"I told you I was coming to town this weekend, and you said, 'I will get you a room Roxy.' Those were your exact fucking words. Now I am going to be in town this weekend with Chad. And I am expecting the room you promised me!" Last time we talked I told her I would do what I could to find her a room. I promised her nothing and reminded her of such. "Jethro," she says firmly, "You are starting to piss me off. I have already told Chad I had a room hooked up for us. You need to get on the phone and call whoever it is, and get me a room!"
Let me back up a little and explain the situation better - Roxy has a new boyfriend and she wants me to get a room for the two of them. That's right! The women I love is requesting I get a room for her and her new beau. It's not right in so many aspects - "Look," I tell her, "I find it awkward you are asking me to do this.Why don't you find your own room?" -- she doesn't want to pay for it is the answer to that query,
"Jethro, you are starting to piss me off," she states firmly again, "I have done plenty for you, at no charge, keep in mind. You owe me! If I tell Chad I don't have a room for us. He is going to think I am a clown. You don't want to see that happen. Do you Jethro?" West coast girls have no shame! They are all the same. Anyways, I love her. So I agreed, like a fool, to call my Chinese friends and get a room for her (and her new boyfriend). Jesus, I am the biggest idiot in town.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Thursday, October 30, 2014
The village idiot of Las Vegas sets at the negotiating table...
The online food ordering/delivery business is skyrocketing: In its simplest form it is a rather easy concept. A restaurant is placed on a well run website. The food is sold electronically and in turn the website is entitled a percentage of after tax sale. (20-25%) is the industry norm. My research shows today's technology and the application of it will increase exponentially and thus increase the probabilities of revenue as pertains to this field.
The other day my partner (Kam) and I met with a gentlemen, who runs a delivery/food ordering site, at a restaurant in Las Vegas. We gave him a pitch on how beneficial our talents would be for his site. After the glad handling was over - it was time for brass tacks - "Look, we have twenty restaurants we can deliver on a silver platter to you. They are well established in the area and currently not with any competing sites. Furthermore, we've spent an untold effort convincing them electronic coverage is the wave of the future, and they only go if we say so." I then look the gentlemen directly in the eyes and say - "What is in it for us if we deliver on our promise? What kind of revenue sharing agreement would we be looking at?"
After my question, he shuffles in his chair a bit and says - "We typically don't work with aggregator's, but I see what your talking about. I would be willing to give you a one time fee for each restaurant you bring to me. The fee would be one hundred and fifty dollars per restaurant." The key to success in a system like this is negotiating a percentage of sales for each restaurant you control - Example...a successful restaurant will do anywhere from ten to twenty orders a day on a well run site. If the average order is $30 (industry norm). You would be looking at ten to fifteen thousand a month - take 20-25% out of total revenue and you come up with $2000-$3000 as a figure to divvy. Keep in mind the numbers I am quoting is merely one good restauant. Imagine having twenty.
After his response to my query, you could hear a pin drop...literally. Before I could respond, Kam chimes in - "Let me make sure I heard you right. Did you say one hundred and fifty was all we would be entitled to if we hand deliver some gold to you?" he nods his head yes, "Do you think I would take a hundred and fifty dollars and in turn be inclined to hand you over all of these restaurants that we have spent years cultivating relationships with? You will make twenty times that amount in an average month!"
There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment and he says - "I have overhead. I have to pay for the insurance, I am going to provide the system and the driver. I think it is fair," his response was weak, and I told him such - "Look, I understand you have things to deal with. I get it. But the potential for what we are presenting is vast. Your overhead will be a mute point once things start rolling," I then ask him bluntly, "You're interested in putting these restaurants on your site - Right?" He nods his head in agreement, "In that case, we are going to take a slice of the revenue," I then add, in a matter of fact tone, "The hundred fifty bucks your quoting isn't even in the same stratosphere as to what we will do!"
He starts in on the overhead spill again and how he might be able to make it two hundred dollars per restaurant. I couldn't take anymore babble - so I say, "Look man, I know you are new to Las Vegas. And if you want to be the lone wolf...by all means go right ahead. But I can tell you this. No one is going to work with you at the number you are quoting!" He then tells me that is what he pays in Milwaukee. I remind him once again Las Vegas is not Milwaukee. He becomes annoyed by the statement, pushes his chair out from the table and prepares to leave, I say this as he is parting, "Hey man, if I am going to get fucked. It has to be by a blond with blue eyes and a wavy figure. Even a brunette or red head would do the trick. The last person I am going to get fucked by is some guy who just blew into town that I don't even know!"
