drunken cohort. Experiences like this make a very mundane job sort of interesting, but now she was becoming very annoying. After a few hours of listening to her moan and groan about how she needed another beer things went silent in her cubicle. I peeked over to see what was going on, and lo and behold she was passed out cold in her chair. The floor supervisor came by a few minutes later and tapped her on the shoulder.."It's time for you to go home Shirley. Come back when your sober up." I watched her fumble out of her chair and then stumble out of the place. As she was leaving she looked back at me and said.."It was nice meeting you Charlie. We should get a drink one of these days." My reply? "I don't think so, but have a nice day."
I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."It was both funny and sad watching this lady at work..The funny part? She was drunk as a skunk at work and know one gave a shit..The sad part? She was drunk as a skunk at work and know one gave a shit."
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
The village idiot of Las Vegas talks about North Las Vegas..
I'm not sure how the exact line goes..It's something like this..When Simba (Lion King) is looking out over the valley with his father, and his father tells him that all of this is his..Simba then asks his father about the dark area among all the lights, his father tells him that is the bone yard, and to never go there..(Again, I'm not sure exactly how the line go's, but everyone should be able to catch my drift)..Anyways, that's how I feel about North Las Vegas. The reason I feel this way? The municipal government of NLV is broke! And not just a little broke! We're talking 100's of millions in the hole, with no foreseeable way to remedy the situation. In today's world, most would think that NLV would file bankruptcy and get it over with. (A number of towns and cities have filed bankruptcy throughout the country, and NLV would be just another likely candidate)..One problem, the state Constitution of Nevada forbids any township in its borders from doing such. So how does NLV alleviate its budget woes? As far as I can tell they have two options..Merge all the government services with other townships or eliminate them.
At first glance, merging NLV government services with other townships doesn't seem to be a very popular idea..(Most, if not all of the other townships are fighting budget constraints of their own)..Unless I'm missing something? The only plausible thing NLV can do? Eliminate its local layer of government. That basically means no government services..(Police, fire, health, etc)..I'll be the first to admit it! I'm not a big fan of government to begin with, so eliminating or curtailing a local layer of government is fine with me. On the flip side, cutting off government services to a town of 250,000 is a lot easier said than done. Who is going to police NLV? Who is going to provide emergency services? The list of 'what ifs' is very long! Possible solutions? The State of Nevada assumes governance of NLV, and they bring in the National Guard to keep law and order, or privatize a number of the government services and get them off the back of the taxpayer. One thing is for certain, if your a small town white boy from Kansas? Stay out of North Las Vegas!
I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I've been thinking about a solution to the housing crisis in Las Vegas..Vegas has an exorbitant amount of supply with a tepid demand..No problem! I've figured a way to shorten up the supply and raise the demand..The federal government could practice long range missile testing or drone strikes on a number of the empty houses and buildings in Las Vegas. They would then pay a fee to the city, which it would use to convert the empty spaces into parks or green areas..Think about it for a moment..In theory you would be eliminating competition and prices would then rise..Road to recovery..Besides, whose going to miss a few thousand empty buildings or houses? I know I won't."
One last thing: A law on the books in Nevada states that in cases of natural disaster, the state can assume control of any municipality it deems fit..It makes sense in a way, but the one thing that makes that law interesting? It list civil unrest as a natural disaster. If things don't change course in North Las Vegas? Who knows? Maybe that law could get invoked?
At first glance, merging NLV government services with other townships doesn't seem to be a very popular idea..(Most, if not all of the other townships are fighting budget constraints of their own)..Unless I'm missing something? The only plausible thing NLV can do? Eliminate its local layer of government. That basically means no government services..(Police, fire, health, etc)..I'll be the first to admit it! I'm not a big fan of government to begin with, so eliminating or curtailing a local layer of government is fine with me. On the flip side, cutting off government services to a town of 250,000 is a lot easier said than done. Who is going to police NLV? Who is going to provide emergency services? The list of 'what ifs' is very long! Possible solutions? The State of Nevada assumes governance of NLV, and they bring in the National Guard to keep law and order, or privatize a number of the government services and get them off the back of the taxpayer. One thing is for certain, if your a small town white boy from Kansas? Stay out of North Las Vegas!
I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I've been thinking about a solution to the housing crisis in Las Vegas..Vegas has an exorbitant amount of supply with a tepid demand..No problem! I've figured a way to shorten up the supply and raise the demand..The federal government could practice long range missile testing or drone strikes on a number of the empty houses and buildings in Las Vegas. They would then pay a fee to the city, which it would use to convert the empty spaces into parks or green areas..Think about it for a moment..In theory you would be eliminating competition and prices would then rise..Road to recovery..Besides, whose going to miss a few thousand empty buildings or houses? I know I won't."
