The village idiot of Las Vegas talks ex-wife and the Chinese with his Uncle Jack...

I mention my Uncle Ned quite a bit in my blog, turns out my other Uncle, Jack, was in
town for a few days. He was visiting my cousin Joel. We'd been playing telephone tag for
a couple days without much success. Well, I decided to skip the traditional phone call and
stop by my cousins' apartment. Wouldn't you know? The first guy I see when I get out of the
car? It was my Uncle Jack. He was headed out to clean the car and get something to eat. I
tagged along.

"How's life been treating you?" I talk with my Uncle Ned a lot, probably to much, but Uncle
Jack? Not to often. Anyways, I shrugged my shoulders and told him.."Life has its ups and
downs. Still trying to figure it out. Getting closer though." Uncle Jack has lived in Kansas City
for 30+ years. He's had the same job, and is fixing to retire in a year or so. He then asked me
where I wanted to eat lunch? I recommended a place dear to my heart.."Lets go to Amore's Taste
of Chicago!"

One of these days, I'm going to work 'Amore's' into my blog, but that day isn't today. We arrive,
take our seat, and order. As were waiting for our order, my ex-wife calls (She's planning on making
a trip out to Vegas in the near future and we were trying to sew up a date)..Anyways, I give the phone
to my Uncle Jack and he says hi to her. After she hangs up my Uncle Jack asked me this.."Are you and Melissa planning on getting back together?" I've fielded a number of questions from my family over the last few years about my ex and I..I tell them the same thing every time. I'm getting a notion that they don't believe me, but nonetheless, I wanted to explain what the deal was to Uncle Jack. It made it a lot easier being in person with him..

"Melissa and I are looking at a reunion of sorts, but not the husband-wife thing. The immediate goal is to get her back out to Las Vegas and find her a decent job. She was in the Hospice business before she left, and it was a damn good job. We're thinking when she comes back out to visit? She'll find some of her old contacts and maybe land back in her old job, but that's not the main reason! The thought is she could help me get some of my ideas launched. It's hard to for people to believe this, but my ex wife is my biggest fan." I then proceeded to give Uncle Jack a rundown on everything Las Vegas.

As we were getting ready to part ways, Uncle Jack asked me a question on a subject I love to talk about.."I was reading one of your posts and you said something about how you thought the Chinese were a good market. I think it said something about a reality show or something like that." I'm eager to answer, in detail! Any idea I post on my blog. So when he asked me that? I gave him my two cents worth..

"Jack, organic growth strategies are all the rage nowadays in Las Vegas. With any OG strategies, you've got to select an area and go at it with a hyper local approach..(Hyper local is best defined as an extremely concentrated area (Chinatown)..The belief in a hyper local business approach is to attack that area hard with your product our service. Once the product or service becomes successful in that area? Analyze the tentacles! Basically Uncle Jack, if you can get something to go off in Chinatown? You can make it appealing to an Asian crowd en mass! Jack, I'll be honest with you. I believe that I'm smart enough? Dumb enough? Crazy enough? Whatever you want to call me? It can be done with the proper resources!" My Uncle Jack said something to me after my rant that I hope other people paying attention will heed.."I'll give you something Rob! You've done the leg work!"

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."It was nice seeing my Uncle Jack today. Living in Las Vegas, I don't get to see much family. That's why I tell people that I've adopted the town of Las Vegas as my family. I know that sounds odd, but it's truly how I feel."

The village idiot of Las Vegas starts a new job today..

I've had more jobs than a Jamaican the last year. If times were normal for me? I'd be a little worried, but times they are a changing. I'm quoting Dylan on that one..Anyways, my Uncle Ned tells me that my politics are a bore, so I'm trying to refrain from it in the blog, but, I have to say one last thing before I move on..The single most important factor this country must focus on! JOB CREATION!! Not enough good jobs to go around right now. I've accepted that as fact! My solution to the problem? Create your own way! Or die trying!

I start a new job today. My immediate role? Go to as many restaurants and bars as humanly possible and sign them up for our service. The service works like this; We have a website that we advertise their menu on. If someone orders through the website? We're entitled to a certain percentage of whatever the sale price is..We'll also provide delivery to the customer if they so choose..The goal is to keep things in a fairly concentric area (5 mile radius)..The area we've chosen to market, quite frankly, I don't have the slightest clue how many restaurants or bars are in it? My best guess? 1000's..The other day I counted up how many years I've been in sales and marketing. I lost count at 20..I've been bouncing around an idea like this for a few years with limited success, but I truly believe I've finally found the right scenario for me..Like I said earlier, today is my first day on the job..I'm bound to learn if my belief is correct.

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Job creation and entrepreneurship are the keys to a healthy economy! Believe me! It's not the easiest thing in the world to do! All you can do is try!"

"Necessity is the mother of all invention."
-Plato

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets tossed out of a bar..

"You want to know something buddy? You've got a big fucking mouth!" The guy sitting across the bar from me wasn't taking kind to my political rhetoric, but hey, that's his problem not mine! Anyways, I told him this, "The first amendment of the Constitution guarantees my Freedom of speech! And if you don't like it? You can kiss my ass! Or go somewhere else!" I then drink another shot of tequila and resume my conversation with another guy at the bar. I'm too old to fight. And for the most part I try to avoid confrontations - Ten minutes later, as I am walking to the restroom, the guy who I had a verbal spat with says this to me - "Libertarians are a bunch of fucking idiots!"

Before I could respond, a voice from the other side of the bar says -"Listen asshole, I am a card carrying Libertarian in the State of Nevada. You are going to get your ass whipped if you don't apologize for that remark!" Turns out another guy who had been sitting a few seats down from me at the bar had overheard our conversation and was none too appreciative of the other guys banter, "I ain't apologizing for shit! You can kiss my ass!" The Libertarian hater yelled - By now both were nose to nose barking at each other. The next thing you know they're rolling on the floor wrestling. The bartender immediately jumps the bar, breaks the tussle up and escorts them to the door.

"Fun's over folks! Back to drinking!" The bartender and I are good friends, "Damn Jayson, you know how to cool a situation down fast," I tell him, "Those guys were acting like morons." Jayson is a strapping young lad. It would be foolish to get on his bad side. Unfortunately, he wasn't done throwing people out - "Rob, you're out of here too. It was your loud mouth that started the fracas. And from now on! I don't want to hear your politics. Talk about sports, or women, or something of that nature. Politics don't play well when people are drinking! Now get lost!" I wasn't about to argue, so I finish my beer and out the door I go. I then walk across the street to another watering hole. And wouldn't you know. The first two people I see are the guys who were thrown out before me. We all look at each other and start laughing. I thought it smart to leave politics alone for the rest of the night.

The village idiot of Las Vegas watches a lady freak out at work..

I got a new job, it's OK, can't complain much. If I did? Who would really care? It's phone work, not really my life's ambition, but the people are nice, the boss is cool, and it's convenient right now. Besides, according to my Uncle Ned.."Boy, you have a face that is made for the phone!" Sorry, for this tidbit, but everyone knows what my favorite thing in Las Vegas is, and I just watched another one walk by me at McDonald's. I love McDonald's! Back to the point, at the end of the shift Thursday, I noticed something in particular. This lady who sits a few seats down from me was pacing up and down the call room floor. At first, I didn't think much of it. I figured she was just killing time until it was time to punch out, and then she did something that I found very bizarre, but also quite amusing..

"Jack your a no good bastard! Your trying to screw me out of money! I hate this place!" It's not uncommon for people to complain about their jobs. That happens all the time! The thing that made this awkward? She was airing it out in front of everyone! "This place fucking sucks!" After she said that, the boss told her to leave and her employment was terminated. She then told him to fuck off. At the time, myself and twenty other people were sitting their watching all of this go down. Believe it or not? This isn't the first time I've seen some one get fired, or even flip-out at work! The thing that made this lady a little different? Generally people just leave after getting terminated, but she refused to. In the old days? I would happily volunteered to throw this lady out on her ear, but nowadays? Not a good idea! People are to sue happy! The lady would not stop with the tirade, so the boss called the police.

Here's where the story gets amusing..I didn't like this lady to begin with. To be honest with you! I thought she was one of the most disgusting people I've ever laid my eye's on. So watching her go? Good riddance! Now, as I sat their and watched her rant, I noticed that she kept sticking her tongue in and out. Acts like that are a tell-tell sign that she was on something, but what really made me laugh? Well, she looked exactly like Jabba the Hutt! For those of you who are 'Star Wars' fans? You get the picture. I wanted to tell her that, but I decided not to escalate the matter, so I left. The next day when I went back to work, the boss addressed the situation to everyone. He told us that he made a mistake hiring her, and now that mistake was corrected. At the end of the meeting he started to do an imitation of her. He kept sticking his tongue in and out, and then he said.."I can't think of that character that she reminded me of. It's at the top of my head. What was the movie?" I knew exactly who he was talking about! So I piped up.."Jabba the Hutt, that's who she reminds you of!" He looked at me and started laughing.."Jabba the Hutt, that's who I was thinking!"

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."My Uncle Ned has been known to flip-out from time to time. Remember the song 'Freak Out', I don't remember the artist. Anyways, whenever he flip-outs around me? I break into a chorus of that song to lighten his mood.."Ahh Freak-Out!!" I don't know any other lines past that. Don't really need to, it usually calms him down. Usually, not all the time!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas ponders some of the worlds problems..

Robin William's did a stand-up routine on HBO years ago, and during it he made a comment about gun control. If memory serves me right? It went something like this.."The second amendment is great, it gives people the right to bear arms, and the bears the right to have arms." That was the only time I laughed during the whole show. Needless to say, I was stunned when I heard about the shootings in Connecticut. Just like everyone else! I've got an opinion on gun control! My belief is that people's second amendment rights should be protected! With that said, how do you keep guns out of the hands of crazy people? My solution? I don't have the slightest idea!

Last night I chatted with a friend of mine in Albuquerque, he has four kids. We started talking about the tragedy and he told me this.."I can't even imagine what the parents were going through, waiting to know if their kids were safe. I can guarantee you they aged 10 years in that hour they had to wait to find out if their children were safe. The worst thought any parent can ever have? Knowing their children are in harms way."

