the thespian...

I have been floating a concept about a reality show based on the comings & goings of the patrons at the LaSolana pool. Today I shared the idea with Ace.

"Ace, they tell me you are the guy I am looking for. Do you know much about a blog?" 

A number of pleasant people frequent the pool...Arthur (Ace) Dasher is one of them. His background spans over fifty years in the film/television industry.

"I know a little about blogs," he says with a curious look, "Why? What's up?"

"Bare with me for a minute while I give you the rundown," I always ask for extended patience before I start a pitch; or a rant. "Ace, I have been writing a blog called the village idiot of Las Vegas for a number of years. If you check it out I am sure you will like it. Everyone who reads it tells me such. Now I'll be honest with you; I would like to see my writing come to life in some sort of reality production. The premise of the show would revolve around the comings & goings of the old people at the pool."

I stop talking & wait for his response.

"Hmmm," is always the initial response when I first pitch the idea to people, "Let me get this straight. You want to recruit the old people here & have them help you in a reality show?"

"Yep," is my immediate answer.

"Hmm," he says again while scratching his chin, "That is a very interesting concept. Have you written a script? How would you format it?"

"I'm working on a script right now Ace. All the filming would be done at the LaSolana pool. Thus keeping the cast in a familiar setting. The goal of this venture is simple. Thirty minutes of quality humor professionally edited in order to present a prospective show runner."

"How far along are you with the script?"

"It's getting there," is my answer, "The thing I'm asking from you right now is to spend a little time reading my blog. Give me a professional take on whether you think I have the writing 'chops' to support my idea. I need to hear a professional's opinion on the matter."

A few days after our initial conversation I run into Ace at the pool again:

"I enjoyed your blog. You have some real talent."

"I appreciate the compliment Ace. I really do."

"How long have you been writing?"

"Off & on for ten years."

"It's good stuff," he says with a smile, "What is the deal with this Roy guy?"

He is referencing a character from the blog.

"He's a buddy of mine from Kansas who doesn't know any better."

"How old is this clown?"

"Roy is my age; or close to it."

"This guy sounds like a real tool."

"He is," I say with a laugh, "He's the biggest tool you'll ever meet."

I ask if he can envision what we discussed a few days earlier.

"I can with a few caveats."

"Like what?"

"Backstories for everyone. The audience has to connect from every angle. Do you have a lock down solid script as well?"

"Backstories are easy," is my first response, "The script is taking some effort; nothing I can't figure out though."

The conversation shifts to his acting career.

"I honed a lot of the craft under the tutelage of Stella Adler. The first thing she would tell people is, 'If you can see it; you can do it."

"I can definitely see it Ace. That much is for sure." 

"I can see it to pal," is his enthusiastic response, "You still have to come up with a viable script. When can you have it?"

"Soon Ace," is my immediate response.

"Who do you have in mind for the cast? What about production?"

"I've chatted with several patrons of the pool & they have agreed to participate. The production part is still up in the air."

Why didn't you get a prenup?

It's been a week since my last conversation with Roy. I call him today & inquire how the dissolution of his third marriage is progressing:

"She's not being very nice about things right now village idiot," is his first response to the inquiry, "All I can say is she's trying to take more than we agreed on."

"Did you have a prenuptial agreement?"

"Nope," is his answer in a somber tone.

Every time he starts complaining about a women taking all his money I think about his first wife. She was beautiful, funny, smart, caring, hard working...it was true love. When she left him all those years ago people weren't sure he'd make it. 

"You told me all you had to do was split the equity in the house with her. Why the fuck didn't you get a prenuptial agreement? How long have you been married to this bitch?"

"Three years," sheepishly adding, "She said it would be a bad look to the start of our marriage because it gave everyone the impression it was all about the money for her."

"I'm sure she loved you for a minute," adding with little sympathy, "She'll love you even more when you have to cut a fat check. Not getting a prenuptial agreement was a foolish move. She must have been a tiger in the sack. I hope it was worth it."

"It wasn't," is his stern reply.

"How much is it going to cost to make this one go away Roy?"

"Seventy five thousand more than we agreed upon. I don't have a choice in the matter is what my attorney is telling me."

