Wednesday's therapy session...

In today's session we converse about my eighty seven year old best friend & her lovely daughter; Lacey & Kara's burgeoning polyamorous relationship with Legend is touched upon briefly as well:

"I spoke with my best friend today."

"How's she doing?"

"Her regular chipper self."

"When does Kendra come back to town?"

"Middle of the month is what mama said."

"Do you still have romantic feelings towards her?"

Lacey finds it intriguing the eighty seven year old mother of my crush doubles as my best friend.

"Yes, every time she comes to town I fall in love again."

"You are a hopeless romantic Mr. Astle."

"Hopeless is more like it."

"Tell me more about mama."

"She quit drinking. It's been a week already."

"Does she have a problem?"

"Goodness no, the extra calories of alcohol were adding unwanted weight is her biggest complaint."

"At eighty seven years old a few extra calories aren't that big of deal. She should enjoy her life to the fullest."

"She does Lacey."

"Has mama been driving around?"

Her driving is unpopular with her daughter. They're a few exceptions:

"There's a little circle Kendra permits. Basically, she can go to the store & health clubs. They're a few blocks away. Anything past is considered out of the circle & frowned upon by her daughter."

We discuss mandates & I reveal:

"Do you want to know what mama's secret is to quit drinking?"

"Sure," is her immediate reply.

"She's focusing on other things when survival hour strikes."

"Survival hour?"

"That's what they call it instead of happy hour."

"Oh, I see, go on with the story."

"When the clock strikes five she thinks about other tasks instead of drinking."

"Like what?"

"A couple of the days she went on a walk; another time she cleaned the kitchen; yesterday it was the patio. Keeping herself moving instead of sitting in a recliner drinking vodka is the key."

"Idle time is the devils play thing."

"It certainly is Lacey," adding, "There's one more thing I have to tell you."

"What's that?"

"I've been requesting everyone who reads the blog rate the writing for me 1-10. It's been mostly five' & sixes. Guess what she rated it."

"What?"

"A perfect ten. It made my day."

I've been told not to ask; curiosity is getting the best of me:

"Tell me what's going on with Legend. Have you guys set a time & place to consummate the relationship?"

"Nunya, Mr. Astle," adding in a stern tone, "You've already been instructed not to inquire about it. Legend told us you'd be jealous."

Lacey, Kara & Legend are in the midst of a burgeoning polyamourous relationship I helped facilitate. Let's hear how it's progressing. She refuses to say.

"He's going to kiss & tell once the relationship is consummated."

"No he won't. He's a changed man from his younger years. The braggadocio stage in his life is over."

"I don't care what he tells you," reiterating evermore, "He won't be able to help himself. He's going to kiss & tell for sure."

Who is Legend?

"How would you rank my writing from one to ten Big C?"

"I'd give you a seven on word style. The problem lies with your lack of character development. You'd get a four on that."

"What do you mean?"

"Reveal more about your characters."

"Who do you want to hear more about?"

"Take Legend for example," with a smile on his face, "He's fifty two, thrice divorced & desires a three way with your pansexual therapist & her fiancee. He caught the winning touchdown pass in the state title game as well. You keep telling us the same thing over & over. Tell us something new about the man."

"Like what?"

"What's he do for a living?"

"He's in the family business."

"What's that?"

"Energy, construction & philandering."

"Where's he live?"

"He's a Texas resident via Kansas. The business moved down there a long time ago & he followed."

"How long have you known him?"

"Since the sixth grade."

"Did he go to Emporia State?"

"Yes sir, I roomed with him for a year."

"Wow, you really do know this guy. What is the one word you would use to describe him?"

"He is a scandalous bastard indeed."

the braggadocio...

Our sessions become ever stranger:

"Did you come to an arrangement with Legend?"

"We did Mr. Astle."

The previous session I facilitated a discussion between Lacey, Kara & Legend as pertains to a burgeoning polyamorous relationship between the three. I'm curious about all the juicy details.

"What's the deal? Is he coming to Scottsdale; or are you headed to Texas?"

"Nunya, is how I'm instructed to answer the question. We all knew you'd ask."

Nunya is slang for none of your business.

"You could at least thank me for the introduction," adding with emphasis, "Acting as a matchmaker for young; female; pansexuals & a fifty two year old; thrice divorced; living legend is not for the feint of heart."

