Have you ever seen a bull stampede?

A twenty minute session with my Zoom shrink Lacey occurs earlier in the day:

"Lot's of progress has been made since our first session Rob. Do you feel the same way?"

"I do Lacey. We've been good for each other."

"Okay, let's not regress. Tell me this for sure. Are thoughts of murdering a motherfucker; as you so eloquently state. Are those thoughts still with you?"

"How am I suppose to answer Lacey? Do you want me to tell you what you want to hear...?"

"Remember Rob," interrupting before I can finish, "You tell me & I tell the judge. I'm going to ask you once again. Do you still have thoughts of murdering a motherfucker?"

In a just world the angst of my aggression would get run over by a bus; or electrocuted to death; or maybe the roof would collapse on them; turnabout is fair play in my eyes!

"When does the judge have to know for sure Lacey?"

"Soon," is her immediate reply.

"Okay, I'll have an answer for you soon. I need to think about things for a while longer."

"What's there to think about Rob? You either want to murder a motherfucker; or not."

"Like I said, I'll get back to you soon Lacey. Let's talk about something else."

We chat about a few mandates & then she asks:

"Who is the lady you talked about in our last session? The one you want to have sex with."

"I can't say because it's something that will get me in trouble."

"I'm your therapist Rob. You are suppose to confine things like that to me. I already know who it is. May I have one guess?"

"Sure," is my immediate reply.

"It's your crush. Come on Rob! That's an easy one to guess."

"That's a good guess Lacey; but I already gave up on her. It's a new lady I met at the gym."

"What's her name Rob?"

"Lucinda, she really knows how to get a guy worked up. That's for sure."

"Tell me more about this goddess."

"Whenever I see her at the club she is going full tilt. Her body looks like it's carved of granite. Her smile is the thing that gets me most. It lights up the room like the Fourth of July. I can't get my mind off of her."

"Sounds like a hot mama for sure Rob. Don't sell yourself short. Anything can happen. Maybe she'll feel like slumming & you'll be the guy," a plausible scenario according to my shrink.

"Sounds good to me Lacey. If she wants to hang around a poor guy than I'm her man. I guarantee, given the opportunity, I'll fuck her silly. She'll think she's bedded fifty guys in a row after I'm done with her. Have you ever seen a bull stampede Lacey?"

"No, can't say I have."

"Believe me sweetheart. You'll know it when you feel it."

"Do you know what couth means Rob?"

"What kind of question is that Lacey? Of course I know what it means."

"Why don't you try using it than. Every time you make vulgar statements about women you wish to sleep with it shines badly on you."

"Jesus Lacey, I thought a therapist is who you were suppose to share your thoughts with. I don't get it."

"I'm your therapist. Don't talk to me like you're describing a Penthouse fantasy. Do you understand?"

I still don't get it; she's the one who asked about it to begin with. I remind her of such:

"Look, when I ask you about a potential mate leave all the raunchiness out of the description. I'm not some drunken bloke leaning against a bar stool listening to garbage talk. If you continue to talk like that you'll have no chance with her."

Remembering my therapist is a twenty seven year old pansexual female & apologizing:

"I'm sorry about the vulgar talk Lacey. This lady turns my crank & I'd like to see what she looks like naked..."

"Mr. Astle," interrupting before I can finish my thought, "Our time is up. How does Friday at three for our next session look?"

"Looks good to me Lacey...can't hardly wait."