One last thing: A law on the books in Nevada states that in cases of natural disaster, the state can assume control of any municipality it deems fit..It makes sense in a way, but the one thing that makes that law interesting? It list civil unrest as a natural disaster. If things don't change course in North Las Vegas? Who knows? Maybe that law could get invoked?
Monday, September 17, 2012
The village idiot of Las Vegas breaks up with his part time girlfriend..
The other day my friend Roxy called. She wanted to meet for a drink. For those of you unfamiliar with my blog? The Roxy story goes as such..(High end call girl, staunch Republican)..The last time we chatted she left me with the impression that my ilk had grown tiresome. I'll admit it, when I picked up my phone and saw her number flashing on the caller ID? I was quite surprised..Anyways, I answered on the second ring.."How many times do I have to tell you fucking Obama supporters? I'm voting for the Libertarian candidate." Nevada is a swing state in this years election! That fact alone has brought the political telemarketers out in droves..Of course I knew it was Roxy, but I had to mess with her none the less.
"Jethro, no wonder you failed as a comedian. Get some new material! Lets meet at The Lodge in an hour. I feel like having a drink, and since I don't have any clients lined out for the night. You get to be the lucky guy." Having a drink with a beautiful women is something I enjoy..Let me rephrase that..Having a drink with a beautiful women is something I enjoy if it's free! The company not the drink! So, when a high end call girl wants to meet you for a drink and your penniless. The first thing you should do? Ask what the catch is! "Roxy, I'm still broke as a joke! If your looking to fill a blank on your schedule with a paying customer. You called the wrong sonuvabitch. Why are you calling me anyways? I thought you had grown tired of my politics. I'm still a Libertarian! I'm going to pass on the drink." I've been told by my cousin Sally in Kansas that I'm a complete chauvinist for insinuating that all women in Las Vegas care about is money.
"Jethro, what if I told you I would be your girlfriend for a night..No charge! Would that change your mind about having a drink with me?" Roxy and the words 'no charge' are as far removed from each other as heaven and hell. I didn't believe her one iota. Don't get me wrong! I can't think of anything more I would like to do than spend a night in the sack with Roxy. I'm not going to be vulgar about things, but lets put it this way. If your a single, heterosexual, red-blooded, corn fed? Use whatever positive adjective or phrase you can think of..A night with Roxy is pure bliss, but still! Don't kid yourself! Lots of strings attaced to a liason like Roxy. No matter what she says! "Roxy, I'm going to pass on your offer. I've been thinking about our relationship, and the truth is? We don't share any of the same ideologies. I don't think our relationship, if that's what you want to call it? How do I say this? Well, no future in it."
Roxy is not the kind of girl who gets dumped..Ever..Judging by her response to my statement, she had to re validate that point.."Jethro, are you a fucking moron? I wasn't going to charge you for my company. It was going to be a freebie. Did you ever stop to think that I might be attracted to you. I can have any guy I want! And your telling me that your loser ass is turning me down! The hell with you and your Libertarian views. Go to hell you asshole, you hurt my feelings! You prick!" After Roxy slammed the phone on me, I started thinking about a few things. Did her and I have a future? My uncle Ned told me that he couldn't believe that I was attracted to a girl who made a living on her back.. I never really cared about that aspect of things.. It's just business..The truth of the matter? We don't share enough in common to make it worthwhile, for either of us!
I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."In a way, I would like to believe the hooker with a heart of gold myth..Can't do it anymore. It becomes much harder to believe, the older you get. Or, maybe I should reevaluate what I'm looking for in a women. The truth of the matter is I don't know what to think nowadays."
"Jethro, no wonder you failed as a comedian. Get some new material! Lets meet at The Lodge in an hour. I feel like having a drink, and since I don't have any clients lined out for the night. You get to be the lucky guy." Having a drink with a beautiful women is something I enjoy..Let me rephrase that..Having a drink with a beautiful women is something I enjoy if it's free! The company not the drink! So, when a high end call girl wants to meet you for a drink and your penniless. The first thing you should do? Ask what the catch is! "Roxy, I'm still broke as a joke! If your looking to fill a blank on your schedule with a paying customer. You called the wrong sonuvabitch. Why are you calling me anyways? I thought you had grown tired of my politics. I'm still a Libertarian! I'm going to pass on the drink." I've been told by my cousin Sally in Kansas that I'm a complete chauvinist for insinuating that all women in Las Vegas care about is money.
