"How many women have you slept with in your life Jethro? Farm animals don't count!" Jayball is a living Las Vegas legend whose black book is rivaled by none. I, on the other hand, am a sorry excuse for the male species. But still I answered his question as true as I knew how, "Not that many," I tell him, "Maybe ten to fifteen. What about you Jayball. How many women have you slept with?"
He smiles and says, "Jethro, do you want to hear the total number or the number for this month?" modesty isn't one of his best traits, but since he was asking I told him to give me the monthly number first. He proceeds to take a moment to think and says. "If memory serves me right, I have had ten different women in the last month and a half...all of them have been knockouts! The overall number of women I have slept with in my lifetime - that's impossible to remember. I would estimate well over a thousand." Most men tend to exaggerate numbers when asked about their conquests. So I pressed him further - "Come on now, how in the world doe a guy sleep with over thousand women? I know you are a living legend and everything, but a thousand women plus. That seems unimaginable to me," as I have come to learn, Jayball has an answer for everything.
"Before I moved to Vegas twenty years ago. I spent all of my time on the east coast. Mainly Boston and New York. My best friend back east ran a high end escort service. I had a different chick every night for about two years and when I moved to Las Vegas nothing changed," if any of my other friends would have made such a bold statement about their libido I would immediately call them a liar, but Jayball is different. Watching him in action is reminiscent of witnessing a Picasso being painted - I ask one more question - "Did you ever worry you might get yourself into trouble sleeping with that many women? How does a guy juggle so many and not run into trouble?" Judging by the response to my query, it was obvious he had mastered the art - "Jethro, I have been in a number of tight spots because of my ways, but I seem to be able to talk my way out of them. A handful of money and jewelry always seems to do the trick."
Monday, February 11, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
The village idiot of Las Vegas rides the bus home...
An old friend of mine came to town last week. Old friends means lots of drinking. And since it's Las Vegas I'm talking about - multiply that statement by ten. It got to be past my bedtime so I politely excused myself from the party.
I stumble out of Planet Hollywood and over to the bus stop located on the south side of New York-New York. That's the Tropicana route which has a drop right by my apartment. As I'm sitting and waiting for the trip to begin I notice another guy stumble onto the bus. He was so inebriated he could hardly stand. He sits down in the seat in front of me. A mile or so into the trip home the bus comes to a hard stop. I was ready for it but the drunk sitting in front of me was not!
"Sorry about that pal - the car in front of me came to a quick stop and I had to hit the brakes hard." The bus driver was apologizing with a smile on his face after seeing the guy I am referencing fall out of his seat and onto the floor of the bus. The driver then asks the guy if he was OK. Turns out the guy was so fucked up he was incapable of getting up off the floor and back into his seat on his own. The bus driver puts the bus in park, walks back to the guy and helps him up. He then asks what stop he was exiting the bus from. The drunk bastard mumbles something to the driver and proceeds to pass out again. A couple stops go bye and the driver looks back at me and yells, "Dude, wake this guy up and tell him that we're at his stop." I nudge the guy and get no response. The driver then puts the bus in park again and walks back to the guy - "Watch this buddy!" He says to me with a smile, "This is my favorite thing to do when a guy passes out on my shift." He then grabs both of his arms, shakes him violently and yells. "Wake-up! The bus is at your stop!" I thought the drunk was going to have a coronary - that's how startled he appeared after being awoken.
The drunk exits the bus and then I tell the driver this - "Man, that was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I bet you see it all driving a bus in Las Vegas." He looks at me and says, "You have no idea brother. About a week ago I had to wake another guy up from his drunken stupor. I scared him so much he ended up shitting his pants. I don't mind that people get on the bus drunk. It's a lot smarter than driving, but come on, I'm not a fucking babysitter! At least stay sober enough to get off the bus at your stop."
I stumble out of Planet Hollywood and over to the bus stop located on the south side of New York-New York. That's the Tropicana route which has a drop right by my apartment. As I'm sitting and waiting for the trip to begin I notice another guy stumble onto the bus. He was so inebriated he could hardly stand. He sits down in the seat in front of me. A mile or so into the trip home the bus comes to a hard stop. I was ready for it but the drunk sitting in front of me was not!
