The village idiot of Las Vegas responds to feedback from his Uncle Ned..

"Boring! That's the only word I can use to describe your blog. All the stories are the same! It's boy meets girl, boy makes pass at girl, girl rejects boys advances, boy runs off with tail between his legs. Don't any of the women you hit on ever say yes? Man, their must be something really creepy about you. Know one strikes out as much as you!" Uncle Ned in Kansas serves as the biggest critic of my blog, and I like that he does..Nothing makes me happier than feedback on my writing, no matter how negative it might be..

"Uncle Ned, the reason I don't have any luck with Vegas girls?" I was going to give him my standard answer of not having any money, but before I could? He rudely interrupted me.."Don't give me this bullshit about how you don't have any money and that's why you always strike out! I've been hearing that same excuse from you forever! The reason you can't find a women in Las Vegas is simple. Your a fucking loser! So please, find something else to write about besides the women in Las Vegas." Being a single, heterosexual, corn-fed, mid western guy? It's impossible to think about anything but women when you live in Las Vegas. If Ned was out here? He would understand what I'm talking about.

"Uncle Ned, listen to me, I just want to find me a nice Vegas girl to call my own. If I could ever do that? I would stop dwelling on them so much. I just don't seem to have any luck. Besides, I think a lot of other people who read the blog get a kick out of my misfortunes. People love to see other people fail. One of my other readers told me that I should try to develop a sit-com out of my story. He thinks its funny." Once Ned gets rolling, their is no stopping his verbal abuse.."Your blog isn't funny! It's fucking pathetic! Like you! What you really need to do is focus on getting a life! If your really wanting to find a girl to call your own in Las Vegas, maybe you should lower your standards?"

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Uncle Ned is planning on coming out to Las Vegas at the end of March for a music festival. He told me that we would hang out and he would show me how to pick women up in Las Vegas. All I got to say? Make sure your pockets are full of spending cash Uncle Ned."

The village idiot of Las Vegas watches a guy strike out at Walgreen's..

Kara is a blond twenty something who works at my neighborhood Walgreen's. Every time I go there? I  make it point to say hi and ask how she is doing. It's always fun to watch her smile and tell me that she is doing well. She's also a big fan of the blog. I've thought about asking her out on a few occasions, but I'm not so sure she is feeling it. Besides, if I ask her out and she says no? I'll have to find another Walgreen's to shop at, and I like that one.

The other day I went into Walgreen's and she was working. We exchanged pleasantries and I start in on my shopping list. After I was done shopping I make my way to the  check-out line..The guy in front of me was wearing Aqui Di Jour..(My favorite cologne)..Anyways, he had it lathered on pretty thick. Well, he makes his way to the counter and Kara is waiting there to check him out. This is when things got amusing..

The guy had one thing on his mind and it wasn't the Q-tips in his basket.."Hi Kara, how are you today?" Kara is the kind of girl who attracts lots of suitors and I could sense by this guys body language that he was going to make a move.."I'm doing fine Ray. How are you?" Kara is one of the best retail people I have ever known. She remembers every one's name, and always has a smile on her face.."Kara, I was wanting to know something..Would..uh..uh..would..uh..uh..Would you like to go out with me sometime?" I'm standing behind this guy watching him try to get the words out of his mouth. His approach wasn't the smoothest, but he managed, and you got to give him props for that..

"Ray your so sweet, but I've got a boyfriend. I told you that last time you asked me. That will be $12.75. Would you like a receipt with that?" After his offered was rejected? Poor bastard, it looked like someone let the air out of him. He slumbers off and it's my turn to check out..I'll admit, the thought of asking Kara out was going through my head, but after watching her reject the guy in front of me? I decided to save myself from the humiliation.

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."My Uncle Ned told me that he had grown tired of reading stories about how I always got rejected by all the women in Las Vegas..So I wrote this one to show him that I wasn't the only guy striking out in Vegas."

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets a late night call from a high end call girl..

Last night I was awakened by a phone call at 3 in the morning. The last time some one called me at that time was 12 years ago, it was my sister calling to tell me that my mother was dead. I take that back, I got a similar call about 7 years ago. It was from a friend of mine who got thrown in jail, and he needed some one to bail him out..I don't have to draw a picture, late night phone calls when your old? Not good! On the other hand, late night phone calls when your young? A lot of times those can be very fun!

"Ring, Ring, Ring" I'm a pretty heavy sleeper, but for some reason or another I was quick to awake when I heard my phone ringing. I took a moment to gather myself, and then I looked at my alarm clock. It read 3:21 AM. The first thing that went through my mind? Something has happened to grandma or dad or uncle Ned. It was my sister, and she was going to break the news to me. I grabbed the phone off my dresser and immediately looked at my caller ID. Imagine my relief when I saw it was my friend Roxy calling. I gave it a moment to let my heart stop racing, and then I answered the phone.."Roxy what is going on? Why are you calling me at this hour? Are you OK?" After my statement, I could hear what sounded like a person crying.."Roxy what's going on?"