"Jethro, what if I told you I would be your girlfriend for a night..No charge! Would that change your mind about having a drink with me?" Roxy and the words 'no charge' are as far removed from each other as heaven and hell. I didn't believe her one iota. Don't get me wrong! I can't think of anything more I would like to do than spend a night in the sack with Roxy. I'm not going to be vulgar about things, but lets put it this way. If your a single, heterosexual, red-blooded, corn fed? Use whatever positive adjective or phrase you can think of..A night with Roxy is pure bliss, but still! Don't kid yourself! Lots of strings attaced to a liason like Roxy. No matter what she says! "Roxy, I'm going to pass on your offer. I've been thinking about our relationship, and the truth is? We don't share any of the same ideologies. I don't think our relationship, if that's what you want to call it? How do I say this? Well, no future in it."
Roxy is not the kind of girl who gets dumped..Ever..Judging by her response to my statement, she had to re validate that point.."Jethro, are you a fucking moron? I wasn't going to charge you for my company. It was going to be a freebie. Did you ever stop to think that I might be attracted to you. I can have any guy I want! And your telling me that your loser ass is turning me down! The hell with you and your Libertarian views. Go to hell you asshole, you hurt my feelings! You prick!" After Roxy slammed the phone on me, I started thinking about a few things. Did her and I have a future? My uncle Ned told me that he couldn't believe that I was attracted to a girl who made a living on her back.. I never really cared about that aspect of things.. It's just business..The truth of the matter? We don't share enough in common to make it worthwhile, for either of us!
I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."In a way, I would like to believe the hooker with a heart of gold myth..Can't do it anymore. It becomes much harder to believe, the older you get. Or, maybe I should reevaluate what I'm looking for in a women. The truth of the matter is I don't know what to think nowadays."
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
The village idiot of Las Vegas and his Elvis encounter..
This is an only in Las Vegas story - The other day I was driving down the road when I notice a pink Cadillac directly in front of me. I'm not for certain what year it was, but it was nice. It looked as if it had been restored to mint condition. I decide to pull past it for a better look. As I am parallel I take heed of the driver. It was an Elvis impersonator driving.
He is talking on his cell, which is illegal in Nevada while driving, unless it is hands free. Anyways, I had to pay my respect, so I roll down my window, honk my horn and yell "TCB...Elvis!" TCB is an acronym for 'Taking Care of Business.' Elvis is the person whom I credit for making it a constant part of my jargon. My honk and shout out startled him. He drops his phone and slams on his brakes. Obviously he was paying more attention to his phone call than the road. As I drive pass, I look in my rear view mirror and notice he is giving me the finger. At the time, I didn't think much of the gesture. Think about things for a moment. How many people can honestly say they've been flipped off by an Elvis impersonator driving a pink Cadillac?
I thought my encounter with the king was over until he pulls up beside me at the next red light. He then looks out the window and says - "Man - no disrespect about the bird. You just scared the Jesus out of me son." This was the best Elvis impersonator I have ever seen. It was eerie how much he looked and sounded like the king, "This vintage Caddy I'm driving is on loan from the Elvis Presley museum, and if it so much gets a scratch on it...My ass is toast," he adds. I could never be disrespectful to the memory of Elvis, so I tell him this - "No problem E! You keep the legend alive and well...Take Care of Business!" I then throw my arm out the window, snap my fingers and begin to wiggle my index finger. He smiles and reciprocates the gesture.
He is talking on his cell, which is illegal in Nevada while driving, unless it is hands free. Anyways, I had to pay my respect, so I roll down my window, honk my horn and yell "TCB...Elvis!" TCB is an acronym for 'Taking Care of Business.' Elvis is the person whom I credit for making it a constant part of my jargon. My honk and shout out startled him. He drops his phone and slams on his brakes. Obviously he was paying more attention to his phone call than the road. As I drive pass, I look in my rear view mirror and notice he is giving me the finger. At the time, I didn't think much of the gesture. Think about things for a moment. How many people can honestly say they've been flipped off by an Elvis impersonator driving a pink Cadillac?