This may sound jaded on my part, but living in Las Vegas? Well, you get used to hearing stories of gun violence. Las Vegas is a gun happy town. Usually when you hear about someone getting shot in 'Sin City', the story is always the same. A jilted ex, drug deal gone bad, gang members establishing turf, road rage, a cop protecting himself. I've got to admit something, whenever I hear of another person getting shot in Las Vegas? As long as their not shooting at me? I could give a shit less. Don't blame my point of view on me! Blame it on Las Vegas, the town hardens people like that. With that said, I keep thinking about my nieces, what if a lunatic went to their school and started on a murderous rampage? Having those kinds of thoughts is sickening, but that's the world we live in nowadays!

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I don't have any kids. Who knows? Maybe one of these days I'll marry one of these Vegas hotties and have a couple? If a guy like me can be shocked by such a terrible tragedy? I can't even begin to imagine what parents with school age children felt like when they heard the news?"

The village idiot of Las Vegas runs into a pistol packing sweetheart.

The other day I pulled into the corner 7-11 to purchase gas. As I am removing the nozzle from the pump and placing it into the tank - my peripheral vision picks up and angelic site.

My mother always told me it was impolite to stare, but then again - my mother never lived in Las Vegas. As I'm standing there leaning against my car waiting for the tank to fill, I decide to take a better look. This girl was sensational! After the third glance or so I notice something strapped to her hip. I thought it was a phone or something of that nature. So I take yet another gander. Turns out it was a gun, a very big gun! Seeing people open carry weapons isn't a big deal in Las Vegas. What made this experience so unique? Truth be told is I have never seen anyone who looked so good with a firearm strapped to their hip. Seeing it was a turn on, a big turn on! So I decide to strike up a conversation:

"What kind of gun do you have?" I'm not a gun guy in the slightest, but like I said (there was something about seeing a beauty like this strapped that really turned me on). "It is a 9 millimeter and fully loaded," she tells me with a stern voice and an ever sterner look on her face. After her statement - I immediately thought about something my uncle Ned said to me, "Man, there must be something creepy about you? That's why the women in Las Vegas won't give you a second look," with that thought in mind - I figured it best to finish filling the tank and be on my merry way.

The village idiot of Las Vegas has a Rat Pack encounter.

"Hey Sammy! Where's Frank, Dino and the rest of the crew? Let me guess, they're out on the town chasing broads, smoking cigars and drinking whiskey." I couldn't help remark when I saw what appeared to be a Sammy Davis Jr. impersonator at my apartment complex. At the time, I was standing on my balcony when I noticed him walk by dressed in gold rimmed sun glasses, a zoot suit, tap shoes and more pieces of jewelry than you could count. It honestly felt as if Sammy Davis Jr. had risen from the grave and was now standing ten feet away from me.

After my remark he looks and says, "I haven't seen those guys in a while? They've gotten too old or too dead. They don't want to hang out like they used to." Now that he was stopped and looking directly at me. It was eerie! He looked and sounded exactly like the real thing. - I then said, "I bet you've never heard this before, but you're a dead-ringer for Sammy Davis Jr.! Where do you play at?" I was making an assumption he was part of some celebrity impersonation show in town, turns out I was right. "Right now I am in between gigs, but work is supposed to pick up after the New Year's. I'm dressed in costume now because I'm getting ready to head down to a convention. They requested a Rat Pack feel as entertainment, so I got the call." He was in character when he talked. He possessed the look, the swagger and the walk. Hell, he even had the lisp. I'm a big Rat Pack fan. So before he leaves, I show him my impersonation of Sammy D.

"Check this out buddy!" I clear my throat, put on my best lazy eye and then say - "It's like Sammy says baby, Las Vegas is a hell of a town to chase broads," I then did a whirl and a brief tap dance. After I was through I asked what he thought. Judging by the response. I don't think there's much of a future for me impersonating Sammy Davis Jr. "I have to admit something to you my friend. I've probably seen a million Sammy D. Jr. imitations in my lifetime and yours, without a doubt, has got to be one of the worst. But keep working on it. Practice makes perfect."

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets a call from his ex wife..

The number one fan of my blog is my ex wife. Who better to understand the ins and outs of how I feel about Las Vegas than the women I used to be married to in Las Vegas? Makes sense if you stop and think about it. If their was such a thing as a scale for ex wife's, mine would rate a 10. After the split, she decided to move back to Kansas, and she's regretted it since. See, the thing that separates Las Vegas? It's like a sickness. Calling Las Vegas a sickness is a little harsh, but once you adapt to the town? It's nothing short of impossible to get her out of your blood. I realized that a while back when I moved to Houston, I had to come back to my baby, and I did! Now, if the ex sincerely wants to make her way back to Las Vegas? I'd welcome her with open arms.

"I really enjoyed your blog post about the homeless guy and his dog. That was the best one you've had in a little while. Don't get me wrong, I like them all, but that was my favorite." I hadn't chatted with the ex in a month, so when she called me last night to tell me that she was headed to Las Vegas for the New Year? I was pleased to say the least. "Are you still wanting to come back to Las Vegas? And if so, have you gotten in touch with some of your buddies in the medical field?" Before leaving for Kansas, she had a job in the medical sales field, and it was a damn good job. A lot better job then she'll ever get in Kansas. "Yes, I still want to come back to Las Vegas, and no I haven't got a hold of anyone yet, but I will. I just scheduled my trip yesterday and I'll be out there for a week. How are your grandmother and father doing?" When she asked about my father and grandmother, I found it a little ironic. The reason being? I chatted with both of them a day before she called, and they asked how she was doing. "From what I can gather, every one is doing fine. I got a question for you, can you see the blog coming to life?"

The number one goal of any serious blogger is simple! They want to see their efforts come to life. A statement like that sounds weird to most people, but if anyone was going to understand? It would be her. "I can see it. Reality is a big part of how Las Vegas works. I remember when you started talking about this stuff a long time ago. I wasn't seeing it, but it was before you started your blog, and when I read your blog? It makes sense to me now! I didn't listen back then, but I can promise you that I'm listening now."

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."If the ex ever moved back out to Las Vegas and got set up with a decent job? I'm convinced the two of us could start something big in this town. If I'm understanding her correctly? Were both on the same page about some of the things that could work in an environment like Las Vegas. Time will tell."

The village idiot of Las Vegas talks politics with his best buddy from Kansas..

Life long friendships are something that everyone should cherish! A lot of people my age can't honestly say that they've had the same circle of close friends for 30+ years. You would think that I might outgrow that group, or they would out grow me? It's not like I see or talk to them on a daily basis, but when we do communicate? It's the equivalent of being back in small town Kansas again, or playing basketball at the playground, or drinking beer and telling lies. I'm not exactly sure how to explain the feeling of having a friend forever. I'll just tell you that it feels good.

"When you say that your a registered Libertarian and you support Libertarian concepts. What do you exactly mean by that?" Last night I talked with a dear old friend from Kansas. He's a fan of the blog, and he wanted a better explanation on why I'm a Libertarian..I'm always happy to answer questions.."The Libertarian stance is focused on people's civil liberties and economic freedoms. Less government involvement in people's life's." If I  understood my friend correctly? He leans more to the democratic side..Anyways, he then told me this.."OK, you've got to be a lot more detailed! Are you saying the government should get out of every one's way? That doesn't make sense. Your always going to have government." I'm old enough to realize that government is never going away, but I'm young enough to realize that government is way out of control.

"I'm not saying that government should dissipate completely. It's the scope of government that needs to shrink. It's to large! The United States of America is a capitalist society. I know capitalism is a dirty word nowadays, but that's a lot better route than everyone leaning on the government..The government is broke! The country needs private investment, entrepreneurship, job creators! We don't need more people on the government tit!" My friend has never been one to back down from an argument, so he told me this. "I get it, but your talking about a world that doesn't exist anymore. You want to turn back the clock to the Reagan years, the trickle down effect. I got news for you. It don't trickle down! Not to guys like you and me!"

I like to end every  post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Here's a Libertarian point of view on gambling! The future of gambling in the country in online! Estimates have put projected revenue, if it were legal, at 100 billion dollars in revenue by 2020. At this point, most of the revenue generated by this industry is going to foreign operators. My suggestion? Run out the foreign operators in the U.S. market and hand the business over to domestic companies. The government can then tax the new revenue at 39%! That makes a lot more sense then getting zippo!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas encounters a homeless guy and his dog..

If it wasn't for the summers, I would say Las Vegas is a great place to be homeless. If there ever is a good place to be homeless that is. With that said, I have been living in Las Vegas the last eight years. And I always see the same thing this time of year - homeless people abound - even in the nice parts of town. After a while they become a part of the landscape. The derelicts, the dregs of society, the panhandlers...given enough time they grow on you. Throw an animal in the mix and it really begins to tug at your heart strings.

Yesterday I pulled into my neighborhood 7-11 and noticed a dog tied to a large backpack and the backpack in turn was tied to a trash can. I get out of my car and walk up to the dog. The dog looked horrible! It was mangy, skinny and scared.

As I am standing there, a lady comes out of the store, walks by the dog and reaches down to pet it. The dog snaps at her. I then tell everyone to leave the dog alone. It was obvious he was frightened. A few moments later the owner of the dog comes out of the store and sees us standing next to it.

"Are you guys fucking stupid? You shouldn't mess with a dog that is tied up. Leave him alone!" The guy was homeless and I'm  guessing the only things he had left in life was his backpack and the dog tied to it. He was bound and determined to protect both! A lot of people would have been taken a back by his statement, not me. I was more worried about the welfare of the dog. So I ask him when was the last time the dog had something to eat. He looks at me and says. "It's been a while, I was going to give him part of my hot dog." After hearing this I tell him to wait for a moment. I then go into the store and buy a can of dog food. I come back out and give it to him - his mood changes drastically.."Thank-you man, I appreciate it. You are very kind," he tells me his dog is named Petey and the two of them have been on the streets the last couple months. After a few minutes of listening to his hard luck story, I respectfully tell him I must go. These were my parting worlds - "Whatever you choose to do in your life? Make sure you take care of your dog. It sounds like he is the only friend you have left."

