Run to the Hills

"Soldier blue in the barren waste, hunting and killing the game - raping the women and wasting the men. The only good Indians are tame - selling them whisky and taking their gold, enslaving the young and destroying the old...run to the hills, run for your life - run to the hills, run for your life."

Run to the Hills ~ Iron Maiden

I just so happened to hear Run to the Hills on a heavy metal station in Las Vegas today. It instantly reminded me of my friend Mad Max in Kansas. I chatted with him about a week ago and had no intention of calling him. But it's Iron Maiden:

"What do you want asshole?" His phone etiquette leaves much to be desired, but it's Mad Max and he doesn't give a shit. "I'm sorry to bother you buddy, but I just heard your theme song on the radio and it made me think about you." -- "Which fucking song is that?" He asks in a matter of fact tone - "Oh, come on, you know what I am talking about." A few moments pass and he finally gets it - "Run to the Hills motherfucker! All of us should heed the advice and do what Iron Maiden suggested." I burst into laughter and say - "Goddammit Mad Max, as crazy as you are it still is nice to hear your paranoid voice."

I ask him what he thinks the Chiefs will look like this year - "I don't give a shit," is his answer. I then say - "Don't worry. The Apocalypse won't happen until after football season is over. Do you think the Chiefs have a chance to make it to the Super Bowl?" He repeats his earlier statement, but this time he adds the F-word to it. "Okay," I tell him in a calm voice, "No need to get your pantie in a bunch over it. What else is going on?" He tells me he is making sure all of his weapons are in working order and that he thinks something is wrong with his dog - "What's wrong with Doomsday?" That ought to tell you a little bit about him. Who names their dog Doomsday? "I don't know for sure. He has been limping around and not eating much. He has me worried." I snicker and say - "It's all your talk about the Apocalypse. It's upsetting him. Why don't you go rub his belly and reassure him that everything is going to be alright." 

We chat for a few more minutes and before he hangs up I ask - "You don't really sit around and think about the Apocalypse all day long. Do you?" He tells me in a stern voice - "Let's just say if they try to come rushing through my door the only thing you will hear is the sound of automatic weapons being fired in rapid succession. If they decide to drop a bomb on me I will be fucked like everyone else."

Alex Smith + No more Legend

I chatted with my friend Legend from Kansas today. We discussed, in depth, the chances of KC making it to the Super Bowl this season - "I told you already. The Chiefs do not have the quarterback play to go all the way. Everything else is there. But unfortunately they have Alex Smith under center and he is not capable of taking them all the way," he then adds, "He can't make the throws that you see the elites like Brady, Rodgers, Roethlisberger and guys like that make. So unfortunately for you and me it will play out like it always does. They will get us worked up and most likely will make it to the playoffs. But don't count on them going far when they get there. They just don't have the quarterback."

I agree wholeheartedly with him. QB1 is the most important position on an NFL team. But it isn't like Alex Smith belongs on a sandlot team - "Look, I gotcha on the QB being the guy. And his record in the playoffs is hardly stellar," I then add with emphasis, "This year will be different. He has a great group of young skill guys to work with. I think I saw somewhere their average age was 23. Alex is the old man of the group at 33. Andy has added a few dimensions to the offense that weren't there in years past. Think about how well he played versus the Patriot's. If we see him play as well as he did then. Well, quite frankly, that's what we need to get to the Super Bowl."

"One game, big deal. The season is sixteen games plus playoffs. Let's see how things progress. It's going to take more than one stellar game for me to change my opinion. I hope you are right though," is his rebuttal. We chat about the weather for a minute and then I tell him - "I hate to say this to you, but I am going to drop the Legend moniker with you. And I do this with a bit of trepidation. But let's face it. You haven't done anything legendary in twenty years and it's just not a deserving title anymore." I wasn't sure how he would take it, but much to my surprise he understood - "I can't argue with you much on that. You are right. I haven't done anything to deserve the title in so long I can't even remember."

We chat about the Chiefs a bit more and then he tells me he must go - "I will catch you later Roy," I say to him right before hanging up. This may sound strange, but it was odd referring to him as Roy. I have been calling him Legend for thirty plus years. But that doesn't make sense anymore. It's just plain ol' Roy now. And that really sucks in my opinion.

FYI: KC is posted as a 5.5 point favorite over Philadelphia. My pick is the Chiefs win by a touchdown.

tidbits for the week.

