The village idiot of Las Vegas hears some infuriating truth from Roxy.

"I want to be the girl with the most cake. I love it so much it just turns to hate."

Doll Parts - Hole

"What do you want?" - I called Roxy yesterday to remind her how much I love and miss her - "Jethro, what did I tell you this weekend? Come on, use your brain." - she  informed me over the weekend that I was not to call her, she would call me if she needed anything - "I can't help it," I tell her in a somber tone,  "It's just that I love you and can't stop thinking about you. What are you wearing?"

She didn't say anything after the question so I ask again - "What are you wearing?" - I hear a mumble on the other end of the line as if she were talking to someone else and then she says - "I am getting ready to step into an appointment Jethro. I don't have time to talk," - she's told me on a number of occasions not to ask questions about her business - "It's none of your fucking business," is her standard reply when I do. You would think a guy would learn, but no, idiots like me never do - "What kind of appointment are you going to. Are you having your nails done?"

I hear a laugh after my question - "Jethro" she says in a condescending tone, "What did I tell you about asking me questions? You remember...I told you it was none of your business!" I tell her sorry and she says, "You know what Jethro? Since you are so fucking nosy I am going to be totally honest with you. I am meeting a client in Del Mar - we are going to snort an eight ball of coke and then I am going to fuck his brains out for an hour. After that I am headed to La Hoya to do the same thing - okay - now you know what I am up to."

It was infuriating to hear a statement of such nature from the women I love - I tell her such - she says - "What have I told you Jethro? Let me repeat it and maybe it will stick in that thick skull of yours this time! I said, 'Don't ask me questions about my personal life. It's none of your fucking business! You don't own me!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas meets Jayball's new weekend girl.

I had never heard of an establishment named Twin Peaks until Jayball told me about it recently. The only difference between Twin Peaks & Hooter's is the girls who work there wear less (or maybe tighter) clothes. Any way, he called me Saturday and told me to get my ass over there.

I walk into the place and Jayball is the first person I see. He is standing at the bar sipping Jack with a bevy of scantily clad beauties surrounding him - "Jethro," he yells, "Get over here boy. Come meet some of my friends." - He introduces me to a few gals whom I'm guessing the oldest is twenty four. It was quite an experience. After the introductions are over - one of them asks - "Is your name really Jethro?" I tell her no.

"Don't lie to the young lady," Jayball says as he puts his arm around her waist, "See, Jethro here is from Kansas," he then taps her chin and says, "Do you know what they say about Kansas?" - she shakes her head no - he says, "Kansas - where the men are men and the sheep are nervous." A loud chorus of laughter breaks out from the bevy and then one of them tells us our table is ready.

We order wings and a couple beers (the food is secondary in a spot like this) and he tells me this - "You see that one?" He then motions with his eyes to a young lady standing at the drink station at the end of the bar, "That's my new weekend girl. After she gets off work we are headed to Green Valley. I have a room booked for us." - The word floating around Las Vegas was Jayball is off the market. He'd been holed up the last six months or so with a stripper from Spearmint Rhino, I asked about it - he tells me this - "She's still around, but I had to work something new in." Jayball has never been a one women man, so to speak - "It's the thrill of the hunt Jethro," is his standard answer when I question him about his promiscuity.

We down a few plates of wings and guzzle a couple of beers and then his new girl walks up to him and says - "They're going to let me go early today. I will be ready in ten minutes," he smiles, looks my way and says - "Jethro, I will catch up with you later," I ask if he is still planning on giving me a ride home, he smirks and says - "It looks like there is a bus ride coming in Jethro's near future."

The village idiot of Las Vegas tells an old friend from Kansas how to hit a lick.

"I know what the key to getting rich is. It's markets!" - This past weekend I chatted with an old friend from Kansas. He'd been reading the blog and was curious to know more - "It's markets goddammit!" I state once again -- "Without a market you can have the greatest thing in the world and no one will give a shit."

I rattle on a bit more and he interrupts - "I understand what you are saying about markets, everyone understands that. The problem is it takes more resources than either one of us have to penetrate a market thorough enough to make any difference. The corporations in this country are far too powerful. Guys like us don't have a chance!" I wasn't getting the point across - so I tell him this - emphatically -- "Here's the part where people get confused about my message. It's not the traditional market (I refer to it as the Anglo market). It's emerging markets, which are very prevalent in Las Vegas. Those are the markets that should be attacked."

