Massage therapy

There's an episode of Seinfeld (if I am recalling correctly) in which Jerry pays a maid to clean his apartment and they end up having sex after she is done. At the end of the episode he complains about how all he was getting was the sex from her and she was neglecting to clean the apartment. With that said, a friend of mine the other day told me about a similar experience.

"I have been getting a massage once a week from a masseuse for the last two months. At first it was awesome. She would give me a massage and then we would have sex after wards. Now we just have sex and she neglects to give me a massage. I really miss the massage part of it. Next time I meet up with her I am going to insist on a massage first."

I don't know about you. But I am under the impression most males would not complain about the sex part of a massage. My thoughts are the sex would be foremost and if there is time for a massage after wards, well, so be it. I told him such and he said - "But she really gives good massages."

Conspiracy theory

"What are you doing? Are you cleaning your guns?" I called my friend Mad Max from Kansas the other day - "You are goddamn straight I am. I just added a new glock to the collection," he answers in a matter of fact tone. Mad Max is an anarchist and his fortune cookie told him the country is headed towards a dystopian state. That in a nutshell is how he got his nickname.

"I am telling you right now that Donald Trump and the Clinton's are in cahoots. It's a conspiracy. Bill and Hillary coaxed Trump into destroying the Republican party. That way they can guarantee that Hillary gets elected." I've spent a lifetime listening to him blather his disdain for government, and today was no different. "The people in this country are too naive to recognize these blowholes are throwing one past them. It's a conspiracy!" Mad Max is way, way out there. His views are not for the feint of heart.

"I have been thinking about this for a while," he says forcefully, "I know that I am right. If Trump is serious about beating Killary he would be running a tighter ship. Right now he's acting like he doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. And Killary, all she has to do is read her speeches from the teleprompter and not piss off her core. It's a damn shame that we are going to have someone as corrupt as Killary president."

I can only take so much of his politics so I turned the conversation towards our mutual friend Legend. "I read in your blog that Legend is coming out to see you next month. Oh boy, you better watch out when that bastard comes to Las Vegas. He will get your stupid ass in trouble." I reiterate to him that I am in my forties and I'm not worried about Legend and his tomfoolery. "Let's see if he shows up first," I say with a hint of skepticism.

"Tell me about a girl in Las Vegas. You haven't written about any in a while. Those are always my favorites stories." I go on to tell him how I met a nice Thai girl at my cousin Joel's bar the other night. "It seemed as if there were some interest, but I can never tell nowadays. I can tell you something is definite. Joel has zero problems when it comes to the women factor. He had four girls at the bar pining for his attention while he was working. The Thai girl I am telling you about was all sweet on him and he instructed me to take her off his hands because he was suffering from overload. I did my best." He laughs at the remark and replies "It sounds like your cousin Joel is doing alright with the ladies." I chuckle back at him and answer, "You got that right!"

Legend is coming to town.

A guy I grew up with called me the other day and said he was planning on coming to Las Vegas next month to visit. Here is a snippet of our conversation:

"Goddammit boy! What about all those women in Las Vegas!" Women, touchdowns, behind the back passes & knock out punches...it doesn't matter because Roy 'the Legend' Cumpton is proficient in all of them. "Listen boy, I am coming out to Las Vegas next month and plan on putting the stabbing cabin to use with one of those pretty Las Vegas girls you always tell me about."

The topic turns to business and he says - "Damn son, it looks like you might be on to something with the online restaurants and your buddy Rado. I remember you showing me all those restaurants you had under contract in China town. I still can't figure out how some hillbilly from Kansas was able to pull off such a feat. You sure are a persistent bastard." I go on to tell him a little more about how things work and he says, "Save it! I will take a look at it when I come out there next month."

At the end of our conversation he says, "Do you understand boy? You need to make sure you have some women lined out when I get to town." I reassure him that it won't be a problem and then ask how he thinks the Chiefs will fare this year - "They will be lucky to go five hundred," he bellows before hanging up.

I can tell you this with all sincerity. I am looking forward to my buddy Legend coming out and visiting. I am going to make sure he has a good time.

future millionaire?

I am beginning to think I may be friends with a future millionaire. I am not all the way sure (because I have been down the road before with him) but this time it seems different. It seems like he is ready to make it real:

"This place is nice. It looks like you are on your way." My friend Rado, who happens to be the founder of online restaurants, was giving me a grand tour of his new office - "Look what I am going to put over here," he tells me as he slaps the wall in the lobby, "This is where I am having the logo professionally painted on the wall. It will be the first thing people see when they walk in the door."

After the tour is complete he turns to me and says, "Rob, I want you to help me out. You are the best salesmen I have ever known and I am positive you can help me take this business to the next level." Rado owns & operates a website that delivers food to people and it is starting to look very impressive. He's going on his fifth year of incremental growth. He's been bootstrapping it the whole way and is now wanting more.