The other day my partner (Kam) and I met with a gentlemen, who runs a delivery/food ordering site, at a restaurant in Las Vegas. We gave him a pitch on how beneficial our talents would be for his site. After the glad handling was over - it was time for brass tacks - "Look, we have twenty restaurants we can deliver on a silver platter to you. They are well established in the area and currently not with any competing sites. Furthermore, we've spent an untold effort convincing them electronic coverage is the wave of the future, and they only go if we say so." I then look the gentlemen directly in the eyes and say - "What is in it for us if we deliver on our promise? What kind of revenue sharing agreement would we be looking at?"
After my question, he shuffles in his chair a bit and says - "We typically don't work with aggregator's, but I see what your talking about. I would be willing to give you a one time fee for each restaurant you bring to me. The fee would be one hundred and fifty dollars per restaurant." The key to success in a system like this is negotiating a percentage of sales for each restaurant you control - Example...a successful restaurant will do anywhere from ten to twenty orders a day on a well run site. If the average order is $30 (industry norm). You would be looking at ten to fifteen thousand a month - take 20-25% out of total revenue and you come up with $2000-$3000 as a figure to divvy. Keep in mind the numbers I am quoting is merely one good restauant. Imagine having twenty.
After his response to my query, you could hear a pin drop...literally. Before I could respond, Kam chimes in - "Let me make sure I heard you right. Did you say one hundred and fifty was all we would be entitled to if we hand deliver some gold to you?" he nods his head yes, "Do you think I would take a hundred and fifty dollars and in turn be inclined to hand you over all of these restaurants that we have spent years cultivating relationships with? You will make twenty times that amount in an average month!"
There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment and he says - "I have overhead. I have to pay for the insurance, I am going to provide the system and the driver. I think it is fair," his response was weak, and I told him such - "Look, I understand you have things to deal with. I get it. But the potential for what we are presenting is vast. Your overhead will be a mute point once things start rolling," I then ask him bluntly, "You're interested in putting these restaurants on your site - Right?" He nods his head in agreement, "In that case, we are going to take a slice of the revenue," I then add, in a matter of fact tone, "The hundred fifty bucks your quoting isn't even in the same stratosphere as to what we will do!"
He starts in on the overhead spill again and how he might be able to make it two hundred dollars per restaurant. I couldn't take anymore babble - so I say, "Look man, I know you are new to Las Vegas. And if you want to be the lone wolf...by all means go right ahead. But I can tell you this. No one is going to work with you at the number you are quoting!" He then tells me that is what he pays in Milwaukee. I remind him once again Las Vegas is not Milwaukee. He becomes annoyed by the statement, pushes his chair out from the table and prepares to leave, I say this as he is parting, "Hey man, if I am going to get fucked. It has to be by a blond with blue eyes and a wavy figure. Even a brunette or red head would do the trick. The last person I am going to get fucked by is some guy who just blew into town that I don't even know!"
Monday, October 27, 2014
The village idiot of Las Vegas strikes out again...
The other night I went to the SLS for a drink. It didn't take long to hone in on something. I was for sure she was interested:
"Maybe if you are not doing anything this weekend, we could hang out. Go see a movie or get something to eat. What do you say?" You don't know if you don't ask, that's what I've always been told. "This weekend isn't good for me," she says, "I have some friends coming to town and it just won't work...Sorry." I still feel a vibe, so I say - "Well, if this weekend doesn't work out, how about next weekend or some time during the week? My mother doesn't care if I stay out late on a school night. I am flexible."