The village idiot of Las Vegas chats with his father..

"What does it feel like to be 70 years old?" Yesterday was my fathers birthday, so I called to wish him well. "I'm still alive and kicking, all my faculties are still working. I can't complain about a whole lot of things. I guess I could complain, but I don't think anyone would care." For being 70 years old, my father is in pretty good shape. I hope I'm in that good of shape when I turn 70. I then asked him what he had been up to on his big day. He told me this. "I signed up for Ancestry.com, and I've been tracing the Astle family tree. The last American entry to the tree was your great, great, great, granddad. According to the census records back then, he was born in Indiana in the year 1810. That's as far as I can trace it back in America. I'm getting ready to research the English records. England kept a lot better records than America did back then."

I then asked him how my dog was doing. When I moved back to Las Vegas, I gave my dog to my dad and his wife to watch. He told me this. "I had to beat her the other day because she wasn't listening, but besides that she's doing pretty good." Animal lover's take a deep breath. He was only kidding.

My father is an excellent writer. As a matter of fact, I picked up a lot of my writing skills from him. Now, I'm always curious to know what people think about my blog, so I asked him what his thoughts were.."It's pretty good, I read the story about your friend Roxy calling you at 3 in the morning after she got in a fight with her boyfriend. You made the right decision by not going over when she called. Let me ask you this. Don't you think you might be sharing a little bit to much in your blog? I know the world has changed since I was young, but somethings should stay personal." He's not the first person to tell me that I give to much away in the blog, but I have a good reason for it.."This may sound strange to you Pops? The genre, affiliation, category, whatever you want to call it? It's referred to as 'reality writing', and that style of writing is turning into a burgeoning business in Las Vegas." I'm pretty sure he didn't get that statement, but if your into reality television? Which a lot of people are. You kind of get it? At least I think you kind of get it?

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I'm grateful that my dad had a happy and healthy 70th birthday. I'm grateful that my Uncle Ned is recovering from his recent cancer surgery. I'm grateful that my grandmother is still sharp as a tack at 98 years old. I'm grateful that I live in Las Vegas. I wish I had a fancier way to say it, but I'm just a grateful guy nowadays."

The village idiot of Las Vegas chats with a fellow Libertarian..

"Gun slinging, gambling halls, strip joints, marijuana shops. What's not to like about this town?" Those aren't my words, rather they belong to a pal of mine in Las Vegas. My friend John, who I often refer to as Johnny Las Vegas. At the time, he was responding to my question on what he liked most about the town. Those kind of responses are why I like to call him Johnny Las Vegas.

For all my friends good traits, the thing I find most endearing about him? He's a registered Libertarian. I met him at a Libertarian rally a few months back. He used to live in Pahrump, for those of you not familiar with Pahrump? It's one of the places in Nevada where you can find legal brothels. Johnny actually worked for one of the brothels as a bouncer. Pahrump got a little boring for him, so he packed up and moved to Las Vegas a few years ago. "Johnny, I have a question for you. What was it like working in a brothel? Did you ever get any perks for free?" I had this picture in my mind of Johnny standing there like Caligula and a hundred girls standing naked in front of him.

"Rob, to be honest with you, working at the Chicken Ranch wasn't much fun. Most of the time I sat outside and watched the gate. I never saw any perks. Girls at that place never gave a thing away for free. It was really pretty boring. That's why I moved to Las Vegas. This town is 1000x more exciting than some outpost like Pahrump! No wild orgy stories here." Nowadays, Johnny works at a seedy strip club in North Las Vegas. He's offered to waive the cover for me on a number of occasions, but I always pass. I hate North Las Vegas. Now if he worked at one of the finer gentlemen clubs in town? I'd take him up on the offer.

"Rob I read your blog the other day and I've figured out why your luck with women is so bad in Las Vegas." Johnny always seems to have a new girl on his arm every time I see him. I'm not that impressed by them, but according to him? It beats nothing. "Rob, your wanting to find a Las Vegas girl on the outside and a Kansas girl on the inside. I'm hear to tell you brother! That dog won't hunt!" I thought about what he said, and he was right. I'd love to shove a Kansas girl into the body and appearance of a Vegas girl. Does that make sense?

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Senator Harry Reid, I like to refer to him as Uncle Harry..Anyways, he made a statement a year or so ago about how he would like to rid the State of Nevada of whore houses. Reid stated that companies don't want to move to an environment where the school bus has to drive by a brothel. Joe Conforte, a Libertarian, and the owner of the Chicken Ranch at the time said this about Senator Reid's statement.."They will have to take the keys to this place from my dead, cold hands."

The village idiot of Las Vegas responds to feedback from his Uncle Ned..

"Boring! That's the only word I can use to describe your blog. All the stories are the same! It's boy meets girl, boy makes pass at girl, girl rejects boys advances, boy runs off with tail between his legs. Don't any of the women you hit on ever say yes? Man, their must be something really creepy about you. Know one strikes out as much as you!" Uncle Ned in Kansas serves as the biggest critic of my blog, and I like that he does..Nothing makes me happier than feedback on my writing, no matter how negative it might be..

"Uncle Ned, the reason I don't have any luck with Vegas girls?" I was going to give him my standard answer of not having any money, but before I could? He rudely interrupted me.."Don't give me this bullshit about how you don't have any money and that's why you always strike out! I've been hearing that same excuse from you forever! The reason you can't find a women in Las Vegas is simple. Your a fucking loser! So please, find something else to write about besides the women in Las Vegas." Being a single, heterosexual, corn-fed, mid western guy? It's impossible to think about anything but women when you live in Las Vegas. If Ned was out here? He would understand what I'm talking about.

"Uncle Ned, listen to me, I just want to find me a nice Vegas girl to call my own. If I could ever do that? I would stop dwelling on them so much. I just don't seem to have any luck. Besides, I think a lot of other people who read the blog get a kick out of my misfortunes. People love to see other people fail. One of my other readers told me that I should try to develop a sit-com out of my story. He thinks its funny." Once Ned gets rolling, their is no stopping his verbal abuse.."Your blog isn't funny! It's fucking pathetic! Like you! What you really need to do is focus on getting a life! If your really wanting to find a girl to call your own in Las Vegas, maybe you should lower your standards?"

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Uncle Ned is planning on coming out to Las Vegas at the end of March for a music festival. He told me that we would hang out and he would show me how to pick women up in Las Vegas. All I got to say? Make sure your pockets are full of spending cash Uncle Ned."

The village idiot of Las Vegas watches a guy strike out at Walgreen's..

Kara is a blond twenty something who works at my neighborhood Walgreen's. Every time I go there? I  make it point to say hi and ask how she is doing. It's always fun to watch her smile and tell me that she is doing well. She's also a big fan of the blog. I've thought about asking her out on a few occasions, but I'm not so sure she is feeling it. Besides, if I ask her out and she says no? I'll have to find another Walgreen's to shop at, and I like that one.

The other day I went into Walgreen's and she was working. We exchanged pleasantries and I start in on my shopping list. After I was done shopping I make my way to the  check-out line..The guy in front of me was wearing Aqui Di Jour..(My favorite cologne)..Anyways, he had it lathered on pretty thick. Well, he makes his way to the counter and Kara is waiting there to check him out. This is when things got amusing..

The guy had one thing on his mind and it wasn't the Q-tips in his basket.."Hi Kara, how are you today?" Kara is the kind of girl who attracts lots of suitors and I could sense by this guys body language that he was going to make a move.."I'm doing fine Ray. How are you?" Kara is one of the best retail people I have ever known. She remembers every one's name, and always has a smile on her face.."Kara, I was wanting to know something..Would..uh..uh..would..uh..uh..Would you like to go out with me sometime?" I'm standing behind this guy watching him try to get the words out of his mouth. His approach wasn't the smoothest, but he managed, and you got to give him props for that..

"Ray your so sweet, but I've got a boyfriend. I told you that last time you asked me. That will be $12.75. Would you like a receipt with that?" After his offered was rejected? Poor bastard, it looked like someone let the air out of him. He slumbers off and it's my turn to check out..I'll admit, the thought of asking Kara out was going through my head, but after watching her reject the guy in front of me? I decided to save myself from the humiliation.

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."My Uncle Ned told me that he had grown tired of reading stories about how I always got rejected by all the women in Las Vegas..So I wrote this one to show him that I wasn't the only guy striking out in Vegas."

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets a late night call from a high end call girl..

Last night I was awakened by a phone call at 3 in the morning. The last time some one called me at that time was 12 years ago, it was my sister calling to tell me that my mother was dead. I take that back, I got a similar call about 7 years ago. It was from a friend of mine who got thrown in jail, and he needed some one to bail him out..I don't have to draw a picture, late night phone calls when your old? Not good! On the other hand, late night phone calls when your young? A lot of times those can be very fun!

"Ring, Ring, Ring" I'm a pretty heavy sleeper, but for some reason or another I was quick to awake when I heard my phone ringing. I took a moment to gather myself, and then I looked at my alarm clock. It read 3:21 AM. The first thing that went through my mind? Something has happened to grandma or dad or uncle Ned. It was my sister, and she was going to break the news to me. I grabbed the phone off my dresser and immediately looked at my caller ID. Imagine my relief when I saw it was my friend Roxy calling. I gave it a moment to let my heart stop racing, and then I answered the phone.."Roxy what is going on? Why are you calling me at this hour? Are you OK?" After my statement, I could hear what sounded like a person crying.."Roxy what's going on?"

"Rob, I didn't know who else to call. I just needed someone to talk to. I caught Steve with another girl. He told me that I was his one and only, and we agreed that we would be faithful to each other. We started arguing and he slapped me. I told him that I was going to call the police, and he said that he would kill me if I did." Domestic violence is a huge issue in Las Vegas..Anyone who reads my blog is familiar with the Roxy story. She's the epitome of a 'Vegas girl'..The problem with girls like her? She wants the dangerous guy, the guy with money..Ultimately, a lot of them pay a price for their decision.."Where is Steve now? Is he still there?" Her reply: "He left after I told him I was calling the police." Me: "Did you call the police?" Roxy: "No, I don't want them involved, I just wanted to get rid of him. I never want to see that asshole again." OK, it seemed like she was in good shape for the time being, so I asked her why she called me.."Rob can you come over? I don't feel like being alone."