"Sorry about that pal - the car in front of me came to a quick stop and I had to hit the brakes hard." The bus driver was apologizing with a smile on his face after seeing the guy I am referencing fall out of his seat and onto the floor of the bus. The driver then asks the guy if he was OK. Turns out the guy was so fucked up he was incapable of getting up off the floor and back into his seat on his own. The bus driver puts the bus in park, walks back to the guy and helps him up. He then asks what stop he was exiting the bus from. The drunk bastard mumbles something to the driver and proceeds to pass out again. A couple stops go bye and the driver looks back at me and yells, "Dude, wake this guy up and tell him that we're at his stop." I nudge the guy and get no response. The driver then puts the bus in park again and walks back to the guy - "Watch this buddy!" He says to me with a smile, "This is my favorite thing to do when a guy passes out on my shift." He then grabs both of his arms, shakes him violently and yells. "Wake-up! The bus is at your stop!" I thought the drunk was going to have a coronary - that's how startled he appeared after being awoken.
The drunk exits the bus and then I tell the driver this - "Man, that was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I bet you see it all driving a bus in Las Vegas." He looks at me and says, "You have no idea brother. About a week ago I had to wake another guy up from his drunken stupor. I scared him so much he ended up shitting his pants. I don't mind that people get on the bus drunk. It's a lot smarter than driving, but come on, I'm not a fucking babysitter! At least stay sober enough to get off the bus at your stop."
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
The village idiot of Las Vegas watches Jayball get two strippers phone numbers.
"Bartender, tell those two girls over there I want to buy them a drink," the bartender walks over, says something and points at Jayball. They both smile and wave. A few minutes pass and they walk over to him. "I've seen you before. What's your name?" The red head says to him. Modesty isn't one of Jayball's best qualities - "Oh come on, you know who I am Celeste. Remember the Rhino?" The Spearmint Rhino is the finest gentlemen's club in Las Vegas. Jayball has been a fixture there for years.
"Jayball! Jesus! I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. It has been a while. God, you are one of the best customers the Rhino has ever had," he smiles after her comment and says, "What have you been doing lately Celeste?" She licks her lips and says, "Still down at the Rhino. Doing some modeling on the side. Take a look at these," she pulls her phone out and begins to share a number of provocative pictures of herself with him. I tried to sneak a peek, but was denied. "Celeste, this is my friend Jethro. He's from Kansas. Don't show him those. He'll probably have a heart attack if he sees something that nice."
"What's your friends name?" Jayball now turns his eyes to the statuesque brunette with Celeste. "Hi, my name is Erica," she replies. "Jethro," he says, "Move down a spot so the two of them can sit down." I move a chair down on the bar and Jayball now has a gal on each side of him. "Hi, my name is not really Jethro. It's Rob. Do you work at the Rhino with Celeste?" At the time he was occupied with the first girl Celeste. So I decide to make a move on the second girl Erica. "Honey," she tells me in a disinterested tone, "I don't care what your name is and it's none of your fucking business where I work. Why don't you make yourself useful and order me another drink."
An hour or so passes and the two of them get up to leave - "It was nice seeing you again Jayball. Here's my number. Call me and we'll hook up," it wasn't enough that the first girl Celeste was giving him her number when the second girl Erica decides to chime in - "If you don't feel like calling her, you can always give me a call as well," she then hands him a folded napkin with her digits on it. After they leave, I tell him this - "Dude, you're really something. You are hogging all the chicks again. Damn, I get sick and tired of sitting here like a bump on log while you take all the action!" Jayball is a tell it like it is kind of guy, whether I like it or not -"Dude," he says in an arrogant tone, "You drive a car that looks like it belongs in a junk yard! You have two dollars to your fucking name! You dress like a fucking bum! There's a spit cup right next to your beer. For some reason or another you still think you are hanging out in some shit hole bar in Kansas. It's not my fault the women of Las Vegas find you repulsive!"
"Jayball! Jesus! I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. It has been a while. God, you are one of the best customers the Rhino has ever had," he smiles after her comment and says, "What have you been doing lately Celeste?" She licks her lips and says, "Still down at the Rhino. Doing some modeling on the side. Take a look at these," she pulls her phone out and begins to share a number of provocative pictures of herself with him. I tried to sneak a peek, but was denied. "Celeste, this is my friend Jethro. He's from Kansas. Don't show him those. He'll probably have a heart attack if he sees something that nice."
"What's your friends name?" Jayball now turns his eyes to the statuesque brunette with Celeste. "Hi, my name is Erica," she replies. "Jethro," he says, "Move down a spot so the two of them can sit down." I move a chair down on the bar and Jayball now has a gal on each side of him. "Hi, my name is not really Jethro. It's Rob. Do you work at the Rhino with Celeste?" At the time he was occupied with the first girl Celeste. So I decide to make a move on the second girl Erica. "Honey," she tells me in a disinterested tone, "I don't care what your name is and it's none of your fucking business where I work. Why don't you make yourself useful and order me another drink."