It's going to cost him an additional seventy five thousand because he didn't have a prenuptial agreement with his soon to be third ex wife. Hearing this makes me think of his first wife yet again. She could have cared less about his money; or his lineage. All she wanted was a man who would love her & she could love back. Roy's incessant philandering doomed the relationship. 

"It's sounds like you have no choice; you got to pay if you want to be rid of her."

"That's what my attorney is telling me."

"Good thing your pockets are fat Roy."

the start of an idea...

"How did you get so good at playing the piano?"

"Practice, practice, practice," is Liberace's response:

LaSolana is a community located in the sunny confines of Surprise, Arizona. I have called it home the last two years. I've met many admirable people in my time living here.

"I read your blog the other day Rob. It was awesome. The guy you were talking about who lost all his money on the Chiefs and then his wife left him. I found it relatable."

Craig Monroe, aka Big C, is a retired KCK/KCMO businessman/gambler who called it quits a few years ago. LaSolana is his home nowadays. It was time to share my idea with him.

"Do you ever watch reality shows Big C?"

"All the time," he says in a hearty voice, "Southern Charm is my favorite."

"Tell me if this sounds crazy Big C. I've been doing this blogging thing for quite some time and everyone is being complimentary of it. Now its got me wondering if I can bring it to life."

"What do you mean?"

"Big C, I'm talking about a reality show with a premise revolving around all the old people at LaSolana. It's something I've been pondering for a while & now it is time to see what other people think of the idea."

"Hmm," is his first response, "I don't see why not. People are looking for all sorts of entertainment nowadays. What are you envisioning?"

"Think of it as the pool at LaSolana coming to life," adding, "We find a decent production team to help with filming & editing. I'll script all the dialog & we'll set up shop at the pool. The aim is to cut thirty minutes of quality video highlighting the humor from the patrons at LaSolana."

"It sounds like you are on to something. You're an excellent writer. There's no doubt about that."

I thank him for the compliment & ask, "Are you in Big C? I'm telling you right now you'd be perfect for what I am envisioning."

"I'm in," is his solid response.

I've shared the concept with a number of other patrons at the pool. Most have found it intriguing and have agreed to participate. Keep in mind; it's just an idea at this stage. 

 

it's 75 & sunny in Phoenix...

Yesterday, I was lounging on a lawn chair at the LaSolana pool wondering when winter is going to arrive in Phoenix. The thought is too much for me not to share:

"Miss Kitty, I have a question for you. When is winter going to arrive?"

Miss Kitty is a retired Chicago debutante who moved to the sunny confines of Arizona a number of years ago. She is one of a cache of lovely ladies at LaSolana who enjoy spending time in the sunshine.

"It is winter Rob, soak up as much Arizona sunshine as you can," adding with the wisdom of a well heeled women, "It's one of the free things in life."

While the rest of the country was freezing its ass off; that wasn't the case in Phoenix. It was sunshine & blue skies...I called a friend in the energy business in Texas to rub it in. 

"What happened to the grid in Texas? Why was the state so ill prepared? It was 75 & sunny in Phoenix all week."

Jack & his family have been wheeling & dealing the energy bone for generations. Listening to him is akin to hearing it straight from the horse's ass...he's a lot more informed than some talking head is what I am saying.

"Corruption & greed from all the politicians who were saying things people wanted to hear so they could get elected; or stay elected. Think of it like this good buddy," his Texas charm evident every time he calls me good buddy, "The hundred year storm decided to roar through the great state of Texas & expose it all. Now, the little guy gets to pay the price for it."

"Did the lights go out on you?"

"Thankfully, my neck of the woods was spared?"

It was good to hear him say that. 

"Let me ask you about something I heard on the news Jack. They said, 'The grid in Texas was minutes away from experiencing total failure due to the stress caused by the storm.' The news also said, 'It would have been months before it could be restored. Is there any truth to that?" 

"I can tell you for certain good buddy," his Texas charm more evident then before, "If the whole grid went down & it took a couple of months to restore," pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts, "Grab your guns & run to the hills. That is my plan in a nutshell."

No problem with the grid in Phoenix. Like I said earlier in the post; it was 75 & sunny all week.

 

the end of Legend's third marriage...

Roy getting cleaned out by his bookie because the Chiefs shit the bed is not all bad. It served to be the last straw between him & his third wife. I say good riddance man!