I have some encouraging news, my condo has appreciated thirty six thousand dollars in two years. Apparently, there's a shortage of nice housing in town. It wasn't long ago when property values plummeted 60-70%. It is nice to see things rebounding.

Anticipation of the new stadium being built for the Raider's move to town is beginning to take hold. Construction is slated to begin in November with completion in June of 2020. Once construction of the stadium begins confidence should reemerge for projects of similar scale around the valley.

Good news for the towns biggest eyesore. The Fountainbleu, which was mothballed nine years ago by Carl Icahn after buying it out of receivership, was recently sold to an investment group out of NYC for 600 million.

I think my neighbor wants to do it with me. I am going to pass. It's not that she isn't attractive. It just seems like too much of a headache. Too much drama. Besides, I know if I sleep with her things will eventually go awry and I will be stuck living next door to her...I am too old for the awkwardness a tryst of such nature will cause.

Dinner with lifelong friends.

I met Junior when I moved to Albuquerque after graduating from Emporia State in 1995. I was working at a bank in East Albuquerque and he was running a sporting goods store across from the bank. He and his wife Brenda were in town a few days and craving a good steak. I call Twenty for a recommendation and he proclaims - "Fleming's brother. It is the best place in town."

As the three of us enter Fleming's - Junior says, "I can already tell this place is going to be good." The foyer walls are mahogany and the floor is shiny marble, "Oh yeah, I knew Twenty wouldn't steer us astray. Man, this place is nice." The hostess leads us to our booth. We take our seats and order drinks. As I glance the menu a pork chop dish catches my eye. Junior & Brenda order the filet mignon and T-bone, respectively.

"The show is airing tonight and we are expecting another rush of business. It happens every time it airs." The two of them own a beef jerky company in Albuquerque. The business has been featured a number of times on episodes of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmer, "This will be the fifth time they have aired it and every time they do it makes our website go nuts. We really are having a good run of things lately." Junior has been at his jerky business for nine years now, and the results are there to prove it.

The waiter brings the food, we take our time eating - "Do you remember the time Navy asked me why I always wore the same clothes?" Their oldest son Navy - who was in second grade at the time is now an Ivy League graduate currently pursuing a Master's. "I remember what I told him after he asked me that. I told him I was too poor to afford new clothes." - We share a hearty laugh as I take another bite of asparagus.

"How is your family doing?" Brenda asks. "Every one is good. Dad & Sharon are in Arizona full time and Cammie was just here. She lives in Florida and is doing fine. Jamie is doing well. His daughter Emily will be a freshman at UMKC and Makayla is a freshman in high school." I ask if they are ready for their daughters wedding next month - "Ready as we are ever going to be," is the answer. "Jeez," I say with hint of laughter, "I remember when McKenna was knee high to a grasshopper and look at her now. A beautiful lady who just graduated from college and is now getting married. Where did all the time go?"

After finishing the entrée, the waiter suggests a desert - "Give us the chocolate lava case," he then looks directly at me and says, "You are going to have to skip dessert because your chin is already one too many." I smile and turn to Brenda, "You know something. He really enjoys insulting me," she laughs heartily and says, "I know. It is good therapy for him. He says you are an easy guy to insult."

We drop Brenda off at Caesar's and go for a cruise around town - "In no less than three years time you will be looking at the grandest stadium in the world," I say to him as we drive by an empty lot slated to be the new home of the Raider's in 2020. We turn away from the future stadium site on Hacienda and are now headed west back to the condo - "Michael Jackson use to live there," I add as I point at a gated mansion on the corner of Hacienda & Durango, "He rented it from a sheik."

"What is the deal with Chinatown? What did Cammie think of it?" He asks in between sips of beer at the condo - "I think it overwhelmed her to be honest with you. She did tell me that she understands what I am talking about when it comes to putting them online." We finish our beers and it is time for him to leave - "Thanks for everything," I tell him as he is leaving, "I haven't had a meal that nice in a long while. It reminded me of the Palm in New York City. It has been twelve years since I was last there. So thank you again for the meal brother, and I will keep you updated on Chinatown." He smiles and says - "It was my pleasure. I will be seeing you again in a few months."

Cheech & Chong + Chinatown

I hadn't seen my sister in a long while and when she came to town it was like nothing had changed - "How do you like staying at the Cheech & Chong Hotel?" The Stratosphere was her lodging while visiting and my cousin Joel and I were picking her up for lunch - Since marijuana became legal for purchase a serious gray area has developed in town. See, the only place you are able to consume it legally is in a private residence. The hotels on the strip are not private residents, but a little birdie told me the Stratosphere is being realistic about the situation and thus is why I will be referring to it as the Cheech & Chong Hotel from here on out.

