Martin & Lewis...

Today I had another session with my twenty seven year old, lesbian, Zoom shrink Lacey:

"I'm not hear to listen to your political leanings. Let's hear more about your crush & her mother. It's something positive."

"It's just that Biden sucks ass. I can't believe..."

"What did I just say Rob? Your political leanings are not what I am hear to talk about. Is that what you want me to put in your file?"

"No," in a sheepish tone.

"Okay than, now tell me more about your crush & her mother."

"I gave Kendra a ride to the airport today. It was time for her to go home. She'll be back for a week towards the middle of October."

"It sounds like you had a lot of fun while she was here."

"No doubt about it Lacey. It was an eventful week."

"How is her mother doing?"

Lacey finds it intriguing the eighty seven year old mother of my crush doubles as my BFF. I share a story with her:

"Mama told me a funny story today about a pair of Guess overalls she bought for Kendra when she was in high school...her baby could not go without them."

"Guess overalls?"

The look was popular in the late eighties/early nineties. It's before Lacey's time:

"It was a thing back in the eighties. You'd where a pair of designer overalls with one of the straps undone. It made you look cool."

The look is not registering with her.

"Was she a farmer?"

"No, these aren't farm overalls I'm talking about. It's before your time. Let's talk about something else."

"What did you do for Labor Day Rob?"

"Kendra prepared a barbecue feast for me & a number of other residents at LaSolana. It was delicious. She fixed brats & dogs with all the fixings. We had watermelon for desert."

"Did her mother come to the barbecue?

"She was there for a while."

"How is she doing?"

"Her regular chirpy self," adding with a laugh, "She told me another funny story? It's hilarious."

"Let's hear it," Lacey replies with enthusiasm.

"The other night she was digging around in the refrigerator looking for something to snack on before bed & Kendra asked, 'What are you doing?"

"I'm looking for something to eat & mind your own business," is her reply.

Kendra states, "Mom, look at your belly' & pokes her in the stomach. 'How are you going to get rid of it when you are snacking before bedtime?" 

"My version is not doing the story justice Lacey. It's funny as hell the way mama explains it. Well, after finishing the story she pokes me in the stomach & says, 'You look like you've been snacking before bedtime too."

"She said that to you...oh, how funny."

"Her humor is a big reason why she's my BFF nowadays."

We chat about some mandated stuff & I ask:

"When did you first realize you were a lesbian?"

"That's not stuff you get to ask me Rob," in a harsh tone, "I'm the one who gets to ask the questions."

"Okay, geez, relax. You get to ask all these questions & I don't get to ask any. It doesn't seem fair to me."

"I'll decide what's fair Rob. Do you understand?"

"Yes," is my sheepish reply.

"I have another exercise for you."

"What is it?"

"Describe your crush & her mother in two words...just two words."

"Martin & Lewis," is my immediate reply.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know...Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis. I say that because every time I'm around them all I do is laugh & have a good time."

"Never heard of of them," adding, "Are they some kind of cartoon characters from the seventies?"

"No Lacey! Jesus, drop the psychology book for a minute & watch some old videos about the Rat Pack."

"The what pack?"

"Never mind, the answer to your question is Martin & Lewis."