Monday, January 12, 2015

The village idiot of Las Vegas discovers his girlfriend is sleeping with a China man.

I currently reside in the plush enclave of North Las Vegas. My landlord is a China man named Bruce Lee. (I kid you not. That is his real name). A few days ago he knocked on my door looking to collect rent. The following is an excerpt of our conversation:

I hear a knock on my door and ask who it is - "Sir, sir," a voice says in a heavy Asian accent, "I take ten dollars off your rent this week since I fuck girlfriend the other day. I fuck again. I take ten dollars off next week rent." 

The two of us have an ongoing gag: He tells me how many times he fucks my girlfriend and I tell him I should be getting a reduction in rent for the favor - "Bruce," I say as I swing the door open, "You are not the only guy who has been with her. The other day Mario banged her and just before that James had her. You were the third guy in line. That's disgusting!" 

We share a hearty laugh, and he blurts - "I have before Mario, and then she go see him and James. Your girlfriend is biggest whore in North Las Vegas," we share another hearty laugh and I say - "I broke up with her last week. She's not my girlfriend anymore. Do you want to know what she told me? She said, 'Bruce is her new boyfriend," - he began laughing again, in a sound matching a hyena howl, and says - "She not girlfriend. I fuck her and give back to you for sloppy second!"

I reach in my pocket, grab the rent money and hand it to him - minus ten dollars. After all, he has been fucking my girlfriend. He counts it and notices the slight - "You ten dollar short," he tells me with a grin. I remind him that he is sleeping with my girlfriend, so I took ten dollars off the rent price. He says - "Your girlfriend not worth ten dollars. She disgusting bitch. I should get pay to fuck her."

We share yet another laugh as I reach into my pocket to give him the ten dollars he was short, I then say - "Goddammit Bruce, I love that girl and to know she is sleeping with you is tearing me apart. I can't take it anymore, you stay away from her," he has his money and is preparing to exit, before he does, he turns and says - "You tell girlfriend I be back in a few days and she be ready. I fuck her and give back to you again."


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