Uncle Ned shares his holiday plans...

I called uncle Ned in Kansas today because I had nothing else to do:

"Lookie here boy, I'm telling you right now the whole world can catch fire and all I will do is try an light my cigar with the flames. All your doomsday buddies can kiss my ass, call it cotton candy," Ned's health has deteriorated to the point of no longer being mobile, his mind is sharp as ever though, "Can we talk about something interesting for a change? Enough of this end of the world bull shit. Has your dad kept off all the weight he lost?"

My father lost nearly a hundred pounds in the last year.

"So far, so good," adding, "He's been riding his bike and walking the dog in the mornings."

"No more double cheeseburgers?"

"Not lately," with a laugh.

"What about the dog? Has she killed anything lately?"

Belle, whom we are unable to determine the exact breed at this time, is a pup dad & Sharon adopted a few years back.

"Not lately, she made another move at a bird the other day. I was able to restrain her. She hates coyotes & rabbits as well," the area dad & Sharon live in was built on the peripheral of Phoenix twenty years ago. Thus sharing the subdivision with many of natures finest.

"Do you still see coyotes when you walk her?"

"All the time," is my answer.

"Does she freak out when she sees them?"

"Yes sir, she hates them with a passion," adding, "She goes ballistic whenever seeing one. I'm restraining her so nothing ever happens. It's kind of funny to watch the coyotes. They'll get far enough away and then turn and start glaring at her, just wishing she would break free from her restraints and chase them."

"Goddamn, you make it sound like they're coyotes everywhere."

"Ned, this is no bullshit, they're more coyotes running around these subdivisions than you can count. It's like they're domesticated. Dad says a better word is acclimated."

"Do people shoot them?"

"Nope, against the law to discharge a firearm in city limits. They don't even trap them. You just get use to it after awhile. They're not aggressive toward humans. Although, small dogs would make a mighty tasty treat for them. Belle is too big for them to mess with, thank goodness."

We chat about our plans for the 4th of July.

"What you got going good buddy?"

"Nothing, you?"

"Not jack shit uncle Ned."