Under normal circumstances, if a girl like Roxy told me to come over, I would have been their in a flash. Now, since I'm an older, wiser version of my once reckless self. I took a moment to summarize her request..Example: A few weeks ago, a jilted ex showed up at his wife's house in Las Vegas. She was with her new boyfriend, and it didn't play well. The ex ended up shooting his wife and her boyfriend. Believe it or not, stories like that are common place in Las Vegas..I've stated in previous posts. It's always the dumb shit, white guy from Kansas who ends up getting shot trying to play the good Samaritan, and I didn't want to be that guy..So as hard as it was, I politely declined her request..I tried to call her this morning, but she didn't answer. My guess? She's sleeping it off, and things will be OK..

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."The girls in Las Vegas are unbelievable in their appearance! As much as I like to dwell on it, a guy still has to think with his big head and not his little one! If you let the little head take over your thought process? No matter how tempting it is! It's a good way to find yourself staring down the barrel of a phycho ex's 45, and that thought doesn't resonate to well with me."

The village idiot of Las Vegas runs into his favorite homeless veteran..

Summer aside, the weather in Las Vegas caters to something that I like to refer to as the 'new norm'..Panhandling..It doesn't matter what part of Las Vegas you live in! There is a professional panhandler standing on a corner waiting to take a hand out. Now I realize that statement sounds strange to a number of people, but if you lived in Las Vegas? You would understand what I'm talking about.

The other day I was stopped at the intersection of Fort Apache & Tropicana. It's a very busy intersection, and when the light turns red? Not uncommon to be stuck for a few minutes..Anyways, I looked down at my radio to adjust the dial and when I looked up? I saw my favorite bum in Las Vegas walking down the aisle of cars holding a sign that said.."I'm not going to lie, I need a beer"...The thing I like most about this guy? That's easy! It's his blatant honesty! A few months ago, I saw him at another intersection in town, he was holding the exact same sign. This may sound like enabling, but I pulled over and bought him a beer. Maybe it's because I feel a kinship with him? Anyways, when he saw me? He immediately recognized me. Being recognized by a bum isn't something most people would be happy to admit, but I'm not most people. Judging by his comment, he was happy to see me..."I remember you brother, your the kindred soul who bought me a beer and a hot dog a few months ago. It's my turn to take care of you..Pull into the Quick Mart and I'll treat."

It's not everyday that a bum on the street offers to buy you a beer and a hot dog, so I gladly accepted his offer. I pull into the Quick Mart and he tells me to hang on for a moment while he go's into the store and gets the goods. He comes out a few moments later with 2 quarts of Budweiser and four mini-burritos. I only know this guy in passing, so I asked him his name and what his story was.."My name is Johnny Wilson, and I hail from the great State of Montana." I then ask him how long he has been in Las Vegas.."Yes sir, I've been in the great town of Las Vegas for 3 years and 3 months." For being a bum on the street, his etiquette was second to none. The more I chatted with him the more curious I became, so I asked him why was he panhandling? "Good friend, what is your name?" I told him my name was Rob.."Rob, the reason I ended up on the streets is simple. I don't know any other way to live. I don't have any family, and I enjoy the freedom it gives me." I'm not one to judge, so I accepted his answer for what it was..I then told him I was from Kansas originally, and had been living in Las Vegas the last six years.

After the beer was gone, I thanked him and then told him I had to leave and that he needed to be sure to take care of himself..Las Vegas is a rough town to begin with, and I can just imagine what living on the streets would be like..As were parting, he says this to me.."Don't you worry about me Rob, this good ol' boy from Montana has been shot at more times than I care to remember. Most people have already left me for dead. The one thing I'm good at? Surviving.. The wars taught me that! You stay cool brother, and forever may the wind be at your sails."

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I've met a lot of interesting and nice people in Las Vegas, and I've met a lot of people who I don't really care for. A cornucopia, so to speak..I've got to admit something, this guy, a homeless veteran. Well, he really tugged at my heart strings, and that's a very hard thing to do."

The village idiot of Las Vegas meets a very attractive Libertarian..

Politics and religion are not the best things to discuss when your drinking at a bar, but some times your forced into a discussion by no fault of your own. The other day I went down to one of my favorite watering holes. I like this particular place because its within walking distance of my apartment, so if I get smashed? Stumbling home isn't that big of deal..Moving on, I take my place at the bar, order a drink, and then proceed to take a survey of the landscape. You never know what your going to see or who you might come across in Las Vegas, and last night was no exception..

"Do you know how far in the hole this country is to China? This economy sucks! I can't believe that Obama got re-elected. This is bullshit!" After hearing this, I look across the bar and see a very attractive 20 something sitting next to a guy. Who at first glance? I thought was her father..She then spouted this.."I'd give anything to have Ron Paul as our president instead of this fucking Socialist we have now. He's a disgrace!" After hearing her statements, I couldn't take it anymore. This was a girl after my heart! "I agree with you a 100% sweetie. I would love to have a Libertarian president! It's what this country needs! As a matter of fact I want to buy you guys a drink!" She looks over at me, smiles, and tells me I'm sweet. This girl was gorgeous, and the guy she was with? Well, it wasn't her father, it was her boyfriend.

We have a few drinks, and I start telling them about my blog and some of my opinions. She then tells me how her boyfriend is 47 and she's 24. Her boyfriend and I were nursing our beers. The girl? She was slamming shot after shot, way loaded! No doubt about it! The two of them started arguing. He told her this.."This is why I could never marry you. Your to immature. I can't take you to any of my business functions. You would embarrass me by the way you act." This was the first time I had met them, and yeah the girl was pretty obnoxious, but I was chalking it up to her being drunk. Judging by what she said next, it was obvious she didn't appreciate her boyfriends statement.."Look asshole, I never hear any complaints out of you when we are in the sack or when I'm going down on you! Now do I? Fuck you, I can find another guy just like you in a heart beat. If you don't like what I'm saying? Cover your ears!" After hearing that. I took it as my cue to leave. I'm not much into other peoples drama, so I politely excused myself..The girl looks at me and says.."Don't let us scare you. We argue like this all the time. Were going home after this and I'm going to fuck his brains out. It's my way of giving him an attitude adjustment. It was nice meeting you Rob."

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I'm 42 and I could see myself hooking up with a 20 something hottie. It's Vegas, and the 20 something hotties grow on trees out here. I do have one hold up. If your going to hook up with a 20 something hottie? You better have your pockets full of spending loot. Unfortunately for me:( When I reach in my pockets, the only thing I pull out is lint:("

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets duped by a high end call girl..

The other night I got a call from a friend of mine in Las Vegas. He had a couple of spare tickets to one of the shows on the strip and wanted to know if I would be interested in taking them off his hands. Most of the time, I avoid the strip, except on the rare occasion some one comes into town for a visit. I made an exception to the rule, and decided to take him up on his offer. Since I had two tickets, I figured I would call my friend Roxy and see if she was interested in attending the show with me. Last time I chatted with her, I was getting the notion that she grown tired of my ilk, so I figured a free ticket to an awesome show might be the talisman I need to sway her opinion of me. As usual, I was wrong..

"Roxy, my buddy Tyrone gave me a couple of tickets to 'Jersey Boys' for the 10 P.M. show. How about meeting me down at the Paris around 9:30 and will go watch it?" I tried to invite myself over to her place for Thanksgiving to no avail, so I figured this would be a way to soften her up? Tickets to a full scale Vegas production are not cheap, and I remember her telling me how much she enjoyed the shows on the strip. Anyways, I got her usual response.."Jethro, what makes you think that I want to be seen with you in public? I remember specifically telling you on a number of occasions to lose my number. Jesus, what is it with you? Are all guys from Kansas as stupid as you? Oh one last thing, I wouldn't go to a show with you if you were the last guy in Las Vegas! Now please! Lose my number!" You would think that I would be deterred by her response to my question, but I'm persistent. Like I've stated in a number of my previous blogs. Roxy and I have a weird connection that I just can't let go..

"Roxy I tell you what, I know how much you like 'Jersey Boys', why don't you do this. Meet me down their and I will give you the ticket. You can walk in before me so know one will think were together. I'll come in when the show starts. After the show is over, I'll wait for you to leave. Look, I don't want to go to the show alone, and I don't want to waste the tickets. What do you say?" There was a long pause on the phone, for a minute, I thought that she had hung up on me..."Roxy, are you still there?" Her response is what I like to call classic 'Vegas Girl'.."Jethro, why don't you give me both the tickets? I'll take some one who I really want to go with. If not, you can shove them up your ass." Like I said earlier, Roxy and I have a weird connection, so I agreed to her request.

About an hour later, I stopped by her place to deliver the tickets. I knock on the door and a guy answers it. "You must be Jethro? Hey, Roxy is getting ready for the show. Dude I really appreciate you lining us up with these tickets. Roxy told me to tell you thanks. Hey man, take this $20. You saved me a whole pile of cash by coming through with these tickets." Nowadays, it seems like I'm always on the short end of the stick. Now, I wasn't mad that Roxy was taking another guy to the show. After all, she is a high end call girl. The thing that really perturbed me? The face value for both of the tickets was $200. I thought about telling the guy to give me more, but that would have been a little awkward, and Roxy would have gotten more pissed at me. Anyways, I take the money and ask him if I could speak to Roxy. He wasn't to hip to that idea.."Look dude, I know you and Roxy have a brief history, but she's with me now. So don't make a scene. Besides, she told me specifically to take the tickets and send you on your way, by the way my name is Steve." I  then shook his hand and told him to have a good time at the show. When I got back to my apartment, I told my roommate about the experience..His response.."Shouldn't that be enough to let you know that she's not interested in you? You met her new boyfriend, and he told you point blank to get lost. You need to forget about her and move on to the next."

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."It's not that I expect a whole lot from a girl like Roxy. She's not the white picket fence and raise the kids kind of women. Bottom line! She's dangerous! That's the attraction! My uncle Ned in Kansas asked me why I'm attracted to a girl like that. He said that I need to find a girl out in Las Vegas who doesn't make a living lying on her back. Believe it or not, that's kind of a hard thing to do."