He says curiously, "What do you mean by that?" - I tell him - "Do you remember when I gave you the dime store tour of Chinatown a while back?" - he says yes - I say - "Asians are a text book case on emerging markets. That's just one market. Think about all the Latinos in this country. There is another emerging market! I am going to say it this way and then wait for you to see it with your own eyes. Forget about having the nicest smelling perfume, or the tastiest can of nuts, or the best video game. That's not how a poor guy gets rich. It's being the first in a market! That's how a motherfucker hits a lick! One more thing! Emerging markets will cost a fraction of what traditional markets cost to attack. At this stage of the game it is all about connections on the ground! I have a number of them."

We chat a bit more and he tells me his plan is come to Las Vegas towards the first of June and check things out, I tell him I would appreciate that. He asks if I have any parting words before he hangs up - I say - "It's the guy at the bottom who pushes things up! That's who wins!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas shares some dirty talk with Roxy.

"What's the password?" - Friday afternoon I was waiting in a room at the Cosmopolitan that the China man had gotten for me - actually it was for Roxy - "Jethro," she says, "Open the fucking door!" Princess Roxy had kept me waiting two hours so I felt it only right to waste a bit of her time - "Again, what is the password?" - I say this time with a condescending tone - "I'm not in the mood Jethro. Wait, I know what the password is," she hisses, "How about this? If you don't open the door in the next five seconds you can fuck yourself instead."

I found it attractive when a women who resembles a Playboy centerfold is crude - I swing the door open and pronounce -- "I missed you like no other," she crosses the threshold, looks around and says "Jethro, you did well. This is a nice room. You always get nice rooms for me."

We spend a minute or so on small talk and then I walk over and set next to her on the bed, she asks - "Jethro, do you think I am a whore? You don't have to be nice about it. Just tell me if you think I am a whore." Roxy is weird like that, she loves to hear dirty talk - I always oblige -- "You are a fucking whore," I tell her as I run my hand up the mocha sundress she is wearing - "This is what I do to whores," I say as I spin her over and push the sundress over her waist.

An hour of so of oral (and dirty talk) goes bye and she moans - "Jethro, where did you learn to do that so well," it's funny like that - she says me being able to perform cunnilingus the way I do is one of the biggest reasons she sleeps with me - "Babe, it's a trait I learned as I was coming up in Kansas," I then add, "My friend Legend back in Kansas said that as long as a guy knows how to eat snatch, he will always have a job...I live by that credo Babe!"

She looks at me after the statement, smirks and says - "You think you are so funny - it's my turn now," she pushes my face from her lady hole and I roll onto my back - "Jethro," she moans as she positions herself on me, "I learned this trick as a young debutante in La Mesa," she then starts gyrating her hips up and down and side to side - five minutes later I climax -- she rolls off and says, "Jethro, when are you going to be rich? If you are rich we can do this all day, every day. It is a good thing you are so adorable. Most men pay for what you are getting for free. Whores like me cost money Jethro."

The village idiot of Las Vegas calls his ex wife after two people get clipped in North Las Vegas.

The other day two people were shot in the 2500 block of Cartier in North Las Vegas. After hearing the suspects description on the news...I immediately called my ex wife:

"I know where you are! Don't give me this bullshit about how you weren't in town. Goddammit, I know it was you," - I take a moment to catch my breath and then add --"Look, it's time to come clean. It was secrets that broke us up - I don't want to have anymore secrets between us, just tell me it was you and I will leave it alone."

The ex suffered bouts of road rage when she lived in Las Vegas, couple that with a loaded gun she kept in the glove box, well, you can see why I am suspicious - "Look," she says sternly, "I told you I would call you next time I came to town -- I haven't been around North Las Vegas in a long time - so there is no way things are going to get pinned on me."

I don't believe her one bit -"Why is it every time someone gets dropped in the NLV, in one of these so called anonymous shootings, the description is always the same? A middle age women driving an Explorer with a party color toy poodle barking in the passenger seat - that sounds a lot like you and Pepper!" she sighs after the remarks and says, "I don't know. Do you think Pepper and I have been cloned and put on the streets of North Las Vegas to clean up all the riff-raff? At this point I have no answer for you. I will talk with you later," and without saying bye she hangs up..