"It won't be much. We don't have kids together. It's easy in, easy out on this one good buddy," he is being sensible about the demise of his third marriage, "We are both going to act like adults & head our separate ways. The Chiefs shitting the bed was the last straw for her."

His first wife was the greatest gal. She was an absolute knockout. Roy was too caught up in himself back then. He wasn't the most faithful of guys either. She told him, "good for the goose; good for the gander." It was way more than his fragile ego could handle & it ended badly. He still regrets it to this day.

"I can tell you one thing for sure village idiot. My soon to be third ex wife hates your ass."

"You tell her the feeling is mutual good buddy."

The soon to be third ex wife pins Roy's Super Bowl evisceration on me. She claims I got him too fired up & it made him act stupid. I told her to take take a flying fuck. 

"I want you to promise me something Legend."

Back in the day everyone referred to Roy as Legend...he filled stat sheets; obliterated weightlifting records; broke rims; women wanted to be with him; guys wanted to be him...you get the picture. Nowadays, he's pathetic, downright pathetic.

"Are you listening to me Legend?"

"I'm listening."

"This gal you were with was holding you back. I want you to shake her off & forget about the fucking Chiefs. It's time for you to start acting like the Legend you once were. Do you think you can do it?"

"Dude, I'm trying. I'm too old nowadays. Trying to be Legend is going to kill me..."

"Shut the fuck up," I yell intently, "I don't want to hear any of your excuses. Do you want to be Legend again?"

"Yes, goddammit! I want nothing more. I'm too fucking old," desperation in his voice evermore, "I wish I had a time machine. I'd go back to the Legend days in a minute."

I can see the stress of the moment is taking its toll on him. I back off the Legend talk for a moment.

"So where are you headed now?" Roy's been through the dance a couple of times and always seems to land on his feet; albeit a lot poorer than before.

"We got a lot of equity in the house. She called her sister and we are going to split it after the sale. I'm taking the money and buying a place closer to downtown. I never liked it out in the suburbs to begin with. That was a big part of our problem."

"Okay," I say with a sigh of relief, "You are going to be fine. It's nothing new for you. Once you get settled in your new place we can talk about a few things that will bring you back to Legend."

"I'm too old dude. You've got to stop with the Legend talk. It's going to kill me in the end."

the mother lode slipped away...

The other day I was walking around in circles in the LaSolana pool when I commented to Miss Kitty about how terrible the Super Bowl was:

"There's always next year Rob," her soothing voice from twelve feet away says, "It's not the end of the world."

"I know Miss Kitty," is my response as a smile finally comes to my face, "It's not just the Chiefs getting their ass whipped. My friend Roy decided to bet his entire stake on the game. His wife threw him out of the house because the Chiefs lost."

Miss Kitty is a distinguished lady in her late sixties, she's a gem of a person & always dispenses useful bits of wisdom.

"It sounds to me like your friend has a gambling problem," is her logical response, "Tell him he needs to find a new team to bet on."

"You got that right Miss Kitty. The Chiefs really disappointed me with their performance. They let a lot of people down. What a stink bomb."

"Don't dwell on it Rob, it's over now. There will always another game to bet on."

We chat a little more about the weather and then she asks:

"What was your favorite Super Bowl commercial? Mine was the one with the guy from Saturday Night Live. What's his name?"

"Will Ferrell"

"Yeah, I watch Elf every year with my grand kids. He's a great actor. What was your favorite Super Bowl commercial Rob?"

Everyone bare with me for a moment while I explain a sad situation for me...A few years back I loosely teamed with a guy in Las Vegas on development of a food delivery application. Back then there was low hanging fruit everywhere you turned. A friend of mine who is fluent in both Mandarin & English suggested we introduce the process to the restaurants in Chinatown (there's a whole lot of them). Food delivery applications were in its nascent stage at the time with zero in Chinatown. I immediately signed ten restaurants for the service. The guy I was loosely partnered with at the time couldn't raise the capital to keep me. The truth is I didn't need him & he didn't need me. I was at the start of what is now a two hundred billion dollar a year service. Here is where the story gets sad:

"Miss Kitty I got upset watching a couple of the commercials," a feeling of anger comes across me, "Do you remember me telling you about how I whiffed in Chinatown and now those restaurants are churning out millions upon millions for delivery applications? They could have been under my families thumb, but no such luck. I had no core & it escaped."

