Talking Roxy, Belushi, Golden Knight's & Trump with uncle Ned...

I was chatting with uncle Ned again today - "You want to know something moron? This Roxy chick you keep talking about isn't even real. Is she?" - We've had this discussion numerous times - "She's real alright! She's a professional and discretion is important to her. I have to respect that if things are going to continue between us. It's how girls like her work." - He then starts in on one of his rants - "You mean to tell me in all this time you haven't got one picture to share with me," adding, "Joel's never seen her; your dad has never seen her; Cammie has never seen her; I think she is a figment of your imagination." - It grows cumbersome repeating the same thing over & over to no avail - I do it any way..."Look," I say with a little more emphasis than usual - "She put it to me lightly & I will never forget it as long as I live. We were at the Palm's a while back and I was getting ready to leave after one of our trysts - 'If you want to keep seeing this again, you better do as I tell you.' After the statement she drops her robe. Now I got one foot out the door & she pulls me back in and says, 'Do you understand what I am saying Jethro? Don't mess things up between us.'- And then it was a quickie for the road. It's imperative I be discreet & obey her wishes. I love her too much to do otherwise." - He still doesn't believe me...I don't really care.

"Tell me about the time you would pick up chicks because you looked like John Belushi." Uncle Ned was a dead ringer for Belushi in the 70's - "It was the 70's back then," he proclaims in a nostalgic tone "Belushi was the man and I just so happened to resemble him. Thank goodness I didn't turn out like him," he adds with a laugh - "So how did it work? Would they just line up back in the day and tell you that you looked like him," I add with a snicker - "That's pretty much how it worked," he bellows, "I would go to a club in Houston & within five minutes ten people would tell me how much I resembled him. The next thing you know we are back at my place and the fun is starting to begin."

"What about the Golden Knights? Have you jumped on the bandwagon yet?" - Their inaugural season has been one for the history books. The Stanley Cup Finals begin Monday night on the strip. The whole town is abuzz about it - "Every other person who comes into 7-11 is wearing either a VGK shirt or hat. Even my buddy James jumped on the bandwagon. He put a Knight's decal on his ride." I then ask Ned if he is much of a hockey fan - "You better believe it! When I went to school in Maine they had a sensational program. One of the best in the country at the time. I know a thing or two about hockey."

Our conversation comes to a close but not before he makes one last smart remark about politics - "It's still hard to believe a nephew of mine would be ignorant enough to support a moron like Trump. To think this guy is your idol is nauseating to me." For some reason or another everyone thinks Trump is my idol. He's not! I 'pay attention' to him because of his views on trade with China. I reiterate the sentiment to Ned & he says - "Whatever you say Trump lover." - He then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.

a birthday in the desert...

My birthday is the first of June. Do to scheduling conflicts dad & Sharon are unable to make it to town on that day. It was an easy fix though. We celebrated it last weekend instead:

"There he is, the birthday boy," it's a pleasant feeling seeing my seventy five year old father enter my place of employment - It sort of reminded me of the good ol' days - "Hang on for a few minutes and I will punch out. I'll ride with you guys to the condo," I immediately shed my 7-11 attire & out the door I go. The ride home is a short one, yet interesting - "See, this is what I was telling you about. It seemed like yesterday this was a dirt lot and the next thing you know there's another condo project going up." - A building boom in SW Las Vegas is currently underway - "Look," I proclaim as I tap him on the shoulder from the back seat - "There is another complex in the works as well." - The journey home runs north on Durango from the freeway. They're some vivid memories on that stretch of road for me - "It's good to see things going in the right direction," I add as pops turns west on Flamingo towards the condo.

We arrive at the condo & the first thing Sharon says is - "The place looks nice. You know how to keep house." You'd be hard pressed to find a speck of dirt. Especially, if I'm expecting company - We sit down & pour a few drinks - "Heah, I got to tell you guys about something a little birdy told me. The lady who owns the unit above us. Her renter is moving out at the end of September. It would be a good idea to approach her about selling." - Mike Astle has been known to speculate on real estate from time to time - "If you can get it for the right price and do a few things to it. You'd be looking at forty to fifty percent equity in a few years - just like this one," I add as my finger waves around in the air, "Now is the time to get in." - The plan is for me to research things further and report back once I know more.

