The village idiot of Las Vegas calls his ex wife after hearing about a double homicide in North Las Vegas.

The peace in North Las Vegas was interrupted last night by a double homicide near Losse & Craig. Whenever I hear such news I immediately think of my ex wife and her road rage and the gun she kept in her glove box:

"Are you in town?" I ask. "No," she says - "Why do you ask? Did someone get shot again?" - Every time I call she acts like nothing is wrong...I'm not fooled! - I go on to inform her about the latest double homicide in North Las Vegas - her response - "Well, you know, shit happens." I demand to know her whereabouts last night, she says - "Topeka, Kansas," I then ask - "Do you have anyone who can serve as an alibi for you?" - she says, "Pepper {toy poodle}, but she can't talk." 

It's all fun and games to her, but I'm not laughing - "Listen," I tell her in a frantic tone, "An eyewitness said the shooter was a middle age lady driving an Explorer with a party color toy poodle setting in the passenger seat. It's not a coincidence anymore," I then take a deep breath and add, "Your description has been implicated in a number of unsolved homicides in North Las Vegas. I promise I won't rat you out. Just tell me it is you and I will leave it alone!"

She laughs after the implication and says - "I told you this already, but now I am going to repeat it very slowly - 'My last day with the State of Kansas is June 3rd. I will not be anywhere near North Las Vegas until then. I can guarantee you one thing, whomever it is playing cowboy in the NLV? Well, it isn't me...not yet any way," she then hangs the phone up without saying bye.