"I remember like yesterday when you signed up those ten restaurants in China town. No one can do that but you." Like I said earlier, this isn't my first go around with him. The thing is I know the potential his business has like no one else. "Last time I signed up those restaurants you didn't do anything with them. I never understood that?" He gives me a somber look after the query and says, "You were too much, too fast. I wasn't ready then. I was stupid. I am ready now. I am confident you can do it again."

It's been a while since I last posted. Honestly, I was waiting for a time when I could share something of value. Rado and I go back. I understand the potential of the business based on the data base it possesses. The only thing missing from his site is an adequate volume of quality restaurants (which I can provide). Besides, he knows and I know there is no one else who can get it done like me. Not even close!

A weekend with friends.

"When are you going to start making some serious money? This has been going on far too long." It was a fair enough question, so I tell my guest for the weekend - "The future of gambling is online! The reason I say is eventually everything will go state by state and federal laws will take a backseat! I will be in the middle of things when it happens!" My guest for the weekend and his wife were in town from Arizona. They had just spent a month at the Royal's training camp. I got the feeling they were tired of eating out judging by all the time spent in the kitchen - "What the heck does state by state have to do with online gambling? And by the way if you are still supporting that moron Trump...I will puke!"

Example: If you buy a medical marijuana card in California it is reciprocal with Nevada dispensaries. In this case the federal government has limited (and eventually if you're a betting man) no say in how it operates. Here's another way to look at it - "Why should people in New England have any say over how business is done in Kansas? And vice verse. Let states make healthy compacts among themselves and throw the federal laws out the door!"

My guest responds by saying - "So you're telling me a state like Kansas will legalize online gaming and one day it will be reciprocal with Nevada and other states." My eyes lit up when responding - "You hit it right on the head! I couldn't have said it any better. That's exactly what I anticipate will happen." He wasn't buying the argument - "That will be a hard fight for a state as conservative as Kansas. I just don't see it happening." There was a time and place when I would have agreed with him, but not anymore - "Look," I say intently, "Kansas' attempt to emulate Texas has been an epic failure and everybody knows it! What is it now? Six hundred million in the hole and counting. The state will be forced to look at new ways of generating revenue. Legalize online gaming and tax the sin out of it! There's plenty of money to go around if done correctly."

As my guest and his wife and I sit down for our third hearty meal of the day, I add - "How do you think the Royal's will fair this year?" I'll be honest with people when it comes to the Royal's and me. I could care less how they're season goes...But not my guest. He's been bleeding Royal blue for 40+ years - "Their middle relief is suspect," he says, "Plus they lost the hired guns from last year. But they will be in the thick of things at the end of the year."

Oh, one last thing. You can actually bet on who will be elected president through a number of European bookmakers. The last time I looked Hillary was a healthy favorite to win the election (which makes me dry heave). My boy Trump is listed at five to one. So it's not looking too bright. Doesn't matter to me! I will vote Trump come election time regardless.

Stop feeling sorry for myself.

After a horrible day at work yesterday I find myself riding the Metro home. As I sit there with my head in my hands feeling sorry for myself I take notice of a skeletal looking gentlemen in his wheel chair. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the configurations of a Metro bus in Las Vegas - it looks something like this.

The first quarter of the bus is reserved for the handicapped and elderly. When a handicapped person enters the bus they are put in the area and all four of their wheel chair wheels are tethered to what I would describe as long metal pipes (not sure of exact word) and then the pipes are pushed firmly around the wheels in order to secure the chair. I have never given it a second thought until last night.

See, the poor bastard who was tethered into the spot was a quadriplegic and the lever he used to move the chair was underneath his chin. As far as I could tell it was the only part of his body able to move. Well, his stop comes and the driver goes to release him. Unfortunately, his right front wheel is jammed in the pipe and won't release.

The bus driver tries, unsuccessfully, for what I would guess fifteen minutes to free the wheel from the bar. As she is about ready to give up and radio her supervisor I approach and offer to help. Both of us reach down and grab the wheel and lift it. I then kick the bar out of the way. It frees him. I try to slide behind him in order to get back to my seat. He wasn't having it. I am literally chased off the bus as his chair knocks against the sides of the aisle exiting..

I get back on the bus and take my seat. I then look to my right and notice a lady is crying. She says to me - "No one can complain about their life when you see a person like that." I nod my head in agreement and instantly stop feeling sorry for myself.

Another cover

Twenty dimes picked another winner today when UConn covered with ease -"Bang! UConn covered running away Rob. That's seven winners in a row Rob. What do you think about that." A number of Twentie's players cleaned up on the game - "Damn, I"m getting a text from everyone right now. When you got players Rob. You can make money."