She snickers a bit after the line, and says, "I am pretty sure I will be busy all week and next weekend as well...Sorry," - OK, now she has rebuffed my advances twice. Third times a charm - Right? Plus, I could still feel a vibe - "OK, well maybe not next weekend, but what about the weekend after that?" I say, "I'm pretty sure I can find time. Why don't you give me your number and I will call you than," she shrugs her shoulders, rolls her eyes and says, "Dude, you seem a little lax to catch on. So I am going to say this as politely as possible - I am not interested in going out with you at all! Not next week! Not two weeks from now! Not interested ever! Is that easy enough for you to understand?" -- she promptly finishes the twelve dollar drink I bought for her, tells me thanks, gets up from the table and walks away.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
The village idiot of Las Vegas talks with Roxy for the first time in four months.
"It has been four months since I last heard your hillbilly voice Jethro. Why don't you ever listen to what I tell you? I don't want to hear or see you anymore. It's nothing personal, you are a good guy. But you just don't have it! So please! For the love of all things holy! Lose my number for good," I didn't know what to say, so I followed my heart - "Roxy, I am sorry if me calling makes you angry. That is not my intention at all. It's just that I love you and I had to tell you again. I don't know what else to say except I love you," I realize, and have for quite a while, she doesn't love me. But just because someone doesn't love you doesn't mean you can't love them. Does that sound too sappy?
"Jethro," she says bluntly, "I swear - you are the most persistent guy I have ever met. You don't know how to take no for an answer. If you weren't so fucking adorable I would be mad at you," I love it when she calls me adorable, it is a signal she is in a good mood, "Well, enough about that, what have you been doing the last four months," she asks. I give her the rundown, which wasn't much, and then ask the same of her.
"Jeff and I are no longer together, I am in a new relationship with a guy I met in La Hoya," she tells me. Jeff, her old boyfriend, is the biggest douche bag in San Diego. I was much relieved to hear her tell me she was rid of him. "Who's the new man?" I ask curiously. "He is a guy I met at the gym," was her response, "He's tall, dark and handsome. I believe I have finally met the man of my dreams Jethro," in a way it hurt for her to say that, but her being happy is more important than any jealousy issues I have. I then try prying a little more info about her new beau and she responds in a manner I have become accustom to - "Jethro, it is none of your business who I spend time with...OK!"
We chat a little more and then she says - "Chad and I are going to come to Las Vegas in a few weeks for the fights. He is a huge fight fan. Now that I have you hear. Do you think you could talk with your Chinese friends about scoring us a room," how many guys can honestly say the women they love has asked them to get her a room for her and her boyfriend? Probably more than I think. Anyways, I told her I would do what I could and she says this in parting - "Jethro, it really is good to hear your voice. I don't really mean it when I say I don't want to hear from you. We can definitely be friends, but the other stuff is long over. You need to find yourself another girl for that."
"Jethro," she says bluntly, "I swear - you are the most persistent guy I have ever met. You don't know how to take no for an answer. If you weren't so fucking adorable I would be mad at you," I love it when she calls me adorable, it is a signal she is in a good mood, "Well, enough about that, what have you been doing the last four months," she asks. I give her the rundown, which wasn't much, and then ask the same of her.
"Jeff and I are no longer together, I am in a new relationship with a guy I met in La Hoya," she tells me. Jeff, her old boyfriend, is the biggest douche bag in San Diego. I was much relieved to hear her tell me she was rid of him. "Who's the new man?" I ask curiously. "He is a guy I met at the gym," was her response, "He's tall, dark and handsome. I believe I have finally met the man of my dreams Jethro," in a way it hurt for her to say that, but her being happy is more important than any jealousy issues I have. I then try prying a little more info about her new beau and she responds in a manner I have become accustom to - "Jethro, it is none of your business who I spend time with...OK!"
We chat a little more and then she says - "Chad and I are going to come to Las Vegas in a few weeks for the fights. He is a huge fight fan. Now that I have you hear. Do you think you could talk with your Chinese friends about scoring us a room," how many guys can honestly say the women they love has asked them to get her a room for her and her boyfriend? Probably more than I think. Anyways, I told her I would do what I could and she says this in parting - "Jethro, it really is good to hear your voice. I don't really mean it when I say I don't want to hear from you. We can definitely be friends, but the other stuff is long over. You need to find yourself another girl for that."
Thursday, October 16, 2014
The village idiot of Las Vegas jumps on the Royal's bandwagon.
fair weather fan - is best defined as someone who is only interested in a team when it is doing well.
jump on the bandwagon - join a growing movement of someone or something, often in an opportunist way, when that movement is seen to become successful.
