I had a room lined out for Roxy this weekend - she never showed. I called; but she wouldn't answer. Well - today I chatted in detail with her. The following is an excerpt of our conversation:
"Jethro, darling - you just don't get it. God if you weren't so fucking adorable this wouldn't be so hard. You and I do not exist anymore. Come on sweetie, you can understand why," I love her more than anything in the world but still she rejects me. "Jethro, why don't you find a nice Kansas girl to settle down with," - Roxy operates at a level much higher than me! But she still must slum. I want to be the guy she slums with!
"Goddammit Jethro," she says with passion, "You are just so fucking adorable - why do you have to be that way? Why can't you be like all the other assholes I am with? But no... you have to be stupid Jethro from Kansas. Why don't you go back there? Find a job and get on with your life!" I have told her on a few occasions that I would go back if she would come with me - "What the fuck am I going to do in Kansas?" is her standard answer. She is a California girl through and through. That will never change!
I tell her how much I love her and how much money I will have once my idea hits, she doesn't want to hear it - "Look, Jethro, that's another thing I love about you so much. You are just so fucking optimistic. Every one knows you are not going to amount to shit, but you still carry on like you will be rich someday. Have you looked at the shit hole you're living in right now? Come on honey, don't give me the I am going to be rich someday routine. Anything but that!"
I don't know what else to say. She knows I love her and will do anything for her. What else is there to give? - "Jethro, you know that I love you, but not like you love me," she chimes and then adds, "I can't do that right now. You can't take care of a girl like me. It has to fucking end between us. I have a boyfriend now," she's had boyfriends before and it never stopped her. What's so fucking great about this guy? - "He's just safe," she tells me, "He makes me feel safe and I don't get that feeling from you. Let it go honey...Okay.
We chat a little more and she tells me it is time for her to go - "Babe," I say before I hang up, "One of these days you are going to be my girl on a full time basis. I mean that," I hear a sigh and then she says, "We shall see about that."
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