Twenty dimes is a legend in the sports consulting world. He is a Las Vegas native and knows where all the bodies are buried - "Rob, do you realize UConn and KU could meet in the second round. I bet there would be a ton of action on it in Kansas. Just imagine Rob. If UConn and KU meet. It will be your team versus your mentors team. This place will be loud that night, and you will probably get another dinner out of him. Tell him to take you to Piero's Rob."

The mentor Twenty mentioned is a guy by the name of Johnny Riggs. Riggs is a legend in the gambling world and originally hails from Connecticut. He has told me a number of times through the years he sees potential in me. Now he has given me the opportunity I have so desired. I am grateful for it.

Twenty dimes

Fourth day at office and watching a legendary handicapper do his thing - "Bang! That's six in a row!" Twenty dimes Erwin is 8-2 through his last ten picks. He and his family go a long ways back in Las Vegas.

"I had all my people go on KU today because that's where all the smart money was going. I know you were on it too." Both of us shared the belief that coach Self would keep his foot on the gas today, thus ensuring the Hawk's cover. It's exactly what happened.

"Twenty dimes, I got a question for you buddy. How do you make a good living like you do in this business for over thirty years? You surely have seen it all." I'm not the first person, or the last, to ask him such - "Rob, good buddy, the key to lasting in this business is having information no one else has. I get that information. I know where the smart money is going."

As my fourteen hour day is winding down. Twenty dimes Erwin, Buzz and the rest of the crew are still doing their handicapping for tomorrow's action in the conference championships. Then it's NCAA tournament time. It's going to be a busy few weeks

Pick of the day

Jayball decided to buy pizza for the crew today. Recently he hired me for a start up he is part of - Sports Consultants of Nevada:

"How does KU blow a sixteen point lead with two minutes left and only win by four?" My supervisor, Buzz, was asking for an explanation on what appeared to be a certain cover -7. "Self took his foot off the gas and Baylor made a couple of lucky three point shots in the last few minutes. I thought it was a lock too," I tell him with a bewildered look.

Sports & race wagering is a humongous business in Las Vegas. What many see as recreation in most places is the exact opposite here. "Dude, I wouldn't make much of it," he tells me in between his bites of pepperoni pie, "Dust yourself off, due your homework and pick another one. It's always about the next game in this business."

Tip of the day: If the line is five or less take KU. My thoughts are Self will keep his foot on the gas and KU will beat WVU in a walk and repeat as tourney champs.

Ferraro's

"This is my favorite place in town Jethro." Riggs should be a restaurant critic in Las Vegas. I've suggested on a number of occasions he write his own column for the paper -"You have never tasted veal piccata like the veal piccata at Ferraro's Jethro." Ferraro's, located on Harmon east of Hard Rock casino, is a Las Vegas institution.

"Mario it is nice to see you again. This is my friend Rob." In the twenty five plus years Riggs has called Las Vegas home he has made numerous connections. The owner of the nicest joint in town is yet another - "Follow me gentlemen, we have a table ready for you." He leads us through the crowd and directly to our table.

"Don't stare. At your two o'clock is nice, very nice." He motions with his eyes to a lady sitting at the table next to us. You don't go to one of the fanciest places in town and not see fancy women. And she was plenty fancy indeed - "Oh my goodness. That should be illegal," I tell him as I spot her, I then add - "Between breakfast at Pancake House and the feast for lunch at K.J's and now dinner at Ferraro's. Well, you sure know how to keep a guy well fed Riggs."

Riggs being Riggs

I talk about how cool Riggs is. Well, I have to point out what happened today on my first day of work as another example - "Goddammit, I have to stop by the bank before I go to the office and there is all this road work." We were eastbound on Flamingo headed towards the Bank of America on Rainbow when we encountered it. Traffic was at a standstill.

"If I turn south on Spring Valley Parkway I can loop around this construction and it will put us directly in front of the bank when we cross Rainbow." - I have come to realize in the many years I have known him that punctuality is very important to him...very important!

He makes the turn and we save the time and everything else goes great for a first day of work. Now the thing that makes this story cool is when we crossed Flamingo going north on Rainbow the cars were backed up as far as the eye could see. We would have been thirty minutes late for our first day of work. I point that out to him and he says, "Think Jethro. Always be thinking."

The recital

It was a cellist performing an exquisite recital, he moved effortlessly through the crowd, hobnobbing with the elite of Las Vegas. "The time is now Jethro. The opportunity we are encountering is what dreams are made of...win,win,win."

The sports group I work for had a number of high rollers in from Colorado for the UFC event (our group was on Meisha Tate at +290, she won on a tap out...the party went crazy).

While watching him further orchestrate the crowd I notice an unopened bottle of silver Patron sitting at the serve yourself bar. Do you know how long it has been since I have tasted Patron on my lips? A long time. While filling the glass for the third time a young lady with painted on jeans approaches the bar. "May I pour you a cocktail?" I say with a half drunk smile - "How about some of the Patron I have been watching you drink," is her response.

