company jets impress women...

It is the Thursday before Roy comes to town. I'm on a scheduled therapy call with Lacey. The Chiefs in last place is the furthest thing from our discussion:

"This weekend should be one to remember. Are the two of you ready for Legend?"

"We are Mr. Astle."

The company jet is flying Roy to Phoenix for a three way Halloween weekend.

"What do you have planned for him? Besides the obvious."

"It's not of your concern."

"Okay," adding with a smile, "Don't matter any way. He'll brag about it. I'll get the details from him."

"He will do no such thing. He's not the man you remember from the past. Kara & I are helping him evolve into something much more productive."

"Evolve," rolling my eyes, "We're talking about Roy Cumpton. He's not going to evolve into shit. He's playing the role in order to live out a fantasy. That's it."

"There's where you are wrong Mr. Astle."

"What do you mean?"

"It's our fantasy...not just his."

We chat about a few mandates & she asks:

"Have you seen mama lately?"

"I did. She is as chipper as ever."

My therapist finds it intriguing the eighty seven year old mother of my crush doubles as my best friend.

"What is she up to?"

"I saw her in the parking lot getting ready to return some watermelons to Albertson's."

"Why?"

"They were like cucumbers & weren't ripe enough."

"What about Kendra? Didn't you tell me she was coming to town?"

"Come & gone already."

"What was she up to?"

"Nothing much from what I gathered."

"Did those romantic flames rekindle?"

"They did for me. Not for her unfortunately."

"Why do you think women find you so repulsive."

"It's the whole vibe I give off is what Roxy would always tell me."

"What kind of vibe?"

"The miserable sometimes lovable loser vibe is how she phrased it."

"There's nothing lovable about you."

"I don't appreciate the harshness Lacey."

"Tough," is her immediate response, "Tell me more about mama."

"I met mama's gentlemen friend the other night. He's a pleasant fella."

"Good for mama," adding with a smile, "What were they doing?"

"Headed to a production of Chicago in Tempe," adding in all honesty, "She was dressed to the nine's. I'm pretty sure mama was planning on a good time."

"It sounds like mama can still kill it. Even at eighty seven."

"Sure can Lacey. No doubt about it."

The conversation shifts back to Roy's pending visit this weekend.

"If you really want to be impressed have him give you a tour of the company jet. It's pimped out."

"What do you mean?"

Company jets impress women:

"I think it's a Lear, not quite sure. One thing for certain Lacey. It's a love vessel in the sky. The three of you should consummate your relationship in it. Are you & Kendra mile high club members?"

"Not yet," is her telling answer.

"Roy is a platinum club member."

The thought of him in a daisy chain with a couple twenty somethings while being flown around on the company jet is an image now seared in my head. Only Roy possesses the wherewithal to turn such fantasies into real life situations.