Source: Urban Dictionary {website}
I did not know the name of a single player on the Royal's roster until they made it into the playoffs. I haven't paid much attention to the Royals, or professional baseball for that matter, in twenty years - probably more! But now it is time for me to jump back on the bandwagon.
I need to say something in defense of my 'bandwagon, fair weather fan' ways. I do remember, vividly, the last the time the Royals were in the World Series and how crazy things got when they won it. I also have one more tidbit to share. I was at the very first World Series game played in Kansas City. And the Royals won. Unfortunately, they ended up losing to Philadelphia in six. Well, that's about all I got.
One last thing, and this is coming from my own personal point of view, the Royals will be even money or maybe plus five or so when the line breaks on the Series. If any of you out there in Royal land are interested in that kind of stuff, let me know. Go Royals!
jump on the bandwagon - join a growing movement of someone or something, often in an opportunist way, when that movement is seen to become successful.
Source: Urban Dictionary {website}
I did not know the name of a single player on the Royal's roster until they made it into the playoffs. I haven't paid much attention to the Royals, or professional baseball for that matter, in twenty years - probably more! But now it is time for me to jump back on the bandwagon.
I need to say something in defense of my 'bandwagon, fair weather fan' ways. I do remember, vividly, the last the time the Royals were in the World Series and how crazy things got when they won it. I also have one more tidbit to share. I was at the very first World Series game played in Kansas City. And the Royals won. Unfortunately, they ended up losing to Philadelphia in six. Well, that's about all I got.
One last thing, and this is coming from my own personal point of view, the Royals will be even money or maybe plus five or so when the line breaks on the Series. If any of you out there in Royal land are interested in that kind of stuff, let me know. Go Royals!
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
The village idiot of Las Vegas chats about the state of the NFL with a homeless comedian.
"You think if Roger gets fired he will have to sleep outside with Mike and me?" My friend Bob is a funny guy, I would venture to guess he is the funniest homeless guy in SW Las Vegas. The Roger he was referring to is Roger Goodell...the commissioner of the National Football League. "Something tells me Roger is going to be alright if he loses his job," I tell him with a grin on my face, "I don't think you'll see him sleeping on a bench outside the library anytime soon, but than again...I'm not always right," the two of us have been running this gag/discussion on each other since the Ray Rice video became public. It has blown over since then, but at one time it looked like Goodell's job might be in jeopardy.
"What about Ray Rice?" my homeless comedian friend says, "Do you think he might be sleeping on the bench next to the one Mike sleeps on?" I start laughing again and say, "He'll be sleeping on the bench long before Goodell does. No one is going to want the women beater of the year on their team."
We share another laugh and then he gives me the rundown on a show Jim Brown had at the Hilton many years ago. (Bob has been around Las Vegas for fifty years. Surprisingly, he looks good for a seventy year old homeless guy). Anyways, he tells me how Jim Brown called O.J. Simpson a women beater back in the early eighties on his show. And in turn O.J. threatened to come to Las Vegas and whip his ass - "You know what Jim Brown said to his audience when he heard about the threat?" Bob is great at delivering punch lines, "He said, 'I may be forty six, but I will whip O.J's ass in a second. The only people he is capable of beating up are women."
We share a laugh or two more and then I tell him I must be on my way, he says this as I am parting - "If Roger does lose his job, and he tries to move in on the bench Mike sleeps on," there was a brief silence and then he began to shake his head and wag his finger, "Well, I can tell you something right now brother. We will have some problems. He will have to sleep on the bench where all the cats congregate at. Mike and I hold the prime real estate at the library," I start laughing even harder than before.
"What about Ray Rice?" my homeless comedian friend says, "Do you think he might be sleeping on the bench next to the one Mike sleeps on?" I start laughing again and say, "He'll be sleeping on the bench long before Goodell does. No one is going to want the women beater of the year on their team."
