a session with Roxy...

"I am in town & will be at your place around four. I can stay until five. CU then," read her text. Roxy is in town for a few days & fortunately for me...she wants to come by for another session:

At three fifty eight there is a knock at the door, "Who is it?" I say with a smile, "It's Cinderella dip shit. Open the door Jethro. I don't have time for any of your nonsense right now," she replies firmly. Without further adieu I open the door and there she stood. A goddess in a fluorescent orange sundress. I gave her the up and down & it was just how I remembered. It took my breath away. 

"Hurry up Jethro," as she grabs me by the hand and leads me to the bedroom, "We only have an hour together."

She shoves me on the bed & says - "There is something I want to show you. I wore it just for you silly," she drops the straps on her sundress to her luscious breasts, "I know how you like the different lingerie dummy. I bought these at Frederick's just for you," the sundress is completely on the floor at this point. The site of her yoga body in fancy lingerie is almost too much for me to bare.

"This is the only thing you are good at, this & your stupid blog," she moans as she positions herself on top of my shaft, "You really are something else Jethro," she whispers as her hips gently rock back and forth, "Do all guys from Kansas know how to make a girl feel as good as you do?" 

"Sweet thing," whispering back in pleasure as my tongue probes her breasts, "You can search that state from border to border and won't find one guy in Kansas who can carry my jock when it comes to pleasuring a women." 

"You are so funny Jethro," she moans as her yoga body hips begin to move faster and faster, "My Jethro from Kansas, the blogging and women pleasuring machine," as the intensity of her yoga body hips going up and down increases dramatically.

I was a Viagra and glass of whiskey in before she showed (Got to be prepared) is a motto of mine. Anyhoo, a few more up and downs from Roxy is all it took for the first part of our session to come to a climax. 

"Jethro, your condo is cleaner than most gay guys place's. I like that about you," she tells me as I hold her in my arms. 

"You know I love you and want you to be me my full time girl. There is no other for me beautiful," in the time we do share it's important she understand my feelings are true. 

"It's not going to happen Jethro," is the reply as her body shrugs against mine, "Can you just hold me for a little longer? That's all I want." 

I do as told & a few minutes later her phone pings - "Uber is here Jethro," she kisses me on the cheek; gets out of bed; puts her clothes back on; fixes her hair; grabs a bottle of water from the fridge & leaves without saying goodbye.

Talking Roxy, Belushi, Golden Knight's & Trump with uncle Ned...

I was chatting with uncle Ned again today - "You want to know something moron? This Roxy chick you keep talking about isn't even real. Is she?" - We've had this discussion numerous times - "She's real alright! She's a professional and discretion is important to her. I have to respect that if things are going to continue between us. It's how girls like her work." - He then starts in on one of his rants - "You mean to tell me in all this time you haven't got one picture to share with me," adding, "Joel's never seen her; your dad has never seen her; Cammie has never seen her; I think she is a figment of your imagination." - It grows cumbersome repeating the same thing over & over to no avail - I do it any way..."Look," I say with a little more emphasis than usual - "She put it to me lightly & I will never forget it as long as I live. We were at the Palm's a while back and I was getting ready to leave after one of our trysts - 'If you want to keep seeing this again, you better do as I tell you.' After the statement she drops her robe. Now I got one foot out the door & she pulls me back in and says, 'Do you understand what I am saying Jethro? Don't mess things up between us.'- And then it was a quickie for the road. It's imperative I be discreet & obey her wishes. I love her too much to do otherwise." - He still doesn't believe me...I don't really care.

"Tell me about the time you would pick up chicks because you looked like John Belushi." Uncle Ned was a dead ringer for Belushi in the 70's - "It was the 70's back then," he proclaims in a nostalgic tone "Belushi was the man and I just so happened to resemble him. Thank goodness I didn't turn out like him," he adds with a laugh - "So how did it work? Would they just line up back in the day and tell you that you looked like him," I add with a snicker - "That's pretty much how it worked," he bellows, "I would go to a club in Houston & within five minutes ten people would tell me how much I resembled him. The next thing you know we are back at my place and the fun is starting to begin."

"What about the Golden Knights? Have you jumped on the bandwagon yet?" - Their inaugural season has been one for the history books. The Stanley Cup Finals begin Monday night on the strip. The whole town is abuzz about it - "Every other person who comes into 7-11 is wearing either a VGK shirt or hat. Even my buddy James jumped on the bandwagon. He put a Knight's decal on his ride." I then ask Ned if he is much of a hockey fan - "You better believe it! When I went to school in Maine they had a sensational program. One of the best in the country at the time. I know a thing or two about hockey."

Our conversation comes to a close but not before he makes one last smart remark about politics - "It's still hard to believe a nephew of mine would be ignorant enough to support a moron like Trump. To think this guy is your idol is nauseating to me." For some reason or another everyone thinks Trump is my idol. He's not! I 'pay attention' to him because of his views on trade with China. I reiterate the sentiment to Ned & he says - "Whatever you say Trump lover." - He then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.

a birthday in the desert...

My birthday is the first of June. Do to scheduling conflicts dad & Sharon are unable to make it to town on that day. It was an easy fix though. We celebrated it last weekend instead:

"There he is, the birthday boy," it's a pleasant feeling seeing my seventy five year old father enter my place of employment - It sort of reminded me of the good ol' days - "Hang on for a few minutes and I will punch out. I'll ride with you guys to the condo," I immediately shed my 7-11 attire & out the door I go. The ride home is a short one, yet interesting - "See, this is what I was telling you about. It seemed like yesterday this was a dirt lot and the next thing you know there's another condo project going up." - A building boom in SW Las Vegas is currently underway - "Look," I proclaim as I tap him on the shoulder from the back seat - "There is another complex in the works as well." - The journey home runs north on Durango from the freeway. They're some vivid memories on that stretch of road for me - "It's good to see things going in the right direction," I add as pops turns west on Flamingo towards the condo.

We arrive at the condo & the first thing Sharon says is - "The place looks nice. You know how to keep house." You'd be hard pressed to find a speck of dirt. Especially, if I'm expecting company - We sit down & pour a few drinks - "Heah, I got to tell you guys about something a little birdy told me. The lady who owns the unit above us. Her renter is moving out at the end of September. It would be a good idea to approach her about selling." - Mike Astle has been known to speculate on real estate from time to time - "If you can get it for the right price and do a few things to it. You'd be looking at forty to fifty percent equity in a few years - just like this one," I add as my finger waves around in the air, "Now is the time to get in." - The plan is for me to research things further and report back once I know more.

We spend the first night relaxing with everyone asleep by ten. Saturday is started with a slew of yard sales (new plate set and a couple of XL t-shirts for five dollars) - Afterwards, the first phase of the village idiot street tour begins - "I remember the last time we came here. You told me it was the best Chinese food you've ever had." Hong Kong Gardens is located in the heart of Chinatown. There's some history with me there - "Dim sum is really nothing more than a Chinese buffet on wheels. When they come by with the cart you point at what you want. It's that simple. You'll love this place," I add as we are seated...it was great (as usual) - As we are leaving I say with bravado - "Think about this for a minute. Your boy had all these places in the palm of his hand and let them slip away. The money being made on places like this is outrageous & I am the only guy who can get them." The proclamation didn't seem to impress.

As we are cruising up Spring Mountain toward the condo he says, "What do you think about your idol so far?" - I tell him the same thing I tell everyone - "He's not my idol. The reason he garners my support is his stance on China. I've been saying the same thing for years now. All the other noise I could give a shit less - Come on! I'm starting to sound like an echo chamber." - "Okay," he says with a hint of sarcasm in his tone, "We all know he is your idol though."

We spend Saturday night at a favorite Italian restaurant - Sunday morning we arise; eat breakfast; read the paper; complete a few projects around the place; call uncle Ned & then the second part of the village idiot street tour commences - "Turn left up here. This is where the stadium is going up." Raider's stadium is scheduled for a 2020 completion - "When they play the Chiefs - I will be there!" I add as we cruise the perimeter of the site - "Looks like they are coming along okay on it," he adds as we stare over a big hole in the ground filled with rebar. We turn east on Russell & head towards the  boulevard - "Remember after the massacre and how they didn't fix the window for a week or two because of processing & the curtain kept flying out of the shattered window. That's the most indelible image for me of One October." - We are now driving north on the strip passing Mandalay Bay - "He was firing from there into there," I add as one hands points up to the window and the other points to the festival grounds - "Hopefully nothing like it happens again."

We cruise the strip until Flamingo & he turns west - "I would say this is a pretty good place to set up a dispensary," I add with a chuckle as we drive past the Palm's." They're two dispensaries located directly across from the resort. Both are busy. A good part of the business comes directly from the resorts lodgers - We continue the ride on Flamingo west until we reach the condo - just in time to take a six pound hunk of meat from the oven. The three of us enjoy a hearty birthday dinner and then it is time for a nap. After wards, I suggest a trip to the dog park with our newest family member Belle - "She's really timid around other dogs. I don't know how well she will react," Sharon tells me as dad and I load up and head for the park - "She will be fine, I haven't lost one yet at the dog park," I tell her with a smile. Turns out Belle isn't a fan of other dogs. She spent most of the time moseying around the two of us and our bench - "Keep bringing her back. She will get acclimated to things," is my suggestion as we're leaving. "She's still young. She's doing fine," he adds as we exit the park. He then reaches down and pets her on the head.