The village idiot of Las Vegas and his Thanksgiving chat with a high end call girl..

"Hey Roxy, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?" For those of you not familiar with my blog? Roxy..aka..Foxy Roxy..is a high end call girl friend of mine in Las Vegas. I like to think that the two of us might have some kind of future together. Her thoughts on the matter? Not so much..Anyways, I was looking for a spot to hang out on Thanksgiving, so  I thought I would try to invite myself over to her place..."My mother and her boyfriend are coming into town from San Diego and I'm having a few of my friends over as well." I've actually had Roxy cook for me on a few rare occasions, and it was awesome. Before she got into the life, she was a waitress and a sous' chef at a high end restaurant in San Diego, she gave up that life a long time ago when she realized she could make more money sleeping with her customers rather than serving or cooking them food.

"Roxy, do you think you could find another place at the Thanksgiving table for your friend from Kansas? I can help you prepare the food, plus, I'll bring a bottle of booze for everyone to share." If I waited for Roxy to invite me? Well, lets put it this way, I would be waiting a long time. So I took the initiative to invite myself and see what her answer was. Unfortunately for me, I got an expected response.."Look moron, do you really think I want to introduce you to my mother,or any of my friends? I can see it now. Mom this is my broke, loser, stalker friend from Kansas. His name is Jethro. I made the mistake of sleeping with him a couple times and now he won't leave me alone. Do you really think I want to do that?" A simple no would have sufficed, but Roxy is not a simple girl.."Can you save me a plate? Leave it out on your front porch and I'll sneak up and get it when know one is paying attention?" Like I said earlier, Roxy is an excellent cook, and I'm positive her Thanksgiving viddles would be delicious.

"Jethro, if you want a Thanksgiving meal? Why don't you make your way down to the Mission with all the other bums. You would be right at home, and they would feed you for nothing." First of all, I've told Roxy a hundred times my name is not Jethro, it's Rob! Obviously she doesn't care, secondly, I'm not at all interested in getting a free meal at the Mission, those meals are reserved for people who truly need them. I could tell that I was getting on her nerves, so I decided that it was time to go.."Have a good Thanksgiving Roxy, I know everyone is going to enjoy your awesome cooking." Usually Roxy just hangs up on me without a fare well. Not this time, she said something very interesting.."Jethro, can you do a favor for me?" Roxy is a definite candidate for the third great one, so if she wants me to do a favor for her? No problem! "What's the favor Roxy. You name it!" I should have known better! "Jethro, I want you to kick yourself in the nuts 10 times for me, and then delete my number from your phone!" Oh, that Roxy, she's such a ham..

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. My plans are pretty simple, find a turkey dinner, drink heavily, watch football, take a nap, and that's about it. Sounds like a plan to me."

The village idiot of Las Vegas explains an Asian idea to his friend from Kansas..

"What have you been up to in the big city of Las Vegas? Shit, I can remember when we were kids in Madison throwing apples off your apple tree at the cars passing by. Damn boy, I would have never taken you for a Vegas guy back then. I'm surprised you got out of Greenwood County. Remember that time we got so drunk and passed out on your front lawn? Your mother came outside and threw a bucket of cold water in our face to wake us up." I've got to admit something, being on FaceBook and living in Las Vegas has put me face to face with a couple of people I never thought I would see again in my life, and I like it! Stanley Smith, is a Greenwood County legend. Back in the day, the two of us had more fun growing up in a small town than should be legally allowed. Nowadays, you would go straight to jail for some of the antics we pulled.

"Stan the Man, how has life been treating you?" I was meeting my old friend for the first time in the lobby of the MGM. Stan the Man was his nickname in high school.."I haven't been called Stan the Man in 20 years. Thanks for the memories. Life has been treating me OK. Lets get drunk!" The two of us headed to the nearest bar and proceeded to down a number of drinks and reminisce about the old days..After the 5th round he asked me this.."What is it with you and the Chinese? Some of your posts are crazy. A reality show about the Chinese with you in it, organic growth strategies? I knew you were crazy back then, but I don't exactly get what your talking about. I know they're taking over, but why would they mess with some dumb shit white guy from Kansas? Explain that to me."

Nothing makes me happier than explaining an idea of mine to a person who is actually listening..So I told my old friend this.."Stan, this is how it would work..Their is a huge population of Asians in this town and their tentacles reach far! I'm friends with a number of them! That section is under served in terms of marketing strategies! What I would like to do is create a marketing gimmick that would bring attention to them. Use your imagination a bit and picture this. A hybrid site would be created. The site would concentrate on Asian consumers. Creating the site would be the easy part, getting attention to the site is the trick, but I have a plan for that as well!" Stan is a pretty sharp guy, but he doesn't know the first thing about marketing or how to be creative in today's economy.."Listen genius, I'm just some hayseed from Kansas, how are you going to create the 'buzz' needed for people to pay attention. I agree with you about the Chinese and their purchasing power, I mean if you find something they like? Maybe you could hit that 'mother load' that we always talked about when we were young?"

"Here's what I would do Stan, I would round up a bunch of nice looking people in Las Vegas and work out a deal with a couple of my Chinese friends. Now, I would take it one step further and hire a crew to film are adventures. Las Vegas is a big-time reality town, and that's what people want to see. If the Asians take a liking to it? Who knows what could happen?" I've shopped the idea for a reality show around to a few of my friends without any success, but I refuse to waiver on it..."So basically your telling me that you would hire a bunch of these hot girls that you always blog about, spread them around Chinatown, and try to spur up some attention with a reality television concept." Leave it to a hayseed from Kansas to hit it right on the head! "Yep, you basically summed it up Stan. One last thing, It wouldn't be total reality, I would approach it with a coached mentality, meaning I would be responsible for creating the dialogue and the situations. The goal is to make it funny and interesting. That's what people want to see!" By the time I was finished with my spiel, we were on our 7th round, so I'm not sure how much of it stuck with my old friend from Kansas..Although, he did tell me this.."Boy, that is the craziest idea that I have ever heard, but I got to give you props for being creative."

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."If you want to be successful in today's ever changing world? Thinking 'outside the box' is a must! Now, thinking outside the box is easy. It's acting outside the box that is challenging."

road rage...

The weather was fantastic today so I decided to walk down to the neighborhood Walgreen's. It's a mile or so jaunt from my front door. As I am approaching the store I hear the unmistakable sound of a car slamming on its brakes. A split second later I hear a loud "Thunk!"

I walk up to the stop light where the fender bender occurred. Both drivers were out of their cars surveying the damage. The guy whose car got rear ended looks at the guy who hit him and says - "Why don't you fucking pay attention to where the hell your going?" He was not taking the accident very well! Any way, the guy who hit him says, "Fuck you asshole. It was a fucking accident! So fuck off!" The guy whose car got rear ended was probably 25-30 while the guy who hit him was probably in his 40's. I'm standing there watching the whole thing from the sidewalk and the next thing you know both are nose to nose. I was going to tell them to move their cars so other traffic could pass, but I don't like to get involved in other peoples confrontations. It's usually the dumb white guy from Kansas who ends up getting shot trying to be a good Samaritan. Fortunately, the cars behind them start honking for them to move. So they both jump into their cars and pull into the Walgreen's parking lot.

As I cross the street and head into Walgreen's, the guy who got rear ended says to me. "Dude, you saw what happened, when the police get here I want you to be my witness." Like I said earlier, I don't like to get involved in problems that don't concern me, so I politely decline. I head into the store and thirty minutes or so later walk out and see the driver who hit the other car in handcuffs. I ask the other guy what the deal was? Generally, you don't get thrown into jail because of a fender bender. Turns out the guy was drunk and didn't have insurance - "I just got this fucking car out of the shop a week ago! I get tired of all these fucking idiots driving around all fucked up, and to top it off! I'm going to get stuck with the fucking bill!" He then walks up to the window of the police car where the second driver was being detained and flips him off. There were two cops standing there watching the whole thing. All three of us begin laughing.

I am going to end this post with a thought I'm having...call it the village idiot thought of the day. "My ex wife suffered from road rage when she lived in Las Vegas. She was finally able to overcome it by listening to Hawaiian music her friend gave her."

The village idiot of Las Vegas and a conversation with his 98 year old grandmother..

"Hi Grandma, it's your grandson Rob in Las Vegas." Don't let the age fool you! Grandma is still sharp as a tack! "What's going on in Haven?" Grandma Astle has spent all of her life in Haven, Kansas. She's a genuine daughter of the Kansas plains. "Robbie, how are things going in Las Vegas?" The last time Grandma Astle was in Las Vegas, Frank Sinatra was headlining at the Sand's. "Same old stuff Grandma, just trying to find my way out here in the wild, wild, west." I do my best to explain how things are to her, but she's way to old to understand much of it.."Grandma did your guy win in the election?" Last time we chatted was a few weeks before the election, she still hadn't made up her mind on who she was voting for.."Robbie, I'm so old that it doesn't really matter who I vote for, but to answer your question, no he did not. Did your guy win?" I'd explained to Grandma in previous conversations that I was a Libertarian, but she wasn't quite sure what I was talking about.."Grandma, unfortunately my guy did not win either."

We chat about a few other things and then she asked me if I had met any nice ladies in Las Vegas lately.."Grandma, I tell you what, they're are a ton of them out here, but your poor grandson never seems to have much luck with them. Grandma, I hate to say this, but it's 'No Money, No Honey' out in Las Vegas, and your grandson don't have anything in his pockets but lint." Grandma Astle is a way back in the day old school type, and the one thing she can't stand is an excuse.."Robbie, every time I ask you that question, you always say that. Surely you can find a girl in Las Vegas who likes you for you and doesn't care about the money?" Lying to your grandma is like committing blasphemy in my eyes. So, I thought long and hard before I answered her question. It didn't do any good. My answer was still the same. "Grandma, I wish I could give you another answer, but it's true. The women in Las Vegas are way out of my league! But if it makes you feel any better? I still try like hell."