"Oh Rob, I know what commercial you are talking about. It's the DoorDash commercial, isn't it? Don't let it bother you. Something else will fall your way," adding in an optimistic tone, "Just think, if you would have been successful you'd be living in some mansion over in Scottsdale & we would have never met."

What a sweetheart she is, still the sting remains.

"Do you want to know what kills me Miss Kitty? I was in Chinatown with restaurants stacked to the ceiling. First guy there by a mile and it still got a way. Now when I see all these food delivery applications with Super Bowl commercials it ratifies how successful the process has become. It's a hard pill to swallow nowadays Miss Kitty."

She sympathizes by telling me a story about how she could of bought Apple at two dollars a share back in the day; but didn't.

"Those stocks nowadays would be worth millions. Don't beat yourself up too much over it."

As sweet as Miss Kitty is...it did nothing to ease the sting.

"It was my one shot in life to hit the jackpot. I yelled it out as loud as I could to anyone who would listen and still laid an egg. Things would be so much different for me now if I would have converted. The scary thing is Chinatown would have been just the beginning. It was a perfect place to scale," shrugging my shoulders & finishing with, "I fucked up Miss Kitty. The mother lode was right in front of me & it slipped away."

"Oh Rob, it breaks my heart when you tell that story. Don't worry something else will come your way."

"I wished I shared your optimism Miss Kitty. I really do."

a Legend gets his ass whipped...

I called Roy today in order to see how things were going after the beating suffered by Kansas City in the Super Bowl:

"Now is not a good time, the old lady is on the warpath," it's obvious the money he lost on the Super Bowl is having an effect on his marital status, "She says it's all your fault that I lost our money. You egged me on is what she is saying. She doesn't like you one bit."

Roy's first wife was a sweetheart. He couldn't keep it in his pants & she had problems keeping her legs crossed. It's too bad because they were a great couple. Now he's married to some gal he met at a bar a while back. I have never officially acknowledged her existence & she mine - until now.

"Give me that fucking phone! I want to talk with this asshole!" A female voice in the background is upset & angry, "Did this dumb fuck tell you how much money he lost on the Chiefs? You are part of the reason he lost the money," it's been a long time since a women addressed me in such an unpleasant manner. Roy's soon to be ex third wife's name is Dana & she is about to get an earful from me.

"Now you listen to me lady! I didn't hold a gun to his head & tell him to bet all his money on the Chiefs. He did that all by himself. He's been betting on games long before you were around sweetheart. I can't help it if he is a degenerate. Don't act like you don't know because you do. I'm telling you right now to lose the attitude."

"Did he tell you how much he lost?" Anger stewing in her voice.

Roy never gives up the actual amounts of his bets. I know they are large though. He's weird like that.

"How much did the idiot bet?"

"This stupid, moron, asshole lost twenty five thousand dollars on the game," anger in her voice stewing evermore.

Whew, I knew he took an ass whipping. I would have guessed in the ten thousand range, but you never know with Roy. He is an impulsive person.

"I can see why you are pissed," is my conciliatory response to her, "It's still not my fault. He did that on his own volition. Don't drag me into it!"

"You are partially responsible for this morons action. You started in with all this Legend bullshit & it made him act stupid."

Back in the day everyone referred to Roy as Legend. He scored game winning touchdowns; drove fancy cars; dated beautiful girls; knocked guys out with one punch & picked winners like it was nothing. Nowadays, he is a shadow of the man he use to be. When I chatted with him earlier about the game. It was to instill some confidence in his pathetic self. I didn't tell him to bet his entire wad on it. He did that all by his lonesome. I tell his soon to be third ex wife the same thing.

"Look, I'm not going to argue with you anymore about it. Here is your dip shit, broke ass, has been Legend friend. Maybe he can explain it to you better how bad he fucked up," she then yells, "Get over here you fucking asshole! Your village idiot friend wants to give you some more advise on a fucking game."

"Dude I got to go," are the first words he says returning to the phone, "I will be looking for a new place to live soon thanks to the Chiefs laying a fucking egg. I told you this would happen if the Chiefs didn't win."

"Why did you bet so much? You know how this shit goes. I'll be honest with you, when your wife said you lost 25k on the game I about fell out of my seat...Jesus Roy."