"Rob, I didn't know who else to call. I just needed someone to talk to. I caught Steve with another girl. He told me that I was his one and only, and we agreed that we would be faithful to each other. We started arguing and he slapped me. I told him that I was going to call the police, and he said that he would kill me if I did." Domestic violence is a huge issue in Las Vegas..Anyone who reads my blog is familiar with the Roxy story. She's the epitome of a 'Vegas girl'..The problem with girls like her? She wants the dangerous guy, the guy with money..Ultimately, a lot of them pay a price for their decision.."Where is Steve now? Is he still there?" Her reply: "He left after I told him I was calling the police." Me: "Did you call the police?" Roxy: "No, I don't want them involved, I just wanted to get rid of him. I never want to see that asshole again." OK, it seemed like she was in good shape for the time being, so I asked her why she called me.."Rob can you come over? I don't feel like being alone."

Under normal circumstances, if a girl like Roxy told me to come over, I would have been their in a flash. Now, since I'm an older, wiser version of my once reckless self. I took a moment to summarize her request..Example: A few weeks ago, a jilted ex showed up at his wife's house in Las Vegas. She was with her new boyfriend, and it didn't play well. The ex ended up shooting his wife and her boyfriend. Believe it or not, stories like that are common place in Las Vegas..I've stated in previous posts. It's always the dumb shit, white guy from Kansas who ends up getting shot trying to play the good Samaritan, and I didn't want to be that guy..So as hard as it was, I politely declined her request..I tried to call her this morning, but she didn't answer. My guess? She's sleeping it off, and things will be OK..

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."The girls in Las Vegas are unbelievable in their appearance! As much as I like to dwell on it, a guy still has to think with his big head and not his little one! If you let the little head take over your thought process? No matter how tempting it is! It's a good way to find yourself staring down the barrel of a phycho ex's 45, and that thought doesn't resonate to well with me."

The village idiot of Las Vegas runs into his favorite homeless veteran..

Summer aside, the weather in Las Vegas caters to something that I like to refer to as the 'new norm'..Panhandling..It doesn't matter what part of Las Vegas you live in! There is a professional panhandler standing on a corner waiting to take a hand out. Now I realize that statement sounds strange to a number of people, but if you lived in Las Vegas? You would understand what I'm talking about.

The other day I was stopped at the intersection of Fort Apache & Tropicana. It's a very busy intersection, and when the light turns red? Not uncommon to be stuck for a few minutes..Anyways, I looked down at my radio to adjust the dial and when I looked up? I saw my favorite bum in Las Vegas walking down the aisle of cars holding a sign that said.."I'm not going to lie, I need a beer"...The thing I like most about this guy? That's easy! It's his blatant honesty! A few months ago, I saw him at another intersection in town, he was holding the exact same sign. This may sound like enabling, but I pulled over and bought him a beer. Maybe it's because I feel a kinship with him? Anyways, when he saw me? He immediately recognized me. Being recognized by a bum isn't something most people would be happy to admit, but I'm not most people. Judging by his comment, he was happy to see me..."I remember you brother, your the kindred soul who bought me a beer and a hot dog a few months ago. It's my turn to take care of you..Pull into the Quick Mart and I'll treat."

It's not everyday that a bum on the street offers to buy you a beer and a hot dog, so I gladly accepted his offer. I pull into the Quick Mart and he tells me to hang on for a moment while he go's into the store and gets the goods. He comes out a few moments later with 2 quarts of Budweiser and four mini-burritos. I only know this guy in passing, so I asked him his name and what his story was.."My name is Johnny Wilson, and I hail from the great State of Montana." I then ask him how long he has been in Las Vegas.."Yes sir, I've been in the great town of Las Vegas for 3 years and 3 months." For being a bum on the street, his etiquette was second to none. The more I chatted with him the more curious I became, so I asked him why was he panhandling? "Good friend, what is your name?" I told him my name was Rob.."Rob, the reason I ended up on the streets is simple. I don't know any other way to live. I don't have any family, and I enjoy the freedom it gives me." I'm not one to judge, so I accepted his answer for what it was..I then told him I was from Kansas originally, and had been living in Las Vegas the last six years.

After the beer was gone, I thanked him and then told him I had to leave and that he needed to be sure to take care of himself..Las Vegas is a rough town to begin with, and I can just imagine what living on the streets would be like..As were parting, he says this to me.."Don't you worry about me Rob, this good ol' boy from Montana has been shot at more times than I care to remember. Most people have already left me for dead. The one thing I'm good at? Surviving.. The wars taught me that! You stay cool brother, and forever may the wind be at your sails."