Monday morning it is time for the work week to begin and the party to end, but not before one last cruise around SW Vegas - "This stood as one of the biggest eyesores in town until the Chinese bought it up and finished it. Now look at all this." Downtown Summerlin is a popular shopping destination located directly behind Red Rock casino - "They've got a lot of nice shops here," Sharon remarks as we are cruising the main drag of the center - "This is another of those things that just seemed to pop up over night," is my remark as we get back on the freeway for my ride to work. Before being dropped off I thank them for the great birthday weekend - "Thanks for everything. Love you both. I will get back to you when I find out more about the upstairs condo." - I then give Belle one last pet on the ears & back to work I go.

Roxy is coming to town...

The other day I was thinking about Roxy & how much I love her. She instructed me to take a hike last time we talked. Doesn't matter - I called any way - "Jethro, it is nice to hear your voice. I have been thinking about you. It looks like I'm headed to Las Vegas the 15-18. Depending on whether I have the time or not I would like to see you." I'm ecstatic she's had a change of heart. It is refreshing to know the women you love has not given up on things just yet - "Gorgeous, you are the most wonderful person in the world. When you come to town it will be fantastic. I am counting the days as we speak," I tell her with a newfound sense of enthusiasm - "I think about you all the time luscious," adding for good measure.

We chat about the weather for a minute & then I ask - "Are you still hanging around that one clown? I hope not. You can do so much better than him." - Last time we talked she told me Rick, that's the pricks name, is her full time guy now. The truth is he's an absolute turd - I relay the sentiment to her & she says - "Rick will be golfing with all his country club buddies in Santa Barbara that weekend. If he gets to do things like that - I can come to Las Vegas & see my sometimes boyfriend." -- "Sounds good to me," I say with exuberance, "I hope he sticks one of his golf clubs up his ass," I tell her for laughs - "Oh Jethro," she says after my remarks, "Just be ready to enjoy the time we will have together." -- "Don't you worry about that sweet thing. It's a given. It goes without saying," is my retort to her 'just be ready' crack.

When I look at Roxy I see a beautiful; remarkable; well educated; well traveled; yoga body; ruthless vixen...it's what men desire - "Jethro, I have been reading your stupid blog & it is putting my feet to sleep. A session is definitely in order." Her going rate (when I last inquired) is two grand plus gratuities. Men & women alike pay it without hesitation - "Sweet thing," I say with a smile, "Just to make sure we are still on the same page. Our session will be pro bono. You know I don't have two grand," I add with a laugh.

She's developed a sense of humor about our relationship through the years - "Jethro, sweetie, you are what is commonly referred to as a 'pity pounce' in my line of work. A 'pity pounce' is someone who is always broke. Although, for some unexplained reason they still find a way into your bed. It's your stupid blog that does it with me." - Not many guys would appreciate being referred to as a 'pity pounce' by the women they love. Me? I could give a shit less - "Sweet thing you can call me whatever you want. It will be so awesome when you come to town luscious. I can hardly wait."

Uncle Ned rambles on...

"You and all the other suckers around here got bamboozled by this con. Hey, I agree with your homeless friend - 'The country asked for it and now they are getting it.'- I still can't believe you are gullible enough to believe this is the right guy for the job." Uncle Ned is not a Trump fan - "Look," I tell him for the tenth time, "I don't pay attention to his Twitter. You have to look at the bigger picture & with me that is China. You know my beliefs. I have shared them in the blog for years. Now we got a guy who wants to do something about it instead of just giving 'lip service.' - I find his approach to China refreshing. Trump is setting a course in Asia that should have been done thirty years ago - All the other bullshit I don't care about." - Hopefully Ned is able to digest my beliefs. It becomes tiresome explaining it over & over.

He starts in about how Trump lied about not knowing his lawyer paid off a hooker - "Who gives a shit?" I reply, "No one I know cares if he screwed a hooker behind his wife's back. How is worrying about that going to put money in my pocket? Most men of means do things like that? Believe me, Las Vegas is a place where they do it. It's just part of doing business." - He bellows - "Screwing hookers is part of doing business. Is that what you are saying genius?" -- "'Don't be naïve Ned. They're line items for 'entertainment' everywhere on corporate ledgers. They are labeled discreetly, but everyone knows what it means," I answer accordingly.

We chat about the weather for a minute and he mentions his upcoming birthday - "I will be sixty six years old in a few weeks. No one thought I would make it this long." Ned's health eroded years ago & his life turned stationary - "Why don't you strike it rich in Las Vegas & you can move me out there and provide around the clock care for your poor uncle Ned." If I had the wherewithal, I would - I tell him such & he says - "Don't worry about it good buddy. I am getting along fine in Hutchinson. It's where I was born & it will be where I die."

"Who is this Mad Max guy in your blog? Is he one of your dip shit friends from Clowntown? He sounds like one of them. Don't you have any normal friends Robbie? Mad Max, Jesus - what a flake." - Ned nicknamed Madison (Clowntown) when I was a kid. The moniker stuck - "Don't tell me he's one of these guys who thinks the government is eavesdropping on him. Why would he think he is that important? What a buffoon." - Mad Max is paranoid. I relay it to Ned & he says - "Of what? His shadow. You really need to find some normal friends - Jesus, this Mad Max guy you are describing is a nut job." -- "Don't call him that," I say with regard, "He is a 'prepper.' - There is nothing crazy about following your beliefs." - He mumbles something incoherent after my statement & then says - "Look, I would like to sit here all day and listen to you tell me about all the weirdos in your blog from 'Clowntown.' - Fortunately, I have better things to do - Jeopardy starts in two minutes." He then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.

Reflecting with uncle Ned...

"My body is giving out on me buddy - My mind is still as sharp as a tack though." Uncle Ned has lead an interesting life. The tail end is in sight & it is time to reflect - "Have you ever considered writing a book about your life & times? The average schmuck walking around would be impressed. I'm sure they would find your past hijinks entertaining. I certainly do." 

My encouragement about the whole book idea stems from the fact Ned was partially schooled in Europe & frequented the continent many times through the 80's & 90's - "I miss Europe with a passion good buddy," he tells me with some zing in his voice - "What I wouldn't give for one last trip to see her," this time with reflection - "Don't get old you little nephew village idiot of mine. Getting old ruins all your plans in life," he adds with a tone of despair.

"Ned, tell me about the time you unwittingly walked into a sting over in France." -- "It was Monaco actually," he replies - The tale I remember is he was driving along in some town in Monaco & there was an attractive lady walking down the sidewalk & he decided to stop and see how she was - "You should have seen her. Tall, beautiful, accent, charming...she was your typical French girl. I had some time to kill so I pulled over to talk. The next thing you know I am giving her a ride into the next town." 

During the 80's Ned had stripper girlfriends in four European countries - "I immediately thought stripper when she got in the car. There was an inn I had been to before & I asked her if she wanted to go. That's how things worked in Europe back then. Now I'm cruising along & playing grab ass with a gorgeous French girl sitting next to me - the next thing you know the car I'm driving gets boxed in by four police cars. I knew right then I was in trouble - I just looked at her and said 'What did you do?"

Ned had inadvertently implanted himself in the middle of a sting operation. The beautiful French girl he intended to bed was part of a fraud ring & the police had been surveying her and the rest of the ring for three days. They were minutes away from sweeping her up when Ned showed - "Look, I don't know this lady. I was just giving her a ride into town. I told the cops they had the wrong guy and I was just in the wrong place. The cops told me I would be detained until the detective arrived. I asked how long it would take and they told me an hour or two." 

I can't help but laugh when I picture Ned setting in jail figuring out how he was going to explain his way out of things - "After an hour or so the detective walks into the room. The first thing he says is - "You wanted to make love to that women. Tell me the truth Yankee.' - I didn't know what to say so I told him I stopped to give her a ride & before I could get much farther he interrupts and says - 'Is there something wrong with French women Yankee? Do you not like to make love to them? When a French man picks a beautiful women up he wants to make love to her.' - After he said that I knew things were looking good for me. They ended up letting me go shortly after."

Uncle Freak Out...

Uncle Ned has always been an excitable guy. When we were kids all the nephews & nieces nicknamed him 'Uncle Freak Out.' - Point in case:

One time I went to a fast food place with him & he ordered a specialty sandwich. It was  bacon/cheese/Angus - don't remember the exact name. Any way, we sit down to eat & he chimes angrily, "Does this look like that? Does this look like that?" He points to a decal of his sandwich on the window - "That is what I was expecting, not whatever this piece of garbage is. I want my money back." Everyone knows the sandwiches in the commercials & decals are more appealing than the actual thing. I remind him of such and he says - "I don't give a shit. They've been screwing me for years & I'm fucking tired of it," he slams the sandwich down on his tray - "I want my money back."

"Oh boy, here we go again," are my thoughts as I watch Ned exit the booth with his sandwich & head directly to the counter - "I hope he doesn't make another scene." I was finishing the last of my six piece nugget meal when I heard it - "Get the fucking manager! Tell him you have an unsatisfied customer who wants his money back!" - As long as you're not getting dragged into one of his freak outs they're amusing to watch.

The manager or someone pretending to be him comes to the counter & Ned explains how he felt duped by the advertising of the sandwich - "Come on! Does whatever you call this," as he points at the sandwich, "Look like this," as he points at the decal on the window - "I want the sandwich on the window. Not this garbage." Instead of giving six dollars back to an unreasonable customer, which I would have done to be rid of them. No, the guy decided to argue with him. Things escalated rapidly.