We spend the first night relaxing with everyone asleep by ten. Saturday is started with a slew of yard sales (new plate set and a couple of XL t-shirts for five dollars) - Afterwards, the first phase of the village idiot street tour begins - "I remember the last time we came here. You told me it was the best Chinese food you've ever had." Hong Kong Gardens is located in the heart of Chinatown. There's some history with me there - "Dim sum is really nothing more than a Chinese buffet on wheels. When they come by with the cart you point at what you want. It's that simple. You'll love this place," I add as we are seated...it was great (as usual) - As we are leaving I say with bravado - "Think about this for a minute. Your boy had all these places in the palm of his hand and let them slip away. The money being made on places like this is outrageous & I am the only guy who can get them." The proclamation didn't seem to impress.

As we are cruising up Spring Mountain toward the condo he says, "What do you think about your idol so far?" - I tell him the same thing I tell everyone - "He's not my idol. The reason he garners my support is his stance on China. I've been saying the same thing for years now. All the other noise I could give a shit less - Come on! I'm starting to sound like an echo chamber." - "Okay," he says with a hint of sarcasm in his tone, "We all know he is your idol though."

We spend Saturday night at a favorite Italian restaurant - Sunday morning we arise; eat breakfast; read the paper; complete a few projects around the place; call uncle Ned & then the second part of the village idiot street tour commences - "Turn left up here. This is where the stadium is going up." Raider's stadium is scheduled for a 2020 completion - "When they play the Chiefs - I will be there!" I add as we cruise the perimeter of the site - "Looks like they are coming along okay on it," he adds as we stare over a big hole in the ground filled with rebar. We turn east on Russell & head towards the  boulevard - "Remember after the massacre and how they didn't fix the window for a week or two because of processing & the curtain kept flying out of the shattered window. That's the most indelible image for me of One October." - We are now driving north on the strip passing Mandalay Bay - "He was firing from there into there," I add as one hands points up to the window and the other points to the festival grounds - "Hopefully nothing like it happens again."

We cruise the strip until Flamingo & he turns west - "I would say this is a pretty good place to set up a dispensary," I add with a chuckle as we drive past the Palm's." They're two dispensaries located directly across from the resort. Both are busy. A good part of the business comes directly from the resorts lodgers - We continue the ride on Flamingo west until we reach the condo - just in time to take a six pound hunk of meat from the oven. The three of us enjoy a hearty birthday dinner and then it is time for a nap. After wards, I suggest a trip to the dog park with our newest family member Belle - "She's really timid around other dogs. I don't know how well she will react," Sharon tells me as dad and I load up and head for the park - "She will be fine, I haven't lost one yet at the dog park," I tell her with a smile. Turns out Belle isn't a fan of other dogs. She spent most of the time moseying around the two of us and our bench - "Keep bringing her back. She will get acclimated to things," is my suggestion as we're leaving. "She's still young. She's doing fine," he adds as we exit the park. He then reaches down and pets her on the head.

Monday morning it is time for the work week to begin and the party to end, but not before one last cruise around SW Vegas - "This stood as one of the biggest eyesores in town until the Chinese bought it up and finished it. Now look at all this." Downtown Summerlin is a popular shopping destination located directly behind Red Rock casino - "They've got a lot of nice shops here," Sharon remarks as we are cruising the main drag of the center - "This is another of those things that just seemed to pop up over night," is my remark as we get back on the freeway for my ride to work. Before being dropped off I thank them for the great birthday weekend - "Thanks for everything. Love you both. I will get back to you when I find out more about the upstairs condo." - I then give Belle one last pet on the ears & back to work I go.

Roxy is coming to town...

The other day I was thinking about Roxy & how much I love her. She instructed me to take a hike last time we talked. Doesn't matter - I called any way - "Jethro, it is nice to hear your voice. I have been thinking about you. It looks like I'm headed to Las Vegas the 15-18. Depending on whether I have the time or not I would like to see you." I'm ecstatic she's had a change of heart. It is refreshing to know the women you love has not given up on things just yet - "Gorgeous, you are the most wonderful person in the world. When you come to town it will be fantastic. I am counting the days as we speak," I tell her with a newfound sense of enthusiasm - "I think about you all the time luscious," adding for good measure.