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I've met a lot of interesting and nice people in Las Vegas, and I've met a lot of people who I don't really care for. A cornucopia, so to speak..I've got to admit something, this guy, a homeless veteran. Well, he really tugged at my heart strings, and that's a very hard thing to do."

The village idiot of Las Vegas meets a very attractive Libertarian..

Politics and religion are not the best things to discuss when your drinking at a bar, but some times your forced into a discussion by no fault of your own. The other day I went down to one of my favorite watering holes. I like this particular place because its within walking distance of my apartment, so if I get smashed? Stumbling home isn't that big of deal..Moving on, I take my place at the bar, order a drink, and then proceed to take a survey of the landscape. You never know what your going to see or who you might come across in Las Vegas, and last night was no exception..

"Do you know how far in the hole this country is to China? This economy sucks! I can't believe that Obama got re-elected. This is bullshit!" After hearing this, I look across the bar and see a very attractive 20 something sitting next to a guy. Who at first glance? I thought was her father..She then spouted this.."I'd give anything to have Ron Paul as our president instead of this fucking Socialist we have now. He's a disgrace!" After hearing her statements, I couldn't take it anymore. This was a girl after my heart! "I agree with you a 100% sweetie. I would love to have a Libertarian president! It's what this country needs! As a matter of fact I want to buy you guys a drink!" She looks over at me, smiles, and tells me I'm sweet. This girl was gorgeous, and the guy she was with? Well, it wasn't her father, it was her boyfriend.

We have a few drinks, and I start telling them about my blog and some of my opinions. She then tells me how her boyfriend is 47 and she's 24. Her boyfriend and I were nursing our beers. The girl? She was slamming shot after shot, way loaded! No doubt about it! The two of them started arguing. He told her this.."This is why I could never marry you. Your to immature. I can't take you to any of my business functions. You would embarrass me by the way you act." This was the first time I had met them, and yeah the girl was pretty obnoxious, but I was chalking it up to her being drunk. Judging by what she said next, it was obvious she didn't appreciate her boyfriends statement.."Look asshole, I never hear any complaints out of you when we are in the sack or when I'm going down on you! Now do I? Fuck you, I can find another guy just like you in a heart beat. If you don't like what I'm saying? Cover your ears!" After hearing that. I took it as my cue to leave. I'm not much into other peoples drama, so I politely excused myself..The girl looks at me and says.."Don't let us scare you. We argue like this all the time. Were going home after this and I'm going to fuck his brains out. It's my way of giving him an attitude adjustment. It was nice meeting you Rob."

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I'm 42 and I could see myself hooking up with a 20 something hottie. It's Vegas, and the 20 something hotties grow on trees out here. I do have one hold up. If your going to hook up with a 20 something hottie? You better have your pockets full of spending loot. Unfortunately for me:( When I reach in my pockets, the only thing I pull out is lint:("

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets duped by a high end call girl..

The other night I got a call from a friend of mine in Las Vegas. He had a couple of spare tickets to one of the shows on the strip and wanted to know if I would be interested in taking them off his hands. Most of the time, I avoid the strip, except on the rare occasion some one comes into town for a visit. I made an exception to the rule, and decided to take him up on his offer. Since I had two tickets, I figured I would call my friend Roxy and see if she was interested in attending the show with me. Last time I chatted with her, I was getting the notion that she grown tired of my ilk, so I figured a free ticket to an awesome show might be the talisman I need to sway her opinion of me. As usual, I was wrong..

"Roxy, my buddy Tyrone gave me a couple of tickets to 'Jersey Boys' for the 10 P.M. show. How about meeting me down at the Paris around 9:30 and will go watch it?" I tried to invite myself over to her place for Thanksgiving to no avail, so I figured this would be a way to soften her up? Tickets to a full scale Vegas production are not cheap, and I remember her telling me how much she enjoyed the shows on the strip. Anyways, I got her usual response.."Jethro, what makes you think that I want to be seen with you in public? I remember specifically telling you on a number of occasions to lose my number. Jesus, what is it with you? Are all guys from Kansas as stupid as you? Oh one last thing, I wouldn't go to a show with you if you were the last guy in Las Vegas! Now please! Lose my number!" You would think that I would be deterred by her response to my question, but I'm persistent. Like I've stated in a number of my previous blogs. Roxy and I have a weird connection that I just can't let go..