I thought my encounter with the king was over until he pulls up beside me at the next red light. He then looks out the window and says - "Man - no disrespect about the bird. You just scared the Jesus out of me son." This was the best Elvis impersonator I have ever seen. It was eerie how much he looked and sounded like the king, "This vintage Caddy I'm driving is on loan from the Elvis Presley museum, and if it so much gets a scratch on it...My ass is toast," he adds. I could never be disrespectful to the memory of Elvis, so I tell him this - "No problem E! You keep the legend alive and well...Take Care of Business!" I then throw my arm out the window, snap my fingers and begin to wiggle my index finger. He smiles and reciprocates the gesture.
Monday, September 10, 2012
The village idiot of Las Vegas talks politics with a high end call girl...Part 2
"Jethro - if I hear you say one more fucking thing about how a Libertarian should be elected president. I am going to punch you in the mouth!" You wouldn't think high end call girls would be very political...I am hear to tell you that notion is a farce.
"Jesus Jethro, if you're going to vote for a fucking idiot Libertarian, you might as well not vote! It would be a wasted vote! Why don't you vote Republican? Jethro, I don't understand you and your politics. Jesus, wake-up you fucking moron!" Roxy is at her best when she is lying on her back. Her politics I can definitely do without, but she listens to mine so it is only fair that I listen to hers, "Listen up Jethro!" she then adds, "Your Libertarian talk is getting old. It is a complete turn off for me!"
I can only take so much of her attitude before I am forced to defend myself, "I know that a Libertarian is not going to get elected President. I'm not that fucking dense!" I then add, "But you can count on one thing! The Libertarian movement is only going to get bigger and bigger. Abolish the Fed! Put the country on the gold standard! Enforce civil liberties and economic freedoms! These are the things that must be accomplished if the country is going to get back on track! Oh, one last thing your royal highness! The Libertarian movement tracked a 67% approval in the under twenty five age group in Nevada! Read the writing on the wall! That's where things are headed! Roxy are you still there?" She needs to check her manners! I listen to her politics and then when it's my turn for her to listen...she hangs up. Oh, the hell with her!
"Jesus Jethro, if you're going to vote for a fucking idiot Libertarian, you might as well not vote! It would be a wasted vote! Why don't you vote Republican? Jethro, I don't understand you and your politics. Jesus, wake-up you fucking moron!" Roxy is at her best when she is lying on her back. Her politics I can definitely do without, but she listens to mine so it is only fair that I listen to hers, "Listen up Jethro!" she then adds, "Your Libertarian talk is getting old. It is a complete turn off for me!"
I can only take so much of her attitude before I am forced to defend myself, "I know that a Libertarian is not going to get elected President. I'm not that fucking dense!" I then add, "But you can count on one thing! The Libertarian movement is only going to get bigger and bigger. Abolish the Fed! Put the country on the gold standard! Enforce civil liberties and economic freedoms! These are the things that must be accomplished if the country is going to get back on track! Oh, one last thing your royal highness! The Libertarian movement tracked a 67% approval in the under twenty five age group in Nevada! Read the writing on the wall! That's where things are headed! Roxy are you still there?" She needs to check her manners! I listen to her politics and then when it's my turn for her to listen...she hangs up. Oh, the hell with her!
Saturday, September 1, 2012
The village idiot of Las Vegas talks politics with a high end call girl.
"If you are not going to vote for a democrat, and you're not going to vote for republican, who else can you vote for? And don't give me this Libertarian bullshit again!" High end call girls tend to get paid no matter what the economic climate is. Guys like me...not so much! "Roxy - the most important challenges facing the country is job creation and entrepreneurship," I say fervently, "When these two critical components of the economy lag, the country suffers! That's why I'm going to vote Libertarian throughout the whole ballot. I know they won't win, but I feel their agenda is far better than any other parties!"
"Jethro," she say mockingly, "Why don't you run for office? I can see it right now. Mayor Jethro of Las Vegas," she sure is a condescending bitch, but nonetheless, she makes me laugh. "Roxy," I tell her after her smart ass comment, "If I ever get elected mayor, I am going to put you in charge of a slush fund. Your job will be to sleep with all my opponents and dig up all the dirt you can on them. You would be good at something like that," she starts laughing after the comment and says - "Sounds good to me," she then hangs up without even saying goodbye.
"Jethro," she say mockingly, "Why don't you run for office? I can see it right now. Mayor Jethro of Las Vegas," she sure is a condescending bitch, but nonetheless, she makes me laugh. "Roxy," I tell her after her smart ass comment, "If I ever get elected mayor, I am going to put you in charge of a slush fund. Your job will be to sleep with all my opponents and dig up all the dirt you can on them. You would be good at something like that," she starts laughing after the comment and says - "Sounds good to me," she then hangs up without even saying goodbye.
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