"This is the last fucking time I eat at this kangaroo meat motherfucker place. Give me the fucking money back you asshole!" His freak outs would heighten quickly & they would diffuse quickly (thank goodness) - "Sir, you need to leave right this moment or I will call the police," the manager stopped arguing and started threatening - "Fuck you then! Keep my six dollars! This place is bullshit! Robbie! Robbie! Where the fuck are you at? Let's get the hell out of here." I was standing by the door ready to leave five minutes ago - "Over here Mr. Freak Out. Let's go!" - It's too bad they didn't have phones back in Ned's freak out days. People would have been appalled & amused at his antics.

the tattoo man - Part 3

"Older times we're missing spending the hours reminiscing - Hurry, don't be late. I can hardly wait, I said to myself when we're old - We'll go dancing in the dark, walking through the park and reminiscing."

Little River Band ~ Reminiscing

I've known Brian Wilson Boatwright (everyone in Greenwood County calls him Boaty) since the sixth grade. It would be awesome to see him and a couple other Bulldog alums head to Las Vegas towards the end of June for a visit - "Bring the old lady, I don't care," I told him in our conversation yesterday, "She'll have a great time. I promise you will love my Village Idiot street tour. It's a very interesting tour to take. I am convinced a guy like you would appreciate it." The sales pitch is vanilla nowadays. My thoughts are if he likes the blog & is following along then why not come out and let me give him the tour - "It don't cost anything to look & besides it's always a great time in Las Vegas no matter what. What do you say?" -- "I am talking it over with the Mrs. right now. I'll get back to you," is his answer to my suggestion.

He knows everyone in Greenwood County - "What's Kittie doing nowadays?" She was the local beauty queen who broke hearts everywhere she went - "She's doing well. Her daughter plays against my daughter in one of the soccer leagues. She's still as nice as ever. She has a new boyfriend now and it looks pretty serious." -- "What about Elmo? What the hell is he doing." -- "Screwing hogs & farming. He will be doing it till the day he dies." Elmo's family have farmed the land of Greenwood County for generations. It would be strange without them - "Do you ever see Elmo?" -- "Haven't seen the bastard in years. I don't think he ever leaves the farm," he tells me with a snicker, "I take that back," he adds, "The only time he leaves the farm is to go to the gun range."

"Do you still hang out at the 19th Hole?" It was the local watering hole back in the day - "The 19th Hole is long gone my friend. If we want to buy liquor we have to head up to the liquor store in Olpe." It's ironic in ways. The town I grew up in doesn't have a bar - Las Vegas has a bar on every corner - "Where do people go to drown their sorrows?" I add with a shrug - "They drive to Olpe and get their liquor and drive back. If they run out they drive back to Olpe. I know because I've done it numerous times Mr. City Slicker," he says with a laugh - It's hard to imagine living in a town without a bar - I tell him such and he says - "It's the country boy," he then adds "I will tell you this if it makes you feel better. I've lived in Madison my whole life and never once found it hard to find a drink."

the tattoo man - Part 2

"Welcome to the jungle, we got fun-n-games. We got everything you want. Honey we know the names - We are the people who can find whatever you may need. If you got the money honey we got your disease - In the jungle, welcome to the jungle. Watch it bring you to your shun,n,n,n,n,n,n, knees." 

Welcome to the Jungle ~ Guns-n-Roses

I've been reminiscing with one of Greenwood Counties finest the last few days - "Boaty, I still remember when you loaned me your Appetite for Destruction tape & told me this was the best stuff you had ever heard. I probably listened to the cassette a thousand times. As a matter of fact I never gave it back to you." Boaty was the grooviest guy at Madison High by a mile - "Women like a more cultured man. Even in Madison. It's not always about sports," he would say to me whenever he scored one of his many dates in high school. He was a real smooth operator.

"What's the deal with you and this Roxy gal on your blog? Is she even real?" -- "You better believe she is real," I tell him with exuberance - "The problem is I love her too much and won't let go. Even though it is never going to happen." -- "You make it sound like there is a hot chick everywhere you turn in Las Vegas. Surely you can find a replacement." He's right about the hot chick part, the thing is I only have eyes for one girl - "I know it sucks," I tell him with a familiar shrug - "I am too dumb to know any better."

"You ever run into Mad Max around town?" Mad Max is another guy I have known since the sixth grade - "I saw that dumb son of a bitch a few weeks ago in Emporia," he replies, "Do you remember where the Red Dog use to be? It's called the Golden Noose nowadays. He hangs out in there sometimes. What a dumb ass," he adds with a snicker - "Does he still do all the prepping, or is he is just feeding me a line of bullshit," I inquire with a snicker of my own - "I don't know what the clown does. I will tell you this he still carries a couple guns wherever he goes. He had three of his guns lying on the bar at the Noose last time I went there. I didn't really talk to him that much. It didn't look like he was in a good mood."

We chat about the weather for a few minutes & then he says - "I have an idea for you if you ever come back to visit. I will tattoo 'Village Idiot' across your lower back. Think of it as a guy 'tramp stamp," he adds with a laugh - "It will be a good fit." - If I ever did get a tattoo he would be the guy to do it. Although, I will pass on the mail tramp stamp idea - "How about a raging bull on one of my bulging biceps. Do you think you could do that?" -- "Only if you have a bulging bicep," he replies with a snicker - "Maybe a raging bull on your not so bulging bicep is a better way to say it," he adds with another laugh - "Next time you come to town I will line you out with the best tattoo you have ever had." I don't have any tattoos. I remind him of such and he says - "See, that's why it will be the best tattoo you've ever had."

Before our time ends I remind him of Mad Max & Roy's pending visit to Las Vegas - "Why don't you come out when they do. It will be like a Bulldog reunion in the desert. I am convinced a guy like you would enjoy the Village Idiot street tour. It is a lot of fun. That's what previous recipients have told me any way." Boaty is a family man nowadays and running off to Las Vegas for some fun is not always as easy as it sounds - "Let me think about it boy. I have to run it by the old lady as well. I'll get back to you," is his final words before saying goodbye.

the tattoo man...

Greenwood County, Kansas is an interesting place, full of interesting people. One of them happens to be a fellow named Brian Wilson Boatwright. Everyone calls him Boaty. I've known him since the sixth grade. He's a fan of the blog, which I appreciate. Anyhoo, we chatted the other day about the good ol' days - "What about the time they jammed us into the job of filming football games. Jesus, Little Dick was pissed off about that." We were freshman, the football coach was Coach Little, Boaty often referred to him as Coach Little Dick - it was funny back in the day:

"Yeah, we were so stupid we didn't even consider the camera might have an audio feature to it. I will admit this to you - even though we only filmed one game it was a memorable one - too bad we don't have a copy of that film," I say as I recall the incident - The film consisted of us extending vulgar comments to Coach LD & others as we taped the game. Again - unbeknownst to the two Mensa members at the time - their voices were being recorded - "Goddammit that was funny Boaty," I add with another laugh, "I remember how you did your announcers voice and said - 'The head coach of the Madison High Bulldogs! Coach Little Dick!"

As I am wiping the tears from my eyes he adds - "What about the time I was taking a dump and you kicked the door open on the stall and it knocked me off the toilet." Remember it was high school - the thing back then was to kick the stall open on one of your buddies when they weren't expecting it and then yell - "Raid!" Again, it was high school - "You know I do remember that. I remember going dark for a minute after you punched me." No one was ever suppose to get hurt from it, but shit happens - "When I came to I started swinging and Mr. Bolen walked in at the time and broke it up. It wasn't funny then but looking back all I can do is laugh," I tell him with a snicker - "The good ol' days buddy. They sure were a lot of fun."

We chat about the weather for a minute and then I suggest - "I'm talking to Mad Max & Roy about coming out towards the end of June for pool season. It is always a lot of fun. Why don't you come out when they do & will make it a Bulldog reunion in the desert - Lots of cool art exhibits and tattoo parlors. You know Las Vegas isn't all casinos," I add with a laugh, "I could give you the Village Idiot street tour. I believe someone like you would appreciate it."

a Bulldog legend - Part Deuce

Roy Cumpton is a Greenwood County legend. His feats are known well through the territory. Today I was telling a friend in Las Vegas how much Roy enjoyed beating people up back in his prime - "His fights were always the same," I add with a laugh, "He either tackled a guy and beat him senseless; or if that did not work he would box a guy into submission. Either way it didn't last long and I never saw him even come close to losing."

I then add - "A few of us were drinking at a bar in Emporia a long time ago. Out of no where a couple guys start hassling us. I thought we were going to get the shit beat out of us...Anyhoo, Roy just so happened to walk in the bar as things were taking shape - thank goodness. He walks up to me unaware of the situation and I motion with my eyes to the three guys standing behind us. He turns to the group and says, - 'Is there a problem? - If so we can take it outside right now.' His reputation proceeded him wherever he went. The three goons who moments earlier were threatening us...they got lost."

James starts laughing and says - "You make it sound like this guy could do anything." I snicker at his remark and then add - "He once scored six touchdowns in a playoff game; changed two flat tires; went on a date with his girlfriend; drove to Emporia & went on a date with his second girlfriend; devoured twenty dollars worth of Hardee's; stopped in Olpe on the way home to see his third girlfriend & still possessed the wherewithal to milk all the cows on the family farm the following morning. It's hard to believe with anyone else. Not Roy, it was 'run of the mill' for him."