We chat about a few other things and then she asks me if I've heard from my ex-wife lately. Grandma really liked my ex, and my ex really liked Grandma.."Robbie wasn't she going to move back out to Las Vegas and help you get things started on a few of your ideas. That's what your father told me. You should have never let her go." Grandma and Grandpa Astle were married for 72 years. That's an Astle record that will never be broken, so explaining my current relationship with my ex is a little bit tricky.."Grandma, I thought that a while back, but I don't know what she's planning? I am catching this vibe. Whatever she is planning? It don't include yours truly." Grandma started laughing after I made that statement.."You messed up by letting her get away." Grandma likes to cut right to the chase.

"Enough about that Grandma. What's going on in Kansas?" Needling Grandma for the latest gossip in the Astle clan is a must. "More of the same Robbie. If their is anything interesting happening. I'm none the wiser to it. Know one tells me much anymore. I'm just to old. About the only person I talk to on a consistent basis is your cousin Linda, and she never has a lot to say." Cousin Linda lives 4 houses down from Grandma, and  does an excellent job of looking after her. "Grandma, I've got to go. I'll call you in a few weeks and check in. Maybe by then? I might have something interesting to tell you..Love you." As much as I enjoy my conversations with Grandma, the end of them are always the best. Why? She always tells me that she loves me and to keep pushing on:) I never hear that from anyone but her..

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Grandma is not quite in tune with what's going on in the world, especially Las Vegas. I make it a point to tame down my rhetoric when I talk to her. I just want Grandma to live the rest of her life in peace and tranquility. If anyone deserves it? It's her!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas and his encounter with a fourteen dollar martini.

Last night I found myself perched at the bar of one of my favorite watering holes in town. A nice young lady was sitting next to me. We were carrying on, what I thought, a somewhat interesting conversation. Unfortunately, she was beginning to lose interest. So I offer to buy her a drink. "You are so sweet!" she tells me after my offer, "Bartender may I have a martini with your top of the shelf ingredients," she then says. When I offered to buy this fine young lass a drink, I was thinking more along the lines of a $2.00 draft special. That's what I was having! Anyways, I knew her request was more than I wanted to spend. So I ask the bartender, very discreetly, this - "Before you pour that drink, how much is it going to cost?" He answers - "That will be fourteen dollars." I only had twenty bucks and was no where near drinking for the night. So I told my fine young friend this, "Honey - I just got a text from my brother. He got thrown in jail. So I have to go bail him out. I'll get you that drink next time I see you," I then leave and walk across the street to another bar.

The village idiot of Las Vegas spouts off about some things on his mind..

The other day I was chatting with my dad about politics and the results of the election. He asked if my guy had won? My answer? "Hell No!" He then asked who I voted for? My answer? "It wasn't Obama!" If anyone is going to remember a thing about me and my blog? Please, please, please..Let it be this! I'm a registered Libertarian, and I intend on being one until the day I die!

My uncle Ned told me that my blog was starting to turn lame. His exact words.."Can't you find something else to blog about besides the women in Las Vegas? All the stories are the same! You see some lady out in Las Vegas that your attracted to, and she won't even give you the time of day. It's starting to look very pathetic, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Your a pathetic guy to begin with." Most people who are in my shoes would be offended by a comment like the one Ned made. Not me! One thing I've learned over the past 6 or so years? Keep pushing your agenda forward! No matter how meager people think it is!

Here's a stat most people are unfamiliar with. The Libertarian movement polled at 67% approval in the State of Nevada with the 25 and under crowd. Knowing that, my best guess is Libertarianism is still a generation away. It's like I always tell my brother and father.."Emily and Makaila are going to be Libertarians when they get older. It's their generation who will make the party the norm." Emily and Makaila are my nieces. They're 10 and 12 years old.

 I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day. "Karl Rove your a jackass! You promised me that Obama would get kicked out of office! Last time I listen to you! The truth of the matter? In the end it doesn't matter who is in office. Not one of them is going to do a damn thing to help Rob Astle out!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas talks about his uncle Ned in Kansas..

Growing up, I thought my Uncle Ned was the coolest guy in the world. He was funny, smart, well-traveled, and always had a memorable story to share. When I was a kid my dad would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I would tell him this.."I want to play professional basketball. Be the next Larry Bird! If that doesn't work out? I want to be like Uncle Ned." Long before Austin Powers came into play, Ned Perry was the original 'International Man of Mystery', to me anyways. He was schooled abroad and spent many of his younger years living in Europe. Long story short. He was the Fonz of the Astle clan, and whenever he was around? I was happy..

"Uncle Ned, tell me another story about Europe. Did you see any nice women over there?" Ned was back in Kansas after a two month stint in Europe. "Now listen up Robo, I met this girl in Belgium, and I'm here to tell you that she was the most beautiful women I have ever seen." Ned would always brag about all of his girlfriends, but to this day? I have never seen any of them. Anyways, I had to press him for more details.."Where did you meet her at Ned?" I still remember his response to my question like it was yesterday. "Robo I met her in a house of ill repute." At the time he told me this, I was a young lad. I had no idea what he was talking about or what a house of ill repute was.."What's a house of ill a boot?" My uncle Ned starting laughing at my response.."It's repute knuckle head, and it's a place you go to when you want to take the guess work out of chasing a women." Being a kid in Kansas at the time I was still confused about what he was saying.."I don't get it Uncle Ned. What guess work?"

Ned looked at me and started shaking his head.."I'm talking about a whore house dummy. It's a place you go to and pay women to be your girlfriend for a while." Growing up in small town Kansas, I was unfamiliar with the fact that places like that actually existed, so I had to find out more.."What do you do? Do you just walk in and pick one out?" I could tell Ned was getting tired of my questions and he wanted to change the conversation to something more G-rated. So he answered me like this.."Yep, pretty much. You walk in and find one you like. Figure out the cost, and then do the deed and leave. What about that Larry Bird? He's the greatest of all-time!"

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I've read numerous articles and stories about how people refer to Las Vegas as the 'Amersterdam in the desert', or the 'World's Whorehouse', it's got that kind of reputation..I'm here to say, their are plenty of other things as well..I like to think of Las Vegas as the a modern day 'Wild, Wild, West' without all the gunfire."

The village idiot of Las Vegas and his encounter with a Vegas girl..

The other day I was driving down a road in SW Las Vegas, when I pulled up behind a silver Mercedes at the stop light. Now, seeing a silver Mercedes in Las Vegas is not a big deal. What really caught my eye? The Mercedes had a personalized license tag that read "LV GIRL"..When I saw that? I became real curious. No doubt about it, I had to get a look at what was actually driving the car. So when the light turned green? I threw my 95 KIA into overdrive and switched lanes. I pull up beside the Benz and took a quick gander at who was driving..WHOO!!WHEE!! When I first saw the personalized tag, I knew my eyes were in for a treat.

God this girl was beautiful! She was wearing Liz Taylor like sunglasses and her hair was jet black. We were both stopped at the light and I couldn't help myself from staring at her. I was trying not to make it obvious, but that was impossible..Anyways, she looks over and catches me staring at her. I didn't know what else to do, so I waved at her. I could tell this chick was cool by her response. She gave me the brightest smile I've seen in a long time and waved back at me. After that, the light turned green, and before I could even think about getting my jalopy in drive? She was long gone.

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I was chatting with my dad the other day, and I told him about the two best things Las Vegas has going-women and weather--He told me that Las Vegas wasn't the only place in the world who could make that claim. I guess he's right..Maybe I should say it like this? In my lifetime and journeys, I've never seen a place concentrated with so many beautiful women and great weather..Just sayin',"

The village idiot of Las Vegas and his best buddy from Texas..

"Damn boy, you look like you've been spit at and missed, then shit at and hit. What the fuck have you been doing boy?" My best buddy from Texas was in town for a few days, and I was meeting him for the first time in a while at the Rio.."Same shit, different day. What's going on in South Texas?" You can smell Texas from a mile away on Jimmy Buckner, and that's a good thing..The best way to describe the Jimmy Buckner-Rob Astle story? It's like a love lost, love found novel..I say that in a very heterosexual way! I first met Buckner many years ago when we were both kids, and we remained the best of friends until our early 20's. Then life got in the way..Fast forward 18 years..As some of you may know? I spent about six months away from my beloved Las Vegas in 2011. I was in Houston with Buckner working on an idea that we could never get to fruition. Even though things didn't go as we would have hoped..Both of us learned a great deal from the experience.

"Jimmy, you know what I enjoyed most about being in Texas? It was like being in a family again. At least the first few months were, and then, as usual, I started to where out my welcome. I also don't care what anyone else says, we both learned a lot about what we were trying to do." Back then, both of us had a vision that we could create a Groupon like website. The one hindrance? We didn't have an effective organic growth strategy.."Let me tell you something boy, when I was in Texas? I didn't have things figured out. I was a fish out of water, but since I've been back in Las Vegas? Well, let's put it this way! From the time I get up in the morning until the time I go to bed at night! All I think about is how to trigger an organic growth strategy! Nothing else matters to me!"

"Forget about that stuff for now. Lets take a ride around town. Remember I know this town pretty good. I used to live here a while back." Buckner tried his hand at living in Las Vegas about 10 years ago. It was kind of funny, Buckner and I are a couple of lard asses and the rental car he had was a Ford Focus. So just imagine how front heavy that car was when both of us were in it..Anyways, we drove around SW Las Vegas and I proceeded to give him the grand tour. After the tour was over, we decided to buy a bottle of cheap whiskey and reminisce about the old days.."Boy, remember that time you snuck up on me and that girl from El Dorado? We were parked at the lake and having a helluva time, and the next thing I know, I see your stupid ass waving at me through the window. That chick wanted to kill your ass, so did I." Buckner was referring to my 'bushwhacking' days. When you grow up in small town Kansas? Things can get really boring at times! So getting in the way of your friends entertainment was a fun thing to do back then..If you tried the same stunt in Las Vegas? Chances are someone would take a shot at you.