We chat about the weather for a minute & then I ask - "Are you still hanging around that one clown? I hope not. You can do so much better than him." - Last time we talked she told me Rick, that's the pricks name, is her full time guy now. The truth is he's an absolute turd - I relay the sentiment to her & she says - "Rick will be golfing with all his country club buddies in Santa Barbara that weekend. If he gets to do things like that - I can come to Las Vegas & see my sometimes boyfriend." -- "Sounds good to me," I say with exuberance, "I hope he sticks one of his golf clubs up his ass," I tell her for laughs - "Oh Jethro," she says after my remarks, "Just be ready to enjoy the time we will have together." -- "Don't you worry about that sweet thing. It's a given. It goes without saying," is my retort to her 'just be ready' crack.

When I look at Roxy I see a beautiful; remarkable; well educated; well traveled; yoga body; ruthless vixen...it's what men desire - "Jethro, I have been reading your stupid blog & it is putting my feet to sleep. A session is definitely in order." Her going rate (when I last inquired) is two grand plus gratuities. Men & women alike pay it without hesitation - "Sweet thing," I say with a smile, "Just to make sure we are still on the same page. Our session will be pro bono. You know I don't have two grand," I add with a laugh.

She's developed a sense of humor about our relationship through the years - "Jethro, sweetie, you are what is commonly referred to as a 'pity pounce' in my line of work. A 'pity pounce' is someone who is always broke. Although, for some unexplained reason they still find a way into your bed. It's your stupid blog that does it with me." - Not many guys would appreciate being referred to as a 'pity pounce' by the women they love. Me? I could give a shit less - "Sweet thing you can call me whatever you want. It will be so awesome when you come to town luscious. I can hardly wait."

Uncle Ned rambles on...

"You and all the other suckers around here got bamboozled by this con. Hey, I agree with your homeless friend - 'The country asked for it and now they are getting it.'- I still can't believe you are gullible enough to believe this is the right guy for the job." Uncle Ned is not a Trump fan - "Look," I tell him for the tenth time, "I don't pay attention to his Twitter. You have to look at the bigger picture & with me that is China. You know my beliefs. I have shared them in the blog for years. Now we got a guy who wants to do something about it instead of just giving 'lip service.' - I find his approach to China refreshing. Trump is setting a course in Asia that should have been done thirty years ago - All the other bullshit I don't care about." - Hopefully Ned is able to digest my beliefs. It becomes tiresome explaining it over & over.

He starts in about how Trump lied about not knowing his lawyer paid off a hooker - "Who gives a shit?" I reply, "No one I know cares if he screwed a hooker behind his wife's back. How is worrying about that going to put money in my pocket? Most men of means do things like that? Believe me, Las Vegas is a place where they do it. It's just part of doing business." - He bellows - "Screwing hookers is part of doing business. Is that what you are saying genius?" -- "'Don't be naïve Ned. They're line items for 'entertainment' everywhere on corporate ledgers. They are labeled discreetly, but everyone knows what it means," I answer accordingly.

We chat about the weather for a minute and he mentions his upcoming birthday - "I will be sixty six years old in a few weeks. No one thought I would make it this long." Ned's health eroded years ago & his life turned stationary - "Why don't you strike it rich in Las Vegas & you can move me out there and provide around the clock care for your poor uncle Ned." If I had the wherewithal, I would - I tell him such & he says - "Don't worry about it good buddy. I am getting along fine in Hutchinson. It's where I was born & it will be where I die."

"Who is this Mad Max guy in your blog? Is he one of your dip shit friends from Clowntown? He sounds like one of them. Don't you have any normal friends Robbie? Mad Max, Jesus - what a flake." - Ned nicknamed Madison (Clowntown) when I was a kid. The moniker stuck - "Don't tell me he's one of these guys who thinks the government is eavesdropping on him. Why would he think he is that important? What a buffoon." - Mad Max is paranoid. I relay it to Ned & he says - "Of what? His shadow. You really need to find some normal friends - Jesus, this Mad Max guy you are describing is a nut job." -- "Don't call him that," I say with regard, "He is a 'prepper.' - There is nothing crazy about following your beliefs." - He mumbles something incoherent after my statement & then says - "Look, I would like to sit here all day and listen to you tell me about all the weirdos in your blog from 'Clowntown.' - Fortunately, I have better things to do - Jeopardy starts in two minutes." He then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.

Reflecting with uncle Ned...

"My body is giving out on me buddy - My mind is still as sharp as a tack though." Uncle Ned has lead an interesting life. The tail end is in sight & it is time to reflect - "Have you ever considered writing a book about your life & times? The average schmuck walking around would be impressed. I'm sure they would find your past hijinks entertaining. I certainly do." 

