Monday, June 1, 2015

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets a birthday present from his favorite drunken bum..

Today was a glorious day in North Las Vegas, not to mention it was my birthday as well. To tell the truth most of the day was uneventful, no stripper jumping out of a cake or antics of that nature. However, something interesting did occur...I ran into my favorite drunk in North Las Vegas - Eddie.

"Not again," I thought to myself as I spot him in the distance. A few weeks ago I found him passed out on the sidewalk. Initially, I was going to step over him and continue on my trek and then I thought about my civic duty, so I awoke him and pointed him to the park. He could sleep there and no one would care. Plus he would prove much less of an eyesore to the community.

As I am approaching him for the second time while he is passed out on the sidewalk my initial thought again was to step over him and head on my way, and then my sense of civic duty kicks in once again - "Goddammit! Why do you have to pass out on the sidewalk?" I yell as I kick the soul of his shoes. "Do you know how bad it makes the neighborhood look to have some guy passed out where everyone can see him? Why don't you go to the fucking park like I told you last time?"

My rant wakes him from his drunken stupor. He proceeds to wipe his eyes; scratch his head; and then says in a slur - "Sorry man, it just hit me. I've been warned about it. I just can't help myself." I roll my eyes and say, "Today is my birthday and the last thing I want to see is a guy passed out in the middle of the sidewalk. Come on! Have some pride! Kids walk by here all the time!" I then extend my hand down to him, he grabs hold and I pull him to his feet - "Go pass out where no one can see you," I say as I prepare to walk away.

I should have left good enough alone, but idiots like me never do - "Look," he murmurs as I am twenty or so paces from him, "If it's your birthday let me buy you a beer." The last thing he needed was another beer, but since he was offering and it's my birthday - I say - "Yeah man, what the hell. I could use a beer." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wrinkled five dollar bill and instructs me to go into the CVS and buy a couple Mickey's. I do such and five minutes later return.

"Thanks, I appreciate it," I say to him as I twist the top off and take a huge swallow. He then says in his drunken slur - "Thanks for waking me. It's time for me to go home." He turns and began to stumble his way home I presume, I head in the opposite direction. A few moments pass and he yells - "Happy birthday dude," I raise my beer to him in thanks without stopping, turning around or saying a word.

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