"What about this one? Remember that time when I came down to visit you in McAllen and I ended up picking up a chick at the bar in Reynosa?" Buckner moved his Junior year in high school to McAllen, Texas. He lived with his father, and the rules were? There were no rules! I came down to visit him during the summer of my Junior year. We spent most of our time across the border in good ol' Mexico. Anyways, I rode with this girl back across the border and Buckner was supposed to follow us. This was long before the days of cellphones, and naturally we lost each other. "I still remember her asking if we wanted to keep looking for you. At the time, I told her that you would be fine. Besides, I only had one thing on my mind! We go back to her place, and her boyfriend shows up a little later. We ended up pretending I was with another one of her friends to throw the boyfriend off. It was funny because I had no idea how to get back to your place so I called your dad and the first thing he said? Where the fuck are you at boy? Anyways her boyfriend ended up giving me a ride home. You talk about awkward!" After I finished the story, both of us immediately doubled over in laughter..Buckner than added.."Damn boy, it's to bad we can't turn back the clock. You know! Know what we know now back then." Oh well, no short cut to experience..

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Anyone who reads this blog knows that I'm a registered Libertarian. I decided to vote early this election season, and my every intention was to vote for the Libertarian candidate. The problem with that? At this point, it would be like siphoning a vote from Romney and giving it to Obama. So I did the right thing and voted for Romney."

The village idiot of Las Vegas has another conversation with a high end call girl..

"Listen moron! I've about had it up to here with you! Your such a broke ass loser! Fuck your Guerrilla Marketing ideas. I don't work with losers! Now, for the last time! Lose my number!" For those of you familiar with my blog, Foxy Roxy is a part-time girlfriend of mine in Las Vegas. You know what? Calling her a part-time girlfriend is way over! Let's just say she's a friend, who will give benefits when you pay her..I've known Roxy for a little while, and I've been in her ear about some legitimate business ideas. Even though she doesn't act receptive to my ideas, I know that deep down she is. "Roxy, I'm sorry about being such an asshole the last time we talked. I just get tired of you putting me down all the time. A guy has to stick up for himself, because know one else will!" Last time Roxy and I chatted, I called her a burn-out and told her the life she lives had jaded her. Looking back, I should have kept my big mouth shut!

"Jethro, are all guys from Kansas like you? You need to go back to Kansas! Find you a job cow tipping or shucking corn, or whatever the hell it is you do in Kansas! You talk a big game, but your broke loser ass can't get anything done! You want to know something funny? Carmen says that you and I are soul mates in some kind of fucked up way. I told her she was crazy..I look at this way, you fuck a guy a few times because you feel sorry for him! And your the kind of headache I get for doing it! Your just not worth the effort! So please! I'm asking you kindly! Lose my number!" The only thing I really heard in her rant was that Carmen, who happens to be another high end call girl, told Roxy that the two of us were soul mates in some kind of fucked-up way. I agree with that train of thought. Now, the hard part?  I was going to have to convince Roxy to give me another chance or at the least, keep Roxy from totally shutting me out...

"Roxy how long have you been in the life?" Roxy had already told me that she has been in the good time business for 10+ years, but I wanted to hear it from her lips again.."Jethro, why do you give a shit? Why can't you just go away like the rest of the guys I'm with? Didn't your mother ever tell you that it was dangerous to fall in love with a whore?" Actually, my mother told me that exact statement on a number of occasions, but who listens to their mother? "Listen Jethro, your driving me up the fucking wall with some of your ideas, that's all you really care about! I know that your broke and can't afford a girl like me, and I get that your ambitious. I just can't believe as nasty as I am to you. You always come back for more. That's why Carmen thinks were soul mates. Most guys, or I should say most guys besides you, would be long gone by now." It's a competitive world in the high end call girl game. The girls in Las Vegas don't have a lot of time for sympathy, and I get that! Believe me I do! But still, if your a dumb shit Kansas boy? It's not that you want to take Roxy back to Kansas and introduce her to your family. That's not the relationship your looking for in a girl like her..Plain and simple..The reason I'm attracted to her? She's dangerous! "Roxy, I want to see you again. When can that happen?" Talking on the phone gets old. I wanted to see her in person.."Jethro, call me in a week or so. I'll be back in town then. I have to tell you something before I hang-up on you. I still agree with your Uncle Ned about you not having what it takes to be successful. Guys like you just don't have it..I hope you don't take that the wrong way."

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."I chatted with my ex wife in Kansas the other day. It had been a while since we last chatted and I was curious to what she was doing or planning. A few months ago the two of us were making arrangements to get her back to Las Vegas, and then the communication broke down..I told her this.."Look, are you still on board with some of my ideas?" She said yes.."Than I need you to do something! I don't care if it is good or bad! Just do something that lets me know you are serious!" She said she would. I guess will see..

The village idiot of Las Vegas talks about his friend from Brooklyn..

"Rocco, what the hell is going on? It won't be long before Mad Max happens." The thing I like most about my current employment status? The variety of  people who work there. Anyone who has ever worked in a boiler room can attest to my statement. My friend Rocco is originally from Brooklyn, and it's written all over him! "Hey Rob, I watched a couple of movies the other day that remind me of this place..The Hills Have Eyes and New Jack City." I immediately busted out laughing. Rocco and I have a game we play. The rules are fairly simple! We take our current employment and we fine something in the outside world to compare it with..So when he said 'The Hills Have Eyes' and 'New Jack City', which I've seen both, it was easy for me to make the correlation. I tried to explain the game to my Uncle Ned in Kansas, but he wasn't getting it..I guess it's just one of those things you have to live to appreciate?

"Jesus, I can't get any surveys today. What's the gig Rob?" My friend Rocco is an interesting guy any which way you slice it. The accent! The look! The attitude! He reminds me a lot of the Vin Diesel character in -Knock Around Guys. "Rocco, I know why your not getting any surveys. Your not projecting your Brooklyn charm enough on the phone." Guys from Brooklyn are not into mincing their words, and Rocco is no exception.."If I really wanted to show them my Brooklyn charm? I would show up at their house with a baseball bat and a gun tucked into my waist band. That's how a lot of stuff gets done in Brooklyn!" Rocco spends more than his fair amount of time in the gym. I'm guessing he could body slam a guy like me without breaking a sweat, and I'm a big guy! "Rocco, what part of Brooklyn are you from?" Brooklyn is a very diverse community, to say the least! "I'm from Bensonhurst originally, I haven't been back in a long time, but I still carry it with me where ever I go."

"Hey Rob, you like to hear funny stories. I got one that your going to like." Rocco was right. I love to hear funny stories and this guy from Brooklyn had a bunch of them.."My dad used to train with Lou Ferrigno at a gym in Brooklyn." Most people recognize Lou Ferrigno's name from his days as the Incredible Hulk.."Lou's major competition back in those days was Arnold." Ferrigno and Schwarzenegger were the two major names in bodybuilding during the 70's.."Ferrigno's dad would always stand behind the curtains during the group pose of the competition and say..Beat that Nazi! Beat that Nazi! Now, if it wasn't for Arnold? Lou would have won a bunch of Mr. Universe titles, but Arnold was always a little better. Well, it was the Brooklyn Invitational and Arnold had won again. Afterwards, he sees the elder Ferrigno back stage and they start arguing about his antics. Arnold got pissed and he picked him up and stuffed him in a trash can. After that happened? Ferrigno Sr. never chanted..Beat that Nazi again." What a funny story:)

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."This is for my web developer friend in Denver..I talked with an Asian friend of mine the other day. We rehashed an organic growth strategy and how it could be applied to an Asian community. My friends English and Mandarin are both perfect. He likes what I'm saying a lot and has agreed to help. The thing he wants to see? Action!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas talks about his favorite casino mogul..

"Hey Steve, how come you don't have my villa ready? What the hell is going on at this Roach Coach? I called my concierge last night and she assured me that my villa would be ready! You know what? The hell with this place! I'm going over to the Bellagio." At the time, I was standing at the high roller check-in at the Wynn Resort in Las Vegas. I was voicing my displeasure to the head honcho of the Wynn. The one and only Steve Wynn. "Mr. Astle I apologize immensely for your inconvenience. If you could just give us a few minutes? We're going to kick Brad and Angelina out of their villa and give it to you. Again Mr. Astle, it will only be a few minutes." Being the whale that I am? Expecting immediate and superior service at any resort in Las Vegas I choose to frequent is common place. "OK, since it's Brad and Angelina that you have to give the boot to, I'll wait, but hurry up, the clock is ticking." Steve Wynn is not a guy who is used to taking orders, but when someone is sporting the bank roll that I am? He makes the exception.."Yes sir Mr. Astle. 10 minutes it is. One last thing Mr. Astle, would you like me to arrange some company for you?" The Wynn is a full service resort. If you know what I mean? "Steve, why do you ask such a stupid question? This time make sure they're Brazilian!" And then the alarm clock went off and woke me from my dream:(

The Steve Wynn story is one of legends. A good number of people believe Mr. Wynn is the most significant player in not just Las Vegas, but the entire gaming industry. His list of accomplishments in the gaming world are beyond reproach..Now, Mr. Wynn and I are on different universes when it comes to our socio-economic scales. None the less, both of us made a mistake four years ago and are eager to see it get corrected! What was that mistake? We voted for President Obama..Now, know one really cares about what my opinion is, but Mr. Wynn? That's a different story. I read an article a couple of weeks ago in The Las Vegas Sun. The article quoted him as saying this.."I've talked with my friends who own the parcel of land across from my resort." A group of Israeli bankers bought the spot back in the boom. Now it's worth a fraction of what they paid for it. Mr. Wynn went on to say.."I've got the money, the knowledge and the ability to turn that spot into something special and my friends who own the parcel are willing to help. The problem is this administrations economic policies are not anywhere friendly enough for me to take that risk. If I could do with confidence? What I'm envisioning? Easily, 10,000 jobs would be created. I've decided against it because of the uncertainty the current administration projects on the overall economy." Point blank, Mr. Wynn was stating that he wanted to build an arena or a convention center across from his hotel but was far to skeptical to take such a chance.