"Roxy I tell you what, I know how much you like 'Jersey Boys', why don't you do this. Meet me down their and I will give you the ticket. You can walk in before me so know one will think were together. I'll come in when the show starts. After the show is over, I'll wait for you to leave. Look, I don't want to go to the show alone, and I don't want to waste the tickets. What do you say?" There was a long pause on the phone, for a minute, I thought that she had hung up on me..."Roxy, are you still there?" Her response is what I like to call classic 'Vegas Girl'.."Jethro, why don't you give me both the tickets? I'll take some one who I really want to go with. If not, you can shove them up your ass." Like I said earlier, Roxy and I have a weird connection, so I agreed to her request.

About an hour later, I stopped by her place to deliver the tickets. I knock on the door and a guy answers it. "You must be Jethro? Hey, Roxy is getting ready for the show. Dude I really appreciate you lining us up with these tickets. Roxy told me to tell you thanks. Hey man, take this $20. You saved me a whole pile of cash by coming through with these tickets." Nowadays, it seems like I'm always on the short end of the stick. Now, I wasn't mad that Roxy was taking another guy to the show. After all, she is a high end call girl. The thing that really perturbed me? The face value for both of the tickets was $200. I thought about telling the guy to give me more, but that would have been a little awkward, and Roxy would have gotten more pissed at me. Anyways, I take the money and ask him if I could speak to Roxy. He wasn't to hip to that idea.."Look dude, I know you and Roxy have a brief history, but she's with me now. So don't make a scene. Besides, she told me specifically to take the tickets and send you on your way, by the way my name is Steve." I  then shook his hand and told him to have a good time at the show. When I got back to my apartment, I told my roommate about the experience..His response.."Shouldn't that be enough to let you know that she's not interested in you? You met her new boyfriend, and he told you point blank to get lost. You need to forget about her and move on to the next."

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."It's not that I expect a whole lot from a girl like Roxy. She's not the white picket fence and raise the kids kind of women. Bottom line! She's dangerous! That's the attraction! My uncle Ned in Kansas asked me why I'm attracted to a girl like that. He said that I need to find a girl out in Las Vegas who doesn't make a living lying on her back. Believe it or not, that's kind of a hard thing to do."

The village idiot of Las Vegas and his Thanksgiving chat with a high end call girl..

"Hey Roxy, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?" For those of you not familiar with my blog? Roxy..aka..Foxy Roxy..is a high end call girl friend of mine in Las Vegas. I like to think that the two of us might have some kind of future together. Her thoughts on the matter? Not so much..Anyways, I was looking for a spot to hang out on Thanksgiving, so  I thought I would try to invite myself over to her place..."My mother and her boyfriend are coming into town from San Diego and I'm having a few of my friends over as well." I've actually had Roxy cook for me on a few rare occasions, and it was awesome. Before she got into the life, she was a waitress and a sous' chef at a high end restaurant in San Diego, she gave up that life a long time ago when she realized she could make more money sleeping with her customers rather than serving or cooking them food.

"Roxy, do you think you could find another place at the Thanksgiving table for your friend from Kansas? I can help you prepare the food, plus, I'll bring a bottle of booze for everyone to share." If I waited for Roxy to invite me? Well, lets put it this way, I would be waiting a long time. So I took the initiative to invite myself and see what her answer was. Unfortunately for me, I got an expected response.."Look moron, do you really think I want to introduce you to my mother,or any of my friends? I can see it now. Mom this is my broke, loser, stalker friend from Kansas. His name is Jethro. I made the mistake of sleeping with him a couple times and now he won't leave me alone. Do you really think I want to do that?" A simple no would have sufficed, but Roxy is not a simple girl.."Can you save me a plate? Leave it out on your front porch and I'll sneak up and get it when know one is paying attention?" Like I said earlier, Roxy is an excellent cook, and I'm positive her Thanksgiving viddles would be delicious.

"Jethro, if you want a Thanksgiving meal? Why don't you make your way down to the Mission with all the other bums. You would be right at home, and they would feed you for nothing." First of all, I've told Roxy a hundred times my name is not Jethro, it's Rob! Obviously she doesn't care, secondly, I'm not at all interested in getting a free meal at the Mission, those meals are reserved for people who truly need them. I could tell that I was getting on her nerves, so I decided that it was time to go.."Have a good Thanksgiving Roxy, I know everyone is going to enjoy your awesome cooking." Usually Roxy just hangs up on me without a fare well. Not this time, she said something very interesting.."Jethro, can you do a favor for me?" Roxy is a definite candidate for the third great one, so if she wants me to do a favor for her? No problem! "What's the favor Roxy. You name it!" I should have known better! "Jethro, I want you to kick yourself in the nuts 10 times for me, and then delete my number from your phone!" Oh, that Roxy, she's such a ham..

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. My plans are pretty simple, find a turkey dinner, drink heavily, watch football, take a nap, and that's about it. Sounds like a plan to me."

