The Apocalypse

"I couldn't get no silver, I couldn't get no gold. You know that we're too damn poor to keep you from the gallows pole. Hangman, hangman, hold it a little while. I think I see my brother coming riding a many mile. Did you get me some silver? Did you get me some gold? What did you bring me, my brother, to keep me from the gallows pole."

Gallows Pole ~ Led Zeppelin

I called a friend from Kansas today. We had a lengthy discussion about the current state of the country - "I don't give a shit! When the whole shit house catches fire. I will be ready! I just purchased more guns and another 10,000 rounds of ammunition." I have known this dumb son of a bitch since the fifth grade and he hasn't changed one iota - "Mad Max," I say with a degree of intensity, "I agree with you on a number of points, but I don't find it necessary to stockpile weapons and ammo. What do you think is going to happen? Do you think they're coming to get you?" 

The mocking tone I used irritated him - "Think about it you stupid bastard. We are a button flip away from nuclear war with North Korea. The guy over there is a complete nut job. Couple that with the hurricanes and all the other shit going on in the world. I am telling you the end is near. I can't help it if you are too dumb to realize it." 

Mad Max has always been blunt with me, and me with him. Why stop now? "Look, you fucking idiot. We are not going to get in a nuclear war anytime soon. You need to turn off the news and spend your time doing something else. Your paranoia has reached new heights." He has been a paranoid bastard from the get go. But now his rhetoric had elevated to what I would categorize as stage 5. 

You can only take so much of his 'the end is near' bullshit. So before I hang up I tell him this - "Why don't you forget about the Apocalypse for a minute and bring your ass out to Las Vegas. We will get drunk, hit up the dispensary, chase some women. You know? Do all the shit we use to do when we were young. It definitely sounds like you need the distraction." He clears his throat and says, "Do you think this is all a big joke?" My reply - "Yes, as a matter fact that's exactly what I think it is. I think you need to take a serious chill pill." Usually he laughs at my jokes, but not this time - "Be ready boy. The end is near." He then hangs up without saying goodbye...asshole.

The village idiot of Las Vegas eats an Angus and Three Cheese Bacon sandwich from Arby's.

Simple Simon met a pieman.
Going to the fair.
Says Simple Simon to the pieman.
Let me taste your ware.

Says the pieman to Simple Simon.
Show me first your penny.
Says Simple Simon to the pieman.
Indeed I have not any.

Simple Simon - a popular English language nursery rhyme.

The other day I was walking down the sidewalk minding my own business when I looked up and saw a billboard advertising the Angus and Three Cheese Bacon sandwich from Arby's. Damn, did it look good! Ten minutes or so pass by after seeing the billboard and I walk directly past an actual Arby's. The front window had a huge decal of the Angus and Three Cheese Bacon sandwich plastered on it. By now my mouth was salivating like a starved dog.

Well, unfortunately for me, my wallet is an empty one. I thus continued on my trek with a vision of the Angus and Three Cheese Bacon now dancing in my head. A block or so after Arby's I walk upon a Metro Link stop. Usually, you are apt to find a number of people waiting at the stop for the bus, but not this time. The stop was completely empty. As I am passing through my peripheral vision picks something up. It was an Arby's bag sitting on the bus stop bench. Curiosity tends to get the better of vagabonds like me so I grabbed the bag and opened it.

It is times like these when I know there is a god. The very thing I was craving was now directly in front of me. That's right, the Angus and Three Cheese Bacon sandwich that had been dancing around in my head the last twenty minutes was now right under my nose, and fries to boot.

My immediate thought was someone had bought it and planned on eating it on the bus then subsequently forgot to take it with them. Anyways, it was mine now. I grab my newfound bag of goodies and walk into the corner convenience store to use the microwave. After finishing - I walk outside, perch myself on the curb and began devouring the sandwich. Goddammit, I have to admit something, the sandwich tasted every bit as succulent as it appeared on the billboard and decal!

I'm not a religious man by any stretch. But they say God works in mysterious ways. See, at the time I was feeling disappointed that I didn't have any money to squelch my desire and then, voila, the very thing I was desiring at the moment was provided to me. In conclusion, I am unsure if I should take it as a sign or just chalk up my bout of good fortune to dumb luck. However, one thing came as an absolute certainty from this experience - the Angus and Three Cheese Bacon from Arby's is a mighty tasty sandwich.