"Mr. Astle, thank you for the introduction. That's all your role is. The three of us have decided to exercise discretion."

"Discretion," with a smirk, "Don't act naive Lacey."

"What do you mean?"

"With guys the story isn't complete until they brag about it to their buddies. Legend is no exception."

"He's past the braggadocio stage in life Mr. Astle. It's neanderthals like yourself who enjoy boasting. That's if you find a women desperate enough to sleep with you."

Her wicked tongue fails to dissuade my belief he will brag:

"You can believe whatever you want Little Red Riding Hood."

"Who is that?"

"Google it for Christ sake's."

"He's a different man from his younger days. He's also an accomplished man...unlike yourself. Our relationship working is his number one goal in life. You are jealous."

"Of course he wants it to work. Any fifty two year old straight guy with a working unit would kill to have sex with a couple of twenty seven year old hotties," adding with more emphasis than before, "I quit being jealous a long time ago. Just remember, he is going to brag. I guarantee it!"

prelude to a three way...

Life comes full circle when you find yourself in a Zoom chat with your twenty seven year old, pansexual, polyamorous therapist & her same aged fiancee. In box #2 is your thrice married fifty two year old lifelong friend whose only thought is turning the clock back twenty years. The topic of discussion is a burgeoning polyamorous relationship between the three. My role is to facilitate:

"Roy, this is my therapist Lacey & her fiancee Kara," he's two minutes fashionably late. "Lacey & Kara this is Roy."

The two affix their eyes upon him through the monitor. He reciprocates.

I've been instructed to make the introductions & keep quiet:

"Before we get started Mr. Cumpton. I have to clarify something,"

Lacey starts the session with a question.

"Go right ahead," is his response with a toothy grin.

"Would you like us to refer to you as Roy; or Mr. Cumpton; or Legend?"

"Legend doll face. That's what everyone calls me nowadays."

"Okay Legend," in a sultry tone, "Just so we can get it out of the way. Stand up from the monitor & take a few steps back. We'd like to see the full view."

He pops up & steps backward. The angle provides a full body shot.

"Spin around for us if you would please," Kara requests.

The black workout shorts he's donning accentuate years of compound movements in the gym. They're impressed by his hard work.

"My oh my," Lacey quips, "Mr. Astle was not kidding when he said women admired your backside."

"Very nice," Kara adds to the mix.

"'Thank you for the compliment my muses," with a toothier smile than before, "Good for the goose; good for the gander."

They're confused by the quip. 

"It's your turn now," twirling his finger.

"Oh, of course," Lacey replies.

They stand up in unison & move into camera angle. Lacey is wearing a pair of Daisy Duke shorts with a white t-shirt reading Poly much? Kara is outfitted in a knee high skirt with a white blouse. It's a welcome sight indeed.

"Okay ladies, turn around for me. Let's see what your mother gave you."

They turn in unison & glare over their shoulders at him. 

"Whoops," Lacey bellows as she lifts Kara's skirt in a playful manner. The action reveals a peach shaped rear end covered by a pink thong.

"Lacey," giggling as she pushes her gently, "If I knew you were going to do that I would have worn appropriate panties. Do you like what you're seeing Mr. Cumpton?"

"It's a given. It goes without saying," his quirky response brings laughter.

"Now that we have it out of the way," Lacey adds as they retake their seats, "What is your idea of a good time? Let's say we were to meet up for a weekend & explore things further. How would you handle us?"

"What would you do to us?" Kara adds boldly.

This is the part I've been anticipating. Does he still have it?

"First of all, I'm going to book the finest suite in town, wherever that may be. Then it is pool & spa time. After that we'll head over to Victoria's Secret for a shopping spree. Are you goddesses a fan of the place?"

"You better believe it. I have a frequent shoppers card," Lacey's rapid response.

"The thong I'm wearing is from Victoria's," coos Kara.

The smile on his face grows ever wider.

"After the shopping spree it's back to the suite & the finest bottle of champagne while my muses model the lingerie for me."

"I like your style Legend."

"Me too."

They're hooked.

"Hold on lovelies; there's much more. After a bottle or two of champagne it is bubble bath time. I'm going to caress your bodies with the finest soaps & lotions while you do the same to me."

Fifty two years of age & smoother than ever.