The village idiot of Las Vegas explains an Asian idea to his friend from Kansas..

"What have you been up to in the big city of Las Vegas? Shit, I can remember when we were kids in Madison throwing apples off your apple tree at the cars passing by. Damn boy, I would have never taken you for a Vegas guy back then. I'm surprised you got out of Greenwood County. Remember that time we got so drunk and passed out on your front lawn? Your mother came outside and threw a bucket of cold water in our face to wake us up." I've got to admit something, being on FaceBook and living in Las Vegas has put me face to face with a couple of people I never thought I would see again in my life, and I like it! Stanley Smith, is a Greenwood County legend. Back in the day, the two of us had more fun growing up in a small town than should be legally allowed. Nowadays, you would go straight to jail for some of the antics we pulled.

"Stan the Man, how has life been treating you?" I was meeting my old friend for the first time in the lobby of the MGM. Stan the Man was his nickname in high school.."I haven't been called Stan the Man in 20 years. Thanks for the memories. Life has been treating me OK. Lets get drunk!" The two of us headed to the nearest bar and proceeded to down a number of drinks and reminisce about the old days..After the 5th round he asked me this.."What is it with you and the Chinese? Some of your posts are crazy. A reality show about the Chinese with you in it, organic growth strategies? I knew you were crazy back then, but I don't exactly get what your talking about. I know they're taking over, but why would they mess with some dumb shit white guy from Kansas? Explain that to me."

Nothing makes me happier than explaining an idea of mine to a person who is actually listening..So I told my old friend this.."Stan, this is how it would work..Their is a huge population of Asians in this town and their tentacles reach far! I'm friends with a number of them! That section is under served in terms of marketing strategies! What I would like to do is create a marketing gimmick that would bring attention to them. Use your imagination a bit and picture this. A hybrid site would be created. The site would concentrate on Asian consumers. Creating the site would be the easy part, getting attention to the site is the trick, but I have a plan for that as well!" Stan is a pretty sharp guy, but he doesn't know the first thing about marketing or how to be creative in today's economy.."Listen genius, I'm just some hayseed from Kansas, how are you going to create the 'buzz' needed for people to pay attention. I agree with you about the Chinese and their purchasing power, I mean if you find something they like? Maybe you could hit that 'mother load' that we always talked about when we were young?"

"Here's what I would do Stan, I would round up a bunch of nice looking people in Las Vegas and work out a deal with a couple of my Chinese friends. Now, I would take it one step further and hire a crew to film are adventures. Las Vegas is a big-time reality town, and that's what people want to see. If the Asians take a liking to it? Who knows what could happen?" I've shopped the idea for a reality show around to a few of my friends without any success, but I refuse to waiver on it..."So basically your telling me that you would hire a bunch of these hot girls that you always blog about, spread them around Chinatown, and try to spur up some attention with a reality television concept." Leave it to a hayseed from Kansas to hit it right on the head! "Yep, you basically summed it up Stan. One last thing, It wouldn't be total reality, I would approach it with a coached mentality, meaning I would be responsible for creating the dialogue and the situations. The goal is to make it funny and interesting. That's what people want to see!" By the time I was finished with my spiel, we were on our 7th round, so I'm not sure how much of it stuck with my old friend from Kansas..Although, he did tell me this.."Boy, that is the craziest idea that I have ever heard, but I got to give you props for being creative."

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."If you want to be successful in today's ever changing world? Thinking 'outside the box' is a must! Now, thinking outside the box is easy. It's acting outside the box that is challenging."

road rage...

The weather was fantastic today so I decided to walk down to the neighborhood Walgreen's. It's a mile or so jaunt from my front door. As I am approaching the store I hear the unmistakable sound of a car slamming on its brakes. A split second later I hear a loud "Thunk!"

I walk up to the stop light where the fender bender occurred. Both drivers were out of their cars surveying the damage. The guy whose car got rear ended looks at the guy who hit him and says - "Why don't you fucking pay attention to where the hell your going?" He was not taking the accident very well! Any way, the guy who hit him says, "Fuck you asshole. It was a fucking accident! So fuck off!" The guy whose car got rear ended was probably 25-30 while the guy who hit him was probably in his 40's. I'm standing there watching the whole thing from the sidewalk and the next thing you know both are nose to nose. I was going to tell them to move their cars so other traffic could pass, but I don't like to get involved in other peoples confrontations. It's usually the dumb white guy from Kansas who ends up getting shot trying to be a good Samaritan. Fortunately, the cars behind them start honking for them to move. So they both jump into their cars and pull into the Walgreen's parking lot.