Somebody soon will get dropped again in the NLV. When it happens and the description of the suspect fits my ex wife again, well, you can be damn sure I will get to the bottom of things!

The village idiot of Las Vegas wastes five minutes of dirty talk on Roxy.

Yesterday I notice a text message from Roxy's number - it reads -- "Coming to town for the weekend. Call your Chinese buddies and have them get me a hotel room." - I send back a text reading -- "No problem Babe. What time are you going to be in town? I will be there to greet you with open arms."

A few minutes pass and the phone rings...it was Roxy - "Babe," I say as I answer, "I am so glad you are coming to town. I miss you like crazy and am looking forward to seeing you again," there was silence after my statement - so I say yet again, "Babe, I can't wait to see you. I have been thinking about you constantly. We will have a great time when you come to town!"

After getting no response the second time I start to remember a game we use to play (she would tell me to talk dirty while she kept quiet. It's a real fun game) - "I know what you are doing," I tell her with a sly tone, "You want me to talk dirty to you," I then begin to rattle off every sexual innuendo under the sun - "When you come to town I am going to rip off all your clothes the moment I see you - after that I am going to stick my face in your honey hole for a few hours - after that I am going to throw you on top of me for another hour - after that we are going to do it in the shower - after that I am going to order room service -- and then we will repeat the process again & again!"

A good five minutes of dirty talk passes - and then I say -- "What do you think about that? Huh, I know you are a naughty girl," still there is no response. I then hang up figuring she had her fix. A few minutes later I send another text asking what she thought of the diatribe. I immediately receive a text back reading - "?...I must have accidentally butt dialed you. Can you get me the room?" I text back - "Yes," she sends back a smiley face emoticon and adds - "I will call you Thursday - Thanks."

The village idiot of Las Vegas chats with a North Las Vegas princess at Starbucks.

The other day I was internet surfing at the Starbucks on McDaniel & Lake Mead when I notice an attractive young lady walk in. I didn't give it much thought and then a few minutes later she sets down at the table next to me. We trade innocent smiles and I go back to surfing. A few minutes pass and I look up to sneak another peak.

She is beautiful! Her mocha skin coupled with a pearly white smile is an impressive site. I look down again (after all, I didn't want her to catch me staring at her) but it proved too much. So I look up to sneak another peak. This time it was her sculpted, crossed legs that I take notice of. It was obvious she'd been spending time in the gym.

A few minutes later a barista appears and asks if she would like a drink - he had accidentally made an extra, she says, "No thanks I have one, but that guy looks thirsty - why don't you give it to him?" The barista hands me the drink and I thank him. I then look over at the North Las Vegas goddess and say - "Thank you for the gesture. That was very kind of you," she smiles and says, "No problem, I already had three cups of coffee today. I can't handle anymore."

I was beginning to feel a vibe between us - so I say -- "My name is Rob. What's your name?" She looks at me with brown eyes and a beautiful smile and says - "My name is Maria. Do you come in here much?" I tell her how I only come in to use the internet and never buy anything, she says - "I do the exact same thing. There is no shame in my game," we both share a laugh at the statement and I say - "Are you from around here?" - she looks me over and says - "Yep, born and raised. You're not from around here - are you?" I tell her how I have been living in the NLV the last six months and how much I enjoy it, she says - "You are funny. I like that."

I immediately thought about asking her out, and then I thought again - "You don't have a car. You are broke. Do you really think you could handle a girl like this in the spot you are in right now?" I then tell myself not to think so much and say - "You seem like a nice girl. I am a nice guy. Would you like to meet up for a drink one of these days?" - there was a deafening silence after my request and she says -- "I have a boyfriend. You know, if I didn't have one I would be interested, but sorry, I am taken," this isn't the first time I have been shot down, and it damn sure won't be the last, but I am resilient - so I tell her this -- "I can see how a nice girl like you is taken. I just wish I would have met you earlier," I then look down and begin surfing the internet again. 

A few minutes pass and she says, "It was nice meeting you Rob. I will see you around," she then pushes her chair away from the table, stands up and begins to leave. I can't help but take notice of her beautiful sculpted legs coupled with her slim waist again. She was an enduring site...to say the least.