"What's he doing now?" James ask. "As far as I can tell he is doing the dad thing in Kansas and getting along pretty good. We don't really talk about the good ol' days anymore. I haven't seen him in forever so you can definitely believe we have some catching up to do when he comes out." -- "It sounds like your friend would love Las Vegas. UFC, women, football," he adds - I laugh and say  "Yeah, I agree with you on that. The problem is he got old on me and the 'Legend' days of the past are now just fond memories. It don't matter. I am still looking forward to seeing him."

inviting a 'prepper' to town...

Recently I discovered my friend Roy from Kansas is coming to town to see me towards the end of June. I decided to call our mutual friend Mad Max, who is also from Kansas, in order to see if he is interested in coming to town when Roy does...a reunion of sorts:

"Do you think you can make it to town before the Apocalypse hits?" As I mentioned earlier - a mutual acquaintance of ours is going to be in town towards the end of June. It would be nice if Mad Max could make it as well - "I am telling you boy. You had better make it to town before the Apocalypse hits or I will be very pissed," I add once more with a hearty laugh.

Mad Max is a 'prepper' - for those of you unfamiliar with the term...look it up! - "You are a real funny guy Village Idiot. Did you know that? Think of it this way genius. Your capitulation to the deep state is a certainty. You and most of the other mindless 'sheeple' who walk around with their heads up their ass stand no chance. On the other hand, when they try to make me capitulate they are in for a rude awakening." I tease him about the 'Apocalypse' all the time. To me it is nothing more than fodder, not to him, he genuinely believes the end is coming soon.

"I will tell you this Village Idiot. If there is one shining light in my miserable existence. It's the fact we finally have a president who knows how to get things done." - Mad Max is Trump man numero uno. I ask him why he is so in love - "It's everything about the fucking guy I like. The biggest thing is his staunch support of the Second Amendment."

The reason I called is simple. Does he want to come out and visit when Roy comes to town? - "It will be like the good ol' days in Madison," I add with a laugh, "Hanging out, drinking and having a great time. The only real difference is we will be thirty years older and surrounded by a ton of hookers." -- "You really are a funny guy Village Idiot? I kind of like the idea," he then adds, "Me & the lady decided we were going to take a break from each other on vacations this year. She's going on a cruise with some of her girlfriends in May. I should be able to come out in June. Let me get back with you."

Our time comes to an end, but not before he gives me one last dose of his craziness - "When the 'deep state' comes knocking on your door will you be prepared? I know I will be! You definitely won't." It is one conspiracy after another with Mad Max - "Look," I say with emphasis, "I don't give a shit about the deep state or any other state for that matter. You just make sure you have your ass out here this summer. Hopefully the Apocalypse doesn't happen until after your trip." I then wish him well & hang the phone up.

a Bulldog legend.

I got placated a while back. I should have realized it from the start. What I was being fed ended up being nothing more than a harmless farce. I'm not out anything from it - It did irritate the hell out of me though...Anyhoo, it has passed now:

"Goddammit Roy! Where the hell have you been?" Roy Cumpton holds a special place in Bulldog lore. It was his game ending Hail Mary snag which propelled the Bulldogs to their first state title - "How you doing there village idiot? I have been reading your blog and am thinking about coming out to visit for the summer pool season." Everyone in Greenwood County referred to him as Legend back in the day. He scored touchdowns; knocked guys out; dated all the pretty girls; drove fancy cars; aced tests; danced like John Travolta -- the list goes on & on with Roy. Although, nothing compares to 'the catch.'

"Goddammit Roy! What an awesome catch!" Thirty years down the road and I still remember it like yesterday - "You got to tell me the story again." - It's a treat listening to the enthusiasm in his voice as he recollects that fateful November day - "The first time we ran the play it was a designed tailback pass to the end. The problem is they had him triple covered. We had to call timeout and I told Coach Ford they were cheating to Boyle's side of the ball and I felt I could get behind the defensive back. I told him to run the same play again and have Bennett look my way. I still remember Coach Ford's reaction in the huddle when I told him that, 'You better be right boy! Run the motherfucker again!"

There is a movie titled The Best of Times. It stars Kurt Russell & Robin Williams. At the beginning of the movie it describes how Robin William's character dropped the game winning touchdown pass in the championship game. Twenty five years later he still regrets it - "You could have been the Robin Williams character if you would have dropped the pass. Your ass would have been run right out of town." Roy says the same thing every time I make the comparison - "That's how things go in life. Sometimes you make the play & sometimes you don't. I just so happened to make that particular play."

Calling bullsh%$ + the longshots + a Donald Trump joke...

Recently an acquaintance made a claim I found impressive...too impressive. I requested proof of the claim. Which should have been a cinch (if true). Let's just say the run around has begun - What's the point? - Remain optimistic at all times. But don't be afraid to call bull shit when you suspect a person is being less than forthcoming with you:

The other day I was walking down the sidewalk minding my own business when out of no where I hear - "Hitler!" - It was my homeless friend from the neighborhood - I immediately yell - "Trump!" We share the usual chuckle over the gesture & then he adds - "Have you been paying attention to the Golden Knights," he's referencing the NHL team in town. "This is their inaugural season and they are one of the favorites to win the Stanley Cup. Who would have ever thought that would be possible?" 

I've been to one hockey game in my life. It wasn't my thing. Your love of certain sports is ingrained into you when you are young. Hockey was not around me growing up. That's why I don't care for it much. I don't really understand it either & I am too old nowadays to try - "They were 500-1 in most places around town when the season started. Now they are one of the favorites to win it all. What do you think of my new hat?" He points directly at the Golden Knights insignia on his hat - "Yeah, it was cool man. I was just standing on the corner doing my thing & out of no where I hear a guy yell 'Dude!' - The next thing I know he is flinging the hat at me as he drives by. It's a perfect fit," he adds as he takes it off, looks at it, smiles & then returns it to his noggin - "Man this a good looking hat."

It was nice having a reprieve from the usual politics spewing from his yapper. The reprieve didn't last long - "Not Trump, but your second idol, you know, Steve Wynn. Do you want to know what I would do if I was him?" Steve Wynn is not my idol. I tell him such and he says - "I know he's not your idol. The baboon is your idol. Steve Wynn is your second idol. There is a difference." - He goes on to tell me about how nasty Wynn's divorce from his first wife is & how he should buy her a box of chocolates and apologize for his boorish behavior - "I think the acrimony between the two has sailed way past that," I add with a laugh.

Our time comes to a close, he adds one last jab - "Village Idiot I have a joke for you before you leave." -- "Let's hear it," I add with a smile - "What do Donald Trump & a box of dog shit have in common?" -- "I don't know," I say with a laugh, "They both stink," is his punchline. He needs some new material - I advise him of such & carry on.

arguing politics across six lanes of traffic...

The other day I was walking down the sidewalk minding my own business when out of no where - I hear - "Hitler!" Looking around, I couldn't find the source of the noise - "Must be in my head," I tell myself as I continue my trek down the sidewalk - "Hitler!" I hear again moments later, this time much louder -"Over here village idiot!" - Flamingo Avenue is six lanes & runs E-W through town. It's a major thoroughfare in Las Vegas - Turns out the voice I thought was initially in my head was originating from the south side of Flamingo. I was standing on the north.

"Trump!" - I yell with enough force to be heard over the sounds of traffic whizzing by. It was my homeless friend from the neighborhood; the two of us share a running gag on the Trump/Hitler greetings - "Your fucking idol is about to be toast!" He yells over the streaking sound of a passing crotch rocket - Think about this for a moment. How many people can say they have argued with a homeless guy about politics while screaming across six lanes of traffic? - "I told you this already!" Yelling as loud as possible because of the clamor - "As long as Trump does what he says he is going to do with China & other bi-lateral trade agreements! He's not going no where!" - He yells something inaudible - It is then I decide my time should be appropriated to something more productive than yelling politics at a homeless guy across six lanes of traffic. So I wave him off & carry on.

dumped by Roxy...

My sister says Roxy is bad news and I should forget about her - "The way she talks to you is horrendous. You really need some serious help." She's not the first person who's told me to move on. I wish I could. I really do. It's just I love her & when you love someone, you love someone. Right? Anyhoo, I decide to give her a call today:

"Are you stupid Jethro? Do you understand English?" Last time we talked she instructed me not to call her, she would call me - My impatience is too great for the arrangement - "I'm sorry beautiful. I know you are busy. I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you & am looking forward to the next time you come to town luscious."

I understand it. I do. She has to remind me nonetheless - "Look, I told myself I wasn't going to be rude to you. The thing is you make it hard. I should have told you this a while back, but I wasn't for sure. I am back with Rick. He is not a big fan of you. It's over, for real this time Jethro." She's had boyfriends before and it never stopped her. Plus, the guy she is telling me about is a douche nozzle.

"Sweet thing why do you have to hang out with that loser? Look, I know I am not a great catch, but I'm better than that jack off." -- "Jethro," she says in a patronizing tone I have come to adore, "First of all, you are hardly a catch. As a matter of fact that is the last word I would use to describe you. The other thing is you are always broke. I need a man who makes things happen, not some stupid blogger who can't get shit done. Let's face it Jethro. I'm way out your league. It was your stupid blog that caused me to 'slum' with you. It was fun for a while, but now it is over, for real this time Jethro. You can't afford me!" She then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.