As I cross the street and head into Walgreen's, the guy who got rear ended says to me. "Dude, you saw what happened, when the police get here I want you to be my witness." Like I said earlier, I don't like to get involved in problems that don't concern me, so I politely decline. I head into the store and thirty minutes or so later walk out and see the driver who hit the other car in handcuffs. I ask the other guy what the deal was? Generally, you don't get thrown into jail because of a fender bender. Turns out the guy was drunk and didn't have insurance - "I just got this fucking car out of the shop a week ago! I get tired of all these fucking idiots driving around all fucked up, and to top it off! I'm going to get stuck with the fucking bill!" He then walks up to the window of the police car where the second driver was being detained and flips him off. There were two cops standing there watching the whole thing. All three of us begin laughing.

I am going to end this post with a thought I'm having...call it the village idiot thought of the day. "My ex wife suffered from road rage when she lived in Las Vegas. She was finally able to overcome it by listening to Hawaiian music her friend gave her."

The village idiot of Las Vegas and a conversation with his 98 year old grandmother..

"Hi Grandma, it's your grandson Rob in Las Vegas." Don't let the age fool you! Grandma is still sharp as a tack! "What's going on in Haven?" Grandma Astle has spent all of her life in Haven, Kansas. She's a genuine daughter of the Kansas plains. "Robbie, how are things going in Las Vegas?" The last time Grandma Astle was in Las Vegas, Frank Sinatra was headlining at the Sand's. "Same old stuff Grandma, just trying to find my way out here in the wild, wild, west." I do my best to explain how things are to her, but she's way to old to understand much of it.."Grandma did your guy win in the election?" Last time we chatted was a few weeks before the election, she still hadn't made up her mind on who she was voting for.."Robbie, I'm so old that it doesn't really matter who I vote for, but to answer your question, no he did not. Did your guy win?" I'd explained to Grandma in previous conversations that I was a Libertarian, but she wasn't quite sure what I was talking about.."Grandma, unfortunately my guy did not win either."

We chat about a few other things and then she asked me if I had met any nice ladies in Las Vegas lately.."Grandma, I tell you what, they're are a ton of them out here, but your poor grandson never seems to have much luck with them. Grandma, I hate to say this, but it's 'No Money, No Honey' out in Las Vegas, and your grandson don't have anything in his pockets but lint." Grandma Astle is a way back in the day old school type, and the one thing she can't stand is an excuse.."Robbie, every time I ask you that question, you always say that. Surely you can find a girl in Las Vegas who likes you for you and doesn't care about the money?" Lying to your grandma is like committing blasphemy in my eyes. So, I thought long and hard before I answered her question. It didn't do any good. My answer was still the same. "Grandma, I wish I could give you another answer, but it's true. The women in Las Vegas are way out of my league! But if it makes you feel any better? I still try like hell."

We chat about a few other things and then she asks me if I've heard from my ex-wife lately. Grandma really liked my ex, and my ex really liked Grandma.."Robbie wasn't she going to move back out to Las Vegas and help you get things started on a few of your ideas. That's what your father told me. You should have never let her go." Grandma and Grandpa Astle were married for 72 years. That's an Astle record that will never be broken, so explaining my current relationship with my ex is a little bit tricky.."Grandma, I thought that a while back, but I don't know what she's planning? I am catching this vibe. Whatever she is planning? It don't include yours truly." Grandma started laughing after I made that statement.."You messed up by letting her get away." Grandma likes to cut right to the chase.

"Enough about that Grandma. What's going on in Kansas?" Needling Grandma for the latest gossip in the Astle clan is a must. "More of the same Robbie. If their is anything interesting happening. I'm none the wiser to it. Know one tells me much anymore. I'm just to old. About the only person I talk to on a consistent basis is your cousin Linda, and she never has a lot to say." Cousin Linda lives 4 houses down from Grandma, and  does an excellent job of looking after her. "Grandma, I've got to go. I'll call you in a few weeks and check in. Maybe by then? I might have something interesting to tell you..Love you." As much as I enjoy my conversations with Grandma, the end of them are always the best. Why? She always tells me that she loves me and to keep pushing on:) I never hear that from anyone but her..

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Grandma is not quite in tune with what's going on in the world, especially Las Vegas. I make it a point to tame down my rhetoric when I talk to her. I just want Grandma to live the rest of her life in peace and tranquility. If anyone deserves it? It's her!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas and his encounter with a fourteen dollar martini.