My encouragement about the whole book idea stems from the fact Ned was partially schooled in Europe & frequented the continent many times through the 80's & 90's - "I miss Europe with a passion good buddy," he tells me with some zing in his voice - "What I wouldn't give for one last trip to see her," this time with reflection - "Don't get old you little nephew village idiot of mine. Getting old ruins all your plans in life," he adds with a tone of despair.

"Ned, tell me about the time you unwittingly walked into a sting over in France." -- "It was Monaco actually," he replies - The tale I remember is he was driving along in some town in Monaco & there was an attractive lady walking down the sidewalk & he decided to stop and see how she was - "You should have seen her. Tall, beautiful, accent, charming...she was your typical French girl. I had some time to kill so I pulled over to talk. The next thing you know I am giving her a ride into the next town." 

During the 80's Ned had stripper girlfriends in four European countries - "I immediately thought stripper when she got in the car. There was an inn I had been to before & I asked her if she wanted to go. That's how things worked in Europe back then. Now I'm cruising along & playing grab ass with a gorgeous French girl sitting next to me - the next thing you know the car I'm driving gets boxed in by four police cars. I knew right then I was in trouble - I just looked at her and said 'What did you do?"

Ned had inadvertently implanted himself in the middle of a sting operation. The beautiful French girl he intended to bed was part of a fraud ring & the police had been surveying her and the rest of the ring for three days. They were minutes away from sweeping her up when Ned showed - "Look, I don't know this lady. I was just giving her a ride into town. I told the cops they had the wrong guy and I was just in the wrong place. The cops told me I would be detained until the detective arrived. I asked how long it would take and they told me an hour or two." 

I can't help but laugh when I picture Ned setting in jail figuring out how he was going to explain his way out of things - "After an hour or so the detective walks into the room. The first thing he says is - "You wanted to make love to that women. Tell me the truth Yankee.' - I didn't know what to say so I told him I stopped to give her a ride & before I could get much farther he interrupts and says - 'Is there something wrong with French women Yankee? Do you not like to make love to them? When a French man picks a beautiful women up he wants to make love to her.' - After he said that I knew things were looking good for me. They ended up letting me go shortly after."

Uncle Freak Out...

Uncle Ned has always been an excitable guy. When we were kids all the nephews & nieces nicknamed him 'Uncle Freak Out.' - Point in case:

One time I went to a fast food place with him & he ordered a specialty sandwich. It was  bacon/cheese/Angus - don't remember the exact name. Any way, we sit down to eat & he chimes angrily, "Does this look like that? Does this look like that?" He points to a decal of his sandwich on the window - "That is what I was expecting, not whatever this piece of garbage is. I want my money back." Everyone knows the sandwiches in the commercials & decals are more appealing than the actual thing. I remind him of such and he says - "I don't give a shit. They've been screwing me for years & I'm fucking tired of it," he slams the sandwich down on his tray - "I want my money back."

"Oh boy, here we go again," are my thoughts as I watch Ned exit the booth with his sandwich & head directly to the counter - "I hope he doesn't make another scene." I was finishing the last of my six piece nugget meal when I heard it - "Get the fucking manager! Tell him you have an unsatisfied customer who wants his money back!" - As long as you're not getting dragged into one of his freak outs they're amusing to watch.

The manager or someone pretending to be him comes to the counter & Ned explains how he felt duped by the advertising of the sandwich - "Come on! Does whatever you call this," as he points at the sandwich, "Look like this," as he points at the decal on the window - "I want the sandwich on the window. Not this garbage." Instead of giving six dollars back to an unreasonable customer, which I would have done to be rid of them. No, the guy decided to argue with him. Things escalated rapidly.

"This is the last fucking time I eat at this kangaroo meat motherfucker place. Give me the fucking money back you asshole!" His freak outs would heighten quickly & they would diffuse quickly (thank goodness) - "Sir, you need to leave right this moment or I will call the police," the manager stopped arguing and started threatening - "Fuck you then! Keep my six dollars! This place is bullshit! Robbie! Robbie! Where the fuck are you at? Let's get the hell out of here." I was standing by the door ready to leave five minutes ago - "Over here Mr. Freak Out. Let's go!" - It's too bad they didn't have phones back in Ned's freak out days. People would have been appalled & amused at his antics.