 

berated by uncle Ned...

It has been a minute since the last time I conversed with uncle Ned from Kansas, I decide to call - "What do you know? It's the village moron of Las Vegas." I laugh and add - "I am the village idiot of Las Vegas, not moron. You can't seem to keep that straight for some reason." Ned lives in Reno County, Kansas. It's where he was born & it will be where he dies. He starts right in with the politics - "I still can't believe this knucklehead we have as president is your idol. Do you know how dumb that makes you look?" I remind him Larry Bird is my idol, not Donald Trump - "Shut your fucking trap! Everyone knows Trump is your idol. Don't deny it."

Ned (if you can get past his initial nastiness) can be a fun guy to talk to - "What about that time you took me to New York for the first time. Do you remember the room you, me & the ex rented? - Man, that place was a shit hole." Ned talked me & the ex into an NYC visit after 9/11 - "Do you remember when you took that dump and it stunk the whole place up? The ex was pissed about that. She said she would never come to NYC again without having her own room. Good thing we found Charlie's place." The ex and I returned to NYC numerous times when I lived in Kansas. Charlie's place is the reason. It was a friend of a friend kind of deal. His place is in the West Village, a block south of 14th & 8th - It was a brownstone converted into separate quarters. I miss it. Last time I talked with Charlie he'd sold the place for seven million or some crazy number like that and is now living in Santa Fe.

"Do you know what I am suffering from right now village moron?" His health has been fragile for years - another ailment is not surprising - "I suffer from Trump fatigue. The doctor told me it is acquired by listening to stupid people like your idol." When he was younger and his health was better. He was the life of the party, one joke after another. His Trump fatigue crack reminded me of those days - "For the life of me I don't know why you think this baboon is so great. You really are a fucking moron. Did you know that?"

I steer the conversation to something less aggravating than politics - "Hey, best buddy. How do you think the Chiefs will be this year? It will be interesting with a new quarterback and all. Andy will have them ready to go and this is the year they win it all. That is my prediction." He laughs & replies - "You really are the village fucking moron if you think that is going to happen," I laugh his comment off and he starts in on the politics again - "It's a joke. The presidency is a fucking joke! Your fucking guy is a lunatic. Your idol is not going to last much longer." - I remind him, yet again, Larry Bird is my idol, not Donald Trump - "Whatever, dip shit," is his reply, he then adds - "Look, talking with the village fucking moron is always stimulating...not!" He then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.

two geniuses conversing...

I've known Mad Max from Kansas - many, many years. More than I will ever admit...Anyhoo, I  started thinking about the anarchist son of a bitch today, so I called - "I was wondering if I was ever going to hear from you again boy. Are you getting ready for the Apocalypse?" Mad Max has always been paranoid. It is worse than ever nowadays - "Do you know what boy?" The gruffness in his voice unmistakable - "Your idol is finally getting shit together. He is going to figure out the border. The military should have been there years ago. Trump has the balls to make it happen." - Larry Bird is my idol, not Donald Trump. I remind him of such & he says - "Shut your hole boy! Everyone knows Trump is your idol."

Mad Max owns more guns than Walmart. When I lived in Kansas we would always hang out at his place. There is a gun (literally) under every pillow - "Got to be ready for when the shit house catches fire son," is one of his logic's. Let's just put it this way. I would not suggest a home invasion attempt at Mad Max's - "Have you added anymore guns to your collection lately?" I ask with a laugh. "No," he tells me with a laugh of his own, "I don't feel the need to buy anymore now that your idol is a staunch supporter of the Second Amendment."

We give the guns & politics a rest - "Mad Max - Are you still with your lady?" He's been dating the same gal for years, but they've never married - "Yeah, she's still around. We haven't killed each other yet." -- "When are you going to officially make her Mrs. Mad Max?" Every time I ask he says the same thing - "Why go and fuck things up by getting married? If it ain't broke don't fix it." He's been married a time or two - "It made me gun shy after the third one went sour on me. The last thing I need is a fourth ex wife. The gal I'm with now shares the same philosophy as me. So it works well."

Our time comes to a close, but not before he gives me one last bit of his craziness - "I know all the prepping I do for the collapse is a big joke to you." He's a 'prepper' - For those of you not familiar with the phrase - Look it up - "But I am here to tell you boy. When the shit house catches fire, and it will, I will be the one who survives. You and all the other masses will be the first to capitulate." I've heard his spiel before, so I interrupt about a third of the way through - "I got to go good buddy. Blue Bloods is getting ready to start." I then hang the phone up without saying goodbye.

Roxy clones & a million dollar bet...

I was telling Bute about Roxy & how great she is - "Do you want to know something?" He says with a laugh - "You don't even have to show me a picture of her. I already know a 'Roxy' type in Houston." I found what he said next intriguing - "Yeah, my buddy Ricky in Houston was dating this stripper who was dynamite. She was a nice girl as well. One time our car broke down in Sugarland and he called her and she took her kid to daycare and came and got us." I ask what became of the relationship - "Oh, you know, the stripper lifestyle finally caught up with him and he broke it off. I tell you though. He still talks about her all the time." - We chat about the weather for a minute & then he adds - "My ex wife was a 'Roxy' type as well. She liked to party and have a good time, not to mention she was a knock out back in her prime. I guess I know two girls who remind me of Roxy now that I think about it."

To my knowledge Roxy has never stripped - "It's beneath me Jethro. I am a big game hunter - stripping is for chumps," is what she always tells me -- "The best way I can describe Roxy where everyone will understand is simple," I then add with emphasis, "She is a professional plain and simple." He asks - "Do you know who is another 'Roxy' type? She's from Kansas." I never equated Roxy with a Kansas girl. Two different breeds altogether in my opinion - "The girl from Emporia that your cousin use to date. What's her name again?" He then adds with a laugh, "You know - the stripper." -- "Monica, is her name," I tell him with a laugh of my own, "Now that I think about it I do see some Roxy in her. That's an interesting observation buddy. I had forgotten about her."

We change the subject to college basketball - "There's a guy out here named Derek Stevens. He owns the D on Fremont. He bet twenty five thousand on Michigan at 50-1. If they win he cashes a cool million. Think about it for a minute - a million dollar payday is something to brag about, even for a guy like him." Bute cashed an eight grand ticket when Houston won the series - "I damn near had a heart attack with eight grand on the line. To think this guy is in line for a million dollar payday if they win...Whewww...that's a lot of money." Mr. Stevens didn't get the win he needed. I'm pretty sure he will be okay.

Talking college hoops & Trump with a homeless guy...

I share a running gag with a homeless guy from the neighborhood. Whenever we run into each other I yell - "Trump," as a greeting. He in turn yells - "Hitler!" - The two of us get a kick out of it. Well, today was no different - "Trumppp!" I added a little extra vinegar to my usual greeting - "Hitlerrr!" - He spouts with a little extra vinegar of his own. We bump fists & he starts in with the politics:

"Your idol has lost his everlasting mind. I knew when this buffoon got elected things would be chaotic. To think this jack off pulled the wool over the countries eyes is a testament to how dumb people really are. What a fucking sham. Mueller is going to put an end to this soon." I have informed him on multiple occasions Larry Bird is my idol, not Donald Trump. I inform him once again - "Sure thing Mr. Trumpeteer," is his response.

Listening to his politics is entertaining (for a minute) & then it becomes cumbersome. I decide to change the subject to something less irritating - "You know what the big buzz in Kansas is right now?" My homeless friend is a big college hoops fan. His favorite team is Texas A&M. It's where he hails from - "They are worried Trump will get impeached," he says with a snicker. "No," I say with a laugh of my own - "It is conceivable KU could face K-State in the championship. With K-State beating Kentucky last night - anything is possible."

My homeless friend is skeptical of such a thing happening - "So what K-State beat Kentucky. If Kentucky could make a free throw the game wouldn't have been close. They just got lucky. They will lose to Loyola." - I disagree with him. Kansas State has a legitimate shot to make it to the final four. Even the diehards didn't think that was going to happen at the start of the tournament. I let him know it as well - "Look," he says with smirk, "Even if K-State beats Loyola they would have to win a semifinal game & KU still needs to win out on their side of the bracket. I would put the odds of a KU - K-State title match-up at 700-1. It's not to say it couldn't happen. It's just highly unlikely."

The conversation turns to politics yet again - "You know they have measures in place for what is happening now." I have no idea what he is talking about. I tell him such and he says - "When the country elects a mad man president. They have measures in place to protect us against the harm he will cause." Whatever Internet conspiracy podcast he is watching now: he needs to change. I don't know what else to say so I say the same thing I always do - "Man, you have got to stop with the conspiracy this & conspiracy that. You are starting to spook people. As long as the economy is good and he does what he says he is going to do with trade. He is not going anywhere."

As I am about to depart, he adds - "Time will tell with your idol Trump. I don't think he makes it much longer." He could be right. The truth is I don't care one way or another. I just want to see him get something done in China before he goes - "Also, good luck on your dream of K-State & KU meeting in the title game - I will tell you this now that I think about it. If Donald Trump can get elected president than anything is possible," we bump fists and then I pivot left and head up Durango.

Bute splits town + Roxy's next visit...