Last night I found myself perched at the bar of one of my favorite watering holes in town. A nice young lady was sitting next to me. We were carrying on, what I thought, a somewhat interesting conversation. Unfortunately, she was beginning to lose interest. So I offer to buy her a drink. "You are so sweet!" she tells me after my offer, "Bartender may I have a martini with your top of the shelf ingredients," she then says. When I offered to buy this fine young lass a drink, I was thinking more along the lines of a $2.00 draft special. That's what I was having! Anyways, I knew her request was more than I wanted to spend. So I ask the bartender, very discreetly, this - "Before you pour that drink, how much is it going to cost?" He answers - "That will be fourteen dollars." I only had twenty bucks and was no where near drinking for the night. So I told my fine young friend this, "Honey - I just got a text from my brother. He got thrown in jail. So I have to go bail him out. I'll get you that drink next time I see you," I then leave and walk across the street to another bar.

The village idiot of Las Vegas spouts off about some things on his mind..

The other day I was chatting with my dad about politics and the results of the election. He asked if my guy had won? My answer? "Hell No!" He then asked who I voted for? My answer? "It wasn't Obama!" If anyone is going to remember a thing about me and my blog? Please, please, please..Let it be this! I'm a registered Libertarian, and I intend on being one until the day I die!

My uncle Ned told me that my blog was starting to turn lame. His exact words.."Can't you find something else to blog about besides the women in Las Vegas? All the stories are the same! You see some lady out in Las Vegas that your attracted to, and she won't even give you the time of day. It's starting to look very pathetic, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Your a pathetic guy to begin with." Most people who are in my shoes would be offended by a comment like the one Ned made. Not me! One thing I've learned over the past 6 or so years? Keep pushing your agenda forward! No matter how meager people think it is!

Here's a stat most people are unfamiliar with. The Libertarian movement polled at 67% approval in the State of Nevada with the 25 and under crowd. Knowing that, my best guess is Libertarianism is still a generation away. It's like I always tell my brother and father.."Emily and Makaila are going to be Libertarians when they get older. It's their generation who will make the party the norm." Emily and Makaila are my nieces. They're 10 and 12 years old.

 I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day. "Karl Rove your a jackass! You promised me that Obama would get kicked out of office! Last time I listen to you! The truth of the matter? In the end it doesn't matter who is in office. Not one of them is going to do a damn thing to help Rob Astle out!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas talks about his uncle Ned in Kansas..

Growing up, I thought my Uncle Ned was the coolest guy in the world. He was funny, smart, well-traveled, and always had a memorable story to share. When I was a kid my dad would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I would tell him this.."I want to play professional basketball. Be the next Larry Bird! If that doesn't work out? I want to be like Uncle Ned." Long before Austin Powers came into play, Ned Perry was the original 'International Man of Mystery', to me anyways. He was schooled abroad and spent many of his younger years living in Europe. Long story short. He was the Fonz of the Astle clan, and whenever he was around? I was happy..

"Uncle Ned, tell me another story about Europe. Did you see any nice women over there?" Ned was back in Kansas after a two month stint in Europe. "Now listen up Robo, I met this girl in Belgium, and I'm here to tell you that she was the most beautiful women I have ever seen." Ned would always brag about all of his girlfriends, but to this day? I have never seen any of them. Anyways, I had to press him for more details.."Where did you meet her at Ned?" I still remember his response to my question like it was yesterday. "Robo I met her in a house of ill repute." At the time he told me this, I was a young lad. I had no idea what he was talking about or what a house of ill repute was.."What's a house of ill a boot?" My uncle Ned starting laughing at my response.."It's repute knuckle head, and it's a place you go to when you want to take the guess work out of chasing a women." Being a kid in Kansas at the time I was still confused about what he was saying.."I don't get it Uncle Ned. What guess work?"

Ned looked at me and started shaking his head.."I'm talking about a whore house dummy. It's a place you go to and pay women to be your girlfriend for a while." Growing up in small town Kansas, I was unfamiliar with the fact that places like that actually existed, so I had to find out more.."What do you do? Do you just walk in and pick one out?" I could tell Ned was getting tired of my questions and he wanted to change the conversation to something more G-rated. So he answered me like this.."Yep, pretty much. You walk in and find one you like. Figure out the cost, and then do the deed and leave. What about that Larry Bird? He's the greatest of all-time!"

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I've read numerous articles and stories about how people refer to Las Vegas as the 'Amersterdam in the desert', or the 'World's Whorehouse', it's got that kind of reputation..I'm here to say, their are plenty of other things as well..I like to think of Las Vegas as the a modern day 'Wild, Wild, West' without all the gunfire."

The village idiot of Las Vegas and his encounter with a Vegas girl..

The other day I was driving down a road in SW Las Vegas, when I pulled up behind a silver Mercedes at the stop light. Now, seeing a silver Mercedes in Las Vegas is not a big deal. What really caught my eye? The Mercedes had a personalized license tag that read "LV GIRL"..When I saw that? I became real curious. No doubt about it, I had to get a look at what was actually driving the car. So when the light turned green? I threw my 95 KIA into overdrive and switched lanes. I pull up beside the Benz and took a quick gander at who was driving..WHOO!!WHEE!! When I first saw the personalized tag, I knew my eyes were in for a treat.

