The village idiot of Las Vegas has an enthralling conversation with uncle Ned.

I was thinking about uncle Ned today, so I called him. I never know what kind of mood he is going to be in. But that's the thing I love most about him. The following is a brief excerpt of our conversation:

"Mad Max - Jesus, you idiot! Can't you think of a more original name than that? Who is this moron anyways? Please don't tell me it's one of your knucklehead friends from Madison. Don't you have any normal friends nowadays?" Uncle Ned is a bleeding heart Liberal - Mad Max is an anarchist. Needless to say, you won't find two people whose ideologies differ as much - "It seems everyone you talk about in your pathetic blog is either an idiot, whore, prepper or something of that nature," he then adds, "Why don't you call your Mormon friends again and tell them you are interested in converting? They seemed, at least, halfway normal."

Arguing politics with uncle Ned is a lost cause. So I change the subject to women - "Jesus, are you still chasing that stupid whore from San Diego?" he says blurtly, "What the hell is wrong with you? Every time I see one of your posts about Roxy. I quit reading it. It's the same fucking thing! It's boring!" I tell him I don't appreciate him calling her a whore, his response - "That's what she is, Right? Jesus, there has to be some other bitch in Las Vegas that you can get pushed around by. You're not that much of a loser," he then laughs and says, "On second thought, look who I am talking to."

Most people mistake Ned's dialogue for belligerence...not me! I have thick skin, very thick! Anyways, I thought it best to dumb down our conversation as much as possible. Make it something he couldn't complain about. So I ask his favorite food - "Goddammit, that's a stupid fucking question! Do you realize how many different foods there are? I don't have one! I like a variety!" I tell him my favorite food is pizza, he says - "That figures! You probably eat Pizza Hut or Little Caesar's. You don't even know what a good pizza is!" he pauses for a moment to catch his breath, and then says - "Look, this conversation is just too stimulating for me. I will talk with you some other time," -- the line immediately goes dead.