"I can picture it Rob. One of these days I'll be waiting in line at the post office & then I'll look to the right and there'll be a picture of your handsome mug on the wall. The caption will read: WANTED FOR THE MURDER OF FOUR MOTHERFUCKERS!"
"Miss Kitty," adding with a laugh, "You might, it all depends on opportunity."
"Oh Rob, enough of this nonsense. You've got to stop talking about murdering people. It's going to give people the wrong impression about you."
"I can't help it Miss Kitty. The thought has consumed me."
At my last therapy session Lacey (the shrink) asked me to describe the fantasy to her:
Shrink: How would you do it?
Me: What do you mean? How would I do what?
Shrink: Murder some motherfuckers. You know what I'm talking about.
Me: I'd grab a Louisville slugger & sneak up behind them. I'd have a knife strapped to my side as well. I'd smash their head a couple times with the bat to disorient them, then I would jump on top of them & stab them about thirty times. Afterwards, I would wrap their body in a tarp & drive out to the desert (the hole would already be dug). On the way home I'd stop at Crumbl & get a four pack of cookies to celebrate the feat.
Shrink: What about an alibi. Everyone is going to know it was you. You don't want do get caught. Do you?
Me: You don't need an alibi in fantasy land Lacey.
Shrink: What you're telling me is you don't ever plan to act on your thoughts. Is that correct?
Me: Not necessarily, I'm just saying that right now I don't need an alibi because it is fantasy.
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