The village idiot of Las Vegas creates an opportunity for himself.

I've been hunting for a job that has, what I deem at least, an upside to it. That has been the one requirement - an upside!

"Now this establishment is like no other in Las Vegas. It truly is on another dimension," the proprietor of the D' coffee shop on Durango just south of Flamingo is a sharp fella. His elevator pitch was all I needed to hear. I am convinced my talents will mesh well with his vision

"It's the experience we wish to deliver. Our coffee and cuisine is second to none. So here is the deal my friend. If you get people to walk through our door and relish the experience I am describing - I will make it well worth your while."

The proprietor of the D' coffee shop is a convincing person - "Not only do we serve the most eloqent types of coffee in the world, but our menu consists of the most superb Mediteraian food you will find."

Everyone do me a favor. Think for a moment about how many coffee shops/restaurants you have been in. Did they leave you with a lasting impression? Me neither. Now that sentiment will change if one visits the D' coffee shop in SW Las Vegas. I promise!

"I'm sold," I tell the proprietor as I shake his hand, I then add, "I have been at this (blogging) for quite some time and I have been looking for a place to showcase my skills. I found the real deal with you. Let's get started!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas enters the Twilight Zone.

See, I have been looking, for quite some time, for an atmosphere where the village idiot can make a contribution. A place where my perspective might be deemed useful. You know what? I sincerely believe I found it today.

"Go in there and see what is going on. Who knows? They might have something for your meniacal personality." I was riding shotgun with Jayball down Durango when we passed, what was being advertised from the street, as a Persian restaurant/coffee house located just south of Flamingo on Durango. Without notice he makes a u-turn and pulls into the parking lot - "Go in there and find out what the deal is. Maybe there's something there for you."

I walk in and the first thing I notice is, for the lack of a better word, how exotic the surroundings are. I ask the hostess if there are any job openings. She instructs me to wait a moment while she retrieves her boss. A few minutes pass and a distinguished looking gentlemen walks around the corner and introduces himself. He then asks - "What is it that you do?" Now I will be honest, I don't know the first thing about coffee or Persian restaurants. Well I take that back. I do know how to eat Persian food and drink coffee... if that counts for anything. Any way, I tell him - "Look, I am a blogger and I just moved back into the area. I am a great salesman and communicator. I also know this area like the back of my hand." - It's a mixed bag when I tell people I am a blogger so I wasn't sure how it would be received. Much to my liking, he gives me a curious look and says -"Why don't you go over to a table and fill out an application. I will come talk with you shortly."  

A few minutes pass and he comes and sits at the table. I ask a few questions - "What is this place? What's going on here?" Turns out the gentlemen I am talking with is a seasoned film director, writer and producer who is lending his talents and resources into promoting a new concept in the area. "A Twilight Zone genre," he tells me. I ask him to clarify his statement - "The goal is to take this place to another dimension, he tells me "A Twilight Zone if you will. A place so unique that you will feel as if you have actually entered the Twilight Zone when you are here." We chat a bit more about things and then he says - "Follow me, I have some people I want you to meet."

I follow him out the rear door and on to the back patio. There set two of the most attractive women I have ever seen - "Gloria, Kim, this is Rob. He writes a blog about Las Vegas and I want you to listen to what he has to say." He leaves and I take a seat at the table. I reintroduce myself and then ask both about their background. Kim, a tall moca women with the whitest and brightest smile I have ever seen, tells me how she was in L.A. for twenty years and moved to Las Vegas a couple of months ago to open the place. After she is finished, Gloria, a beautiful olive colored Persian femme tells me she is lending her talents to the cause as well.

I go on to give them my spiel about hyper local growth strategies, guerrilla marketing, reality genre and all the other strategies I believe in. They're receptive. We chat a bit more and I ask them to read my blog and see if it connects in any way with what they are envisioning. They agree and we set a date for me to come back.

I say it was like the Twilight Zone not only because the gentlemen said it was that genre they're aiming for. But I sincerely got that feeling, the surreal feeling, the feeling of something different, the feeling of something not normal, the feeling of something special.

The village idiot of Las Vegas catches a glance of the most beautiful girl in Las Vegas.

It has been five months since I last saw her. (She) being the most beautiful girl in Las Vegas. When I was in Colorado there were a few nice ones, but nothing like her, nothing even close:

I like to think of her as radiant, that's probably the best way to describe her - "She radiates the room when she walks in." I told my friend Jayball that the other day and he says - "Dude, you are going to weird this chick out."

Any way, I walked into North Las Vegas city hall this afternoon and there she was, in her usual spot, looking as radiant as ever. I was going to say hi to her but was too nervous. She looked the same {even better} than I remembered. Her hair is jet black with blond streaks, the hourglass figure and the smile, oh goodness, her smile is the most lovely thing in the world.

As I sit here putting the finishes touches on my blog, I have one thing to say, "God it is good to be home!"

The village idiot of Las Vegas tells Legend about his new place in 'Vegas.

"The stabbing cabin, the pleasure palace, the love nest of the Southwest! Your place is going to be like the days when I was young. Goddammit boy! I am so fucking jealous." I called my friend Legend in Kansas yesterday to inform him that I was about to be the proud occupant of a new crib in Las Vegas.

"What's the place look like? Where is it at?" He asks with a curious tone. I go on to tell him all the amenities. "It's just what a single guy like me is looking for. Everything has been redone. Spacious kitchen and living room. It's located about five miles west of the strip. I certainly cannot complain."

"I bet it's nicer than that shit hole you're living in now," Legend was referring to my current abode in the NLV. I call it the Bruce Li hotel (for those of you who've been following the blog. You know what I'm talking about).