"I got off on my floor last night and the first thing I smell is weed. There were a bunch of guys in the hall way passing around a joint. They offered me some but I was already too wasted. The last thing I needed was marijuana." I laugh and tell her - "It sounds like the place is more like the Cheech & Chong Hotel on steroids," I then add with a hearty laugh, "Any way, get ready to have what dad called the best Chinese food he has ever had."

As we are walking into Hong Kong Gardens - "I bet you have never had Chinese food this good in your entire life. Just remember, this is one of the many restaurants I can get online." I didn't want to come on too strong about my Chinatown beliefs, so it was important for her to have a look for herself  - "Look how nice this place is," I then ask if she has ever had dim sum. "No," is her answer. I smile and say - "It's real easy. See those carts. They push them up to the table and you just point at what you want. It really is the greatest thing in the world."

The three of us devour our share of dim sum. It was fabulous as usual. As we are leaving I say, "This restaurant and all the other ones I showed you are all under my thumb. If I can get the proper platform to sell their food online - Whew! You are looking at more money than any of us have ever seen. And I say this with all sincerity. I'm the only motherfucker who can get them." She asks how much investment I need to get things going. I tell her the same thing I tell everyone, "35K and I will deliver Chinatown on a silver platter."

Twenty dimes.

I worked with this cat, briefly, a while back - Anyhoo, I hadn't heard from him in a while and then I get a message he was back in town and wanted to have a beer. I invited him over to the condo to play catch up:

"Goddammit, it's the world famous Twenty dimes. Long time no see brother," is my greeting as we give each other bro hugs. "What the hell have you been up to Twenty?" Johnny "Twenty dimes" Bervin is Las Vegas guy numero uno. He moved with his family to the desert in the mid 70's and has called it home since - "What's been going on good buddy?" He asks while handing me a six pack of Heineken - "It's nice to see you as well."

We crack some brews and take a seat at the table - "You look good Twenty. How has life been treating you?" He gives me the rundown and I do the same for him, he then says - "I have been checking out your blog lately and you are doing a good job with it." I inform him nothing makes me happier than when someone compliments my blog, I then ask - "What is your big plan nowadays?" Twenty is one of the best salesman I have ever met. No matter what the situation he is always revved to sale - "Oh, you know Rob. I am just trying to keep the ship afloat. Same thing as always."

We spend the next hour or so drinking the rest of the Heineken's and laughing it up and then his phone pings - "Hold on Rob. I got a live one." He smiles and shoots a text back - "I got this girl I have been seeing in the Northwest and she wants me to come see her tonight," he adds as he shoots another text to her - "Looks like I have to go take care of some business right now."

As I am walking him to the door, he asks - "Do you really think Chinatown is the place to make money. That's what I am seeing in your blog." I nod yes - "You have an interesting perspective on things Rob," is his parting words. As I watch him walk to his car a thought overcomes me - "Johnny "Twenty dimes" Bervin. I think they broke the mold with this guy."

Roxy is coming to town.

I recognized the number immediately and answered promptly, "Roxy - it's been a while. What have you been up to?" Her sultry voice is unmistakable  - "Living the Cali girl life." We chat for few minutes then she adds -"Jethro, I told myself that I was through with you. How many chances can a girl give a guy? But I read your blog and saw the picture you sent me of your dad. It melted my heart. You look just like him. I'm in between guys right now and I started thinking about how you would write about us being together and I want to have another one of those memories with you." Roxy has always been straightforward with me, and me with her. We're adults! Right? I tell her I have been thinking about her constantly since we split - "You know you are my girl. I would love to spend time with you. You know I love you." Her response was charmed, well, charmed enough for me any way.

"It's not that I don't love you Jethro. It's just that you are a loser, in a good way though. You are so fucking adorable. So I want to give us another go. I will be in town for Labor Day. I want to see you. Besides, I hear you have a nice condo of your own now." I decided to goad her a little and told her I had my eye on my neighbor, so I would have to work her in between things. Her response is pure Roxy - "Look, silly, when I get to town over Labor Day you won't remember any of those bitches in Las Vegas. Besides, your blog needs some risqué added. I will take care of that for you."