"Are you part of the sports crew," she asks in a flirtatious manner - "Yes and a friend of Mikes. How about you?" She responds - "I am a good friend of Mikes as well. We went to high school at Gorman together." I can't help but add - "So your gorgeous, rich and famous. Like the rest of the Gorman alum."

The next two hours were spent talking with her on the back porch overlooking the Las Vegas strip. A full bottle of Patron later...she gives me a ride home.

election party

It is now becoming unbelievable - last night after work the two of us took a ride to downtown Las Vegas. When we pulled into a parking lot next to a large law firm, I say,  "Riggs where the hell are we going?" He says -"Jethro, it is time you start rubbing elbows with the Vegas elite. One instruction before we go in. Listen and learn! No Jethro from Kansas nonsense."

We walk in and a gentlemen tells us the function is on the fourth floor. At this point I am starting to get nervous. When the doors to the elevator open I can't believe what I am seeing. A full basketball court, a weight room and a theatre. I then turn the corner and directly in front of me set a table full of the finest catered food and liquor to boot. The women were astonishing.

"Jayball, where the hell are we?" He responds candidly, "We are at an election party for a number of judges and councilmen at the most prestigious law firm in Las Vegas." I ask, "Why does it look like the Las Vegas athletic club on the fourth floor?" He smirks and says, "Two of the partners played ball for Tark in the early 90' at UNLV. That's where I know them from."

While eating another fresh roasted turkey sandwich, out of the corner of my eye, I spot a group of beautiful women all dressed to the nines. It was an awesome feeling looking at so many beautiful and accomplished women. I shared my sentiment with Jayball on the ride home, he adds "Do you like the tall blond? Shes a judge and will be at Mike's party Saturday. Oh, by the way, don't forget we have to order lasagna and sauce and balls from Joe for the party tomorrow night."

Thinking like a winner.

"Lesson one on thinking like a winner is - winners go to strip clubs! I will be by in twenty minutes Jethro. You and I are going to my favorite place in town." Riggs is an alpha male. Most would not come to such conclusion judging by his stately manner. But make no mistake...he's an alpha male.

Twenty minutes pass and he knocks on the door - "Jethro I am going to take you to a place that I am sure you never saw in Kansas." Strip clubs come and go in Las Vegas all the time, same as everywhere else. But the Sapphire behind the strip is literally the finest place in the country, a Vegas institution. Any way, he pulls up to valet and slides the attendant a twenty.

It is literally walking in to a palace of opulence. Brass and gold plate in every inch of the entrance. "What do you think about all that Jethro? Do you like what you see?" I was following behind him when we turned the corner into the club and, whew, the sight of scores of women in lingerie came to focus. If there was such a thing as a Garden of Eden - this had to be what it resembled.

The girls were pretty aggressive and most likely would have swarmed me under if not for Jayball's tutelage. "Hold on Romeo! We just got here," he then adds, "I want you to relax and drink your beer. I will bring a broad over to the table." He then motions to a dancer who was standing with a group of others across the club. As she is strutting towards us, he says, "Look how erect her posture is. She is what I consider a Vegas dream girl. I want you to buy her a drink and see what happens." He slides me a few dollars and I stand up to greet her.

"Hello," she says with a wide, bright smile, "My name is Luxury." I loved the name immediately! "My name is Jethro and this is Riggs." Turns out she was already acquainted with him. "Why don't you come with me," she says as she leads me by the hand to the back of the club and sets me in a leather chair - "I want you to relax sweetie and let me do what I do."

Her smell, her body, her aura - every bit of her sensuality was on display for me to admire. I enjoy it thoroughly! "What is it that you do for a living?" She asks as I am being lead back to the table by my hand. Riggs said the answer to that question is- "Tell people right now that you are being trained to think like a winner." So that's what I told her.

Charger fans

Riggs and I ventured to the strip last night to meet a few of his buddies for a birthday celebration - "Jethro, I bet you never had a view like this in Kansas." At the time the two of us were walking through the SkyFall at Delano. The view of Las Vegas from sixty four stories was breathtaking.

"I think I see my buddies over there." Turns out Rigg' friend had rented the VIP/DJ area that overlooks the rest of the club for his wife's birthday. The two of us mingle for a little while and he says, "Jethro I have a mission for you. You see those two broads sitting at the end of the bar. I want you to tell them that I want to buy them a drink. Tell them to come up here," he points with his eyes to a couple of brunettes setting below us at the bar - "Go on boy. This will be good practice for you."

Since Roxy dumped me for good I have been out of sorts. But now it was time once again to see how well I remembered - "You see that guy up there," I say as I point to Riggs standing above us in the VIP box, "See, that guy is a living legend in Las Vegas. He wants you two to come up and have a drink." I figured the direct approach was in order. Why mess around? They look at each other and shrug their shoulders - "Follow me," I tell them with a wide smile.