"Just a little bit," I tell him with a hearty laugh - I then ask, "Legend - when are you going to come out and see me again? I have a sweet spot for you to stay for a few days - I also know where all the girlie's hang out. Think about it for a moment...It would be like we were twenty one again, but this time we would be a little smarter, not much, but a little."

Legend lets out a roar of laughter after my comment and adds, "I'll come visit you soon enough. Right now I have to leave because the old lady is giving me the evil eye. But don't you worry boy, I will be there soon enough."

The village idiot of Las Vegas meets China White.

I am planning a trip back to Kansas on February 9th. I am positive the Chiefs are going to win the super bowl and I am anticipating the 9th is the day the victory parade will be held. It is going to be so much fun. I can hardly wait:

Girls of Asian descent and raised in America are quite common in Las Vegas - I refer to them as China White's. Since moving to Colorado Springs I had not met one of them until the other night. She might have been the whitest of all the China White's I have met.

Her birth name is Sirum, or something like that. She says that everyone calls her "Sara." I met her at a bar in Manitou Springs. She was my waitress. She was a damn good waitress. Well, we struck up a conversation about what makes Manitou Springs so special - she tells me this - "I have been here for close to ten years and it's all the people that I enjoy most. It is a very ecclectic bunch in Manitou."

She is so pretty, not to mention quite a bit younger than me (I would guess twenty six) but, then again, you never know if you don't ask - so I say - "China White - How about you and me go out for a night on the town. I am new and could use a good tour guide." I didn't really call her China White, but I did ask her out. She smiles at me after the proposal and says - "I don't think so, but maybe I can bring you another beer?" As I prepare to leave I say one last thing before exiting - "China White, I hope to see you around. You remind me of the girls in Las Vegas." For some reason she didn't take the reference kind and thus gave me a dirty glare as I was walking out the door.

My roommate Fred is a manly man, both a scholar and a gentlemen. So whenever I have questions about certain things, I bend his ear - "The reason she didn't like you comparing her to a 'Vegas girl is simple. She thinks you are referring to her as easy or something of that nature." I tell Fred his statement is ludicrous and if she interpreted things that way then I do not need to be hanging around her any way.

The village idiot of Las Vegas and the marijuana eating deers.

My current abode in Colorado Springs sets nestled at 8000 feet in the mountains. It's a very nice place, I certainly have no reason to complain. Well, I take that back. I have found one reason to. All the fucking deer! Every where you turn there is a deer. You drive down the road, a deer. You look out your window, a deer. I think there are more deers in Colorado Springs than rats in the New York subways:

As all of us know - recreational marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado. So the other day I decide to visit one of the dope shops and purchase a small quantity for personal use. When I arrive home I promptly wrap the whole gram into a blunt wrap and step outside on the back porch to partake. As I am getting ready to light up the phone rings. I'd been waiting on a particular call so I decide to drop the joint on the grass and promptly walk inside to answer the phone. I would guess I was on the phone for thirty minutes, more or less. Any way, I walk outside and there are a couple of deers standing in the area where I had dropped my joint. I yell - "Get the fuck out of here!" My yell startles them and they bolt.

As I am walking up to the spot where I both dropped the joint and the deers were herded I get a sinking feeling in my stomach..."Those motherfuckers better not have done what I think they did. I swear I will shoot one of those bastards if they did." I arrive at the spot, look down, shake my head and think to myself - "Goddammit! You assholes!" Sure enough, one of the bastards munched my joint. After realizing it -  I look over at the pack (they were now standing thirty yards or so from me) and promptly flip them the bird. I then yell - "I hope you assholes enjoyed it!"

As I sit here putting the finishing touches on my post I think to myself - "I sure wish it was legal to shoot deers from the back porch. If it was I would stand outside all day and pick the bastards off. It isn't like there are a shortage of them."

The village idiot of Las Vegas whistles and waves at the feminazis in Colorado Springs.

Often times in my life when I noticed an attractive women walking down the sidewalk or driving by in her car I would whistle and wave at her. Sometimes they would choose to ignore me, but more often then not they would smile and wave back. I view such an act as harmless. You know - just a nice way to compliment a women. It's not like I am being vulgar or anything. Just a harmless whistle and wave as they are passing by. With that said...don't try the "wolf whistle" in Colorado Springs. The feminazis living here will treat you as if you have the plague:

A little while back I was driving through Garden of the Gods when I look to my left and notice two attractive women walking on one of the trails. It was just instinct to whistle and wave at them as I was driving by - harmless enough - you would think. I whistle and wave and both immediately give me the foulest look I have ever seen, and then one yells, "Get lost creep!" I have to admit I was taken aback by their reaction, but then I decided to chalk it up as a couple of dycks having a bad day.

Well, a week later I am driving down main street in Manitou Springs when I spot another couple beauties walking down the sidewalk. Out of habit, I whistle and wave at them. Instead of smiling and waving back, which I was fully expecting, both flip me the middle finger.

After the second incident I decide to get another manly mans opinion. So I told my friend Fred about what happens when you whistle and wave at women in Colorado Springs, he says, "Women don't appreciate when guys do that. They see it as threatening." I say, "Jesus, that has to be women in Colorado. I have whistled and waved at literally a thousand women in my lifetime and most have smiled and waved back. I never received such an icy reception from doing it until I came to Colorado."

As I sit here putting the finishing touches on the post a certain thought is going through my mind - "Are things so politically correct nowadays that a guy can't even whistle and wave at an attractive women without looking like a pariah. If that is the case...Jesus. What is the world coming to?"