Today's Zoom session with my therapist focuses on sex:
"In what way Rob?"
"The have sex with me kind of way."
"Those sort of feelings are not allowed in a client/patient relationship. You know that."
"Okay Lacey, let's pretend you're not my therapist for a minute. Say we just met & have no previous connections. Would the thought of having sex with me be something you'd entertain?"
"That is an inappropriate question Rob. Answering it is something I refuse to do."
"Does that mean yes?"
"No, it means I'm not going to answer the question. Why do you ask to begin with?"
"There's a certain lady I've been wanting to bed for a while. I have hinted at it several times to no avail; I'm wondering if women still find me attractive. I know I'm poor; but I'm not asking to get married...just a roll in the sack is all. She has zero interest in the notion."
"There's other fish in the sea. Why this lady if she's not interested?"
"You know how you get a thought in your head & you can't get it out? That's me with this broad. My life will be incomplete if I don't get to sleep with her."
"If she's not interested than there's not much you can do about it Rob. They'll be another one for you soon."
We talk about some mandates & then I ask if she wants to hear a joke:
"Sure, try to keep it clean please."
"Lacey, when you think about all the sexual orientations nowadays it confuses most of us. You've got pansexual, omnisexual, transexual, demisexual & so on. I recently discovered yet another orientation. Have you ever heard of Chiefsexual?"
"Chiefsexual Rob, no, I can't say I have. What is it?"
"It's the constant fantasy of being in a never ending three way with Andy Reid & Patrick Mahomes."
"Who are they?"
"The head coach of Kansas City & their starting quarterback."
Lacey & I have nothing in common accept a mandate:
"Are you telling me you have homosexual feelings toward them?"
"No, Jesus Lacey, it's a joke. Chiefsexual...you know, the Kansas City Chiefs. My favorite team."
"Again, Mr. Astle, I don't find your humor funny. Get some less offensive material."
"If you were a Chief's fan you'd get a laugh out of it."
"Well, I'm not," is her stern answer, "Is that what you want me to put in your file? Tell the judge you are Chiefsexual."
"No," is my answer in a sheepish tone.
"Okay," her voice calming, "We have a few more minutes left in our session. Tell me more about the lady you wish to have sex with."
"She's a real women. There's a sexual energy between us that is undeniable. Sealing our friendship with a romantic tryst is the next obvious step."
"You're looking for a friends with benefits kind of relationship," the therapist says with a coy smile.
"We're already friends so we can skip that part & go right to the benefits," adding, "It would be so much fun; our naked bodies entwined in passionate sex...feasting on chocolate; strawberries & champagne after the rendezvous...a definite September to remember."
No comments:
Post a Comment