I was chatting with a certain left-winger friend of mine the other day. As usual, the discussion turned to politics and what was best for the country. I told him about what Steve Wynn had said and how I agreed with him. He told me this.."Who cares what Steve Wynn thinks! He's nothing but a rich plutocrat who doesn't give a damn about the ordinary man. I'm getting sick and tired of hearing him whine about how bad he's got it. Jesus, the guy is a billionaire a couple times over. Why is he complaining?" My friend was right on one thing, Mr. Wynn is a billionaire a couple times over..Since I'm the unofficial president of the Steve Wynn fan club, I felt it my duty to defend him on his stance.."Look, when was the last time a poor guy gave you a job?" My friend just shrugged his shoulders.."The answer to that? Never! This is what I don't understand when people start bitching about Wynn or others like him, he's a job creator! The country needs jobs! I got news for you! If Obama gets re-elected, Wynn and others like him will just keep sitting on the sidelines or take their money abroad. The economy will only get worse!"

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."Nowadays, you hear everyone talk about the widening gap between the rich and the poor, the haves and have nots. Now, I'm definitely a have not, but that doesn't bother me one bit! It's like this, the only problem I have with the 1%? I'm not one of them!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets told off by a high end call girl..

"Roxy, I am going to replace you with a newer, slicker version. And to top it all off. She has the same name as you. I am going to call her Foxy Roxy 2." My friend Roxy is a high end call girl in Las Vegas. Every once in a blue moon she will be my girlfriend. The other day I met a younger version of her, and it just so happens the younger version shares the first name as the latter.

"Jethro, you are telling me you met some twenty two year old cutie with the same first name as me and you honestly think she is going to be interested in a broke ass loser like you? Reality check! Not going to happen!" I was just yanking her chain a little, she doesn't have to be so nasty about things, "Jethro, why are you calling me?" she then adds, "And why do I answer the phone when you do?" Roxy is an addiction for me. Any guy with half a brain would have moved on a long time ago. I can't seem to do that - "Roxy, you know I was only teasing you. No reason to get worked up about things," I tell her with a chuckle. "Jethro," she says in an agitated tone, "You are such a fucking moron. You think I would get jealous of your dumb ass? Grow-up asshole!" I should have left things at that...but me and my big mouth.

"Roxy, you know what makes this girl different from you? Mileage! She has about ten years less than you do. This girl is sweet as can be, not jaded like you." I should have heeded my original thought and kept my big mouth shut - "Listen! You fucking prick!" she yells emphatically, "I can out drink! Out fight! And out fuck! Any of these young bitches in Las Vegas! I wouldn't even let this bitch you are describing carry my purse! You think you're so cool because you can write? Hey, what's it gotten you? Nothing! You know what your problem is Jethro? Besides being a fucking loser! You don't have it! Your Uncle Ned was right about what he said about you. This time I am for real! Forget about you and me! And lose my fucking number!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas runs into his favorite Mark Wahlberg fan..

I still remember when Mark Wahlberg was part of the Funky Bunch. Does that make me old? Anyways, I watched one of my favorite movies the other day..'Invincible'..By now, most everyone is familiar with the story of Vince Papele, the character Wahlberg portrays in the film. Their is a certain scene that really strikes close to home with me..Papele is sitting at the kitchen table with his father, he tells his pops that he's broke and is going to have trouble making the rent. Throw in the fact that his wife had left him and he just lost his job. Things looked pretty bleak. Although, he did have one thing going for him. The Philadelphia Eagles invited him to try out for the team. Most everyone believed he had no shot at making it. Hell, he didn't even think he had a chance..But his dad said something that really stuck out when he told him about his opportunity.."Son, don't get your hopes up to high. A man can only take so much failure." For those of you who haven't seen the movie? I don't want to give much away. I would say this. If your looking for a good story with a lot of heart and desire behind it? 'Invincible' is your movie!

When I worked at 7-11, this girl used to come in and tell me that she was the biggest Mark Wahlberg fan in Las Vegas. It's a good thing she looked like a Victoria Secrets' model or I would have been taken a back by her statement. Anyways, I saw her the other day at this new burger joint in town. I wasn't sure if she was going to recognize me, but to my surprise? She did.."Mr. 7-11 where have you been?" I used to tell people when I worked their to call me that. It was a lot easier to remember than Rob. In a way, I miss being called that..Anyways, this girl is model material, and she knows it! "I'm doing fine. How are you! Oh by the way, I was thinking about you the other day when I was watching our favorite actor in one of his movies." Whenever she came into 7-11, we would always tease each other about who was the bigger Mark Wahlberg fan. "Which movie did you watch?" I've developed a certain trick in getting women like her to talk with me. You want to know what it is? Find something they like, and only talk to them about that. If our conversation moved very far from Mark Wahlberg? It would be lost. I then told her this.."The one and only Invincible." She smiled and said.."You watched that on FX didn't you?" She was right..My response? "How did you know that?" She looks at me, smiles (I thought I was going to melt when she smiled) and says.."Because I recorded it the other day and am going to watch it tonight when I get off work."

When I worked at 7-11, I must have asked this girl out 10 times, and she always said no..She's way, way, way, out of my league, but still you never know if you don't ask! Even multiple times! "Hey, I've always thought that you and I had a vibe between us. Think about it for a moment. I'm an old school Mark Wahlberg fan, and your new school." I refer to her as a new school fan because she's only 22. "I've been a fan of his for almost as long as you've been alive. We should get a drink and I can bring you up to speed on all his career moves." She looks at me with these piercing blue eyes and says.."Mr. 7-11, you are so funny and charming. I've already told you that your way to old for me. Last time you asked me out and I said no. I offered to introduce you to my mother. She's single." We then shared a laugh and she told me that she had to leave..Now I had to ask her a question before she left, and I had to do it without looking like a moron. I wasn't sure what her first name was.."Before you go, what's your first name? I just know you as the girl who looks like a Victoria Secrets' model and loves Mark Wahlberg." My charm overload must have been on overdrive, because she then walks up to me and gives me a kiss on the lips. Not a big kiss, it was a thanks for the compliment kiss.."Mr. 7-11 my name is Roxanne, and I'm late for an appointment." She then said adios and left..For those of you familiar with my blog? I've already got a friend named Roxy..aka Foxy Roxy..Oh well, as far as I can tell, their isn't any law that says you can't know two girls named Roxy..Foxy Roxy 2..

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day.."A few weeks ago, a potential investor in some of my ideas was in town. We talked extensively about what a good Guerrilla Marketer would like. Without question! A girl like Roxy 2 would be primo for the job. In all reality, a girl like her would be far to expensive. Let me retract some on that statement..A girl like her would be far to expensive..Unless, I could work some of the Astle charm on her. You know? Show her an idea and plan that makes sense!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas finds a good time girl for his friend.

"I've been reading your blog, and I want you to tell me how you know for sure a girl is a professional in Las Vegas. I think you are being far too liberal in how many women are in the pay for pleasure business in this town. You make it sound like every other women here is in the business." An old friend of mine from Kansas was in town this week for a convention. I literally hadn't seen him in twenty years. So when he called and told me he was in town and wanted to meet for a drink, I was happy to oblige. 

It was Friday night on the strip and the two of us are sitting at a bar. This was the first time he had been to Las Vegas in fifteen years. "This town has changed immensely," he comments. He then looks around and says, "I want to get a girl. Do you think you can find one for me? How much will it cost?" If you can't find a girl in Las Vegas you are either blind or stupid, no in between. Anyways, I ask my friend how much does he want to pay? He then reaches into his pocket, pulls out a wad of bills and says, "Do you think this will cover it?" I was guessing it was three or four grand he was flashing...Basically, he had enough - "Go find one for me and bring her to my room," he requests with a smile. I told him to find his own, he was the one with the money. Anyways, he says this to me, "Come on! You are Mr. Vegas. Do an old buddy a favor and round one up for me. What are friends for?" I agree to his request. He gives a brief description of what he is desiring and then adds, "I will be waiting in my room. When you find her, bring her up there. I appreciate this buddy."

I have to let everyone in on a secret about how to spot a good time girl in Las Vegas. It's really quite simple. Find a girl or a small group of girls who are congregating in a bar or sitting at a slot machine by themselves. That is a tell-tell sign they might be professionals. Once you've spotted it, approach and strike up conversation. If they respond or seem friendly to your advances, that is another sign:

It only took five minutes of trolling before I ran into a usual suspect - "Sweetie," I tell her after buying her a second round, "I am going to cut to the chase with you. A friend of mine is in town and he is looking for company. This guy is carrying around a nice chunk of change and he's looking to spend some of it on a good time. You seem like a nice girl and I was wondering if you'd be interested." She was phenomenal! Black hair, brown eyes, a miniskirt hugging her full figure -"Honey, what is your friend looking for?" She says with a purr in her voice. "He is looking for the works, around the world, the whole enchilada.  Now he's a little on the shy side. So that's why I'm doing the negotiating for him."

She looks at me after my statement, smiles and says, "If he wants the works, that will cost him 2k." Two thousand seems steep for something that was probably going to last an hour at the most. Besides, you never take a working girls first offer! Remember! Everything is negotiable in the world's oldest profession! "2k seems awful steep. He can't swing that much. He is thinking a long the lines of $600." She then looks at me and says, "Look, I will cut the rate to $1500 for what you're telling me. If he doesn't like that. He can screw himself. Believe me. I'll be worth every dime!" I was still thinking $600, so I thanked her for her time and proceeded to leave. As I was leaving, I hear her yell, "Hold on! Look, I could probably bring my rate down to a $1000, but that is it," I then look at her and say, "How about we do this? We split the difference between the $600 and the $1000...Call it $800.00?" She nods and says, "OK, $800 will give him an hour. Where is he?"

We make our way up to his room, I knock on the door, he answers. He had a smile from ear to ear when he saw what I brought for him. I then said - "This is Alisha, she is a friend of mine, and she has agreed to give you an hour of her time for $800. Does that sound good to you?" He looks at me and nods. I then say, "OK dude, it was nice seeing you. I got to head out. Call me next time you come to town." I had to work in a few hours. Besides I had done my duty, "Hey Rob," he tells me as I shake his hand, "Thanks for everything I will catch you next time. Come on in Sugar," he then escorts the girl into his room and closes the door.

I like to end every post of mine with a thought I'm having..Call it the village idiot thought of the day, "Las Vegas has an out of control prostitution problem. All the more reason to legalize and tax it. Let's face it, the worlds oldest profession is never going to go away! Why not legalize and derive the revenue from it. Lord knows, the country needs it! The revenue, that is."