"Once everyone is comfortable it will be time for us to become one."

"Do you have any certain preferences in the bed room Mr. Cumpton? I mean Legend," Kara confessing to her intimate thoughts.

"I'm a big fan of Kama Sutra beautiful. We'll take our time. Absorb the moment. Are you a fan of Kama Sutra?" 

"Vaguely, I'd be willing to learn though."

"I'd be willing to learn as well Mr. Cumpton, I mean Legend," the other half chimes.

"It's a beautiful thing my muses. I am eager to teach."

They share a few more details & Lacey states.

"Mr. Astle told me your successes in life began after you caught the winning touchdown pass in the state title game. Moments of that nature indicate Alpha behavior."

"Not to brag gorgeous, I also recovered a fumble & had nine tackles."

I lather his ego further.

"Legend, tell them about the time you sank a forty footer in the league title game to force overtime. The Bulldogs ended up winning."

"Mr. Astle, I forgot you were there. He did what?"

"He sank a forty footer at the end of regulation to send the game into overtime. Remember Roy?"

He plays it off.

"I forgot about that. I've been blessed to have some good fortune in tight spots."

"Mr. Astle indicated you were an Alpha. I'm always skeptical because  guys pretend a lot," glancing Kara's way & adding, "Honey, we found the Alpha we've been desiring," her bedroom eyes illuminating evermore.

"We sure have," bedroom stares from Kara as well.

Discussion of the arrangement intensifies. I am dropped from the room. 

the Troy Aikman lookalike...

My therapist is a twenty seven year old polyamorous, pansexual female by the name of Lacey. Initially, our sessions revolved around me discussing murderous feelings. Eventually, those feelings subsided & the sex chatter began. At first I am unfamiliar with the terms pansexual & polyamorous. She explains them in detail. Lacey is engaged to another twenty seven year old pansexual by the name of Kara. Their plan is to explore a polyamorous relationship with an older man:

"What does he look like? Kara wanted to know."

"Back in the day everyone said he looked like Troy Aikman."

"Who?"

"Jesus Lacey, it's a good thing you three won't be talking football when the deal goes down."

"Hold on Rob. I'm going to Google him. What's his name again?"

"Troy Aikman, he's the former quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys. He's an announcer nowadays."

Through the screen I watch her fumble through a Google search on a separate device:

"Whew...hot daddy! I've seen him before. Are you telling me Legend resembles him?"

"That's what everyone says. He's aged a little since then. Rest assured, he's a handsome, well heeled man. The two of you desire an Alpha male. Am I hearing you correctly?"

"Sometimes I feel as if I'm the patient & you're the therapist."

"It's called listening & learning. Our sessions have renewed those traits."

We chat about a couple of mandates & then the conversation turns to Legend once again:

"Tell me more about him before our meeting."

A Zoom meeting is scheduled this weekend for the three of them to discuss a possible menage a trois. 

"He could handle himself in a scuffle"

"What do you mean?"

"Back in the day his fights never lasted more than ten seconds."

"Was he a professional fighter?

"No, all that stuff became popular after his prime. He could have been one though."

The macho man talk is resonating judging by the lustful tone in her voice:

"He really is an Alpha male. Again, that's are biggest requirement. We want a man who takes charge in both the bedroom & life. This weekend will be an interesting chat. Are you sure he's going to be there? I don't want you to disappoint me again Rob."

"He'll be there Lacey. Don't you & Kara worry about it. That's all he's been thinking about for the last week."

I'm not sure what my role is after introductions. I ask her to clarify.

"Sit there in your little box & keep your mouth shut. If they're any questions I'll address you."

Mr. three way...

"When they weren't calling him Legend his other nickname was Mr. three way."

"You made that up. They didn't call him that."

Lacey finds Legend intriguing & vice versa. I'm doing my best to play matchmaker:

"When is the last time he was in a three way Rob?"

I'd recommend pansexual, polyamorous, female Zoom shrinks to all my friends. They ask risque questions:

"It's been a while is my best guess. Back in the day you could set your watch to it. He's been married off & on for the last twenty years. His wive's weren't into that kind of thing. That's what he told me any way. Now he is free & easy. You have grabbed his attention."

"He has grabbed ours as well."

"Ours? Did you chat with the fiancee about him?"