God this girl was beautiful! She was wearing Liz Taylor like sunglasses and her hair was jet black. We were both stopped at the light and I couldn't help myself from staring at her. I was trying not to make it obvious, but that was impossible..Anyways, she looks over and catches me staring at her. I didn't know what else to do, so I waved at her. I could tell this chick was cool by her response. She gave me the brightest smile I've seen in a long time and waved back at me. After that, the light turned green, and before I could even think about getting my jalopy in drive? She was long gone.

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I was chatting with my dad the other day, and I told him about the two best things Las Vegas has going-women and weather--He told me that Las Vegas wasn't the only place in the world who could make that claim. I guess he's right..Maybe I should say it like this? In my lifetime and journeys, I've never seen a place concentrated with so many beautiful women and great weather..Just sayin',"

The village idiot of Las Vegas and his best buddy from Texas..

"Damn boy, you look like you've been spit at and missed, then shit at and hit. What the fuck have you been doing boy?" My best buddy from Texas was in town for a few days, and I was meeting him for the first time in a while at the Rio.."Same shit, different day. What's going on in South Texas?" You can smell Texas from a mile away on Jimmy Buckner, and that's a good thing..The best way to describe the Jimmy Buckner-Rob Astle story? It's like a love lost, love found novel..I say that in a very heterosexual way! I first met Buckner many years ago when we were both kids, and we remained the best of friends until our early 20's. Then life got in the way..Fast forward 18 years..As some of you may know? I spent about six months away from my beloved Las Vegas in 2011. I was in Houston with Buckner working on an idea that we could never get to fruition. Even though things didn't go as we would have hoped..Both of us learned a great deal from the experience.

"Jimmy, you know what I enjoyed most about being in Texas? It was like being in a family again. At least the first few months were, and then, as usual, I started to where out my welcome. I also don't care what anyone else says, we both learned a lot about what we were trying to do." Back then, both of us had a vision that we could create a Groupon like website. The one hindrance? We didn't have an effective organic growth strategy.."Let me tell you something boy, when I was in Texas? I didn't have things figured out. I was a fish out of water, but since I've been back in Las Vegas? Well, let's put it this way! From the time I get up in the morning until the time I go to bed at night! All I think about is how to trigger an organic growth strategy! Nothing else matters to me!"

"Forget about that stuff for now. Lets take a ride around town. Remember I know this town pretty good. I used to live here a while back." Buckner tried his hand at living in Las Vegas about 10 years ago. It was kind of funny, Buckner and I are a couple of lard asses and the rental car he had was a Ford Focus. So just imagine how front heavy that car was when both of us were in it..Anyways, we drove around SW Las Vegas and I proceeded to give him the grand tour. After the tour was over, we decided to buy a bottle of cheap whiskey and reminisce about the old days.."Boy, remember that time you snuck up on me and that girl from El Dorado? We were parked at the lake and having a helluva time, and the next thing I know, I see your stupid ass waving at me through the window. That chick wanted to kill your ass, so did I." Buckner was referring to my 'bushwhacking' days. When you grow up in small town Kansas? Things can get really boring at times! So getting in the way of your friends entertainment was a fun thing to do back then..If you tried the same stunt in Las Vegas? Chances are someone would take a shot at you.

"What about this one? Remember that time when I came down to visit you in McAllen and I ended up picking up a chick at the bar in Reynosa?" Buckner moved his Junior year in high school to McAllen, Texas. He lived with his father, and the rules were? There were no rules! I came down to visit him during the summer of my Junior year. We spent most of our time across the border in good ol' Mexico. Anyways, I rode with this girl back across the border and Buckner was supposed to follow us. This was long before the days of cellphones, and naturally we lost each other. "I still remember her asking if we wanted to keep looking for you. At the time, I told her that you would be fine. Besides, I only had one thing on my mind! We go back to her place, and her boyfriend shows up a little later. We ended up pretending I was with another one of her friends to throw the boyfriend off. It was funny because I had no idea how to get back to your place so I called your dad and the first thing he said? Where the fuck are you at boy? Anyways her boyfriend ended up giving me a ride home. You talk about awkward!" After I finished the story, both of us immediately doubled over in laughter..Buckner than added.."Damn boy, it's to bad we can't turn back the clock. You know! Know what we know now back then." Oh well, no short cut to experience..

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Anyone who reads this blog knows that I'm a registered Libertarian. I decided to vote early this election season, and my every intention was to vote for the Libertarian candidate. The problem with that? At this point, it would be like siphoning a vote from Romney and giving it to Obama. So I did the right thing and voted for Romney."