Bute split town early today. He is driving a truck he bought in Las Vegas back to Houston - "How long is it going to take you to get back to Houston?" He's made the Vegas to Texas drive many times - "In this little rice burner," he is referring to the 2001 Mitsubushi truck he bought in North town - "From door to door. I will be in Houston in twenty hours. Maybe twenty one. It depends on the weather." He loads his things in the back and says - "Well, good buddy. I will see you when I see you." We bump fists and say are final farewells. As I am watching him drive away a thought goes through my head - "I sure am going to miss that goofy son of a bitch."

"Why are you calling Jethro? We have talked about this before." I know Roxy doesn't want me bothering her, but it's hard. When you love someone you love someone - "I think you are the cat's meow beautiful. I feel like I am the luckiest guy in the world when we are together. I miss you so much and want to be with you sweet thing. When are you coming back to town wonderful?"

Roxy is a professional. I understand it. I don't necessarily like it, but I understand it - "Jethro, Jethro, Jethro," she has a habit of repeating my name when she is about to say something pleasant to me...I like it - "You are the sweetest thing on two feet. Every time I think you can't get any sweeter - You do. Oh Jethrro, I really do wish I was there to pinch those chubby cheeks of yours right now. My darling hillbilly from Kansas. You are one of a kind."

"Beautiful, you have got to come to town soon because I miss you so much and don't know how much longer I can go without seeing you. I know you probably got a lot on your schedule, But please gorgeous. I want to see you." The allure of a women like Roxy is too much for any man to resist. She knows it as well - "Jethro, I am a busy girl. I am hoping to get to Las Vegas soon. When I get there I might look you up."

We chat about the weather for a minute and then I say - "I wish you could have made it to town when Bute was here. He described you to a tee and hasn't even seen a picture of you. Do you think I could post a picture on Face Book telling everyone you are my girl?" Roxy is a pro. I get it. I just thought maybe she would let me try to make an honest women of her...not happening - "No you may not post a picture of me on Face Book. First of all, I am not your girl. You can't get that through your head for some reason. You know what kind of girl I am." Before I can respond, she says - "Look, I have got my other line going." - She then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.

a week with the Bute...

Bute & his wife Trisha stopped by a little bit ago. They were planning on leaving today with him returning in a few weeks to pick up a truck he purchased. The plan hit a snag - "Honey, I can't help it if there is bad weather and the flight gets cancelled. I know you got to be at work tomorrow. Let's just head to the airport and try to fly standby." Apparently, the weather on the East coast isn't being very cooperative - "You might have to miss a day of work. I don't know what to tell you except to head out to the airport right now and see if you can fly standby." Her shift starts at noon tomorrow in Houston - "Let's go," she tells him - "I will be back soon boy. Keep an eye on things for me," he says as they hop into the rental - "I know I can get her a flight on standby."

Bute is a man of many talents - making bank in the air conditioning business is just one of them. He's a pretty astute car guy as well - "This don't look like a Mike Astle mobile. But it looks pretty clean." I was eyeballing a 2001 Mitsubishi truck he purchased in North town - "Man I like buying cars in Las Vegas because I know they are going to be clean. You never know what you are going to get in Houston because of all the flooding. I know Las Vegas doesn't have that problem." Bute bought a 2003 Tundra from my father last time he was in town - "This ain't no Mike Astle mobile," he says with a smile, "It will work for what I need nonetheless." He then points to the new tires and says - "It has new tires and runs stick. So you know I won't have to fuck with the transmission. It only cost two grand and I will get another hundred thousand out of it no problem."

Earlier in the week the two of us went for lunch in my favorite part of town - "There ain't nothing special about this place. We got a million of them in Houston." - Some of the time it is hit or miss in Chinatown. Establishments change hands frequently thus causing new owners and cooks. It's not always as authentic as a purist like Bute is craving - "Look," I tell him again, "This is just one of many that are under my thumb. That's the point of why we are here. So you can have a visual." We set down and order a couple of lunch specials. The food was disappointing and he let me know it - "This taste like the Panda Express." It was better than Panda Express, but not by much - "Do you understand what I am talking about when I tell you this is just one of many I can get online? We can go to another place if you don't like this. They're literally three hundred other places on the block if you want to try something else. The point of this whole thing, again, is to give you a visual of what I can get to given the right support." I can tell you with all certainty. My statement went in one ear and out the other. At least he got the visual.

I would like to end this post with a thought I am having...call it the village idiot thought of the day - "All and all it has been a pretty good time hanging with Bute the past week. We had a few minor issues to resolve. I think we got most of it accomplished."

hanging with the Bute...

Bute made his way to Vegas a few days ago & it has been a whirlwind of good times since - We spent today on the strip watching the tourney. The clock struck eight & both of us were beat - "Jesus, we are getting old buddy." -- "You got that right," he replies with a snicker. As we're cruising up Flamingo to the crib, he adds - "Do you remember the good old days when we could stay out all night long and be ready to roll the next day?" 

The two of us go back a long ways - "What about that time in Mexico when you were a kid and lived with your dad on the border." Bute was sent from Kansas to live with his dad in McAllen, Texas his junior year of high school. I visited him that summer - "You know how you and I would hang out in the border towns when you came to the valley. It isn't like that anymore. I don't go down there at all. Too dangerous nowadays." The last place you would catch me is a border town, not when I was young...it was so much fun.

We arrive at the condo and I say -"Erik told me today the blog makes me look like Trump man numero uno. Do you agree with his observation?" Bute pulls the lever on the recliner; positions himself all nice & comfortable; kicks his shoes off; grabs the remote; cracks his knuckles & adds - "Fool, your homeless buddy is right about you. You're a Trumpeteer if I ever saw one. He is your idol." I've stated numerous times in the blog my affinity for the president stems from his stance concerning bi-lateral trade with other countries, mainly China - "Look," I tell him firmly, "Donald Trump is not my idol. Larry Bird is my idol. The reason I support him is his views on how the country should deal with China. You know my history with the Asian community in Las Vegas. It is stronger than ever before. Business time is coming soon & I will be well positioned when his policies kick in."

Anyhoo, the talk turns to the good old days once again - "What about that time you made a vulgar comment to that girl from Emporia & she got all pissed off and kicked you in the balls. You were doubled over on the ground and she was standing over you calling you every name in the book. Goddammit boy! That was funny." I'm glad he thought it was funny because I sure didn't - "Yeah, I remember that chick. She was a pistol. I never said anything vulgar to her again after that."

We share a few more laughs and then I say again - "Trump is not my idol. He might be some of these other clowns idol, but he is not mine. Again, I like a few of his policies. Everything else I don't care about. He can take his Twitter account and shove it up his ass as far as I'm concerned." Bute shifts his weight in the recliner a bit; grabs the remote from his lap; scratches his head; clears his throat; laughs & replies - "Whatever you say Mr. Trumpeteer."

the homeless comedian...

There's this homeless guy who hangs out on the corner. The two of us share a running gag. Every time I see him I yell, "Trump!" - He reciprocates with - "Hitler!" - Today was no different:

"Trumppp!" I added additional vigor to my usual greeting. He in turn does the same - "Hitlerrrr!"- We share the usual laugh and he says - "Your guy is losing it. Did you see him the other day at some schmucks campaign rally? It's like he is auditioning for an HBO stand up gig." Here we go again with his politics. It's okay. I can take small doses - "The baboon pulled the biggest con job in history by getting elected president. The con is going to be over soon when Mueller tosses his ass out of office." It's the same old song & dance with my friend. Usually I give my spiel about the economy and Trump's willingness to tackle trade deficiencies with the likes of China & such. I decide to give it a break and change the subject to something less irritating.

"In a couple of days I will be at the Royal's training camp with a beer in one hand and a hot dog in the other. Bute is coming to town Tuesday for a week. Looking forward to it." -- "Is he the guy you told me won eight grand when the Astros won the series?" My homeless friend hails from College Station. He is a big fan of all teams Texas - "That's him," I reply, "He is Mr. Houston. When he comes to town we have much to discuss."

We chat about the weather for a minute and then he says - "Not your first idol Trump. I'm talking about your second idol Steve Wynn now. He is no longer relevant to the strip anymore." I have told him a number of times Larry Bird is my idol. Not Donald Trump, not Steve Wynn - I tell him again - I then add - "Don't kid yourself about things. He may no longer be a presence on the strip, but he is still plenty relevant. And stop calling him my idol." He laughs and says - "Don't lie to me boy. I know you are the president of the Steve Wynn fan club. Everyone knows Trump and him are your role models." I've suggested stand up comedy to my friend on a number of occasions. I figure it will give him something to do besides standing at the corner all day - "Maybe I will," he tells me after I suggest it again.

Our time winds down and I prepare to exit. Before I do he says one last thing - "When your buddy Bute comes to town bring him by the corner. I would like to meet him. Also, don't deny the fact that Donald Trump & Steve Wynn are your idols." I smile and remind him yet again - "Larry Bird is my idol, not those guys," we then bump fists. After the gesture I walk away.

straight talk from Roxy...

I started thinking about Roxy & how much I love her. She told me not to bother her & that she would, "get back to me when she was ready." I decided to ignore her instructions and call:

"What is it now Jethro?" It's her voice, it's her sultry, sexy, exotic voice - "Didn't I tell you I would call you when I got around to it? Why are you calling Jethro? I am very busy." - First of all, I was delighted she answered, she has a history of not doing so, after that I let her have it - "Has anyone ever told you that you are the most beautiful women in the world? If they held a beautiful poll you would be number one. I love you and want to know when you are coming back to town gorgeous." 