I lead them up the stairs and directly to Riggs. Well, this is the kind of stuff that happens when you hang around him. In the five minutes it took me to find and bring the girls to him a different pair snuck under the radar and already had his ear - "Well ladies it looks like Riggs is busy at the moment so I am going to keep you entertained." I introduce myself and the three of us chat and drink champagne for twenty minutes or so. They tell me how both of them are from San Diego and are in town visiting a friend. When I tell them I am from Kansas one says, "Are you a Chief fan? Both of us are Charger fans."

I have been to a few Chargers/Chiefs games in San Diego and these two vixens fit the bill of your typical female Charger fan...hot and hotter. A little side note for my single buddies in KC. San Diego is a great place to watch the Chiefs play on the road! Any way, one looks at her watch and says, "Thanks for inviting us up. We are going to head to another club." I tell them it was nice meeting them and apologize for not getting the chance to meet Riggs, one says, "No big deal. It was nice being around you." I then watch two gorgeous California brunettes turn and walk away in to the night.

Adolescence

"Jayball, I found out a friend of mine and her husband are going through a rough patch with their child right now. It appears as if bullying is at the root of the problem. Did you ever get bullied when you were a kid?" Jayball is an alpha male. So his answer to my question was surprising - "Back when I was a kid there were a couple of older kids who would always tease me about the size of my feet. I had really big feet when I was young. They use to call me clown shoes and big foot. It really bothered me."

In my forty plus years on this planet I had never heard of anyone being teased about the size of their feet, maybe the shoes they were wearing. But not the size of their feet - "How long did it go on for?" I ask why I glance at his feet - "The teasing started when I was in fourth grade and lasted until the summer before my sixth grade year. I will tell you how I got it to stop. One day I was walking home from school and a group of kids started yelling, 'Look it's clown feet. Where did you get your shoes at? A clown store." Like I said earlier - Jayball is an alpha male, "Well, I finally had enough so I walked up to the biggest guy in the group and punched him in the nose. I never heard a peep about the size of my feet again. What about you Jethro? Were you ever bullied when you were young?"

I thought deeply about his question for a moment and said, "I grew up in small town Kansas and to be honest with you I can't remember one time where I was bullied or felt to be less superior. Now there was plenty of what I would consider horse play nowadays. Things like knocking the books out of your buddies hands, or pulling the chair out from underneath him when he was getting ready to set down, but nothing vicious. Nothing like my friend is going through with her child."

I sit here putting the finishing touches on my post with a singular thought in mind, "I know she and her husband will do whatever it takes to change their child's course in life."

Winning.

Donald Trump won the Republican Nevada caucus yesterday in a landslide. Nevada is serving up an early indication of what the country is thirsting for...leadership and non establishment - Riggs is an ardent Donald Trump for president supporter.

"He's a winner Jethro. People realize that about him and I think it will be more than enough for him to beat Hillary in the general election." I agree with Jayball one hundred percent. President Trump sounds infinitely more appealing to me than President Clinton.

"Winning, winning, winning. That's all he talks about Jethro. With you it has been losing, losing, losing for as long as I have known you. It is time for you to think like a Trumpian and reverse all your bad fortune. Winning, winning, winning - that's all I want to hear from your mouth nowadays. The losing streak that is the village idiot is going to end!"

Pep talk.

"I asked you today what is your dream life. Owning a home, finding a beautiful Las Vegas dream girl, or being a kingpin in the Las Vegas gaming industry like Lefty Rosenthal was." Riggs is an accomplished man in sin city, unlike me. But he is taking me under his wing - "My dream has begun. I have my wonderful house now. I'm getting my dream job. Next will be the nice cars and beautiful girls - that is how I want you to think Jethro. No more of this village idiot hubris." Riggs told me a long time ago the key to success is having multiple things going. I have been taking that very statement to heart as of late. "The journey has begun - the race to the top with much success - the worm has finally turned - the odds are finally starting to drop on the village idiot." I never thought once of him being the inspirational speaker kind of guy, but strangely he is morphing into it - "There's talkers and there's doers Jethro! Do you want to be a talker? Or do you want to be a doer?"

Unsolved mysteries.

After pulling off the biggest upset of the year in Vegas youth basketball Riggs decided he wanted to hit the town Saturday night - "Dude, look at that broad. I bet you never saw any of that stuff in Kansas. She has to be the most beautiful girl I have ever seen." Both of us were perched on a bar stool at the Lodge on Durango. A rather attractive women had just walked by, he adds, "You know something Jethro, in all the time I have known you I think I can remember you talking about Kansas girls only a handful of times. All you talk about nowadays is women in Las Vegas, which you have no shot with. Tell me about a broad from Kansas."

