Mad Max being Mad Max...

I was going to leave him alone. Unfortunately, it's turned into an obsession:

"Get a life Mr. Sheep, baa, baa, baa - Do you hear that boy? It's the rest of the mindless calling you to slaughter Mr. Sheep."

Most normal folks say hello when they answer the phone...his obnoxious manner prohibits him from doing so.

"Mr. Sheep, what did you do this grand 4th of July weekend? Don't answer that question. I already know what you did. You stayed home and hid in your basement because that's what a sheep does."

I inform him of the dire situation Arizona is facing with the current pandemic roiling the state & how I feel obligated to do my part in flattening the curve.

"Flattening the curve, give me a break. How's that going for you Mr. Sheep? The culling is here. People need to except it and adjust. The cure cannot be worse than the disease."

I've laughed off his disturbing rhetoric for years, "It's just Mad Max being Mad Max." 

"Look buddy, I just called to see how things were going. You can spare the politics. What did you do this weekend?"

"I've been at the gun range all weekend. It's imperative everything be in proper working condition for when the zombies arrive."

"The zombies," snickering, "You are a funny guy Mad Max. Have you ever thought about hitting an open mic night?"

"You really are a jerk off," he then adds, "Your fat pasty ass will be the first guy to capitulate when containment begins. I can see it now. You'll throw up your hands and yell, 'Please take me. I'm a sheep."

"I'm not a sheep Mad Max. If you would please stop calling me that I would appreciate it."

"Okay Mr. Sheep, I'll stop calling you that. Please tell me something interesting before I hang up on you."

"Hmmm," scratching my chin for a moment, "You know what good buddy? I do have something interesting to share. Uncle Ned actually thought this up. He discovered a new way to test for corona virus."

"Ned did," with surprise in his voice.

"Yep, I'm proud of him. He's thinking about patenting the method."

"What is it?"

"You know how they say your sense of smell leaves you if you have the virus. When you think about this you will realize how genius he is. Every time he farts he falls back into it to make sure he can smell it. He says it's the cheapest way to know for sure."

"That's got to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard Mr. Sheep. Your uncle Ned sounds like a sheep as well," he then hangs the phone up without saying goodbye.