Roxy is a professional. I understand it. I don't necessarily like it, but I understand it - "Oh Jethro, you have got to be the most charming guy I have ever met. Sometimes I wish I could fold you up and put you in my pocket. Are all guys from Kansas as charming as you?" She has asked the question a number of times and I always tell her the same thing - "Sweet thing, you know I am one of a kind. There ain't a guy from border to border who could carry my jock in Kansas."

She leads a mysterious life. That's a big part of the attraction. I'm always prying for more about the women I love - "You have to come to Las Vegas again. I mean soon luscious. I want to be with you again." She clears her voice and says - "Jethro, Jethro, Jethro - I have to admit something. You are the most persistent bastard there is. I have told you time and time again that we are never going to be together the way you want. I have finally decided you are not worth the headache, thus we will not be sleeping together anytime soon."

She thinks it is the sex that bonds us. Believe me, it is a big part of the attraction. The thing is I have moved pass that, meaning the sex isn't as important as her other attributes. I tried explaining it to her, but she ain't having it - "Why can't you be a normal guy for once. You know I am way out of your league. It's your stupid blog that keeps me coming back. And even that sucks nowadays. Jethro, you are a big waste of my time." She then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.

The business man...

I called my friend Bute in Texas today. He is going to be in town the 13-21 & is bunking at my place - "I got the day off from work on the 14th. We can head down to dad & Sharon's early in the morning. It takes four and a half hours to get there. We are going to the Royals/Cubs game." I wasn't planning on a trip to spring training until the 23rd. But I talked with my boss today & he said I could have the day off  - "It will have to be down & back because I have to work on the 15th. Plus I am headed that way again on the 23rd," I add.

Bute comes to town every year around this time & I am looking forward to his visit this year - lots more than any previous - "You are telling me that you are a business man. Am I correct to believe that?" Bute branched out on his own after twenty years. He is in the air conditioning business. Houston is his base market. From everything I am gathering he is doing quite well, but wants to do better - "That is what I am telling you exactly fool," is his answer to my inquiry - "I am curious to see what you can add to the mix." 

Bute & I tried a run at things a few years back. It didn't go as hoped. We were on two different planets in terms of how organic growth works. Nowadays it feels are prognostications are more in tune - "You talk a big game my man. I know you are kicking some ass now that you are on your own. When you come to town we are going to discuss a myriad of subjects I can prove beneficial. I hope you have your thinking cap on." I like to razz him a little now that he is Mr. Bigshot - "Don't you worry son," he tells me, "We are going to have a hell of a time when I come out. We will discuss things then. Make sure you have the place all nice for me."

As our conversation is drawing to a close, he asks - "How is your dad & Sharon getting along? I am looking forward to seeing them." I thank him for the inquiry & say - "They are doing well. Once spring training starts they become very popular. Also, Jamie (brother) & his family are going to be in town the same time you are. Maybe all of us can go to Amore's for dinner or something." -- "Sounds good to me buddy," Bute proclaims, "I will be out there soon enough."

I would like to end this post with a thought I am having...call it the village idiot thought of the day - "I go on & on about the potential of Asian consumers. If you take note of Macau's current gaming number- (thirty five billion) - It is seven times greater than Las Vegas'. The number is enormous. Now take this into consideration. The number in Macau is projected to double in five years to seventy billion. That's a lot of money!"

talking politics & love with a homeless guy...

The other day I was walking down the sidewalk minding my own business when out of the corner of my eye I spot a homeless friend from the neighborhood -"Trump!" I yell at him, without hesitation he yells - "Hitler!" - We share our usual chuckle over the gesture and he pipes - "It's like your guy doesn't know what the hell is going on. All of a sudden he wakes up one day and decides to levy tariffs on everything. His behavior reminds me of a temper mental child. The country is in lots of trouble as long as this clown is running the show. I still don't see why you like this guy. I thought you were smarter than that."

My homeless friend & his politics. Indeed, I find it a humorous lot - "I am going to tell you this for the umpteenth time. I am starting to sound like a broken record, so I want you to listen...Okay?" Like I said, listening to his politics is mostly humorous. Although, it wears thin at times. Today was one of those times - "Trump isn't going anywhere as long as the economy remains healthy & he does what he says he is going to do with China. As long as he does that. He is not going anywhere." -- "Okay dude, chill out," he says in a sarcastic tone - "Your idol isn't going to make it. I know it. You know it. Everyone knows it." - I shake my head after his comment and add - "Whatever you say dude," in a sarcastic tone of my own. I then change the subject to college basketball.

"My friend Bute from Texas is coming to town soon for the NCAA tourney. I am looking forward to seeing him. I will introduce you to him when he comes to town if we see you." Bute is a business man, but friend first. When he comes to town there is much to discuss - "Is he the guy you told me won all the money when Houston won the series?" My homeless friend hails from College Station and is a fan of all things Texas - "That's him," I proclaim, "He won eight grand when the Astro's pulled it off. Maybe I can get some of his good fortune to rub off on me?" I then look at my homeless friend & say intently (again) - "Bute and I have much to discuss when he comes to town."

Our conversation comes to a close, but not before he asks about Roxy - "How's your girl doing? Is she still as feisty as you were telling me?" I don't know whether to give him my answer or hers, so I give both - "If you listen to her version I am nothing more than a casual acquaintance - I call her my one and only. You figure it out." I bid my homeless friend goodbye and continue on my trek.

The homeless pundit...

There is a homeless guy who hangs out on the corner. I encounter him from time to time in my travels through the corner - "Trump!" I yell in his direction - the two of us share a running gag. Every time we run into each other I yell the presidents name. He in turn yells -"Hitler!" - Both of us get a laugh out of the gesture - "I think your idol is losing it. He has the FBI breathing down his neck about Russia. He also looked like a baboon after the Florida shooting. I don't think your idol is going to make it much longer," he says as we bump fists - For the record, I have never claimed Trump is my idol - I let my homeless friend know it as well - "You are the one who says he's my idol. I certainly never said it. The thing I do like about him is his stance on the economy & especially his views on better trade policies with China. That's what I like about him. He can shove his Twitter account up his ass as far as I am concerned. Larry Bird is my idol, not Donald Trump!" -- "Geez," he says with a grin, "You didn't have to get all bent out of shape about it. You're the one wearing the MAGA hat." (I have never worn a MAGA hat):

We chat about the weather for a minute and then he asks if I am excited about the NCAA tournament in March - "Damn straight I am ready for the tourney to get here. I am hoping KU has a strong showing. They should be okay come tourney time." I watched KU beat the hell out of Oklahoma the other night. It got me revved up - He then inquires - "When is your buddy coming to town? The one you told me won a bunch of money on the Astros." -- "He will be here from March 13-21. I am looking forward to it," I then add - "He is going to get a heaping dose of what I think can happen if there is some cooperation between the two of us. It will be an interesting time for sure." Bute's a business man, but friend first. The two of us have collaborated (sort of) on a few ideas through the years. Nowadays it feels we are reaching an equilibrium - "I don't know for sure. We will find out when he comes to town," I add as I shrug my shoulders.

"Who is that new chick working at Putter's? The Asian one - I saw her the other day when I stopped in to see Jack." Putter's is the corner pub & a sure bet to find my friend when he isn't hanging out on the corner - "I think her name is Liza; or something like that. I will find out for sure when I go in for a beer break in an hour," he then adds - "I know you are all touchy feely on your idols today, but I have to ask you this - 'Did you see what happened to your second idol Steve Wynn?" I remind him again Larry Bird is my idol, not Donald Trump, not Steve Wynn - "Like you said last time we talked. He will be okay with his three billion sitting in the bank. The town will survive," is my answer to his idol talk.

As the light to cross turns to walk I bid my homeless friend goodbye - "He ain't going to make it through the year. I won't call him your idol anymore. Let's just call him your 'guy' instead. But he ain't going to make it through the year. His ass along with all his cronies are going to be out of a job." He says the same thing to me every time I prepare to leave - I give the same answer - "It's the economy stupid. As long as it is healthy and he does what he says he is going to do with China. He's not going nowhere!" - I then look both ways before crossing & carry on with my travels.

hard luck & busted...

It was Valentine's yesterday and I started to think about Roxy & how much I love her. I decide to call. I wasn't sure she would pick up. She has a history of not doing so...much to my pleasure she did - "What do you want Jethro?" The sound of her voice gets me every time - "Roxy gorgeous - I just wanted to tell you even though we are not together today. I still consider you my valentine and the next time you come to town I will make it up to you. I miss you so much sweet thing."

I hear a sigh and then she says -"Jethro, Jethro, Jethro - I still rue the day we first slept together. It was Christmas and I was lonely. You looked so adorable in your 7-11 shirt. And then you read your stupid blog to me. Right there at the counter. It was so charming. You were so yummy. You remember that night...Don't you Jethro?"

Of course I remember the first night we were together. How could I not? I let her know it as well - "Sweet thing I remember that night like it was yesterday. Greatest night of my life. I thought I had died & gone to heaven when you took off your clothes. It was the most beautiful sight this Village Idiot had ever seen. It's not just that gorgeous. I love everything about you. You are the girl for me."

