"How was your weekend Mr. Astle?" She got some sun over the weekend judging by the redness of her face.
"It was terrible Lacey. I threatened to kill a couple of motherfuckers!"
"What?"
"Relax," with a laugh, "I'm joking."
"You think everything is funny. That's something I'm putting in your file. It's odd you find your situation humorous."
"Goddammit, please stop calling me Mr. Astle. I've told you a hundred times to call me Rob. When you call me Mr. Astle it makes me feel old."
It's either laughter or wanting to kill someone. I tell her such:
"Mr. Astle," using my surname once again, "Where do you see yourself in six months? a year? two years?"
"Two years max I'll be dead Lacey."
"Why do you think you'll be dead in two years?"
"My mother croaked at fifty two. I'm fifty one. Everyone tells me I have her genes. Do you want to hear something interesting?"
"Let's hear it."
"I recently made arrangements on how to dispose of my remains."
"What are you talking about?"
"Once I kick over I'm going to get cremated."
"I see now," is her quick reply, "Where are you going to have your ashes spread?"
"The Chinatown district of Las Vegas. My buddy James has a map of exactly where to spread them."
"Chinatown meant a lot to you Mr. Astle. It's obvious when you tell me it's where your ashes are going to be spread."
"It sure did Lacey," adding with angst, "It's going to be the last thing on my mind before I go."
We talk about some mandates & then she inquires about a women at the gym I wish to have sex with:
"Did you see her over the weekend?"
"I did, she was doing Bulgarian split squats."
"What are those?"
"It's using one leg to squat while your other leg is balanced on a platform. It's similar to doing a lunge."
"Sounds like hard work."
"It is Lacey; extremely hard; she had some weight in her hand as well. You could bounce a quarter off her backside."
"You are starting to act vulgar again Mr. Astle. Do you remember what we talked about in our last session?"
"Sorry Lacey," while rolling my eyes, "It's the truth though."
"Keep those thoughts to yourself when we are in session."
It use to be you would compliment a women on her figure & they would smile & thank you. It ratified their efforts in the gym. There was also a time when you could whistle at women & they would smile & wave back as you drove by. Not anymore. I learned that lesson around 2015 or so:
"Do you want to hear a funny story Lacey? It'll be an example of what is acceptable nowadays & what use to work back in my day."
"Is it vulgar? Because if it is I don't want to hear it."
"It's clean. You'll like it."
"Okay, let's hear it."
"I was driving around Garden of the Gods."
"Garden of the what?"
"Garden of the Gods. It's a famous rock formation in Colorado Springs. A popular place with tourists & locals alike. You should go there one of these days with your fiancee."
"Maybe I will. Go on with the story."
"Driving by one of the entrances to a hiking trail & I notice two attractive women leaving. Instinctively, I whistled & waved. They shot a dirty look at me & one of them raised their middle finger. It left me flabbergasted."
"Why would you be flabbergasted when you are harassing them?"
"In my younger days it wasn't uncommon for me; or my buddies; to whistle, wave & smile at attractive women as we drove by. Back then, believe it or not, most would smile & wave back to you. Everyone viewed it as harmless. Not so much nowadays. Why is that Lacey?"
"It's offending to women when you objectify them. That's what your actions did."
"It was meant to be a compliment for Christ Sake's. Them not waving back is not what bothered me. It's when one of them shot the middle finger in my direction," stopping to gather my thoughts, "It offended me. See, a guy like me can be offended as well."
"Why would you be offended when you are the perpetrator?"
"Perpetrator, Jesus, all I did was whistle & wave. You make it sound like I got out of the car & started chasing them. It's bullshit how everyone is offended nowadays. It wasn't a slight. It is meant to be a compliment!"
"Now you know better Mr. Astle," in a sarcastic tone, "Remember, the nineties are over."
"Yeah, I'll remember it Lacey. What a fucking joke."
"There you go again," evermore sarcasm in her voice, "Everything is a joke to you."
"Like I said earlier Lacey. It's either a joke or wanting to kill someone."
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