Riggs is well groomed, well spoken, well mannered. He's the cat's meow (at least he thinks he is). Any way, I sift through my memory bank and come up with a friend of mine from way back in the day - "Riggs, there was this one girl I knew when I was young. I tell you she was something else. Most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She would put any of these Las Vegas girls to shame."

"A girl from Kansas would put a Las Vegas girl to shame. Come on dude. That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard." Riggs is a back east guy in his roots. He thinks Kansas is the hinterlands - "I am serious as a heart attack. She is the most beautiful girl I ever saw." After the statement he gives me  a puzzling look, and says - "This is a girl who you went out with?" I nod my head yes, he says - "Why in the world would a girl like the one you're describing go out with a village idiot like you?"

It was a fair enough question, so I roll it around in my head for a few moments, I then say, " I really don't know how I got her to go out with me. It just happened. It is still a mystery to this day."

The Richard Gere of youth basketball.

"Stop taking those shots Tony! Take the ball to the basket! Guys we could win every game if we just took better shots!" Riggs voice was deafening as it echoed through the gym at the rec center. It was the last game of the year and his youth basketball team was playing the only undefeated team left in the league.

Rigg' team, the Trojans, were facing the undefeated league champion Lakers in the season finale. They entered the contest as a seven and a half point underdog. No money was on them to cover. Did Riggs have another ace up his sleeve?

"Timeout ref!" Jayball called the quickest timeout in the history of basketball today. "Listen, back in my day we took good basketball shots. The coach would have benched me in a second if I took such a terrible shot. From now on out everyone take the ball to the rim. The next guy who shoots a three is going to be setting next to me. For Christ sake we are a minute and thirty seconds into the game and already down by nine. Get back on defense!"

His team clawed out of their starting hole and ended up trailing by six at half - "Now listen guys. We got off to a slow start but we are now back in it. C.J. I want you to isolate your man on the wing. You look to get to the rim or take that twelve foot floater. Tony, you and Jacob look to transition. They may be bigger but they have cement in their shoes."

Youth leagues are a serious business in Las Vegas so when Jayball and his Trojans knotted the game at forty five midway through the third quarter you could feel an upset brewing. "Way to go guys! See what happens when we play smart basketball." The intensity level from the start of the game til the end of the third quarter had ratcheted up a few knots. The Trojans were holding a narrow lead. "Listen guys, we got these guys on the rope! Keep doing what we're doing and we will win this game!" His team heeded the advice and won by double digits.

As the team gathered around the celebratory pizza party he decided to throw -they decided to make a pact - "Coach Riggs, we want you to be our summer league coach as well." He smiles wide and smirks, "I would be honored to. Besides the rec commission already gave me the job. They say I am the only person who can put up with you clowns."

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets a job as a sign waiver.

"What is it you are doing exactly?" I found a new gig yesterday, and today was my inaugural. "Jayball, you know those guys who stand across the street from the DVM and waive signs about their services...I am one of those guys."

I went into the neighborhood convenience store yesterday and asked them about a job. The manager told me they were looking for marketing reps for their DMV side (Nevada law allows a certain number of substations for most DMV services). Any way, the gal told me to meet a guy across the street from the DMV 'tis morning.

"Rob, this is how the job works. You hold up a sign and waive whenever a car is driving bye. Do you think you can handle it?" Everything he said fit my skill set to tee - "Oh, one last thing. Don't forget to spin your sign every so often." I tell him, "Aye! Aye!"

"So how was your first day?" Rigg' asks with a wide smile, "Uneventful," I then add, "I take that back. I did see a bunch of nice cars going in and out of the DMV."

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets a new nickname.

"I have been thinking about this for the longest time and have finally come up with a nickname that describes you like no other - Recession Rob. You know what? That is what I am going to call you from here on out - Recession Rob." Jayball has told me on a number of occasions that hanging around me is like lingering around a cloud of recession.

"No job, no women, no nothing. You are a walking, talking, eating reminder of a recession. As a matter of fact you never left the recession. It's like I am still walking around in 2010 when I hang around you." Riggs is a tough love kind of guy. Actually, he says I'm an easy guy to insult and he just can't help himself. But he did hit something right on the head - I never left the recession!

"Look, I told your dad I was going to stay on you until you got a job. So what have you got to tell me about the job hunt?" I go on to explain to him how I went back in the 7-11 I use to work at and the owner said they were waiting on someone to quit and I would be next in line - "It will be very soon," I conclude.

"Now listen genius, if you don't get something going fast, and I mean real fucking fast. Well, I sure as shit am not going to hang around you. Think about it for a minute. Who in the world wants to hang around a guy nicknamed Recession Rob?"

The village idiot of Las Vegas strikes out again.