Roxy is a professional. I understand it. I don't necessarily like it, but I understand it - "Jethro sweetie, I find it so adorable you consider me your valentine. I really do. Now listen to what I am about to say and listen good." Whenever she tells me to 'listen good' - I realize something unpleasant is about to come out of her mouth - "You are not my valentine. Not even close. Why can't you get it through your head? You know what kind of girl I am. Now if you will excuse yourself for being a distraction - I have to get ready for my real Valentine's Day date." She then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.

Talking with a fellow Chief fan + Steve Wynn & Donald Trump + traffic fatality...

I met a customer at a job in Summerlin yesterday. Turns out she is originally from Kansas City. When I told her I was from the area as well - she says - "The Chiefs blew it again. Now it is time for the Mahome's era to begin." It's funny - because from time to time I will run into a someone from Kansas City in Las Vegas - The first thing everyone does, without fail, is complain about the Chiefs abysmal record in the playoffs - "What can we do?" I respond to the nice lady - "We're all gluttons for punishment, but there is always next year with the Chiefs." - She begins laughing after the comment & adds - "I am so tired of saying that, but you are right. There is always next year."

The other day I was walking down the sidewalk minding my own business when out of nowhere I hear someone yell - "Hitler!" - I glance to the spot where the noise was coming from and lo and behold it was my homeless friend - "You always see me first and yell Trump. I thought I would beat you to the punch this time." He is referring to a running gag the two of us share.

"Did you see what happened to your second idol? It looks like all those years of bad behavior finally caught up with him." He was making light of Steve Wynn & all his recent troubles - "I don't feel too sorry for him," my homeless friend states - "He still has three billion dollars to his name."- I ask if anything new has been happening on the corner since the last time I saw him - "About a week ago a motorcyclist was broadsided by a car and the guy bit the dust. His ass was laying all over the street. I didn't see it actually happen, but I heard the crash and witnessed the aftermath. It was not a pleasant site my friend." - (I heard about the accident from my neighbors) - "It was weird because it took a few minutes for first responders to get here - There was this guy laying dead in the street. One lady from the restaurant ran out and tried to help the guy. She realized he was dead and started screaming. It was a very surreal moment." 

I change the narrative to something more sedated - "Are you glad Belicheater choked in the Super Bowl? I thought about you after the Eagles won." I have never met a homeless guy who is a fan of the Patriots. I've met a lot of homeless guys - "Serves him right," he then adds - "I didn't think the Eagles would be able to hold them off in the second half. I figured Belicheater had bought and paid the refs off before the game, but somehow they managed to do it and I am elated about it." 

As our conversation ends & I begin to walk away, he adds one last thing - "Not Steve Wynn, but your other idol Donald Trump. He ain't going to make it through the year. He is so crooked and was in bed with the Russians from the get go. Congress is going to throw that baboon out on the street where he belongs." I didn't have time to argue because I didn't want to miss the bus. Although, I did say one last thing before carrying on - "I don't think so. It's the economy and China with Trump. As long as he sticks to that he will be alright. Also, ask yourself this. If Trump goes - Are you ready for a President Pence?" I then carry on.

The Three Amigos...

Owens street is the dividing line for North Las Vegas & Las Vegas proper. If you live on the North side of Owens you call Northtown home. A while back I lived on the North side of Owens. It wasn't the Bellagio - nonetheless - I found it a decent place to live. Every once in a while you're forced to deal with a knucklehead or two. Nothing I couldn't handle. I made a number of friends in the time I was there. Today, two of Northtown's finest ventured to the SW for a visit:

"It's Metro motherfucker. We have an arrest warrant for some guy they call the Village Idiot. I suggest you open the door before we knock it in," is James' response when I ask who it is knocking on the door. I open and he says - "Look who I got with me." He wasn't alone. He had another one of the crew with him - "What are you doing boy?" George asks.

"George, goddammit! What the hell is going on?" He originally hails from Hawaii - (they're tons of Islanders living in Las Vegas) - "You look good my friend. You look like you've lost a little weight," I say to him as we bear hug. The three of us take seats at the table and I ask him for the lowdown - "I'm still in the NLV. Living a few blocks up from the old place. The girlfriend & I are broken up for now. She is still as crazy as ever." James adds - "What about that time she threw a brick through your window and Bruce Li (landlord) demanded you pay for it." - "You know what I told Bruce?" George says with a laugh - "I told him to go get the money from that crazy bitch. It isn't my fault she's nuts."

After a beer or two, I ask - "What has Bruce Li been up to lately?" Bruce Li is a seventy something slum lord who, until recently, owned a number of houses in town - "He sold a bunch of them in the last year," George then adds - "You know what else happened to the crazy bastard - He got thrown in the slammer for a few days because of a domestic disturbance." James then pipes - "He got arrested for Slap-a-Ho." Domestic violence is not a laughing matter, but the way James animated it made me snicker - I then add - "Bruce Li in the slammer. I bet he saw a few of his former tenants while he was incarcerated." - The remark brought another round of laughter from us.

"Hurry up and finish that boy. The movie starts in thirty minutes." I slam the rest of my beer and the three of us hop into James' blazer & head to the theatre. We make two stops before arriving. The first is a liquor store (you can't go to the dollar theatre without a bottle of booze) - the next stop is Burger King (you can't go to a dollar theatre without a sack of dollar menu cheeseburgers) - The movie was okay. 

On the way back we decide to stop at an Asian buffet - "This is the best Chinese buffet in town. I eat here all the time," George says as we enter. The cashier who rang us up gave a dirty look. She realized the margins were getting ready to dip when three wide bodies like us walk in. We stuff ourselves silly & I damn near fall asleep during the ride home. We drop George off at his place in Northtown first - "It was great seeing you buddy. We will have to get together and do it again." - "You know it my man," is my reply as we share another bear hug.

On the way back to the SW, James says - "I think Keith is doing good. He's got a construction job in Miami and is talking about going to a Heat's game soon. That's what it said on Face Book any way." Keith is another Northtowner who recently relocated to Florida for work - "Just think if we would have had Keith with us when we went to the buffet tonight. They would have definitely banned us," I  comment to James with a laugh - "Are you going to be ready for our trip to spring training in March?" - He asks as I am being dropped off - "Don't you worry son. I was born ready." - I then go inside; kick my shoes off; drink a glass of water; lie down on the couch; turn the television on to my favorite series Blue Bloods & promptly fall asleep.

The hardest working guys in Las Vegas...

I have grown fond of my next door neighbors - Joe & Maria. Both migrated from SE Asia when they were young. They spent twenty years in the Southern part of the country, mostly Atlanta - moving to Las Vegas a couple years ago. They own a carpet and cleaning company - from time to time I assist them. Today we had a job in Henderson:

"I want you to start in on the kitchen. Maria is going to take the bathrooms - I will get the doors and baseboards." The plan of attack is simple enough. The kitchen and cabinets needed a good scrubbing. After finishing I grab the vacuum and start on the blinds and ceiling fans - "I know there is a reason we hired you," she says with a laugh. I'm a foot taller than both of them. They appreciate my length and ability to reach all the hard to get places - "I should get a raise for being so tall," I add with a chuckle - I then extend to my tippy toes to reach the top of the blind.

"How is your dad doing? When is he coming back to town?" - Joe, Maria & a couple other friends came over for a barbecue last time he was in town - "He is doing well. He's getting geared up for the Royal's spring training. I'm going there next month to see him & Sharon and watch a little baseball." Being from Atlanta they are Braves fans  - "Whenever Joe watches them or the Falcons he always yelling at the television. You should have seen when the Falcons blew the Super Bowl. He was so mad." 

Meanwhile, Joe walks through the room dragging a hose from the machine - "What are you guys laughing at?" - "Maria was telling me about how you flipped out after watching your team lose the Super Bowl," I then add - "Don't be too mad about things. I am a Chiefs fan and they haven't won a home playoff game in twenty four years. At least the Falcon's got there." 

A few hours pass and I comment to Maria - "This stuff is hard work. A fat boy like me is going to burn some calories doing this. It's a good thing though. I need to burn a few pounds." Both are pleasant people to work for and be around. That means a lot in any job! - "Rob, you not fat. You are beefy." - I appreciate her flattery and add - "I need to be in good shape like your hubby. He is like the Energizer Bunny." Joe is the best carpet and tile guy I have ever met. When he is done with a place you can tell a big difference. He does excellent work.

We finish the job around six thirty - the owner shows for an inspection - "The place looks so much better. You guys busted your butts." I don't get many compliments, so hearing it meant a lot. We all thank her and she adds - "No, Thank-you. The place looks fantastic and it is scheduled to hit the market Friday." I'm still smiling about the remarks and she adds one last surprise - "Here is a little something extra for a job well done." The nice lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a couple extra bills for the service - "I will definitely be giving you guys five stars on Yelp."

On the way home Joe and I pass Mandalay Bay - "Metro is taking up some of the spot where One October happened. They are going to convert it to a SWAT training center is what I heard," I comment as we roll by - The announcement came a week or two ago - To me it sounds like a good idea for the property. I heard the other part of the plan is to turn a smaller portion of it into a memorial honoring the victims. Which also sounds like a good idea - We arrive home and walk to  our respective front doors (which are only six feet apart) - "Thank you sir for the work. I will be at my other job during the nights next week. I will be ready to go during the day if you need any help." He tells me he will let me know - I unlock the door; walk directly to the toilet & whiz; shower; eat a low purine meal because of gout; turn on the television & promptly fall asleep on the couch watching my favorite television series Blue Bloods.