An hour or so passes and the two of them get up to leave - "It was nice seeing you again Jayball. Here's my number. Call me and we'll hook up," it wasn't enough that the first girl Celeste was giving him her number when the second girl Erica decides to chime in - "If you don't feel like calling her, you can always give me a call as well," she then hands him a folded napkin with her digits on it. After they leave, I tell him this - "Dude, you're really something. You are hogging all the chicks again. Damn, I get sick and tired of sitting here like a bump on log while you take all the action!" Jayball is a tell it like it is kind of guy, whether I like it or not -"Dude," he says in an arrogant tone, "You drive a car that looks like it belongs in a junk yard! You have two dollars to your fucking name! You dress like a fucking bum! There's a spit cup right next to your beer. For some reason or another you still think you are hanging out in some shit hole bar in Kansas. It's not my fault the women of Las Vegas find you repulsive!"
Monday, February 4, 2013
The village idiot of Las Vegas makes a move in Chinatown...
"After we sign this restaurant up, we're going to sign this one and that one!" My new job working for onlinerestaurants.com is going quite swell. Here's what my job entails; I'll go into as many restaurants as I can and approach them about increasing their bottom line by utilizing the service. If we generate orders for them through our site, we're entitled to a percentage of the net sale. Before I get too excited, they're are a couple of drawbacks. The main one is finding the decision maker! Once you find that person, you then have to convince him or her why your service is superior to others. Well, after much thought and discussion I decided to move the service into the Chinatown section of Las Vegas and, uh, how do I say this? Let's put it this way. I believe I've found the Garden of Eden.
"I don't care if I live to be a thousand, I will never see anything more beautiful then what I witnessed the other day with my friend Kam in Chinatown." At the time, I was describing to my father the sheer ease of which my friend Kam was able to sign up two restaurants in Chinatown without even breaking a sweat. "He just walked into the place and told them how the service worked. They said alright and where do I sign. Ten minutes later I was walking out of the place with a contract in my hand ready to go. One last thing, you know how people say that Asians are hard to deal with or cheap; Not the case at all when Kam signs them up. I didn't have to move my rate one bit!" I may sound redundant, but let's go over the job and the service one more time.
My job is to sign up as many restaurants for our service as possible. The closer they're together the better! The Chinatown section of Las Vegas literally has 300-400 restaurants that you could throw a rock at from each other! Add in the fact that the services I'm offering are untethered by competion in the area and you see why I'm getting excited about this opportunity. "Hey Rob, if we can sign a few of them up and show them that our service will make them money, all of them will sign up!" My friend Kam has got to be the best salesman I've ever met. He's 54, speaks fluent Mandarin, Cantonese, and English. I've told him a hundred times that he could make a million dollars if he would follow my instructions. You know what? He's finally starting to listen.
I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having...Call it the village idiot thought of the day. "Obviously, I'm big on China! Why not? They're the guys with all the money! They're the guys who are making moves in Las Vegas! I've stated a number of times in my blog about how I thought their was room for a small town white guy in Chinatown. Maybe people who read this blog are catching on to what I'm talking about?"
"I don't care if I live to be a thousand, I will never see anything more beautiful then what I witnessed the other day with my friend Kam in Chinatown." At the time, I was describing to my father the sheer ease of which my friend Kam was able to sign up two restaurants in Chinatown without even breaking a sweat. "He just walked into the place and told them how the service worked. They said alright and where do I sign. Ten minutes later I was walking out of the place with a contract in my hand ready to go. One last thing, you know how people say that Asians are hard to deal with or cheap; Not the case at all when Kam signs them up. I didn't have to move my rate one bit!" I may sound redundant, but let's go over the job and the service one more time.
My job is to sign up as many restaurants for our service as possible. The closer they're together the better! The Chinatown section of Las Vegas literally has 300-400 restaurants that you could throw a rock at from each other! Add in the fact that the services I'm offering are untethered by competion in the area and you see why I'm getting excited about this opportunity. "Hey Rob, if we can sign a few of them up and show them that our service will make them money, all of them will sign up!" My friend Kam has got to be the best salesman I've ever met. He's 54, speaks fluent Mandarin, Cantonese, and English. I've told him a hundred times that he could make a million dollars if he would follow my instructions. You know what? He's finally starting to listen.
I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having...Call it the village idiot thought of the day. "Obviously, I'm big on China! Why not? They're the guys with all the money! They're the guys who are making moves in Las Vegas! I've stated a number of times in my blog about how I thought their was room for a small town white guy in Chinatown. Maybe people who read this blog are catching on to what I'm talking about?"
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