"When are you going to figure it out? The world is not ready for your ideas. It's time to hit the streets again!" Once again Jayball correctly predicted my demise on what I was for sure was the million dollar idea.

"Now listen boy blunder you have done it again. The Cubs have a better chance of winning the World Series this year then you ever had of pulling that gig off." You guys want to hear something funny, in a Vegas kind of way. Jayball has been handicapping sports and racing events for over twenty five years and he said all the money was on me not to cover...he was right again.

"I promised your dad I would help you get a job, but come on man. It's time for the village idiot to take a break. You need to grow up and get a real job." Jayball wasn't holding anything back, "Look, you have a beautiful condo in Las Vegas to call home. Now get your fat ass out there and make some money."

The village idiot of Las Vegas gets a response from Jayball.

Jayball is the most well heeled gentlemen in SW Las Vegas, he knows the area like no other - So when I ask if he feels my new employer (D' coffee shop) located on Durango just south of Flamingo has the, oh, how should I say it? The jenesequa to set it apart - he tells me, "I have been living in this neck of the woods for twenty years and I have never been to a place so magnetic in my life."

Jayball has many cherishes in life. And two of them are exquisite cuisine and eloquent surroundings. Both can be found in an ample setting at the D' coffee shop in Sw Las Vegas.

The village idiot of Las Vegas meets a real life Betty Boop.

"Go out there and get people to come in - think of yourself as an ambassador for the brand." The instructions given to me by my new employer (D' coffee shop) were simple enough - Go out and spread the word!

"They just opened up the most magnetic place I have ever been in and if you go in there I guarantee the experience will be memorable ." The neighborhood in SW Las Vegas I call home is an interesting place, filled with interesting people. At the time I was standing, in what I would discover later, is a modeling agency. The girl I was giving my pitch to bore a striking resemblance to a real life Betty Boop.

"Well I'm from Chicago and I use to go into some of the greatest Persian restaurants there were. Since I have been in Las Vegas I haven't been in any. I love Persian food." After her statement I add, "Why don't you give us a try. I mean I can't even begin to tell you how exquisite the place is." She smiles a radiant smile, and says - "You know what? I will give it a shot, you are very convincing."

After she refers to me as convincing I almost, but don't, ask her out - "I have business to attend to," I tell myself as I give her a smile and a wink. I then say to her in parting - "When you go there tell them the village idiot sent you."

The village idiot of Las Vegas and the girl next door.

Las Vegas is a town where things happen that are unfathomable anywhere else. Example: How many people can actually claim they have a professional escort/dancer/party girl living next door to them?

I moved into a new condo a few weeks ago and the first night there I notice a rather shapely figure out my front window. She was walking her dog (a pit bull) up the corridor that leads to my door. I then watch her make a right into the condo located next to mine. I shake my head in disbelief and think - "I can already see trouble in the horizon."

A day or so passes and I notice her from the window walking her dog again. This time I decide to act. I quickly throw on a pair of shoes and grab a bag of trash to throw out. I walk outside as she is walking back to her place - "Oh, hello, how are you today?" I say. The simple fact of the matter is the breed and quality of a number of women in Las Vegas is astonishing. She was no exception. "I just moved in next door so that makes us neighbors. My name is Rob."

After my introduction she gives me that - "Who is this clown look?" It was a bit awkward to be honest with you, but then she smiles and says, "My name is Cecilia and this is Ruby." I reach down and pet her dog and it licks my hand.

I will save a detailed description of her for another time. But I will tell you this with all sincerity, "When I was growing up in small town Kansas I never had a girl like this living next door - this could become very interesting."

The village idiot of Las Vegas creates an opportunity for himself.

I've been hunting for a job that has, what I deem at least, an upside to it. That has been the one requirement - an upside!

"Now this establishment is like no other in Las Vegas. It truly is on another dimension," the proprietor of the D' coffee shop on Durango just south of Flamingo is a sharp fella. His elevator pitch was all I needed to hear. I am convinced my talents will mesh well with his vision

"It's the experience we wish to deliver. Our coffee and cuisine is second to none. So here is the deal my friend. If you get people to walk through our door and relish the experience I am describing - I will make it well worth your while."

The proprietor of the D' coffee shop is a convincing person - "Not only do we serve the most eloqent types of coffee in the world, but our menu consists of the most superb Mediteraian food you will find."

Everyone do me a favor. Think for a moment about how many coffee shops/restaurants you have been in. Did they leave you with a lasting impression? Me neither. Now that sentiment will change if one visits the D' coffee shop in SW Las Vegas. I promise!

"I'm sold," I tell the proprietor as I shake his hand, I then add, "I have been at this (blogging) for quite some time and I have been looking for a place to showcase my skills. I found the real deal with you. Let's get started!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas enters the Twilight Zone.

See, I have been looking, for quite some time, for an atmosphere where the village idiot can make a contribution. A place where my perspective might be deemed useful. You know what? I sincerely believe I found it today.