"I did," adding, "She finds the idea of an older man in a polyamorous relationship intriguing as well."

"How come you don't find me appealing? You haven't even seen Legend yet & he's got you all hot & bothered. What about me?"

The winning touchdown catch in the state title game hooked her:

"We've already discussed this Mr. Astle. The loathsome loser type is not for us. Legend, on the other hand, is an Alpha male. Those are the kind of men we find attractive."

"How old is your fiancee Lacey?"

"She is the same age as me."

The thought of him pancaked with a couple of twenty seven year old broads slathering him like syrup & hot butter lights a jealous fuse in me.

"Legend is fifty two years old. What's the oldest guy you have ever been with Lacey?"

"Thirty one," adding, "He was the last guy in our relationship. It didn't work out because of his immaturity."

"Think about it this way. Take the fiancee's age & your age & add it together. You would have his age. Actually, you would be two years older than him. You catch what I'm saying."

The jealous side of me is doing its best to dissuade her. She's not having it. 

"It's his experience that turns us on. How many women do you think he's been with?"

"Scores & scores," adding with all seriousness, "He was pulling three ways & reverse cowgirls before you were even a thought."

"Reverse cowgirl," she purrs, "That's my favorite position of all time. The more you tell me about him the more attractive he sounds."

"I talked with him about joining us for a therapy session. He said he'd do whatever it took. You've got him spellbound."

"Good," with a smile on her face, "See if he can join us for our weekend session Rob. I'm going to have the fiancee with me so she can get a meet him as well. If we like what were seeing we'll go from there. One more question about him. What kind of stamina does he possess?"

"I asked him the same question & he told me Viagra & a grip of coke & whiskey will keep him at optimal performance during the tryst. He also said you & the fiancee should prepare yourself for unrelenting pleasure."

stripper sandwiches...

A twenty minute Zoom session with my favorite pansexual shrink over the weekend focuses on my friend Legend:

"Legend has been reading about our sessions Lacey. He finds you intriguing."

"Why is that Mr. Astle."

"It's your sexuality. It's appealing to him."

"My sexuality is appealing to many men Mr. Astle. Why should I care what Legend thinks?"

"He's confused about the difference between pansexual & bisexual. He says all the pansexual talk in the blog reminds him of a stripper girlfriend from the nineties."

"This is the guy who caught the winning pass in the state title game when you were in high school."

"Yes Ma'am, that's Legend."

"Why do I remind this pervert of his stripper girlfriend from the nineties?"

"He said his girlfriend would fuck him silly & afterwards she would call over another girl & he would have a stripper sandwich."

"What's a stripper sandwich?"

"A three way Lacey,"

"Oh, I see, go on with the story."

"His girlfriend back then is a bisexual, but in today's world she would be labeled pansexual is what he thinks. The point is you remind him of her. He's fresh out of his third marriage & looking to turn the clock back twenty years. It's younger women he desires. You & the fiancee might be a good fit is his underlying thought."

Stripper girlfriends & his thirst for three ways arouses her:

"Tell me a naughty one about him Rob. He sounds like an Alpha...unlike you.

"A naughty one, hmmm...okay Lacey, I got a naughty one for you. Legend was known for his cunnilingus skills. One night we are standing at the bar & a certain lady approaches him. Women approached him all the time, so it wasn't anything new. I hadn't seen this one before & she is smoking hot. Any way, they toss back a few drinks & this babe looks him square in the eyes and says, 'Stacey told me you know how to eat pussy. Is that true?"

"Oh my goodness, she actually said that to him," interrupting before I finish the story, "What did he do?"

"I won't ever forget this Lacey. He looked her straight in the eyes & said, 'You are about to find out for yourself bitch."

We chat about a few mandates & then she suggests:

"You should invite Legend to one of our therapy sessions. He sounds interesting. I'd like to meet him. Tell him more about what it is to be pansexual & polyamorous."

"Legends my age. Don't forget that."

"Doesn't matter the age Mr. Astle. A polyamorous pansexual wants what it wants."

"Okay, I'll ask him. It's going to be weird having him Zoom in on my therapy sessions. Is there any way I could pass on the information to him & he could contact you independent of our sessions? I'd feel like a third wheel."

"Nope," is her stern reply, "I want you to introduce me to this man. Set it up & get back to me."