We share another laugh and then he gives me the rundown on a show Jim Brown had at the Hilton many years ago. (Bob has been around Las Vegas for fifty years. Surprisingly, he looks good for a seventy year old homeless guy). Anyways, he tells me how Jim Brown called O.J. Simpson a women beater back in the early eighties on his show. And in turn O.J. threatened to come to Las Vegas and whip his ass - "You know what Jim Brown said to his audience when he heard about the threat?" Bob is great at delivering punch lines, "He said, 'I may be forty six, but I will whip O.J's ass in a second. The only people he is capable of beating up are women."
We share a laugh or two more and then I tell him I must be on my way, he says this as I am parting - "If Roger does lose his job, and he tries to move in on the bench Mike sleeps on," there was a brief silence and then he began to shake his head and wag his finger, "Well, I can tell you something right now brother. We will have some problems. He will have to sleep on the bench where all the cats congregate at. Mike and I hold the prime real estate at the library," I start laughing even harder than before.
Monday, October 13, 2014
The village idiot of Las Vegas listens to a girl cuss out her fiancee at Subway.
"It's my goddamn birthday and you don't even have the fucking courtesy to spend it with me! Don't tell me you are setting on your stupid ass playing video games with all your loser friends. Don't fucking tell me that! It's my goddamn birthday you asshole!" Oh, young love, what a fantastic and volatile feeling. You know, I try not to butt into other people's business, but come on! This young lady, whom I'm guessing was all of twenty, maybe twenty one, was yelling like someone shot the pope. So, as you can imagine, it was hard to ignore when you are setting a booth over from her at Subway.
"It's my goddamn birthday and you are with your stupid idiot friends!" Just when I thought she couldn't get any louder or more belligerent...I thought wrong - "You fucking moron, you are supposed to spend my birthday with me and not your dope smoking loser friends. You stupid asshole! It's my goddamn birthday!" She falls silent for a moment and I hear the muttering of what I assume is her boyfriend on the other end of the phone. Moments later her face turns red in anger and she yells once again - "It's my goddamn birthday and you are with your loser friends. Fuck you!" At this point everyone in the place is staring at her...she could have cared less.
"It's my goddamn birthday," she yells yet again, "Why are you with your fucking loser friends when it's my goddamn birthday! Fuck off!" She finally hangs the phone up. After her fit of rage, I was for sure she was going to fly into a crying spell or something of that nature. Not the case at all - she calmly eats the rest of her sandwich, says a few things to herself and gets up to leave.
As I watch her leave, I start feeling sorry for her. It was obvious she was upset because someone she had feelings for forgot or didn't care it was her birthday (all of us have had an experience like that at one time or another). Anyways, I tell her happy birthday as she is walking out the door. It seemed like the right thing to do. (Here's where I think the story gets funny). Instead of smiling or saying thanks or anything of that nature, she looks at me with a blank stare and says - "I have to hear happy birthday from a complete stranger and my own goddamn fiancee won't even spend time with me on my own goddamn birthday!" She then walks out the door, gets in her car and drives away.
"It's my goddamn birthday and you are with your stupid idiot friends!" Just when I thought she couldn't get any louder or more belligerent...I thought wrong - "You fucking moron, you are supposed to spend my birthday with me and not your dope smoking loser friends. You stupid asshole! It's my goddamn birthday!" She falls silent for a moment and I hear the muttering of what I assume is her boyfriend on the other end of the phone. Moments later her face turns red in anger and she yells once again - "It's my goddamn birthday and you are with your loser friends. Fuck you!" At this point everyone in the place is staring at her...she could have cared less.
"It's my goddamn birthday," she yells yet again, "Why are you with your fucking loser friends when it's my goddamn birthday! Fuck off!" She finally hangs the phone up. After her fit of rage, I was for sure she was going to fly into a crying spell or something of that nature. Not the case at all - she calmly eats the rest of her sandwich, says a few things to herself and gets up to leave.
As I watch her leave, I start feeling sorry for her. It was obvious she was upset because someone she had feelings for forgot or didn't care it was her birthday (all of us have had an experience like that at one time or another). Anyways, I tell her happy birthday as she is walking out the door. It seemed like the right thing to do. (Here's where I think the story gets funny). Instead of smiling or saying thanks or anything of that nature, she looks at me with a blank stare and says - "I have to hear happy birthday from a complete stranger and my own goddamn fiancee won't even spend time with me on my own goddamn birthday!" She then walks out the door, gets in her car and drives away.
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