"Go in there and see what is going on. Who knows? They might have something for your meniacal personality." I was riding shotgun with Jayball down Durango when we passed, what was being advertised from the street, as a Persian restaurant/coffee house located just south of Flamingo on Durango. Without notice he makes a u-turn and pulls into the parking lot - "Go in there and find out what the deal is. Maybe there's something there for you."

I walk in and the first thing I notice is, for the lack of a better word, how exotic the surroundings are. I ask the hostess if there are any job openings. She instructs me to wait a moment while she retrieves her boss. A few minutes pass and a distinguished looking gentlemen walks around the corner and introduces himself. He then asks - "What is it that you do?" Now I will be honest, I don't know the first thing about coffee or Persian restaurants. Well I take that back. I do know how to eat Persian food and drink coffee... if that counts for anything. Any way, I tell him - "Look, I am a blogger and I just moved back into the area. I am a great salesman and communicator. I also know this area like the back of my hand." - It's a mixed bag when I tell people I am a blogger so I wasn't sure how it would be received. Much to my liking, he gives me a curious look and says -"Why don't you go over to a table and fill out an application. I will come talk with you shortly."  

A few minutes pass and he comes and sits at the table. I ask a few questions - "What is this place? What's going on here?" Turns out the gentlemen I am talking with is a seasoned film director, writer and producer who is lending his talents and resources into promoting a new concept in the area. "A Twilight Zone genre," he tells me. I ask him to clarify his statement - "The goal is to take this place to another dimension, he tells me "A Twilight Zone if you will. A place so unique that you will feel as if you have actually entered the Twilight Zone when you are here." We chat a bit more about things and then he says - "Follow me, I have some people I want you to meet."

I follow him out the rear door and on to the back patio. There set two of the most attractive women I have ever seen - "Gloria, Kim, this is Rob. He writes a blog about Las Vegas and I want you to listen to what he has to say." He leaves and I take a seat at the table. I reintroduce myself and then ask both about their background. Kim, a tall moca women with the whitest and brightest smile I have ever seen, tells me how she was in L.A. for twenty years and moved to Las Vegas a couple of months ago to open the place. After she is finished, Gloria, a beautiful olive colored Persian femme tells me she is lending her talents to the cause as well.

I go on to give them my spiel about hyper local growth strategies, guerrilla marketing, reality genre and all the other strategies I believe in. They're receptive. We chat a bit more and I ask them to read my blog and see if it connects in any way with what they are envisioning. They agree and we set a date for me to come back.

I say it was like the Twilight Zone not only because the gentlemen said it was that genre they're aiming for. But I sincerely got that feeling, the surreal feeling, the feeling of something different, the feeling of something not normal, the feeling of something special.

The village idiot of Las Vegas catches a glance of the most beautiful girl in Las Vegas.

It has been five months since I last saw her. (She) being the most beautiful girl in Las Vegas. When I was in Colorado there were a few nice ones, but nothing like her, nothing even close:

I like to think of her as radiant, that's probably the best way to describe her - "She radiates the room when she walks in." I told my friend Jayball that the other day and he says - "Dude, you are going to weird this chick out."

Any way, I walked into North Las Vegas city hall this afternoon and there she was, in her usual spot, looking as radiant as ever. I was going to say hi to her but was too nervous. She looked the same {even better} than I remembered. Her hair is jet black with blond streaks, the hourglass figure and the smile, oh goodness, her smile is the most lovely thing in the world.

As I sit here putting the finishes touches on my blog, I have one thing to say, "God it is good to be home!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas tells Legend about his new place in 'Vegas.

"The stabbing cabin, the pleasure palace, the love nest of the Southwest! Your place is going to be like the days when I was young. Goddammit boy! I am so fucking jealous." I called my friend Legend in Kansas yesterday to inform him that I was about to be the proud occupant of a new crib in Las Vegas.

"What's the place look like? Where is it at?" He asks with a curious tone. I go on to tell him all the amenities. "It's just what a single guy like me is looking for. Everything has been redone. Spacious kitchen and living room. It's located about five miles west of the strip. I certainly cannot complain."

"I bet it's nicer than that shit hole you're living in now," Legend was referring to my current abode in the NLV. I call it the Bruce Li hotel (for those of you who've been following the blog. You know what I'm talking about).

"Just a little bit," I tell him with a hearty laugh - I then ask, "Legend - when are you going to come out and see me again? I have a sweet spot for you to stay for a few days - I also know where all the girlie's hang out. Think about it for a moment...It would be like we were twenty one again, but this time we would be a little smarter, not much, but a little."

Legend lets out a roar of laughter after my comment and adds, "I'll come visit you soon enough. Right now I have to leave because the old lady is giving me the evil eye. But don't you worry boy, I will be there soon enough."