"It's just fantasy Lacey. I'm not really going to murder a motherfucker. It's all in my head."
"Look, Mr. Astle, every time you discuss your fantasy it's cute for a minute. You actually make murder sound humorous with your satire. Then I see the rage in your face & it concerns me. I don't want to hear anymore about how you fantasize killing some motherfuckers; as you so eloquently put it. Let's talk about something else."
My twenty seven year old, lesbian, Zoom shrink Lacey is growing wearisome of murderous fantasies:
"May I ask you a question Lacey? It's something I've been wondering about ever since you told me you were marrying another women."
"You may ask one question Mr. Astle," is her steadfast reply.
"Have you ever been with a man? Please call me Rob as well. I already told you calling me Mr. Astle makes me feel old."
"Generally Rob, I do not answer those kind of questions. Especially when it comes from a client. But since we are friends first I'll answer it just for you. Yes, I have been with several men & several women. I'm pansexual."
I have no idea what pansexual is...I ask her to define:
"I'm not limited in sexual choice with regards to biological sex, gender or gender identity."
"It sounds like bisexual with a fancy name to confuse people," is my honest response.
"It's not," she states firmly, "It's similar in a way; but more defined."
"I still don't get it. May I ask you another question Lacey?"
"No, you may not Rob. We've discussed murdering people & my sexuality long enough. There's still a couple minutes left in our session. Tell me more about your crush & her mother."
"Before I do I've got to tell you what a fan of the blog said to me the other day."
"What did they say Rob?"
"They said murdering a motherfucker (all three posts) is my best material yet. It has an edginess to it. That's how they explained it. They also requested I talk more about you in the blog. Are you cool with it?"
"What else do people want to know? I'm a Pisces; I'm engaged to another women; I'll sleep with a guy every now and then just to get it out of my system. The fiancee & I have discussed a polyamorous relationship."
I have no idea what polyamorous means. I ask for a definition:
"It means you can have multiple relationships with the consent of everyone involved."
"So you would have some side action as long as everyone is cool with it. No secrets; no lying; no sneaking around. All the parties involved are knowing & willing participants. I'd be down for something like that Lacey. Would you & the fiancee be interested in a relationship like that with a guy like me?"
"Absolutely not," is her immediate reply.
"Jesus, you didn't have to be that abrupt about it? What kind of guys are twenty seven year old female pansexuals attracted to nowadays?"
"The opposite of you Rob. We're out of time. I have you marked again for Monday at six. Does that work for you?"
"Look forward to it Lacey," is my eager response.
No comments:
Post a Comment