It has been a minute since the last time I conversed with uncle Ned from Kansas, I decide to call - "What do you know? It's the village moron of Las Vegas." I laugh and add - "I am the village idiot of Las Vegas, not moron. You can't seem to keep that straight for some reason." Ned lives in Reno County, Kansas. It's where he was born & it will be where he dies. He starts right in with the politics - "I still can't believe this knucklehead we have as president is your idol. Do you know how dumb that makes you look?" I remind him Larry Bird is my idol, not Donald Trump - "Shut your fucking trap! Everyone knows Trump is your idol. Don't deny it."
Ned (if you can get past his initial nastiness) can be a fun guy to talk to - "What about that time you took me to New York for the first time. Do you remember the room you, me & the ex rented? - Man, that place was a shit hole." Ned talked me & the ex into an NYC visit after 9/11 - "Do you remember when you took that dump and it stunk the whole place up? The ex was pissed about that. She said she would never come to NYC again without having her own room. Good thing we found Charlie's place." The ex and I returned to NYC numerous times when I lived in Kansas. Charlie's place is the reason. It was a friend of a friend kind of deal. His place is in the West Village, a block south of 14th & 8th - It was a brownstone converted into separate quarters. I miss it. Last time I talked with Charlie he'd sold the place for seven million or some crazy number like that and is now living in Santa Fe.
"Do you know what I am suffering from right now village moron?" His health has been fragile for years - another ailment is not surprising - "I suffer from Trump fatigue. The doctor told me it is acquired by listening to stupid people like your idol." When he was younger and his health was better. He was the life of the party, one joke after another. His Trump fatigue crack reminded me of those days - "For the life of me I don't know why you think this baboon is so great. You really are a fucking moron. Did you know that?"
I steer the conversation to something less aggravating than politics - "Hey, best buddy. How do you think the Chiefs will be this year? It will be interesting with a new quarterback and all. Andy will have them ready to go and this is the year they win it all. That is my prediction." He laughs & replies - "You really are the village fucking moron if you think that is going to happen," I laugh his comment off and he starts in on the politics again - "It's a joke. The presidency is a fucking joke! Your fucking guy is a lunatic. Your idol is not going to last much longer." - I remind him, yet again, Larry Bird is my idol, not Donald Trump - "Whatever, dip shit," is his reply, he then adds - "Look, talking with the village fucking moron is always stimulating...not!" He then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.
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